Situation

[Zaire]

Here is the deal. My wife has an uncle who is just plum crazy, he has attacked numerous family members, including my wife when she was 15, over a paper plate. He left my MIL on the highway in Mississippi and drove home to IL because he felt she disrespected him. He is a big bully, 6'5" 260lbs, and 54 years old. He cut his girlfriend up last year on the thighs and she didn't press charges(no idea shy the county didin't).

Last Monday (1/3) we went to drop some food off at my wifes aunts house at about 10:15pm. For some reason she is paying the uncles rent, I think he scared her into it. Her excuse is that she doesn't want to see him on the street. He also gives her a ride to work for $30 a week. When we pulled up he was there and got really pissed when we made the aunt take 2 more minutes to come out so he could take her to work. On top of that he started yelling at her when she got on the car and took off driving crazy. Of course I followed them to make sure she got to work okay. That night he went top my MIL house to tell her how mad he was and that he was gonna kill me and my wife and kids, or gut us like a fish to be exact. She made him leave and cussed him out considering he was talking about her daughter. He knows where we live. He can't get in without a ladder, but ???? he may be crazy enough to do it. He has also told other family members the same thing.

I'm thinking about calling his bluff some day, I have no doubt I could take him, but he probably has a knife. The question is, with all these threats, should I inform the police? At least to start a paper trail in case Ihave to use deadly force inside my house. Should my wife get a restraining order against him? I don't think he will try anything, since he has talked ???? in the past and never did, but he has hurt other people. He tried to cut one of his nephews throat, and he still has the scar. He also beatup his own daughter over some money, I think $12 or something.

Any ideas?

 

[Preacherman]

You're a damn fool if you don't involve the police at this point. Do a search on other domestic abuse cases that have come up for discussion here, and elsewhere. No question - he's over the top, and needs to be pulled up hard before something irremediable happens.

 

[Pilgrim]

With the uncle's history, it is a wonder he isn't in prison or a mental hospital. Then there is the question about the rest of the family's mental health for putting up with him and covering for him.

I recommend you and your wife stay away from this family soap opera. Don't give the uncle a reason to put your family in his sights. He is an accomplished bully and will pick on anyone he perceives as being weak.

 

[8830]

You need to contact the police and make a report for terroristic threat. You may think he is not a threat but he is. I've arrested alot of people who thought the person wouldn't do anything. This will come to a head and you, your family or someone else will get hurt or killed.

 

[seeker_two]

The question is, with all these threats, should I inform the police? At least to start a paper trail in case Ihave to use deadly force inside my house. Should my wife get a restraining order against him?

Yes to all the above & double for what everyone else has told you here.

It looks like you're already in his sights. You need to arrange the situation to where, when the day comes, you're the one seen to be the innocent party & he's the bully. A paper trail will help a lot here.

And, when the moment comes, don't hesitate just because he's a "family member." A threat to you or your family is just that--a threat. Protect yourself & your loved ones.

 

[jojo]

I agree completely with 8830. It's his job, I'd listen to him.

Good luck, and keep your eyes open.

jojo

 

[sm]

Question First.

Is this a behavorial change?

I mean is this a behavior that started in the past 5-7 yrs? IF beforehand he was a decent guy this is a TIP something is off. Could be a sign of a undiagnosed Medical Condition. Any Family history to indicate such ?

Is he ON meds , change meds, stop taking meds?

I know of folks that were nice and all, physiological changes have affected folks. From Hormones ( sorry ladies) Menopause, to Diabetes,'scripted drug reactions...

Mental could be hidden signs of Schizophrenia, PTSD, Depression, ....

I would "WORK WITH" the LEO, Clergy and Medical folks. At least determine if a REASON exists before I just had him tossed in a Jail,or mental hospital.

IF in fact a danger to others or himself - Needs Professional help - whether that means tossing into a Jail or Mental Health is up to Pros.

I observed and was a recipient of some wierd behaviors of a 60 yr old man that up until was the nicest guy. Underlying medical condition - Diabetes, coupled with a serious reaction to some OTC allergy/cold meds.

 

[bogie]

As to past history - it could be he only does this where he knows he can get away with it.

