Cry For Help From a Closet Gunnie

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Doctor Suarez

Member
Joined
Apr 25, 2005
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Location
Los Angeles, CA
Since I saw the light and became a gun owner and gun rights advocate, I’ve been visiting these boards. And heaven knows, though I try to help people with my limited knowledge and argumentative acumen, I’ve generally taken more than I’ve given.

And today’s going to be no different.

Now that shooting and gun rights have become my major hobby and political axe-to-grind, I’ve got a real problem.

My whole family, both on my side and my wife’s, are anti-gun. They’re not Brady-Campaigners or anything, but they’re definitely on the anti-side. So, for now, THEY DON’T KNOW ABOUT ANY OF THIS.

So far, as an apartment dweller, I’ve been able to hide my one handgun and near-weekly range trips. And since this place is a hassle and it’s over the hill from them, they never visit. However, we’re closing on a house in their neighborhood, and even though my wife and I are both doing well in our careers, we needed our parents’ help to get this place. (This is LA, after all.)

So now, with income and space, I’m going to start buying rifles, shotguns, second handguns, and it’s going to suddenly get extremely hard to hide all this from prying eyes.

I hate hiding things from people, and I hate not being up-front about something I believe in, but the amount of shock and trauma this would create in my family is a real boogeyman.

Right now, I have three options:

1) Continue living as a clandestine gunnie, worrying and hiding the truth until such a time that I’m so self-sufficient that their anger no longer matters.

2) Wait for a traumatic, horrible, scary defensive gun use so I can say “Yeah, well, turns out I was right.”

3) Come clean and have a series of horrible fights with people I love who just don’t understand.

I’m really up a creek here. Any advice in any direction would be extremely useful. Also, I’ll be happy to clarify any of the specifics.

Again, thank you all for taking the time to have a look at this. People on these boards have been nothing short of amazing since I started down this road. One thing that constantly proves to me that we’re right in the guns debate is the strength of character I’ve encountered in the firearms community.

Thanks and have a good night.
 
Arrange a "mugging" with one of your friends as the assailant. You display your firearm and scare away the mugger, saving the day. That should show them the light :D
 
Just come clean. All the talk in the world is not going to change their minds right now-initially- but once you come clean, they were learn, over time, that owning guns effects you in a positive way...makes you a better citizen and sooner or later, they will cone around and go to the range with you.

If you "hide it" like a junkie (wow, sorta fits doesn't it?) they will only have more "ammo" for later.

Do any of them smoke? I am not an anti-smoker, but it is a choice, much like owning guns, but puts others at a much greater risk than owning a firearm or two (or twenty)...

Good Luck
 
First things first

One of the dreads of the Anti crowd is "Your gun will be used against you"

Two reasons for this assumption, true concerns by the way! You are not trained well, fixable, two, gun in plain sight, for any one to steal, or use, also a simple solution is available.

Number two first, 1K spent on good safe, bolted to floor in bedroom, only one stays in sight (at night) back to one! Join the IDPA Club closest to you, teaches handling, and correct equipment selection, then a good basic defense with a firearm course.

Both of the ideas above are common sense, and will help you, if the family group recoil in horror, and run away from your house in total shock, so be it. Just think of the savings in groceries!
 
You're an adult. There is nothing wrong with owning and using firearms. They are legal. Not like you're admiting to being a long time pot head or something.

Say it loud, say it proud! I'm a gun-owner! And if they don't like it....oh well.
 
Not like you're admiting to being a long time pot head or something.
Click to expand...

And even if you were, that's no big deal either. Not much different from drinking alcohol, except society tells you it's different.
 
Option #3.

I was in the same boat with my wife and in-laws.

I just eased my wife into it by taking her to the range with me before buying my first handgun. Once she saw how much shooting really is a sport, she sorta' loosened up a bit. She agreed to the purchase of the handgun, BUT NO AMMO IN THE HOUSE!! Ah...the evil ammo.....because she still wasn't convinced that the gun wouldn't just wake up in the middle of the night, let itself out of the safe and start shooting randomly.

Anyway, two years later, with near a dozen guns in the house, her attitude has changed. When I go away for a few days at a time, she always says things, "The .45 is loaded right?". And the night safe has made a nice home next to the bed in our new house.

It takes a while, but you gotta' be yourself and live YOUR life, not theirs.

