Without giving specific loads, there is no meaningful answer. I would agree with Sistema that considering average factory loads, 9mm is the mildest and .40 has the most snap. But gentle factory target loads can be had for all of these except possibly 38 Super which is really a handloading proposition anyway.
Wow, this can be a very subjective reply...plus, as mentioned, the recoil characteristics are very different in the calibers you mention...
In this case, I think I'll go w/ 45 acp as being the most mild
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