Deranged Individual Harrssing me - Advice?

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HK G3

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Hey Guys,

I don't know what it is, but lately, I just seem to have been having some bad luck.

Anyway, to keep a long story short, a former roommate/friend is currently harassing me, and threatening me. He currently lives on the other side of the country, so it's not obvious that this is a huge security concern, however, he is very mentally disturbed, so I'm taking this seriously.

The reason that he is currently threatening and harassing me is because a few weeks ago, he attempted to commit suicide and kept calling me to tell me about how he was going to crash his car into incoming traffic to "end it all." Obviously, this didn't end up happening, but apparently it came close. For the 2 years when I have known him, this would be the 4th time that he pulled this kind of stunt. Usually he says things like he's going to attack a LEO with a knife in order to prompt the LEO to shoot him dead. The most the police have been able to do, unfortunately, is admit him against his will for 24 hours, at which point they had to release him.

A few days later, I spoke with him, and informed him that I just cannot be expected to help him deal with his emotional problems, and that he needs to see a professional and seek help, and that I did not wish to speak to him any more. At first I had pitied him, and tried to help, but it was just becoming too much of a drain on me, and he is in clear need of professional help now, and not just friendly advice.

He apparently hasn't taken that too well, because he repeatedly called, drunk, and saying that he "needed me" and was crying in some of these phone messages that he left. This weekend, however, he took a far more sinister tone, and left one message where he flat out said, "I am going to be your ghost, I will be following you, haunting you, and making sure you feel the pain that I feel." He sent multiple messages via electronic means stating that he was going to try to lie and get me expelled from school, fired from work, and just generally make my life "a living hell." I know for a fact that he has gone through fairly elaborate lengths to try and get back at people he doesn't like, including filing false reports with state agencies.

He has not yet explicitly stated any intent to physically harm me, but may have implied it. As a student who has received some instruction on the diagnosis/sequella of mental illness, and having known this person for a few years (he really started to slip off the deep end in the past few months), I am fairly positive he has bipolar disorder, believes that a lot of people are out to get him, and continually refuses to seek treatment - a potentially dangerous combination.

So far, I have spoken with the local police department, and indicated that I would like to file a report. They gave me a case #, and told me it would probably take awhile before an officer actually speaks with me and the official complaint is filed. They also said that because I do not have record of him actually physically threatening me, they can't really do anything other than write it down, and potentially contact him, and tell him to knock it off.

I think that I should also change all the locks, because he may have created a duplicate key.

Do any of you guys have any further advice on what I should do to keep myself safe from this type of potential threat? It is much appreciated.
 
Keep hard copies of every threat he sent you then deleted any email, IM, chat etc. accounts that he knows about. Change your phone # and go on W/ life

P.S. quit hooking up W/ drama queens
 
Contact the Mental health .gov and PD in his location. Sure sounds like he is a danger to himself and others, that should be enough to get the wheels turning. Give copys of every thing to your local PD.
 
delusions of persecution are associated with schizophrenia.. I think that might be his problem. He doesnt really sound bipolar. But we don't need to be playing amateur psychologist right now. He sounds like he needs serious help. Ignore his messages, cut him out of your life. If he's not associated with any of your other friends/family, he won't be able to keep up. He won't know when you move, if you change your number he won't be able to get the new number, he won't know when you work new jobs and generally be unable to find you. Maybe also calling his other friends or family and trying to get one of them to help..
 
People that help people are often victimized by the people that they "help" or have helped... It seems odd, but it is true.

1.) Change your phone numbers
2.) Change addresses if possible
3.) Change locks if #2 isn't possible
4.) File a restraining order against the person.
5.) Fill a police report on some of the old threats and every NEW threat you get

6.) Get your CHL License, if that isn't possible study hand to hand combatives and carry legal weapons, if possible.
7.) Get a camera system and alarm system for your crib.
8.) Make sure your numbers are unlisted.
9.) Have a piece at home secured but with ready access to it.

10.) Watch your 6, try to develop your warrior spirit. Be always on alert and cautious.

IF GOD FORBID, you have to shoot the guy, reporting the threats and having the restraining order will help a lot. Filing that paperwork can show an escalation on behalf of the aggressor... Review your state laws on Self Defense and consult an attorney about the threats and filing reports... This is also an important step, if the idiot accusses you of a rape equivilant then the lawyer will know best how to limit this issue and use the action and previous evidence against this nut case.
 
1. Even if they acknowledged that he was an imminent threat, the police have no legal duty to protect you, nor any liability if they fail to. Unless they assign you a protective detail (which they won't, of course) they have virtually no physical ability to protect you. That means that if you don't protect yourself from an immediate threat, you won't get protected at all, and neither you nor your survivors will have ANY recourse against the police for failing to protect you.