Good luck!
 
They will learn to live with it. The longer you have already been living with the guns without any harm the less likely they are to be worried about it.

My parents were super anti-gun like 15 years ago. Now they dont care. It took about a year to wear them down at first but they pretty much stopped worrying when they saw I didnt take the gun and start robbing banks.
 
What kinda doctor are you?

If you're an MD, you're in luck. Doctors get attacked. They get home invaded. Johnny Junkie can't get his bit legally, so he goes looking at what he sees as the source. Doesn't matter that you may be a podiatrist - he's sure you've got a big ol' jar of oxy that you just don't want to share...

If you're not an MD...

Hmmm...

"Honey, a guy from my high school graduating class got mugged. I'm concerned."

"Honey, some of the guys from the office took me to a shooting range, and I'm hooked."
 
You must come out.

But choose wisely how to do it.

First, you've come out to your wife, right?

You've taken her to the range, right?

Then, pick one or the other sets of parents and invite them to the range.

Take them shooting.

Don't push it, just invite.

If they freak out, they freak out.

But you should not "hide" this at all.

Hiding it now just makes it even more of a freakout for the parents and inlaws later when you are finally outed.

But please tell me you've taken your wife to the range already.

Hillbilly
 
Why are they anti? I've noticed that quite a few folks who are anti are that way more from ignorance and the constant propaganda from the media. If that is the case, some education might be all it takes.

Jews for the Preservation of Firearms Ownership
This is a good source, if you haven't already found it. For urban types, this is a different perspective that might get them thinking.

They know you, and hopefully, think you are a sane, levelheaded, decent person. Use that to get them thinking about the stereotype of gun owners.

And RENO is right, get them shooting!
 
This may sound kind of selfish, but wait until AFTER closing on the house before you come out. Then start with the misses. Take her to the range with you. Show her that guns aren't evil, and that she doesn't need to be scared. Then slowly work on the family. Best of luck.
 
I think educating them as to why you are pro-gun is the place to start. Point out articles/reports in the news about all the criminal behavior, terrorism, etc....show them the valid need and desire for self defense. Point out the lack of ability of anyone else to protect your family. Bring home some gun magazines and show an interest - they will ask you what it is all about. Tell them you 'went to the range with whoever, and shot such and such whenever' and how fun it was. Be prepared with little facts such as how more toddlers die from drowning in 5 gal pails then from gun shots. Bring up recent events like the senate bill, the expiring of the AWB, the London bombings or whatever as in-roads to favorably discuss guns with your wife and family.

You will have to show and justify the desire, the need, AND the safety (and the $$$ with the wife!) - and so debunk all their reasons for being anti-gun. Important to be confident in YOUR decision (and reasons) to be pro-gun - without being embarssed or ashamed. Show them that liking guns, and carrying guns does NOT make you weird, or psycho, or some nut, or suddenly turn you into a killer - but instead a sensible, smart, and prepared person.

My sister-in-law is a real 60's child - always it was NO guns AT ALL - not even toy ones. Until after 9/11 - when she suddenly showed a much greater interest in having 'something' around, and learning how to use it. I like to think part of that was my explaining how all the goods they had stocked away 'just in case' were useless w/o having a way to defend themselves and their families if things ever did get to that point.

They can change their ideas - just need to have the facts and the patience!
 
Maintain silence until you've achieved financial independence!!!

Afterwards, I'd avoid bringing it up, but I wouldn't lie if the subject came up. (It must, from time to time, otherwise you wouldn't know they're all "anti," right?)

There's no real need to argue - if things get too intense, as an adult, you have the option of walking away.

But if some of your relatives won't be persuaded, are unwilling to "agree to disagree" and insist on shoving a "guns are BAD" message down your throat, you could always format your aguments along the lines of "My life and that of my family are worth protecting, using the best means available. Sometimes it means smoke detectors, sometimes it means wearing seat belts, sometimes it may mean using a gun. If you don't think so yourself, at least have the decency to let the rest of your family know, so they'll be aware that they can't look to your for help if the worst happens."

If they say "a gun is more likely to hurt you" challenge them - ask them what the source of that old wive's tale is.

If they respond that it's "common knowledge" reply that it was once common knowledge that the world was flat, and ask them again the source of their "information."
 
