Kalashnikovkid
Member
Ok THR, I had an encounter today that was too good to not post. I'm usually more of a reader than I am a poster, but I figured I'd share the encounter I had today at the local Wally-world. Due to the rareness of my posting, this one is a long one. I guess I got a bit into it 
Before the story of the day begins, a little background might build the suspense. It all started about 3 years ago when my buddies and I, all in our late teens at the time, would go shoot at Delaware State Park off of Route 23. We'd stop at the Wal-mart along the way to pick up ammunition and range passes, and there's this older gentleman that works behind the gun counter. He serves up a heck of a lot more than service; mainly in the form of stories so tall they make politicians look like honest men. He's got his speech down to the letter, and when you show up, it goes something along the line of, "Boys, I was in Defense Intelligence, and I know my guns. I've got more than 40,000 firearms, I'm a sponsored shooter for Barrett International, and major firearm's producers call ME before they even put a new product on the market. The boys at Norton's gun shop up the road know me real well. Go up there and tell 'em I sent you, and they'll cut you a deal cause they know I'm the gun guy!"
Now here's the problem. My buddies and I don't always shoot together, and because this guys BS has been such a longstanding joke, we've made it a point to tell each other whatever this salesman says whenever one of us goes up to the range without the others. Sometimes this guy claims to be Defense Intelligence, sometimes he's a retired Law Enforcement Officer, or other times he was an operative for Blackwater USA (even though Blackwater began operations in 1997, and this guy is definitely in his mid 60s). Sometimes he's got 20,000 guns, sometimes he's got 33,000, or sometimes he just owns so many he can't even begin to imagine the count (No, those numbers are NOT hyperbolic!).
One would think that because he owns more guns than a museum and spends so much time shooting free ammunition from Barrett International in competition: rolleyes: that he would at least be competent in handing a customer a firearm, but alas this has not been the case. I once asked to hold the Mini-14 he had behind him in the cabinet, and after directing him towards the rifle section and away from the shotguns, he proceeds to tell me that he owns 6 of them. As always, I safety inspected the weapon, which included locking the bolt to the rear, and after having a look I passed it back to him. He then spends about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to get the bolt to release to the forward position, and since I was having too much fun laughing to myself, I didn't have time to assist him in operating the rifle: evil:. I figured that despite having to help him differentiate between rifles and shotguns, since he owned six Mini 14s amongst the other 39,994 firearms in his possession, he'd have it closed in no time. Of course he proceeded to remind me again that he owned 6 of them, bobbling the whole time.
Today, the 4 of us finally have the time to make a pilgrimage to the range together for the first time in over a year, and we make our stop at Walmart for ammo. On the way in, I couldn't help but mention, "5 bucks says our Special Operatives-Law Enforcement-Triple Force Recon-So-Cool-He-Has-His-Own-Category friend is going to be here today”, and sure enough, we get back to the gun counter and there he is. We asked to get into the ammo case, and my buddy says, "Can I get a box of Tula 9mm, please?" The salesman scrunches up his face, and in a grandiose voice goes, "I'm the gun guy, and if you shoot that stuff in your gun, it's gonna damage it! You need to listen to me!" My buddy isn't exactly a gun nut, and looks over at me for confirmation. I tell him, "Don't worry, the stuff shoots fine." The salesman glances over at the young usurper of his Holy Grail of Gundom and says louder this time, “I was Defense Intelligence, and that stuff is gonna hurt your gun!" I just keep my cool and retort with, "Mhm." He just stares at my buddy and indignantly responds, "It's your gun, do what you want." I step up to get a few boxes of shotgun shells, and politely ask for 2 boxes of 20 gauge and 12 gauge of the Federal stuff on sale for $5.95.He looks at me and says, "Are you bird hunting or shooting targets?" I think to myself, "Number 1, nowhere in my question did I suggest that you should be sticking your nose into what I do with my free time, and number 2, no game birds are open for hunting in the middle of summer, so you're only highlighting your own ignorance." I brisked off his question, and continued pointing at the boxes of shotgun shells that I wanted to purchase. He FINALLY grabs them and pontificates, “You don't want the #8 shot, # 7.5 shot patterns better than anything else! “I bite my tongue and resist the urge to respond, "You don't know the purpose of my shooting, which might mean that #8 shot would be a better decision than the #7.5, and you also don't know whether I'm shooting an open choke at 7 yards or a full choke at 40, which also might influence which shot I should use, amongst other things. Please shut your mouth.”