 

[Moondoggie]

I've also been told that hardening of the arteries (not gonna embarass myself by trying to spell the medical term) can bring on a marked personality change for the worse in older men.

I'd be willing to bet that the local police already know this fellow as a "regular customer" if he acts like this toward everybody. If they try to gaff you off and claim that he's harmless, then go over their heads.

I strongly agree with all of the above recommendations. Notify the proper authorities and let them handle it.

Could be that a little period of observation and a psych eval might wake him up.

 

[WT]

You need to report the threats to police.

You also need to distance yourself from this looney tune.

Your wife's aunt is a 'free choice' advocate. She freely chooses to associate with this nutcase. That's her choice. Don't get between her and her 'man.'

Watch your 6-9-12-3.

Don't try to play the hero and save the world.

 

[Arc-Lite]

By all means call the law, and add to his paper trail, also I would not put the wife, or anyone in a position to become his next victim, clearly he is not playing with a full deck, family or stranger, his behavior is not right. If he is a drinker, find out his bar, and drop a dime on him, before he leaves each time, sometimes people like this, need more problems in their life, instead of being the problem... As for "why" he is like this, that is another question, first get this crazy into the system, and then, if interested find the reasons why, stupidity rarely is logicial.

 

[Sindawe]

Minimize the concact you have with this loose canon as much as possible. Inform the police to get a paper trail started, maybe via certified return receipt letter or through legal counsel if you can and legal counsel deems it appropriate. Start a log of you and your families interactions with him. Maybe start carring a voice recorder (check local laws on who has to consent to being recorded). I would take a print out of your posting, have it notarized as the the date and time, seal it up in an envelope that is also notarized and squirrel it away in a safe deposit box or the like.

And, when the moment comes, don't hesitate just because he's a "family member." A threat to you or your family is just that--a threat. Protect yourself & your loved ones.

Exactly.

 

[aguyindallas]

Call the police to get a report taken. Take out a restraining order. Spend some time at the range, I have a feeling you will need it. Make sure the wife is proficient with some sort of self defense either guns, martial arts, OC Spray...something.

Avoid ANY trips where you know he could be at your destination, such as other family members houses. Do not call him or go to his place. If he calls, call the police after you have told him that you do not want to talk to him. If you see him around your place or the kids schools, call the police. Also tell the school/daycare that NOBODY except you or yor wife is to pick up the kids. They generally dont anyway, but its always a good measure to remind them.

Good Luck, sounds like you have a whacko on your hands.

 

[Zaire]

The family says he has always been like this. He is not on any meds that I am aware of, but I work in the Mental Health field and am convinced he is mentally ill. I will see what steps she has to take to get a restraining order. My wife cannot stand him, she told her aunt he is a waste of oxygen and doesn't deserve to live. He tries to control everyone. The one time he did that to me I didn't back down and he didn't like that at all and left. It is a wonder he is not in prison or a state hospital. Thanks for the advice guys.

 

[Zaire]

He is never in contact with us, we don't have to worry about him calling. The only time I ever see him is when he comes to my MIL house, but that is only 1-2 times a year. I just happened to see him that night as he was picking up said aunt.

 

[Thumper]

You don't have to worry about him calling?

The guy threatened to gut you like a fish. IMHO, you oughta take folks' advice and get some official documentation.

Mental health care? Then you already should know this: When you find yourself mixed up with a nut, your decisions become a little more crucial. I hope you make the right ones.

From your posts, it seems like you might be a little reluctant to do anything...any particular reason why?

 

[Zaire]

Just didn't know how serious to take this as he is always makign threats he doesn't back up. My wife and I decided to get a restaining order against him on Monday when we are both off of work. I consider myself quite proficient with my home defense weapon, a Ruger P90, and keep Mossberg 590 on the top shelf of the bedroom closet for my wife, loaded with Ranger Reduced Recoil Loads of course. I hope to God it never comes to me having to use these weapons, but I will if I have to.

 

[Sindawe]

The family says he has always been like this. He is not on any meds that I am aware of, but I work in the Mental Health field and am convinced he is mentally ill.

