Anger and guns

[Sentryau2]

Im 18, live with grandmother.
26 year old cousin lives with us
Alcoholic, generally very (non thr approved word)
I am an extremely calm and calculating person usually. However he continues to talk trash and bad mouth me. (I'm in the other room to avoid it getting out of control) I took my gun with me. I'm not sure if I should break it down to avoid doing something seriously bad or keep it near me in case of a worst case scenario.

What do you do when dealing with drunks/out of control relatives. I normally would not post something this personal but im at a loss of what to do and im in emotional distress. (i removed "mental breakdown" because that sounded like i was going to go crazy and start shooting people, which im not)

I doubt a post will be made in time to help me this time but perhaps in the future.

EDIT-I'm NOT threatening violence, the situation is resolved. I'm just asking for what is THE best thing to do in a situation like that. Please don't be alarmed and think im going to just "snap" we all know that mistakes are made however and bad things happen. I was simply asking for a contingency plan. I have no intention of leaving this locked room for the night

 

[Ed Ames]

Had a similar sort of situation at about that age (I was a bit younger).

Disappear the gun(s) (as in, if cousin/grandma know about them, get it/them out of the house and say you sold it/them...if they don't know, make sure they never do). The last thing you want is to make guns an issue in an already lousy situation. There is no way you will come out a winner. That extends to not talking about guns around your cousin. If the subject comes up turn it to fishing or something.

Long term: You can't fix your cousin. You can't turn your grandmother against another of her grandchildren. You can control your own actions. At 18 you are an adult and that means sometimes you get the privilege of choosing between a bunch of bad choices. Choices like moving out on your own.

Use the dissatisfaction this situation is causing for motivation to find a better situation though positive actions...job/better job, different place to live, maybe reevaluate education priorities. Once you are doing something to make your situation better you may find it becomes easier to tolerate, because you know it won't be forever.

 

[Bobson]

Have you thought of moving out? You say you're 18, so there are a few options, but the first that comes to mind is joining the military. Is that an option for you?

I'm not asking if it sounds like a cool idea, I'm asking if it's a possibility. If the situation is as bad as it seems, I would want to get out of dodge ASAP. There are numerous benefits, primarily the fact that you get to stop living with your wacko cousin. And it's not like you'd be throwing your life away.

I'm pretty big on recommending the military to most 18 year old guys (I'm a USAF veteran myself), but in your case, I would almost say it might not even be worth considering anything else.

 

[Sentryau2]

That was already done bob, but I cant move out I still have to make it to DEP meetings over 4 hours away and try to make it to my ship date in december. (impossible to do so on my own right now no job and no car) There is also no way I could keep up my training for pst to get the job im trying for.

 

[Bobson]

So you're in the DEP now, or you were, but couldn't make it to your meetings?

Which branch did you hook up with? When I joined in '04 (and I know things are different now, but this might not have changed), the Air Force and Army both had "quick ship" options, where you would swear-in one week, and literally ship off to Basic Training the following week. And they weren't crummy jobs. Military Police, mechanic related jobs, infantry was an option if you're cool with that.

It's worth looking into.

 

[skiking]

My advice is GET OUT NOW, get a part time job just to pay for rent, food and electric. if you need to, get on food stamps.

Don't ever think that the situation may not repeat itself, if you are ever in fear call 911 if time allows. As a law abiding citizen don't fear law enforcement, things may get uncomfortable but use all resources to resolve or END a threat before resorting to lethal force.

Best of luck to you. I had the misfortune of trying to handle an alcoholic family member. It ended up with my now ex-wife getting a gun and shooting at me in the middle of the night.

Step one, if the option is available, is to get law enforcement involved to remove the threat. You may feel like crap for calling 911 but it may be the best thing that you can do.

 

[USAF_Vet]

If you are already on DEP, call your recruiter, see if they can either come pick you up for your meetings and training, and ask about the quick ship as previously mentioned. The recruiter will generally do what they can to help, since they don't want to have you be a no-show and back out.

Back when I enlisted in '98, I was only in DEP for 6 weeks. Unless you have a very specific job guaranteed, with very few classes, December seems like a long time to wait under most circumstances.

As to your more immediate issue, you've got a lot of ugly and difficult choices, the presence of a firearm doesn't help most of them. If you can, store the gun elsewhere. If possible, move out, even if its on a friends couch for a month or so. You can't stay behind a locked door until December.

If you have a job, work over time for the extra cash to move out. If you don't have a job, find one. Get a bike or a bus schedule. You have to be proactive about getting out of an ugly situation.

 

[jbrown50]

Sentryau2,

The best thing to do is what you already did.........walk away.

The only time you can ever use deadly force against another human being is when that human being is posing a deadly force threat against you. Mouthing off, calling you names and verbally threatening you doesn't qualify. Him being a family member complicates things even more.

You're a young guy who seems to be very level headed. You have your whole life ahead of you. You've already shown that you will do the right and responsible thing with a firearm. Build on that and concentrate on moving on and building your career and maximizing your independence.

 

[Willie Sutton]

"If you are already on DEP, call your recruiter"


^^ This.

Generally they will bend over backwards to assist.

And the sooner you get out, the happier you will be. Willie left home on his 18th birthday and never looked or went back and that's been nearly 40 years ago. You'll do OK, just keep your head down until you toss your seabag on your shoulder and go. There's an entire world out there waiting for you.


Willie

.

 

[ohbythebay]

Agree what others and what Willie said

Get out now...your recruiter will help !! Tell them about the home situation (not the gun please) and he will get you out fast. Tell him it can't wait as the household is getting violent.

You'll do fine...and the first step..was asking for help.

Our son joined the navy, went in last summer. When he left, he was arrogant, spoiled, no direction, self centered...Typical teenage knowitall..and believe me ...we tried.

