simon
Member
(Gun Related)
`Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading.
The empties from autumn were polished so clear
Then primers and powder, and bullets from Speer.
And Hornaday's A-Max's, and Nosler's Partitions
(MY bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!)
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press,
With dies from Dillon, and RCBS
When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed my Benelli, and whipped out my
Colt. I spilled Accurate powder all over the shelf
I scrambled for cover, just to cover myself
From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting
Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's
cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto
Were these rogue agents, all sent by Schumer
and Reno? Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad
need of Beano?
My question was answered with a knock, and some
sneezing, "It's Santa, you moron, lemme in, I'm freezing!"
I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door open,
To find St. Nick shivering, and Rudolph's head bobbing.
He eyeballed my Springfield, with a nod of approval
"You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."
"But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you"
Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow
My .357, 'till day after tomorrow
"It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
"I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association"
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
"I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"
"And Tony ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
"Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to
serve us
"So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents
a'stackin' "I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'
"And my gift for you this year, should give you a
hoot "I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the
boot!
"Now, Rudy and I must be on our way"
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his
sleigh. With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his
pocket, He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a
rocket
With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare
I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear
As he faded from view, I could still hear him
calling
"From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling
"To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta
"I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with
Santa!"
. . . and then, The Sequel . . .
'Twas the day after Christmas when Santa returned
He was looking quite happy, all trim and sunburned
His sleigh had been emptied, and I'll bet you're
all guessin' If he did the same thing to his borrowed
Smith & Wesson
Well the fact of the matter is in need of reporting,
Like the press oughta do about Clinton's cavorting!
Seems Santa encountered some trouble 'on the
way, Cause some not-too-bright dirtbags tried to
hijack his sleigh
When he left Christmas Eve, he was ready for
action And he made real good time, thanks to reindeer
hoof traction
He had rag dolls, and capguns, baseballs and
bats., New dresses, toy airplanes, and a few dogs and
cats.
Seems these wannabe grinches thought they were
hot shooters So's a bunch of 'em tried to be Christmas gift
looters
But the one thing they hadn't expected to meet
Was a licensed St. Nick, packin' full magnum
heat.
The night was still young, when these dipwits
appeared, Their caps all turned backwards; at
least one had a beard.
They were trying to look vicious, as they stood
in his path, He could tell in an instant that they
needed a bath
One fool made a grab for Comet and Cupid,
But froze when St. Nick had yelled "Hold it,
there,stupid!"
When he leveled my sixgun at this crazy-eyed
fellow, The snow at his feet turned a pale shade of
yellow
"It was over real quick," Santa said with a chuckle,
As he hauled out my Smith from behind his belt
buckle
"Never fired a shot, never pulled back the hammer
"Got the cops on my cell phone, and sent 'em all
to the slammer."
After that much excitement, 'twas a rest Santa
needed, So with his gift-giving, he quickly proceeded
And when he was finished, Santa issued this
order: "Rudolph, old pal, take us south of the border!"
So now he was rested, and this stop was his last
one ,And he made it real clear, that it must be a fast
one
With my piece back in lockup, he said "Thanks for
the loan,"Next year, rest assured, I'll be packin' my
own."
And just what, did I wonder, might then Santa
remember? A Ferret, a Serbu, a Glock or
a Kimber?
Perhaps Heckler & Koch, a Kahr or a Ruger?
A wheelgun from Wesson, a Walther or Luger?
"I'm not sure," replied Santa, as he scoped out
the weather, "But I'll contact your buddy, Mitch Rosen,
for leather.
"And now, I must leave you, until late next
December, "But Tony, I assure you, I will always
remember
"You did me a favor, and that's one I owe you
"So when I get my own gat, I'll be certain to
show you
"In the meantime, ol' buddy, I'll scream it, I'll
shout it, "If you're licensed to carry, don't you leave
home without it!"
(Author Unknown)
To all - have a Merry Christmas and very safe Holidays!
`Twas the night before Christmas, cold, dark and foreboding,
As I sat at the work bench, quite busy reloading.
The empties from autumn were polished so clear
Then primers and powder, and bullets from Speer.
And Hornaday's A-Max's, and Nosler's Partitions
(MY bench ain't no place for brand name omissions!)
All sat in their boxes, right next to the press,
With dies from Dillon, and RCBS
When all of a sudden there came such a jolt,
I grabbed my Benelli, and whipped out my
Colt. I spilled Accurate powder all over the shelf
I scrambled for cover, just to cover myself
From up on the rooftop, came hoofbeats and snorting
Like the noise out of L'il Rock, from Clinton's
cavorting!
