how to get wife past irrational feelings about guns

[PrimaryB]

BSlacker I agree. Personal safety goes beyond self defense and thank you for the reminder. Stats prove that. I also think that consistent positive behavior helps when trying to convey a belief or principle. It's not that people have to agree all the time to make relationships work. I think it is the feeling of security, that both parties have each others interests or well being in mind. She knows where the equalizer is in the bedroom and she knows how to use it. While not proficient with it I hope to god the telephone and dog is enough.

PB

 

[Engel]

Take her shooting.

 

[Jeff F]

Mine told me she wasn't going out with me if I was carrying a piece so I told her see ya when I get home. After a couple of times like that she has not said a thing and we go out together quite a bit.

 

[ExSoldier]

Okay, this is my first post here and I'm the noob. I mostly hang out on DefensiveCarry.com under this same screen name.

I've been exceedingly blessed in my 19 years of marriage on this issue. I think it had to do with my selection of first date activities. Met this wonderful woman at a Christmas party and invited her out. First date was to CHURCH. Second date was to the local range. I'm an NRA certified instructor. I made it crystal clear on date #2 that my enthusiasm for firearms and my political activism on behalf of the 2nd Amendment were (and are) part of any long term relationship package. I got married to this lady about six months later. I was 31 at the time and she 38.

It was common practice for me by then to terminate a relationship based on the ladies politics or antigun attitudes. Fortunately for me, God chose the daughter of a retired marine colonel and a holder of the Navy Cross from WWII. She grew up around guns. For our first anniversary she got me a rifle (Ruger 10/22) and I got her a Beretta M84 and there were immediate problems with that. SHE had secretly lusted for my 1911 Remington Rand Government and I knew it. The only solution was to trade her little 380 for a Colt Commander 45 and it's been bliss ever since!

I would recommend taking her to some gun shows with you and some of her pro-gun friends (if any). Also show her the NRA video: "A Woman's Guide to Firearms." This little film is cute and a little bit hokey but has some real star talent both in the actors and the gun experts profiled. I use it in my initial safety classes for my ccw students, but it'd be great for "DE-Mystification" of your guns.

You might also get her involved in your hobby by joining and participating in IDPA. Lots of gals out there to make her feel comfortable on the line. Fear has a way of going bye-bye in the light of true information. Just my .02.

 

[Colt]

When my son was 3, he'd run around the house shooting things with the same first gun we all had - the built-in finger & thumb model.

He'd yell "Pam! Pam! Pam!" while doing so. Henceforth, all my guns became "pammers."

My wife was gun-neutral when we married. When I first started carrying, she'd hug me on my way out the door, sigh, roll her eyes and say sarcastically "Got your pammer on?"

Fast forward 18 months. We're in Philly, walking back to the parking lot at 1 in the morning. She asked the same question, but her eyes only showed concern and her voice lacked any sarcasm.

Give it time.

 

[Pilgrim]

When this happens with my wife she immediately gives me a look and always says something to the effect of " I hate it when you wear that"

My ex-PMS was like that the first few years I carried until one day we were in a part of town that scared her. She started patting me down to assure herself that I was carrying. After that I heard no more complaints about me carrying.

Pilgrim

 

[Diggers]

Honestly it really doesn't sound like you have a problem with your wife. She says she is ok with you owning guns then all is OK.

The real problem seems to be that YOU wish your wife shared your interest in guns more. This is understandable, but not something you can do anything to change.

Some people just will never be interested in something that can harm another person….to them that is just seen as a negative. (Perhaps not a real logical point of view but that’s how some gentle souls see it.)

I wouldn’t worry about trying to change her mind about it.

Respect her point of view and then you can expect the same from her.

 

[robsc]

 

[yesit'sloaded]

My sister hates the fact that carry in my vehicle and on my person in one year, but has no issue with me owning guns and will shoot a .22 with me when the family gathers at the deer camp for thanksgiving. My other sister is indifferent to guns, but thinks some of brother's toys are cool and are fun to play with. My mother accepts the fact that I own guns and is pro self defense, but will not carry a gun herself. My girlfriend...has been known to "barrow" my ammo when I am not looking and sneak it into her range bag. None of them are anti-gun, per se, but they all(with the exception of my girlfriend) don't see a need to carry or prepare for TSHTF. My older sister doesn't get the whole cops are minutes away thing, thinks hunting is dumb because the stores are crawling with good food (Cargill just recalled 1 million pounds of ground beef), and yet she still respects my right to own guns and recognizes they are just tools. I can see my other sister carrying when she is older. My mother has a husband with guns and a big dog so I doubt she ever will. Their stated reasons for not liking guns are: recoil, "danger" :banghead:, noise, "when would I ever need a gun", and a false reliance on others.

 

[RPCVYemen]

By allowing her to express herself, supporting her decision and continuing to love her.

The Count already said everything that needed to be said on this topic.

I notice a number of folks who chime in on these topics with stories about their "ex" or string of "ex's". First figure whether you want an "ex" or not. If you want an ex (or a string of 'em), listen to the men who can tell you how to do that. If you want to stay married, and find happiness in that, then follow the Count's advice about this.

Mike

 

[Dr. Peter Venkman]

There are two things behind every successful woman: chocolate, and a cat. Get those bases covered first and then they will open up on the firearm bit.

 

[GreyJacket]

Rational, responsible, mature adults should not be afraid of firearms.

To me, a person scared of a gun is like a mother afraid of a car. Fear of that car rolled over a kid when backing up, fear of locking a child in a hot car. Things rational, responsible, mature adults would never do.

The more you trust yourself, the more you know guns are only as dangerous as the person who owns it.

It saddens me to see so many people no longer trust their own judgement, this is one of the consequences of relinquishing personal responsibility and accountability to the State.

 

[ernunnos]

My mother in law used to be afraid to even touch a gun. Now she shoots with me whenever she visits. She told me last time that what helped her get over her fear was seeing the guns taken apart, seeing how they worked. She was able to stop thinking of them as objects of magical power, and start to understand them as inanimate mechanisms that could be understood and controlled. And control them she does. She's actually quite a good shot.

 

[Davo]

Wine helps.

 

[ShooterMcGavin]

The real problem seems to be that YOU wish your wife shared your interest in guns more. This is understandable, but not something you can do anything to change.

Some people just will never be interested in something that can harm another person….to them that is just seen as a negative. (Perhaps not a real logical point of view but that’s how some gentle souls see it.)

I wouldn’t worry about trying to change her mind about it.

I agree with this a lot. I think sometimes we (those who take self defense very seriously) feel that we want to educate others on our viewpoints. That is a good thing, but some people don't want to embrace that mentality. The ignorance of firearms is very cyclical in that sense. In your situation, I think patience is very important.

Also, I do see what frustrates you. I have been around some people (mostly girls I've dated) who seem to roll their eyes or say "why do you think you need that? " any time they bump my gun or I take a trip up to my bedroom before leaving the house. It's somewhat condescending and frustrating, as if we are "weirdos". Patience with her... and hang in there.