CCW and relationships

[Tiomoid]

Well,
I am single again after a decade. During that time I began CCW, now that I am single it has caused some minor/frustrating problems with new people. How do you handle letting a recently met person discover your firearm? I usually carry in a Smartcarry, so it isn't easily removed/hidden when things get "intimate".

I keep my carry so secretive that most of my close friends and roommates don't even know I have a gun with me. That makes it harder for me to let new people know about it. Should I downgrade from my full sized .45 to an LCP and just pocket it?

 

[NewColonial]

Date a higher class of people.

Seriously, when the wife and I both "unstrap" it's kind of a turn on. ;-)

 

[Lou McGopher]

I usually let them get to know me first. A few dates at least. That way, if they have any preconceived ideas that people who carry are sociopaths (or whatever), it will juxtapose with their opinion of me.

Of course, I'm confident they'll perceive me as the sweet, intelligent man I am. And if after finding out I carry they decide not to continue seeing me then 1.) I don't want to be in a relationship with someone who values self-defense so little, and 2.) I'll at least have had a few enjoyable nights out with an attractive woman.

So far, the gun hasn't been an issue for any of them.

 

[ny32182]

Unless you met the chick at the gun club, don't carry around her until she is very comfortable with you and your personality, and already understands that you are a dedicated gun owner, and shooting is an important part of your life.

99.9999999% of women are not going to be amused if they find out you are a gun owner, or carry a gun by reaching into your pants and grabbing your hunk-o-steel. Trust me...

I'm sure we'll shortly have a procession of people getting on their soapbox and beating their chest about how they never compromise their principals and stay armed 24/7, and that is fine and dandy, but this is one situation where you are likely going to have to if you want to date a "normal" woman.

 

[NewColonial]

I'm sure we'll shortly have a procession of people getting on their soapbox and beating their chest about how they never compromise their principals and stay armed 24/7, and that is fine and dandy, but this is one situation where you are likely going to have to if you want to date a "normal" woman.

I consider women who like guns to be perfectly "normal."

 

[twoclones]

My friends don't ever 'know' I am carrying but they assume I am because I make it a point to tell them I always carry. My opinion is that it's politically beneficial for our friends and neighbors to know that good citizens, as opposed to heavily tattooed ex-cons and gangsters, carry guns for self defense.

When I was dating, I brought the subject up fairly early on to weed out the hoplophobes. No use in getting involved with anyone who has emotional problems.

 

[FordPre]

I am dating a girl who does not like firearms (they frighten her). I do carry around her but she seems to not like it too much..

Until....

The time I took a wrong turn on a weekend get-away and ended up driving around Detroit. She looked at me and said "You're carrying right?".

 

[kda]

Invite your "date" to go shooting with you and judge her reaction. This is something you could do fairly early on after you started seeing someone. If she is a least willing to try to shoot (or likes it) then the relationship may be worth pursuing ... at least I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to be with someone, especially on a serious basis, that hated guns and all that went with it. Talk about "walking into miserable".

If you are just looking for a quick "hook up" type relationship, just leave the weapon at home for a few nights ... unless you live in the ghetto or something where you are at risk every day or something. I don't know if I'd buy a new weapon just for a quick relationship.

 

[Madcap_Magician]

... my philosophical question would be, why would someone be trusting enough of another person to "get intimate" with them and yet be unable to trust them enough or not know them well enough to gauge their reaction to your firearm.

 

[happygeek]

I'd say get her to put on a cop outfit, pat you down, and then "bust" you for carrying

Then again, I'm married so it's easy for me to say that. I didn't buy my first gun until after I was married. The wife grew up in the country and was fine with long guns; she was a little nervous around pistols at first (and the first gun I got was a 1911). She was also not terribly keen on the idea of CCW, but didn't mind all that much.

She quickly warmed up to pistols though, now has her own, and will probably get her own CCP as soon as she turns 21. Now, she just complains about how much I spend on ammo.

For dating purposes, it might be better to carry a smaller pistol in a jacket pocket; or do what I have to do a good deal of the time and carry mace and hope for the best. I'm not going to beat my chest online and claim that I carry 24/7, and I'm not dating.

 

[ny32182]

I consider women who like guns to be perfectly "normal."

So do I.

That said, remember the comedic gold that was the thread about the guy asking if he should OC to his job interview?

If you are looking for a "serious relationship", that is exactly what the first few dates are: a job interview. The girl may be fine with guns, come from a gun owning family, or whatever. That doesn't mean she is going to appreciate accidentally discovering that a guy she is alone with, but does not fully know or trust yet, is carrying a gun.

I'm just hinting at what I would do here. Chances are, if you have to ask, then you should probably carry. Actually, yes, please do, and report back.

 

[psyopspec]

That doesn't mean she is going to appreciate accidentally discovering that a guy she is alone with, but does not fully know or trust yet, is carrying a gun.

If she doesn't know or fully trust him yet, why are her hands in the position to discover his SmartCarry?

Bring it up one of two ways, before things get intimate:

Direct - What are your thoughts on the second amendment?
-Or, over dinner on a first date, "Hey, I'm going to the gun range next week. Would you like to join me?"