I'd start out by showing her John Lotts book, More Guns, Less Crime, and saying "hey I've been reading this book and it's changed my mind on a lot of things". That will ease into a converstaion where you can gently debunk the lies she's been told all these years.
 
I really am trying but I can't understand this. You are an Adult. You own a gun. They don't like guns. They don't own guns. I see no problem. I could understand if they had a relegious problem with you drinking and smoking and you didn't want them to find out. But I really don't understand this. You are being to nice. If they are going to throw a fit and whine and argue because you own a piece of metal.....They need to grow up. I understand that you don't want to cause an arguement...but...I guess I would let them get mad..I would in fact be mad at them. There are some times when appeasment goes to far. And I am a VERY laid back, try to avoid arguements,kind of person.
 
Doc Suarez, I'm going to go against a lot of folks who are well-intentioned, and who are saying to give your wife and parents and in-laws this book to read, or this pamphlet to read, or anything to read.

All that reading stuff is great, but don't start out with it.

Start out with a real, tangible experience of actually shooting a gun in a safe environment. Make sure they all have FUN shooting.

After they have fun shooting, then give them that stuff to read.

Actual experience first.

Then stuff to read.

hillbilly
 
I don't see much of a problem.

Do your relatives come over and rummage thru your drawers and closets? Do they routinely go thru your personal belongings?

You're a big boy, I assume. Why bring the subject up at all? My relatives have different interests that I do. So what?

Do you have to report to your relatives on your activities? Where you go, who you see?

Strange ...........
 
Owning a gun is your right. If they give you hard time about it, they are limiting your legal rights. Don't be apologetic for having that which belongs to you.

It is clear you have to come out of the closet. Women hate lies and secrets more than anything. You probably will be in more trouble for keeping it secret rather than what you kept secret. Women are crazy that way... :rolleyes:

Getting them to the range will be a really big pill for them to swallow especially after you come out of the closet. I would recommend against it until they get over the shock.

It is best to ease them into it. First tell the wife, explain your reasons, and provide education as needed. Give her some books to read about what guns can and cannot do. "Living without Fear" comes to mind. Once you convert the wife, 95% of your problems are solved. :)

Finally, just because the parents help you with a house does not mean they have the say how you live your life. If they make it a condition, refuse their help. It is a question of whether you value your freedom more than your convenience. They will control your life forever so long as you keep failing to reassert your rights and freedoms.

Good luck! :)
 
Live your own life.

You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but live your own life.

Don't live other people's lives, and don't let them live yours.

pax

Selfishness is not living as one wishes to live; it is asking others to live as one wishes to live. -- Oscar Wilde
 
Okay, I think, like the classic game "Operator", things have mutated a bit.

For the record:

MY WIFE ALREADY KNOWS. MY WIFE IS TOTALLY COOL WITH IT.

and

I DO NOT LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. BUT THEY ARE HELPING US HAVE OUR HOUSE.

Now, that being said, the advice I've gotten here is really quite excellent. I'm just sort of trying to figure out how to play this.

I agree that waiting until I'm more on my feet is better.

I agree that this can't go on forever.

Basically, at some point I'm going to sit them down, preface the conversation by saying "nobody's sick, pregnant, or in any trouble. Nothing's actually wrong." I also think it would be better if my wife joined in. Otherwise, they'll figure out a way to use her against me.

Another problem is that my paternal uncle is much more rabidly anti-gun, and he's also the family contractor who will be doing most of the initial work on the place. Pity... we're removing a bedroom fire place and replacing it with something, but how do we get him to build a safe notch without giving it all up?

My parents actually wouldn't be the hardest to crack. My wife's parents, however, are hopeless. And what's funny is that they have more gun ownership in their family. Her father's father collected guns for years, and her maternal uncle just bought an AR-15. The problem is that those men are patriarchs who outrank them. We're (supposedly) suboordinate, and in that case her parents are EXTREMELY dictatorial.

Gee... I really have newfound empathy for closeted homosexuals.
 
Another problem is that my paternal uncle is much more rabidly anti-gun, and he's also the family contractor who will be doing most of the initial work on the place. Pity... we're removing a bedroom fire place and replacing it with something, but how do we get him to build a safe notch without giving it all up?
Click to expand...
Good grief, man, you live in LA. You don't have to explain a safe!

pax
 
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