Lighter-weight bullets do not necessarily mean more pleasant to shoot. Perceived recoil is a combination of felt recoil, plus the sound and fury. Some loads will be "snappier" than others, particularly the 125-grain loads at full velocity. Based on long familiarity and knowing the proper way to hold the weapon, I like and use the full-power 125-grain Federals, having seen from a very close perspective what such a bullet will do to a human adversary. Fully expecting the sound and fury, it does not startle me when I am the one doing the shooting. But, this load is a beast; if I shoot a fast 50-round police qual course with it, I may develop a split in the skin on the web of my hand. A novice should start with .38 Specials, and over time work up to milder .357 stuff such as 110-grain Winchester "White Box" for practice. Skip the really hot-loaded .38 +P+ loads, unless that is where you want to stop; they kick about the same as the milder magnums, it seems to me. Milder magnum defensive loads that work well: Winchester 145-grain Silvertips and 125-grain Golden Saber.
.357 ammo question (search feature is broken)
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Be sure to hold the sixgun properly! Most beginners hold too low on the grip, which let the barrel acts as a lever to increase muzzle flip. The web of the hand should ride right at the top of the rubber portion of the grip.
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