However, because I was raised better than that, I refrained, and instead chose to take a higher road and address the issue in a more effective manner. He goes to check me out, and is still going on with more drivel about guns, and hands me the receipt. He looks me in the face and condescendingly says, “ Have a good time shooting boys,” giving me my time to pounce with, “Sir, we would appreciate that the next time we come in here, IF we come in here again, you keep your opinions to yourself and only offer us the service that we request.” He gets defensive and plays his favorite line, “I’m retired Defense Intelligence, and I know my guns. You should listen to me!” Meanwhile, the manager who happens to be pretty close to my age is lingering behind him. He continues, “I’m a salesman, and it’s my right to offer my opinion!” I retort, “And it’s our right to not have to listen to it.” He stops what he’s doing and goes, ‘Well if you don’t like it, you can just talk to my manager!” Apparently he missed the manager lingering behind him and goes to radio him, and because I’m a stinker I say, “He’s right behind you.” My 3 buddies busted out laughing as the manager walks up to us after overhearing the salesman’s commentary, and asks how he can help. I tell him that we would appreciate if the salesman could keep his life story and commentary about our purchases to himself, and just offer us the service that we request. The manager happily agrees, we thank him, and proceed to go have a blast at the range with the ammunition that supposedly should destroy our firearms (No misfires or jams!).
I know there was a thread about the biggest whopper a salesman ever fed you in a gun related transaction, but have you ever had a situation this good it inspires you to do comedy? My buddies gave me a pretty good ribbing for ruining his “Defense Intelligence-Retired Law Enforcement Officer-Blackwater Operative” persona by blatantly ignoring it and probably getting him in trouble, but I’m still baffled at how he can claim to have done these things while simultaneously making $8 an hour at Wal-mart. Someone please tell me, where do they find these guys I read about on here so regularly?!
Before the story of the day begins, a little background might build the suspense. It all started about 3 years ago when my buddies and I, all in our late teens at the time, would go shoot at Delaware State Park off of Route 23. We'd stop at the Wal-mart along the way to pick up ammunition and range passes, and there's this older gentleman that works behind the gun counter. He serves up a heck of a lot more than service; mainly in the form of stories so tall they make politicians look like honest men. He's got his speech down to the letter, and when you show up, it goes something along the line of, "Boys, I was in Defense Intelligence, and I know my guns. I've got more than 40,000 firearms, I'm a sponsored shooter for Barrett International, and major firearm's producers call ME before they even put a new product on the market. The boys at Norton's gun shop up the road know me real well. Go up there and tell 'em I sent you, and they'll cut you a deal cause they know I'm the gun guy!"
Now here's the problem. My buddies and I don't always shoot together, and because this guys BS has been such a longstanding joke, we've made it a point to tell each other whatever this salesman says whenever one of us goes up to the range without the others. Sometimes this guy claims to be Defense Intelligence, sometimes he's a retired Law Enforcement Officer, or other times he was an operative for Blackwater USA (even though Blackwater began operations in 1997, and this guy is definitely in his mid 60s). Sometimes he's got 20,000 guns, sometimes he's got 33,000, or sometimes he just owns so many he can't even begin to imagine the count (No, those numbers are NOT hyperbolic!).
One would think that because he owns more guns than a museum and spends so much time shooting free ammunition from Barrett International in competition: rolleyes: that he would at least be competent in handing a customer a firearm, but alas this has not been the case. I once asked to hold the Mini-14 he had behind him in the cabinet, and after directing him towards the rifle section and away from the shotguns, he proceeds to tell me that he owns 6 of them. As always, I safety inspected the weapon, which included locking the bolt to the rear, and after having a look I passed it back to him. He then spends about 5 minutes trying to figure out how to get the bolt to release to the forward position, and since I was having too much fun laughing to myself, I didn't have time to assist him in operating the rifle: evil:. I figured that despite having to help him differentiate between rifles and shotguns, since he owned six Mini 14s amongst the other 39,994 firearms in his possession, he'd have it closed in no time. Of course he proceeded to remind me again that he owned 6 of them, bobbling the whole time.