Indirect - Did you hear about that recent "__________"? (pick a story from your area - home invasion, mugging, murder). I wonder how that would have turned out if the victim/s had a gun. What do you think?

Note - the stuff above, taken out of context sounds a little lame. Tailer what you're getting at for the person you're presenting it to (basic rule of PSYOP...).

If you're just looking to hook up, pocket carry, or leave it in the car when you get to her place, or if you go back to your place, put it somewhere safe before going to the bedroom.

If you're looking for a relationship, I wouldn't personally spend the time with someone who did not think that my life or their life were worth taking precautions to preserve.

 

[Ltp0wer]

I'm dating a girl that thinks my firearm "hobby" is odd.
I haven't open carried around her yet (I'm only 18), but I told her I do open carry a lot, and she seemed like she'd be fine with it.

 

[MD1775]

My dream woman would be cut from the same mold as Kate Mara's character in "Shooter". A stand-by-your-man, handy with the shotgun, and can nurse you back to health type. I've never had to deal with anti-CCW attitudes as I carry off-duty thus I think most of the women I've dated understood it goes hand in hand...but I if WAS CCWing and I was with a woman that had a problem with it, even after serious discussion and a familiarization day at the range..she'd be out the door.

 

[Lou McGopher]

why would someone be trusting enough of another person to "get intimate" with them and yet be unable to trust them enough or not know them well enough to gauge their reaction to your firearm.

Is that a trick question?

 

[Eightball]

I carry. Period. If they take issue with it, then I'll set aside the time to sit down and have a nice, reasoned out conversation with them. Usually, I get the vibe of their feelings on guns once they find out what I do for a living (sell guns). Most reactions range from "wow, I didn't realize that you were carrying to be responsible for my safety, too" to "I'm kind of uncomfortable with it, but you're not foisting it upon me or being some kinda psycho about it, so I'll go with the "out of sight/out of mind"" bit.

If they freak about it or say I shouldn't be carrying.....I basically tell 'em that I'm no martial arts expert, can't carry a cop, cops take a while to arrive, etc, and if it's still no dice....that's it, there's no dice at all. I'm not going to be defenseless in order to please a chick I barely know (and if they know me well enough, they know about the CCWing, and it's a moot point).

It is what it is; I place more value on being alive than their company.

 

[gretmd]

Oooh, had to ask- just how big caliber an issue do you think this might be for us girls in the same boat? Where do we meet these "higher class" of people, or just law enforcement types!

Thoughts? Any pertinent to NoVA, age 35-52, reasonably attractive, gainfully employed, kids ok, prefer dogs would be especially appreciated.

 

[mongo4567]

I carry no matter what, I will pocket carry a smaller pistol if I don't know my date very well. I talk about my hobbies (shooting sports and hunting) early on to get a feel for how they feel about guns. The fact is, if she doesn't like guns and isn't open to trying to like them, she is not for me.

Oooh, had to ask- just how big caliber an issue do you think this might be for us girls in the same boat? Where do we meet these "higher class" of people, or just law enforcement types!

Thoughts? Any pertinent to NoVA, age 35-52, reasonably attractive, gainfully employed, kids ok, prefer dogs would be especially appreciated.

I would love to meet a woman who likes guns and shooting sports. I'm in Texas though...

 

[armoredman]

I told my date that I expected her to take me as I am, and I would do the same. That night I was carrying a KelTec P11, I think, of all things. We've been married 11 years now, and she has as many CZs as I do.)

Edit to add, wife informed me I had my Witness 40 that night.

 

[gretmd]

Thanks for the thought Mongo!

 

[theken206]

Well most if not all of the girls/women Im around know I carry, so its not really a big deal for me

Though there have indeed been a few moments when someone has went to give me a big ol' hug or put there hands on my back onder a shirt or coat and found a suprise. Or ran into the butt of my 1911 and been like hey *** there big guy.

If I can Ill usally just stash it/put it up some place when I know things are going to heat up a bit.

 

[TimM]

I'd say get her to put on a cop outfit, pat you down, and then "bust" you for carrying

happygeek, I like the way you think. And that might be why you are so happy.

But In all seriousness, it is better for you to find out her reaction sooner than later.



I also like the quote:
I have a girl and I have a gun. One is for fighting and one is for fun.

 

[Hoxviii]

Though there have indeed been a few moments when someone has went to give me a big ol' hug or put there hands on my back onder a shirt or coat and found a suprise. Or ran into the butt of my 1911 and been like hey *** there big guy.

That's the only issue i've ever had. the gal forgets about it and goes to put her arm around me and gets a "***?" look on her face for just a second.

I got fortunate, on my first date with the gal I'm seeing now someone else brought up guns and shooting in the conversation. It was fortunate how it worked out since i was wondering how to break the topic as well.

 

[Patrick R]

Quote:
why would someone be trusting enough of another person to "get intimate" with them and yet be unable to trust them enough or not know them well enough to gauge their reaction to your firearm.

Is that a trick question?"


Made me chuckle some. At least glock them once before you give them the boot.

 

[WingRider]

I'm currently in the same situation and I joined Match.com. I put my interest in guns & going to the range in my profile. Didn't mention CCW, I guess I'll see how it goes.