how to get wife past irrational feelings about guns

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Im283

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I'm not sure how you married guys carry without your wives' knowledge. My wife frequently feels my CCW when she hugs me - no big deal.
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(this quote was lifted from another thread. I started this post there but realized I would be hijacking so I just started another thread.


When this happens with my wife she immediately gives me a look and always says something to the effect of " I hate it when you wear that"
This is a woman who is mostly rational and had never ever had a bad experience with a gun, or had a loved one who had a bad experience with one. She claims to understand it is the person not the gun who commits crime. She has smashed her finger with a hammer or burnt herself on the stove more times than she has ever seen a gun in person aside from the ones I own.

How do I get her past this feeling that guns are nasty and worse than most anything on earth?

In spite of the feelings she expresses she tells me "I do not mind you have them." I think she does not mind as long as they stay locked in the safe.
I honestly do not think she minds I shoot them as long as they promptly get locked away.

I am not an irresponsible person, I am very safe when handling the guns, I took a carry course that cost more than average so as to be taking it from what I considered a better source.

I have asked her to shoot them, I have asked her to just learn about them,
I have asked her to come here to read about others who share this interest.

I dunno what to do, I am afraid it is going to come to a head......
it is really starting to piss me off
 
How do I get her past this feeling that guns are nasty and worse than most anything on earth?
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By allowing her to express herself, supporting her decision and continuing to love her.

It's just like me converting a Muslim to become a Christian or my wife to watch every NBA game on the tube or having to hang out with the "guys". But your love and understanding will give her baby steps for your "gun" passion.
 
Tough one...

Agree to disagree with her.

Maybe over time with more exposure without negative consequences she'll come around. If not then just continue to agree to disagree and minimize her exposure.

Maybe if you tell us how long you two have been together, did you have guns when you met, after you met but before you got married or acquired them post marriage one of our members with experience in this area could better help.
 
Honestly? Not much you can do until you find out why she is uncomfortable.

The best thing you can do IMHO is to try and find out why she is feeling uncomfortable about it. When approaching this (or any important subject) make sure to make time in a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, make sure she is aware that she has your full and undivided attention, and most of all do not be defensive/raise your voice/walk out until she is done talking/show any irritation/etc etc.

Other than that I would (if you can convince her to do anything proactive about it) point her at Pax's website : www.corneredcat.com or these forums.
 
Wife

Im283

Your wife sounds pretty much like my wife. She is about as close to a flaming liberal as you can get. She has told me she does not like guns but does not deny me the ownership and even carry of guns. (I even teach NC and Utah CC classes.) She has been shooting with me and seems to enjoy it for a short time. She has been hunting with me, although she has never killed anything. I guess if there is mutual respect and love it will all work out. We have been married for 31 years (yes, to each other).
 
Been with her over twenty years, had some guns before marriage but more into it lately. what I spend on the hobby has no effect on our ability to remain solvent financially.

I have asked why, I remain calm and smile, she has no logical answer, just she is not into them. When I ask her to shoot with me she says she does not like to do that.

We live in a house in the woods, couple hundred yards off the road.
If someone did attack us here it might be days before anyone would even know we were dead.

Man I have just about stopped drinking because more and more I feel it is not responsible to do. ( I never drink and carry, shoot or whatever, period)

I could not do a fake break in, I am terrible liar.

I am hoping it will work out, but I do not see that I should slack on what I see as my responsibility to be able to defend us. I do not know that giving it up is an option.
 
I'm sure I've posted this before but I'll do it again. My g/f at first didn't like guns but she wasn't the type who is totally anti. She just didn't care for them. But I was able to eventually teach her how to use them. But she still saw no point in carrying one.

Then one day we watched as a drunk driver in an SUV almost killed 2 people in a small car. Then the driver drove away. No way I was about to watch the person get away. So I chased her down. At that point my g/f changed her mind about guns. She was afraid the person might have a gun and wished she had one of her own just in case. Since then she has no problem with them and has a CCW.

So for some it just takes a life altering experience.

PS. Yes I caught the drunk driver and helped in getting her convicted.
 
Hang a right in the kitchen, and head down the short hall to the Laundry Room.