Today, the 4 of us finally have the time to make a pilgrimage to the range together for the first time in over a year, and we make our stop at Walmart for ammo. On the way in, I couldn't help but mention, "5 bucks says our Special Operatives-Law Enforcement-Triple Force Recon-So-Cool-He-Has-His-Own-Category friend is going to be here today”, and sure enough, we get back to the gun counter and there he is. We asked to get into the ammo case, and my buddy says, "Can I get a box of Tula 9mm, please?" The salesman scrunches up his face, and in a grandiose voice goes, "I'm the gun guy, and if you shoot that stuff in your gun, it's gonna damage it! You need to listen to me!" My buddy isn't exactly a gun nut, and looks over at me for confirmation. I tell him, "Don't worry, the stuff shoots fine." The salesman glances over at the young usurper of his Holy Grail of Gundom and says louder this time, “I was Defense Intelligence, and that stuff is gonna hurt your gun!" I just keep my cool and retort with, "Mhm." He just stares at my buddy and indignantly responds, "It's your gun, do what you want." I step up to get a few boxes of shotgun shells, and politely ask for 2 boxes of 20 gauge and 12 gauge of the Federal stuff on sale for $5.95.He looks at me and says, "Are you bird hunting or shooting targets?" I think to myself, "Number 1, nowhere in my question did I suggest that you should be sticking your nose into what I do with my free time, and number 2, no game birds are open for hunting in the middle of summer, so you're only highlighting your own ignorance." I brisked off his question, and continued pointing at the boxes of shotgun shells that I wanted to purchase. He FINALLY grabs them and pontificates, “You don't want the #8 shot, # 7.5 shot patterns better than anything else! “I bite my tongue and resist the urge to respond, "You don't know the purpose of my shooting, which might mean that #8 shot would be a better decision than the #7.5, and you also don't know whether I'm shooting an open choke at 7 yards or a full choke at 40, which also might influence which shot I should use, amongst other things. Please shut your mouth.”
However, because I was raised better than that, I refrained, and instead chose to take a higher road and address the issue in a more effective manner. He goes to check me out, and is still going on with more drivel about guns, and hands me the receipt. He looks me in the face and condescendingly says, “ Have a good time shooting boys,” giving me my time to pounce with, “Sir, we would appreciate that the next time we come in here, IF we come in here again, you keep your opinions to yourself and only offer us the service that we request.” He gets defensive and plays his favorite line, “I’m retired Defense Intelligence, and I know my guns. You should listen to me!” Meanwhile, the manager who happens to be pretty close to my age is lingering behind him. He continues, “I’m a salesman, and it’s my right to offer my opinion!” I retort, “And it’s our right to not have to listen to it.” He stops what he’s doing and goes, ‘Well if you don’t like it, you can just talk to my manager!” Apparently he missed the manager lingering behind him and goes to radio him, and because I’m a stinker I say, “He’s right behind you.” My 3 buddies busted out laughing as the manager walks up to us after overhearing the salesman’s commentary, and asks how he can help. I tell him that we would appreciate if the salesman could keep his life story and commentary about our purchases to himself, and just offer us the service that we request. The manager happily agrees, we thank him, and proceed to go have a blast at the range with the ammunition that supposedly should destroy our firearms (No misfires or jams!).
I know there was a thread about the biggest whopper a salesman ever fed you in a gun related transaction, but have you ever had a situation this good it inspires you to do comedy? My buddies gave me a pretty good ribbing for ruining his “Defense Intelligence-Retired Law Enforcement Officer-Blackwater Operative” persona by blatantly ignoring it and probably getting him in trouble, but I’m still baffled at how he can claim to have done these things while simultaneously making $8 an hour at Wal-mart. Someone please tell me, where do they find these guys I read about on here so regularly?!