2. End all contact with the person. Accepting his calls probably indicates to him a continued interest on your part, or at least a willingness to be imposed upon.

3. Get a restraining order/order of protection. This won't protect you physically in any way. What it WILL do is legally justify your protecting yourself if it should come to that.

4. DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT. Document every contact the person attempts, ESPECIALLY after you get a restraining order. Don't delete emails. Filter them to a separate folder. Print them. Forward copies to the authorities, and if necessary, mail them paper copies which they must sign for. Again, that won't stop him from pulling a Patrick Ferguson. It WILL give you legal cover if you need to blow his head off.

5. Get a firearm for protection. If you're not familiar with firearms, get something very simple to use like a .38 Special or .357 double action revolver. Used ones are usually available for reasonable prices. Some recommend shotguns, but they're both more complicated for a beginner to use and more prone to negligent discharges. Do NOT expect the sound of a shotgun being loaded to frighten someone away, especially someone out of his mind.

6. If possible, take the steps necessary to lawfully carry a concealed firearm. Some states like Ohio have "emergency" CHLs. Having voluminously documented death threats against you goes a long way to demonstrating expedited need. At least in Ohio, you don't have to show a "need" for a standard license. You're still better off with concealed carry, even if he jumps off the Golden Gate Bridge tonight. He's not the only psycho fish in the ocean. You don't gain anything from dodging his bullet and catching one from a carjacker or home invader who doesn't even know your name.

7. Pay attention to your surroundings. Don't go through life in a daze like so many people. Even with a gun, you need enough warning to use it.
 
Thanks for the advice.

I just had a couple of thoughts.

First, in response to this comment:

P.S. quit hooking up W/ drama queens
Click to expand...

This person is not, nor has ever been romantically involved with me. I am straight, so this is not the issue. I think the fact that everyone assumed that this was the case really demonstrates just how crazy he is, as he is treating me as if I was a "significant other" in his life, despite the fact that I never did anything to suggest that to any rational person. All that I would ever do in the past when he was on the other side of the country after he moved out was talk to him for a bit over IM, or a brief phone call every now and then. Apparently he had at one time felt that I was more important than any of my former girlfriends ever thought I was. And if all crazy people had a big sign that said "INSANE" attached to them, I would avoid them, but that's not reality, unfortunately.

Secondly, I have not answered any of his calls this month - all of his contact has been done through leaving messages on my phone, and bypassing my blocking him electronically to do so. He is specifically going through various methods to bypass my attempts to block him to say things to me - I am going to make this clear to the authorities since I think it demonstrates that he is really going out of his way to harass/intimidate.

As far as the firearms and situational awareness go, I'm fine on that end. I have an HK45 and a CCW. The major problem is that when I go to school, it's a victim disarmament zone, so it really doesn't do me a whole lot of good in that respect. Another thing is AZ is still behind on the times as we do not have restaurant carry. So the vast majority of the time, the state is mandating that I go disarmed, and I always comply with the laws of the land, so...

My biggest concern is to do everything humanly possible (within reason - having to relocate and hide just isn't something anyone should have to do) to avoid a confrontational situation in which I am forced to use potentially lethal force to defend my own life. It just stinks to feel pretty much helpless to prevent this scenario from playing out, aside from trying to make myself hard to find.

Thanks again for the advice!
 
all of his contact has been done through leaving messages on my phone, and bypassing my blocking him electronically to do so. He is specifically going through various methods to bypass my attempts to block him to say things to me
Click to expand...

Dude, in my state (NC) that fits the definition of stalking.

http://www.haltabuse.org/resources/laws/northcarolina.shtml

Specifically:

"Electronically mail or electronically communicate to another repeatedly, whether or not conversation ensues, for the purpose of abusing, annoying, threatening, terrifying, harassing, or embarrassing any person."

"Any offense under this section committed by the use of electronic mail or electronic communication may be deemed to have been committed where the electronic mail or electronic communication was originally sent, originally received in this State, or first viewed by any person in this State."

"Any person violating the provisions of this section shall be guilty of a Class 2 misdemeanor."

Look up the laws in your state... or reply and tell us what state you are in, and .. if possible, the state from which these communications originate.
 
Well, first, do I think you should have dropped him like a hot potato by telling him not to contact you again? No. That was a mistake to begin with. My experience with unstable people is that you have to slowly back out. You can't pull the rug out from under them. You just have to be more and more firm about telling them to get help, and guide them in the right direction, while slowly distancing yourself. I have a friend who is very unstable (primarily because of his evil father, but that's another story), and that is what I've been forced to do.

Now that the damage has been done, though, I doubt he will actually do anything. I suspect he still feels some connection with you and will not likely take an action that will ruin any chances of you speaking with him again. If he does contact you again, don't just hang up, as you may be able to defuse the situation.

