Draft of Article to Appear in My Grad School Paper

[mgkdrgn]

So why criticize him as though he were? Why not provide constructive criticism? We are on the High Road, aren't we?

I can understand were Loop is coming from. I see examples of writing this "unpolished" (and MUCH worse!) nearly every day in the newspaper and wonder where in the world the editor is!

In any case, even if the writer is -not- a journalism major, as a GRADUATE STUDENT their writing should be better, much better, than this example. This is particularly true if they intend to have this published.

Slapping down a few lines in a blog or in a forum like this is one thing ... writing for publication is a whole nuther kettle of fish.

 

[RPCVYemen]

Sorry to be so harsh, but I am an editor. I don't pull verbal punches or the writers who work for me do not improve.

The most valuable feedback you can get on a piece of writing is that of a professional editor.

I am a humanities type who eventually ended up in Comp Sci and is now stuck in a building full of engineers who had their girlfriends write their papers in college. Let me suggest that for persuasive essays, you follow the following outline:

1. State your thesis - very succinctly.
2. Enumerate 3 or so facts or arguments that support your thesis - one paragraph per argument. For example, one could contract Virginia Tech and Appalachian School of Law. Another could use the rape statistics. I'd avoid any mention of Columbine, unless you are arguing for arming high school students. Perhaps one could describe the CHP qualifications in your states. Each of those paragraphs should focus on precisely one argument. The key word in the previous sentence is focus.
3. Restate your thesis light of the arguments you elucidated in step #2. That's your conclusion.
4. Shut up - you're done.

Mike

 

[Owen Sparks]

Loop opined:

I take it you are not a journalism major. I read your first graph and came to that conclusion.

Most of his readers are not Journalism majors either. He is trying to persuede average reader into supporting gun rights, not win the Pulitizer prize.

 

[loop]

I apologized for being harsh. I would never do that to a journalist or a journalism student. I would use the same line my first editor used when he read poorly written stories: "*** is this s***."

Then I would ream the writer.

The title said it was an article, not a letter or a column. A letter to the editor should NEVER exceed 500 words. Our limit is 300 words. A column is a different breed of cat and may be very lengthy and may include references to oneself.

It did not say it was a letter or a column, but an article. Sorry, but if I kick into editor mode I am in editor mode.

If you want constructive criticism I'll offer some of the thoughts expressed in Journalism 101.

Summarize everything about what you are going to say in the first graph and do it in 25 words or less and make it a complete paragraph that consists of one sentence. Skip all details and generalize in the first 25 words.

In your second graph explain what you were describing in the first graph and attribute (give the source) for what you are saying.

In your third graph if you have a single subject define it and the opposing sides. If you have a subject with a number of issues, define the issues.

In your fourth graph, if it is a single issue story, address a side of the issue. If it is a multiple issue story choose the most important one and explain why it is the most important.

In your fifth graph support what you said in the previous graph. Rinse, lather, repeat until you have explained the subject.

There are two very important things to always bear in mind. No. 1, is that if a story is cut it is cut from the bottom, so you need to get the most important issues out first. No. 2, is that space is a valuable commodity. Use as few words as possible to express your point.

RE: the coment from Owen Sparks about most of his readers not being journalism majors, they may not be but they expect journalism from a newspaper. In this business you are writing for the editors. I am one.

Further, if you care about a Pulitzer prize you won't win one. And, I broke into the business working for Pulitzer so I know a little about the subject. My department actually won one of them.

I'll add this to the whole concept. You don't become an editor because you did well in journalism school. You become an editor because you are such a good writer and reporter that the powers that be trust you to make sure a reporter doesn't say or do something really stupid and you know how to reduce their 1,500-word story to the 500 it deserves.

Am I harsh? You bet I am, but I haven't written a correction for my work since 2003.

Did I read all of the "article?" - no way. Nor would I read it if it came across my desk at work. It simply doesn't cut it. Rewrite it and get rid of all the extra words and then maybe I could work with it.

I assure you if it was titled "My letter to the editor" or "My column for the local college newspaper," I would have read it differently. That still would not have made it journalism or an "article."

One more thing, no paragraph ever exceeds three sentences - just journalism.

 

[Tribal]

Sorry; to clarify: this is indeed meant as a column. I'd hoped the sentence before the text clarified that, but c'est la vie. I've apparently now learned that "article" isn't a term for a generic blob of text in a newspaper.

I did end up removing the first paragraph, as in retrospect it was just something to get my brain over writer's block. I also removed the "tougher than the police test" thing as being needlessly complicated to sort out.

The complaints are otherwise stylistic, rather than substantive, which is good. However, I did tailor my writing to my specific audience*, both in terms of what they're used to reading and in knowing that they'll be reading this between classes during the day.

I'll report back in about two weeks with the reactions of my fellow students.

*After being called into the Dean's office and being threatened with academic discipline for having an empty rifle case in the back of my truck on university property, I'm perhaps justified in being unwilling to be more specific than "grad student at a Virginia university" while on a gun board.