I eased off the safety, to press-check my auto
With 230-hardball, I'd knock 'em all blotto
Were these rogue agents, all sent by Schumer
and Reno? Or a staggering Ted Kennedy, in bad
need of Beano?
My question was answered with a knock, and some
sneezing, "It's Santa, you moron, lemme in, I'm freezing!"
I flipped off the dead-bolt and threw the door open,
To find St. Nick shivering, and Rudolph's head bobbing.
He eyeballed my Springfield, with a nod of approval
"You're all set," he said, "for dirtball removal."
"But this is no raid, we're not here to harm you
Or persecute, prosecute or even disarm you"
Instead, said dear Santa, he needed to borrow
My .357, 'till day after tomorrow
"It's okay," he assured me, with a hint of frustration.
"I'm enrolled in the National Rifle Association"
He showed me his card, 'twas a Life Member rating
"I've had this since me and the missus were dating!"
"And Tony ol' buddy, I've gotten real nervous
"Since Feinstein was elected, with a promise to
serve us
"So henceforth as I'm out there, my presents
a'stackin' "I want to assure you, I'm legally packin'
"And my gift for you this year, should give you a
hoot "I've told the Supreme Court to give Brady the
boot!
"Now, Rudy and I must be on our way"
He said, as he climbed back on the seat of his
sleigh. With the reins in his hand, and my Smith in his
pocket, He jingled the sleighbells and was off like a
rocket
With a pair of speedloaders, and ammo to spare
I knew he'd be safe, he was loaded for bear
As he faded from view, I could still hear him
calling
"From D.C., where 'P.C.' is already falling
"To bad guys in L.A., Detroit and Atlanta
"I'm licensed to carry. Don't be messin' with
Santa!"
. . . and then, The Sequel . . .
'Twas the day after Christmas when Santa returned
He was looking quite happy, all trim and sunburned
His sleigh had been emptied, and I'll bet you're
all guessin' If he did the same thing to his borrowed
Smith & Wesson
Well the fact of the matter is in need of reporting,
Like the press oughta do about Clinton's cavorting!
Seems Santa encountered some trouble 'on the
way, Cause some not-too-bright dirtbags tried to
hijack his sleigh
When he left Christmas Eve, he was ready for
action And he made real good time, thanks to reindeer
hoof traction
He had rag dolls, and capguns, baseballs and
bats., New dresses, toy airplanes, and a few dogs and
cats.
Seems these wannabe grinches thought they were
hot shooters So's a bunch of 'em tried to be Christmas gift
looters
But the one thing they hadn't expected to meet
Was a licensed St. Nick, packin' full magnum
heat.
The night was still young, when these dipwits
appeared, Their caps all turned backwards; at
least one had a beard.
They were trying to look vicious, as they stood
in his path, He could tell in an instant that they
needed a bath
One fool made a grab for Comet and Cupid,
But froze when St. Nick had yelled "Hold it,
there,stupid!"
When he leveled my sixgun at this crazy-eyed
fellow, The snow at his feet turned a pale shade of
yellow
"It was over real quick," Santa said with a chuckle,
As he hauled out my Smith from behind his belt
buckle
"Never fired a shot, never pulled back the hammer
"Got the cops on my cell phone, and sent 'em all
to the slammer."
After that much excitement, 'twas a rest Santa
needed, So with his gift-giving, he quickly proceeded
And when he was finished, Santa issued this
order: "Rudolph, old pal, take us south of the border!"
So now he was rested, and this stop was his last
one ,And he made it real clear, that it must be a fast
one
With my piece back in lockup, he said "Thanks for
the loan,"Next year, rest assured, I'll be packin' my
own."
And just what, did I wonder, might then Santa
remember? A Ferret, a Serbu, a Glock or
a Kimber?
Perhaps Heckler & Koch, a Kahr or a Ruger?
A wheelgun from Wesson, a Walther or Luger?
"I'm not sure," replied Santa, as he scoped out
the weather, "But I'll contact your buddy, Mitch Rosen,
for leather.
"And now, I must leave you, until late next
December, "But Tony, I assure you, I will always
remember
"You did me a favor, and that's one I owe you
"So when I get my own gat, I'll be certain to
show you
"In the meantime, ol' buddy, I'll scream it, I'll
shout it, "If you're licensed to carry, don't you leave
home without it!"
(Author Unknown)
To all - have a Merry Christmas and very safe Holidays!