Maybe he should be. You wife's Uncle (Uncle-In-Law?) sounds a lot like my younger sister. Can by physically violent, very emotive, very impulsive, wants to control everything and everybody and given to making wild threats when she's off her meds. When she's on 'em, she's just fine and realizes that her behavior is whacked.

 

[gripper]

This is NOT good advice I'm about to offer;no one should consider what I'm about to say anything but angry venting...."You haven't sicced the cops on him(yet) and you havem't busted him up(yet)?Man!Family or not ,that kind of behavior would have been bought to an end DECISIVELY one way or another.If any of the women in my family were on the receiving end,they'd have stuck a knife under his ear in his sleep....or maybe even if he was awake!If not,one or more of the men in the clan would have delivered some sustained counseling with the goal of modifying that behavior ...or shown him the exit.They're a prettyu quarrelsome lot on both sides of the family,but hurt one and ALL of them are on the offender.
Does this guy have a criminal record?Is there or was there EVER court or adminsitrative interaction?
If you are thinking of doing anything but calling the cops for some assistance and or filing witness statements it could get a LOT nmore complicated than it already is....wish there was a way to not make things worse.I hope this turns out better for you and yours.

 

[Ryder]

This situation really calls for CCW. Some states will issue emergency permits for situations like this. You just have to show need. I believe there are other states that have carry provisions without a permit if you have reason to believe your life is in danger. In such cases you have to prove yourself innocent if caught.

I don't know jack about Illinois. You should check into it though. Research it and ask the knowledgable people at packing.org if you haven't already. A home defense weapon does you no good if this guy catches you in a dark parking lot.

 

[Zaire]

I haven't checked, but i doubt Illinois would allow that. We are right behind California and Mass on gun laws.

 

[Standing Wolf]

Failure to involve the police would be irresponsible, in my opinion.

The more so-called "second chances" we give violent criminals, the more we encourage them to continue and expand their predations.

 

[Taurus 66]

I know a father of a friend (friend's now in prison doing 25 to life) who was a chronic abuser of women and children. He was persistent in threatening his wife over trivial matters. One day he picked up a large cutting board knife and told her he was going to cut the throats of her "bastard children" as he put it. That was a long time ago. They are divorced now, this being about 20 years later. one day old Joe went to see his doctor and found out he had a benign tumor on his brain. It was removed, he recovered, and never heard any news about him after the surgery.

Regardless of a person's state of health, if someone is a clear and present threat and is constantly harrassing, you should get police involved, not just for your safety but for the safety of others, including him. He is out of control. The court could issue an order of protection.

There could be many factors contributing to his violence: alcohol/drug abuse, schizophrenia, long term exposure to chemicals containing neuro toxins, brain tumor, or that he was once abused, a combination of any aforementioned, or any other underlying cause(s).

Maybe he's just a plain bully. Once when all of us were kids, there were other kids we called 'bullies' and they would harrass or beat us up. But we are adults now and we don't have to take that behavior from anyone any more!

So again, if it's serious enough of an issue, Order of Protection and "Iron Up 24/7". Remain vigilant yet don't let paranoia cloud your senses. And most importantly, do not let yourself get stressed out over the matter. The clear thinking, level headed will prevail.

 

[Model520Fan]

You and your wife need to stay away from him. DO NOT TAKE OUT A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST HIM UNTIL YOU ARE PREPARED TO TAKE FULL PHYSICAL CONTROL OF THE CONSEQUENCES BY YOURSELF. You should know how your wife will deal with him in your absence.

I do believe that you need to start a paper trail, including calling the police and including getting a restraining order, but you need to first know how you and your wife are going to stay alive with him pissed off at you and no police around.

I would take his remarks VERY seriously.

 

[beaverboard]

Have you considered swearing out a mental inquest warrant on this fellow? I would think that you certainly have grounds given his behavior, and in the long run it may benefit him. From here it looks like this guy will give them plenty of reason to hold him after he has been picked up. Your local law enforcement office can certainly advise you on how to procede. The advantage of a mental inquest warrant is that it will actually pull him off the street, as opposed to a restraining order, which is merely a signed piece of paper.