He came back, he is a blessing and a change MAN - and I capitalized MAN for a reason because he left a spoiled brat and came back a MAN I am proud of as my son.

 

[Lex Luthier]

You are a young man with your entire life ahead of you. This hurdle will be but a stepping stone on your path to be the great man you are sure to become. Move on and do not turn back. Always remain as discerning and responsible.

May God bless your adventure young friend.

 

[j1]

I do not want to solve your problems because I do not think that I am able to. I just want to say that alcohol and guns do not mix well, and adding anger to the mix sounds really dangerous to me. Work it out, soon I hope.

 

[Officers'Wife]

You can't reason with a drunk, you can either incapacitate them or get away from them. The former is generally a crime so the latter is the recommended course.

While under normal circumstances I would agree wholeheartedly with the idea of joining the military in this case I have grave reservations concerning your grandmother's safety. I have to ask if there is the slightest possibility that your being there acts as a 'buffer' stopping him from abusing her.

 

[4v50 Gary]

I think you know you can't change others. Your cousin's alcoholism will only be remedied when he wants to fix it. I'd also be concerned about your grandmother too. You may have to invite the man into her life. You won't be around if you're in the service and she will be vulnerable.

Be sure to get any firearm out of that house when you leave for DEP. Does any family member have a gunsafe?

 

[Skribs]

The problem is the anger, not the guns. Anger + baseball bat, anger + kitchen knives, anger + fists, or even anger + driving are all also bad ideas.

 

[Walkalong]

Stay calm and watch what you say at all times. Call the police if he gets threatening etc, and let them deal with him. If they have to keep showing up, he'll give them an excuse to take him away sooner or later.

Do NOT let emotion get the better of you so that you say or do something you will regret. It's not personal, it's business. Let the authorities do their jobs.

 

[22-rimfire]

I think the military is a good choice to "turn you into a man". It is a cliche, but it is true for the most part. While in the military, take advantage of any educational opportunity that comes your way and especially in areas that the skills transfer into the private sector easily later.

I would be concerned about my grandmother in this situation. It is only a matter of time before she becomes involved unless she has an alcohol problem too. Drunks get along with other drunks. They might fight a lot, but they get along.

In the short term, drop by the local police or sheriff's department and discuss the situation with them. That way when they get a call, they sort of know what to expect.

 

[gym]

Wait until he is not drunk, and have a serious talk with him, explain that if he continues you will have to evict him, or have him arrested if he does it again after you warned him. Drunk and disorderly will still get you an overnight stay In the local jail. Perhaps if you are friends with a cop you can explain it to him, and he can help you out.
They take abuse against elders very seriously, you may be able to use that to get him out of your life before he hurts your grandmother in one of his drunken rages. You can't just leave and have him there alone with her.
I could tell you all kinds of things hat you could do, but you may end up making it worse. Best way is have him jailed for a day or two and hope he wakes up when he finds himself in a dirty cell with a couple other guys sharing a toilet.

 

[Neo-Luddite]

You're getting solid advice. Call your recruiter and get to Basic/AIT Right Now. You can't let it go further and (from what you've said) a confrontation will happen sooner or later. If it goes that far, y-o-u will likely be arrested along with him and you won't be going anywhere with and open court case or a possible conviction on your record. This and, of course, you might end up seriously hurt yourself. If you have to worry about things like this in your own home it's time to run and not walk. Rent a storage locker for your gear at a decent storage place, throw it all in, and head out.

 

[bikerdoc]

Any friend or relative or church member you could move in with for the short term?

 

[Sentryau2]

Thank you fpr your help

I won't go into detail but it seems to be resolved for now. He is supposed to be leaving either today or this weekend. I would really like to avoid early dep in for reasons I'm not comfortable sharing. It is an option I'm considering tho. I told him that if he threatens me again I'll have him arrested and press charges.

I had no intention of using force unless I absolutely have to. I was worried he would escalate from mouthing to actual physical violence. I thank you all from the bottom of my heart.

 

[Radagast]

Well done on managing yourself well in a bad situation. I think your obvious self control & rational mind will be very helpful in your future career.

 

[herrwalther]

Conflict avoidance is an all to important but often neglected part of carrying a firearm. Yes we do carry these deadly/dangerous tools, and antis will have their side believe we solve all sorts of problems with flying lead. As a favorite comedian has said when excrement is about to hit the fan, step to the side of the fan. You did the right thing there.

There are non violent ways to deal with drunks. Since they often are not aware of how they are acting (or don't care) they can be dealt with in non violent ways. I would take an escalation/deescalation of force class if available to you. If nothing works and you cannot get away, your firearm should be your last decision. The benefit for you in dealing with a heavily intoxicated person is they are likely not very coordinated, but still dangerous. So be prepared to defend yourself using more than one method such as hand to hand in case your firearm is not an option.

 

[gym]

When anyone ever asks me if worry about losing my temper and shooting someone, "and they do ask that question", I always say, if anything, it makes you aware of what you could do, and therefore you go out of your way ten times harder to avoid a fight of any kind, even so far as to allow someone liberties that you normally would never allow, because you are aware of what could happen should that gun ever have to come out. As long as my life is not being threatened or those of whom I am with. Words are just that, they can't hurt you if you don't let them.

 

[mljdeckard]

When you are armed, the rules change. No more trash-talking, saving face, etc. You hold a higher level of responsibility, and with that, greater responsibility to keep your temper, bite it off, and walk away. Looking like a fool if necessary. They will never know that the reason you are walking away is because you can instantly escalate to deadly force and they aren't worth it. This is the discipline.

As you get older this distinction gets clearer, the things that aren't really worth arguing over after all.