I used to have a 1911 pistol with a 3" barrel. I was young and strong; and I didn't mind the way that pistol beat up my gun hand. (Today would be a different story, though!)
This being said (and as you've mentioned) 40 caliber recoils, 'sharper' and is, thus, perceived as recoiling, 'harder' than the softer, 'pushing' 45 acp. This brings you down to the pistol's balance and overall weight; the lighter the gun is (especially towards the muzzle) the more it's going to kick.
I've fired both 9mm, 40, and 45 acp pistols. Each has its own, 'perceived recoil' characteristics. It's really up to you as the shooter to teach your own body how to handle different recoil among different calibers and pistols.
Me? I've tried just about everything there is to shoot up to and including 44 magnum. My own conclusion is whether it's a Glock or a 1911, give me a full-sized 45 acp, every time! Only other suggestion I might offer is for you to fondle a G-19. You might really like it; and, especially over a G-26, it'll give you more of that confident shot placement you said you're looking for.
PS: Yes, I carry a full-sized 45 acp pistol all of the time.