First the dryer.

Bring to her attention using dryer sheets increases the probability of Dryer Fires.
At this point head back to kitchen and run water in/on dryer lint trap.
Water will bead, sometimes even just "stand" as the dyer sheets leave a residue, that inhibits effective ventilation, which is conducive to fire when heat, and lint are present.

Next the Washer.

Bring to her attention the two rubber water hoses attached to washer.
Also the two faucets from which hot and cold water enter the washer via rubber hoses.
Remember that time a hose on the car broke? All that water, antifreeze and mess?

Well there is a certain amount of gallons per hour in a house, and if one is gone for a short time, a continuous supply of water will continue to pour in and flood everything and do thousands and thousands of dollars worth of damage.

That nice carpet she likes, the flooring in kitchen...etc.

This is why one is well advised to turn off water if they are going out of town, even for the just the weekend.

Irrational feelings about this washer, can be "eased" with getting braided metal water lines, and making a note, to change "O" ring gaskets. Since these gaskets are not expensive, just replace twice a year when the time changes like one does batteries in Smoke Detectors.

If one is home, they will hear water running from a busted hose, gone from the home, they will not.

Dryer : Well maybe dryer sheets and other fabric softeners added to wash are not needed, dryer fires are pretty serious and can "flare up" fast.


Guns: Above lessons being shared s orta puts into perspective Personal Responsibility in being informed, educating one's self about any and everything in one's life.

Fear the Dryer, Fear the Washer and be irrational - or - Get Rational, get educated and take some personal responsibility.

Umm, yeah. I have actually done this to share with a couple with a bad case of Gun Weebie Jeebies...
They did come around...
 
Im283, it's her problem, and until she can or will deal with it, you need to make sure it stays HER problem.

If you've been married for more than 20 years, then you know you're not going to be able to do anything with this until she changes her mind and allows the change to occur.

You probably also know what the odds are of you changing her mind, too.

Anyway, the best thing you can do right now is to continue on with what you think is right/best... meaning staying able and willing to protect both you and her.

And if she wants, at some point, to throw a fit about it... well, then would be a good time to point out that you've tried to discuss this with her, and understand what's on her mind, but that she wouldn't have any of it.


J.C.
 
I am hoping it will work out, but I do not see that I should slack on what I see as my responsibility to be able to defend us. I do not know that giving it up is an option.
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Don't give up friend, just give it some time. It could be 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years...etc. She'll come around, I totally believe it.

If you're overwhelmed with the situation, then grab some of your shooting buddies and vent. After venting, start shooting those paper targets. You'll feel much better.
 
Tell her this. My g/f just called me and the cops are in a stand off with someone at the store next door to where my g/f works. OBT the largest road in Florida is shut down there and the cops are out with rifles.

Tell her crap happens everywhere. It's not on the news yet. I'll let you know if I see it.
 
Your asking the right guy. I had to convince my family to even let me have my mossberg .22 rimfire a rifle which is not even legal to hunt with because of its lack of lethality. My mother came around and now owns a .38 taurus revolver which she loves and its the only real bonding expereince we can share. We like to compare targets and when i get back from college we are going to have a shooting contest. She has been taking a few privite lessons and intends to beat me. With women its easy "look guns level the playing field between men and women"

its my dad i have a problem with because he does'nt like not being the physical alpha since guns even things out. I have defeated every single one of his arguements MORE GUNS LESS CRIME is a splendid and helpful book showing concealed carry laws reduce crime. I explain all the rational reasons and he is eventaully coming aorund. You just need to corner them and have them admit indirectly thier is no rationale behind thier arguement and then be nice and conversational about it and eventaully they come around. Also offer things like if you come shooting with me I'll watch some show you like or spend more time with you...a little quid pro quo never hurts. Number 1 priority is get them on the range after that they always in my experience come to love shooting. Even the smallest women in my pistol permit class end up being like "wow that was the most fun I have ever had in my life".

Hope this helps. I live in a very liberal area and have heard all thier arguements so if you need any help disproving her claims ill gladly assist.
 
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Thanks for all the assistance, encouragement and advice.