For defensive purposes, you should acquire a handgun and become proficient in using it. You should also get a CCW if it's available in your state.
 
Don't underestimate the potential that this individual has to do harm. An unbalanced person wouldn't think twice about boarding a plane and paying you an unwanted and unexpected visit with ill intent.

I had a friend that turned... weird. Long and short of it, when I old him to go crap in his hat, he turned violent and stalked me. He smashed out the windows in my car and all sorts of things like that. When I spoke to the cops about this, and other folks too, the first question was whether this was a gay thing. It wasn't. At least on my end it wasn't. But darned if it didn't fir the exact same pattern of an abusive husband pursuing a wife that left him.

Be careful. And don't count on the RO doing anything to restrain him. Keep your wits about you and train. Have some sort of Immediate Action Plan ready in the event that this individual shows up. And know this: He will make his appearance a surprise. You have to be ready to react.
 
But then you gotta check your "wiretapping" laws, Doc... not everyone lives in a "two-party-consent" state, but those of us who do can be royally screwed for anything more than an answering-machine. (I'm not sure if even "this line is recorded, if you do not consent hang up NOW" is good enough with these twerps in PRWA...)
 
Good point. I checked with my attorney, and cleared it as legal. So long as one party is aware a recording is being made, it is legal. For a point of clarification, I DO advise when recording, even though not required to do so.

Doc2005
 
maybe, secretly, he thinks he's in love with you


people can do crazy **** when they get that bug in their head

either that or he's just regular ol' plain nutz...
 
Keep in mind that the restraining order is just a piece of paper that may truly push this guy over the edge to real deal violence. Having a paper trail is great as long as it doesn't lead to the pool of your blood.
 
Tell the slacker to quit whining and make his future instead of whining about his past.

A reduction in depressant intake is a good start.

Being he has threatened you as you allege. Be cautious in your daily routine and extra watchful until you completely push this guy out for good. He's hanging on to your responses, negative as they may be, asking or telling him to stop. They are feedback that gives him something to obsess over. Take that feedback away. Especially since he's considering confronting someone with a gun to get shot.

Time to never answer the phone or door for this guy again.
 
You people suggesting that he just not respond if he calls again don't understand the mindset of this type of individual. The thing this person most likely wants most is some return to how things were before. And if you offer them even a hint of that, and are willing to talk to them just for a bit, you will most likely defuse them. Even if he's hurt and angry, what he really wants is for you to talk with him again.

Now, that said, simply cutting all contact WAS how you needed to do it in the first place if you had no way of exiting more diplomatically. It is far less hostile if you just disappear than if you tell the guy off.
 
Let it die a natural death.Slowly increase your distance.Breaking off any relationship,even just room mate/pal can be dangerous with a psyco.it's like weaning a junkie off of dope.You just want to be friendly,but non commital,give him nothing to focus his anger on.just be there less often ,answer calls less often,and do the ''slow fade''...
 
Jesus you have a mess, why keep talking to the loser.

1. It sounds like he is some sort of closeted homosexual with all the calling and needing you. Maybe you should tell him you are not gay and to go away and get a life.

2. Change your phone number, unlist the new one.

3. Block him from email lists, chat lists, facebook, myspace and whatever else you have online.

4. Next time he calls, ask him where he is exactly and what is he doing exactly. Then call 911 and explain the mess to them, give them your police report number and tell them he is in another jurisdiction threatening to kill himself and harm others in the process. If the cops shoot him,,,problem solved. If they arrest him and lock him up, problem solved.

5. If he wants to kill himself thats ok. If he kills others in the process, that is wrong. If he refuses professional help, ask him to quietly jump off a ferry in the Puget Sound with lead weights in his pockets or something.

6. After one shot at caling the cops on him, STOP TALKING TO HIM FOR ANY REASON. Never answer the phone, an email or anything ever again. If he shows up in town, call 911 and tell them the armed lunatic you filed the report on is in your yard with a gun or knife threatening to kill himself or others.

7. Does this toad have parents or relatives? Call them and as them to curb their crazy assed kid already.

8. If you are in college, go talk to the admin staff or campus police about your stalker, tell them about the threats, show them the emails and messages. Get ahead of his drama and be done with him.

9. RE-READ 6 over and over and over.

Good luck.
 
If he is an x room mate make sure you change where you keep your guns, that's if he knows where they are in the first place.
 
He-he...If you were only given a case number, but never actually spoke to a cop, there's no "complaint", only a log of the call by the dispatchers.

Walk in and file a complaint. Most PD's mandate a minimum amount of paperwork, so if you haven't been asked to provide a sworn statement this is going nowhere.

There probably isn't enough for a protective order...no threats of violence? Past behavior? Prior arrests?

Change your phone number and stop messing around.
 
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