I will keep on trying to get her to come around. I really feel if she would take a class and then start shooting .22 with me she would enjoy it. I just can't get her to take that first step.

I know she knows I will not change my ways, as I get older I get more set in stone. So I know she is resigned to me having guns and carrying one.

Anyway it makes me feel better to just talk about it with those who understand what I am up against, thanks!
 
does your wife happen to have say a flower or vegetable garden she is rather fond of? If so you can manage to lure in some squirrels to "attack the pretty flowers and little baby birdies", next thing youll see is her curled up with a rifle and a couple bricks of ammo popping squirrels.... then you can get her shooting everything else.
 
Some people have so much, maybe too much, respect for life and they know that guns are capable of taking a life. Loud, powerful, scary noise, power, too much responsibility... simply not for them.

That's OK.

She may never accept enjoying your hobby and love of shooting sports or feel a need to protect anything or anyone to the point of possibly taking a life or causing someone else harm. Accept that fact. Keep right on protecting her (and yourself).

Reassure her that you carry because one of your responsibilities, as you see it, is to protect her, and you simply will do just that. That's love.
 
just give her the facts. i just went through this as well. long thread and all. basically what worked for me was everytime something happened in the news tell her thats why you carry. if you have kids make it a point to explain to her that you love her and the kids and just want to be able to protect them. i mean i see you live in knox county that couple got kidnapped just a few months back so i would start there. it isn't about being paranoid, its about your god given right to carry and you feeling that you should take care of her. good luck
 
My wife hates my guns. I use the word hate strongly! I tried to get her to go to the range with me a couple of times to no avail. I gave up, but I am not giving up my guns!
 
Protecting My Lady

"I hate it when you wear that"
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"Yes, dear, and I hate that I need to wear it."

"I can live with knowing you're not comfortable with it. I couldn't live with it if something bad happened to you that I could have prevented."

"Keeping you safe is more important to me than comfort. In a perfect world I wouldn't need this, but it's not a perfect world."

"I'd much rather sit around with you in twenty years and laugh about how over-prepared I was than have to explain to the kids why I was under-prepared when something bad happened."

"I really hope I never have to use it, just like I hope I never have to change a flat tire, but I'm prepared for both. And if you need one of these, you can't call Triple-A to bail you out."

"I love you, and I'm sorry for your discomfort, but this is part of the job I took when we married. I hope you can accept that."
 
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The average woman hates guns and there is nothing that you can do to change that. So stop trying. In my case my wife comes from a socialist model parliament type country in the Caribbean, where only the cops and the military has guns. I have tried to introduce her to shooting but she's dangerous and afraid of guns on the firing line. So, I just leave well enough alone.
 
My wife dislikes guns in general. She always picks them up like holding a dead rat by the tail. BUT, she understands their neccesity and supports me fully. She even goes to the range with me.
 
My wife was initially very iritated by the sight of a gun, and the fact that I was "touching" my guns a lot at home, after work, you know, i was excited to have them. It took few months of talking, as well as her going shooting with me. Now she's my best shooting buddy, and no longer fears guns at all. No longer minds when I check guns, clean, disassemble, etc. Now she insists on CCW'ing herself. ANd in fact will apply for her FL CCW as soon as her third utility bill comes in (she's a green card holder, so proof of residency in form of 3 consecutive bills is needed).

But it did take patience on my side. I had to talk to her a lot about it. Point out news stories of rapes/murders/etc and relate those to her; aka young petit girl got hurt. Now she fully understands the dangers of the world, and her disadvantage of not being armed. She even wan't go to certain shopping centers without me :) just last night she said "oh, i'm not going to Aventura Mall by myself, it's a zoo out there, I want you and your gun with me :D "

She only get's anoyed when I put on my P2000 H&K, but that's because it prints more than other guns. WHen I take my KelTek, she's VERY happy I'm armed when we go out at night to the movies, restaurant, etc.

SO, patience my friend! And nothing in the world will help more than well thought out arguments FOR guns. Watch the news together. Next time something bad happens, have HER speculate what could have happened is the victim was armed. Make sure she relates to the situation, ask what if it was her?

If she's an inteligent person, after some thought it will come to her.

Good Luck!
 
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