Ego and Conflict: Some observations from a day in crisis intervention training.

[rantingredneck]

I'll probably end up taking the long way round the barn to get to my point here but bear with me. If mods feel like this belongs better in General or doesn't belong here at all feel free to do as may be needed.

I've spent the better part of my professional life working in "mental health". I put that in quotes because it's a very broad statement that doesn't really capture what it is I do. Rehabilitation is a better word, but confusing since most of the folks I work with do not have substance abuse issues. Some do, most do not. So "mental health" captures, but then doesn't what it is that I do.

So as a mental health professional, I am at times called upon to work with law enforcement. Recently I was called upon to assist with/evaluate Crisis Intervention training for a group of local LEO's. Some were county deputies, some were city police, some were university police. The group spanned from 30 to........well..........seasoned.....

The training is geared toward helping LEO identify individuals with mental illness and respond in such a way as to deescalate the situation to avoid physical contact/less lethal/lethal force. As part of the training two groups paid a visit to my facility on Thursday and met with some folks that we serve. They got a chance to ask questions and interact with individuals who have specific disabilities that they may come in contact with in their role as LEOs. This program culmonated in a test this past Friday where some of us mental health folks were actors in role play scenarios and some (like me) were evaluators of the officer's responses.

One of my first observations to the group was that what they were training to do this past week in some ways goes counter to previous training. They were being asked to not be "the authority" at some times. They were being asked to negotiate an outcome for a person who may simply need some help. They were being asked to be part time social workers basically.

Most officers did quite well with the scenarios. Especially the older guys. A couple of the younger guys/gals had to take a do-over after receiving some constructive criticism. One of the younger guys went from 0 to Tazer in less than 25 seconds.....:banghead:

I should also mention that it was not just me and other mental health folks evaluating, but also senior LEO's who'd been through similar, or the same, program(s).

I digress.

One of the older guys near the end of the day on Friday made a great observation and it can apply to any of us, LEO or not, at any time that we may find ourselves in conflict that may (but has not yet) escalate(d) to violence. He said and I paraphrase (I wish I could remember his exact words but this is close):

......What I have learned here is that if I can just shelve the ego for a bit and communicate, the situation can be resolved without force.......

So the next time you find yourself at odds with someone, whether in public, in your home, or on the interwebz check your ego first. Is that what got you here? Can shelving it get you out?

 

[cassandrasdaddy]

as a general rule i've noticed the old farts seem better at the soft solutions but i knew a young cop who was the one of the best. he was so baby faced that at almost 30 he could work undercover at a high school. he could get tough if he had to but he weas able to make folks believe he genuinly wanted to help em. young folks identified with him and he was so deferential and polite to the older ones that they would often respond in a way that kept his partner from gnawing on em. he was a k9 cop and i sometimes think that not having a human partner to have to impress helped him. plus 130 pounds of shepherd makes you reasonably confident without a need to invoke command voice.

in my life there was an older sheriffs deputy in loudon county who changed my life. he busted me and pretty good bbut it was weird we were both straight up and real polite to each other. the young turks at the station were looking at us like we had 2 heads. he had me cold we both knew it but he treated me the same way i'd ecpect him to treat my mom for a speeding ticket. didn't hurt his case any and in the end our avoidiing what i call the "usual posturing " had the end result of me getting a 250 dollar fine and probation before judgement as opposed to a lengthy vacation at the house of many doors.its hard to teach that kinda peple skills in a trade that by nature puts you in the role of bad guy

 

[Trope]

The ability to set one's ego aside and communicate is valuable during ANY conflict, in my opinion. The context of "mental health" is appropriate, since all conflict brings out the neurosis in each of us, at the very least.

As for the age thing, I suspect that the job has a way of smoothing off the rough edges of peace officers over time. Either that, or most of the more "spirited" officers move on to other jobs. I could be wrong, but I would guess that there'd be some of both.

 

[Kingcreek]

ego v. compassion
Some folks have a talent for de-fusing, calming, changing the tension, etc. I think it relies on compassion among other things and I suppose there is just not much room for ego and compassion at the same time. There are sometimes patterns in mental illness and in extreme anxiety that spiral and escalate. Some folks can recognise those patterns and effectively ratchet them back down.
My father was like that. He could handle a tough situation without injecting any more energy into it. He was that way with us as kids, he never shouted. He was a chief deputy coroner for awhile and people still remember him. He was the one the LEOs hoped would respond to the really bad calls, the accidents, messy suicides and such. One funeral director told me he when he walked into the room with an agitated family, it was like the stormy seas were suddenly calmed.

 

[foghornl]

Some folks are great with the 'shelve the ego and work it out' while others only seem to know how to push the other guys "Massive Rage" button.

 

[bogie]

Look at the guys who are uber competitive vs. the ones who are team players. I'll bet there is the same mix there...

I don't trust younger cops - most of them haven't yet learned that there is more to being in control of a situation than the ability to use deadly force. And when you couple that with a "respect my authoritay" attitude, things can go south rather rapidly.

In addition, so many departments, especially larger ones, seem to do cookie-cutter training - You will do this by the book, by the steps, and you will not deviate.

Not a lot of room for thought in there... When a 6'3" 250 pound guy says "Hey, don't touch me," they go for the full-on attack. Instead of trying plan B - "Okay, Bubba - just go sit in the back of the car with the nice flashing lights, and we'll do this gently."

Heck, right after they got tazers in my town, one of the local DUI collectors toddled out of the local saloon, got in his car, did a u-turn in the street, and as soon as he did that, he looked to the side, and saw the local constabulary. So before they even got the lights on, before they even rolled, he pulled over. Then when they got to his car, he didn't get out fast enough, so they zapped him.

 

[TallPine]

I read a story told by an Alaska state trooper.

There was this old guy that lived out in the bush that nobody had seen for a while. When the trooper went out to check on him, the old guy started shooting.

Well, these days they would call out SWAT and the thing wouldn't end until the old guy was in cuffs or more likely dead. But in this case the trooper called out something like: "Hey, it's me - Nelson! Just dropping by for a mug-up."

The old guy came to his senses, calmed down, and the two of them had a nice chat over tea and sourdough biscuits. He just hadn't talked to another person for months and was getting a little jumpy.

(BTW, I didn't know the trooper personally, but I did know a couple of his kids pretty well.)

 

[sm]

I understand the original post is an after assessment report in regard to Crisis Intervention training for a group of local LEO's.
I would like to set aside Law Enforcement Officers for a minute if I may.

Ego and Conflict is something I have experienced and observed in many others dealing with the public.
If responsible firearm owners are going to carry firearms concealed - they need to check the Ego - period.

I am not comfortable with this "Us vs Them" attitude many have between LEOs, or even amongst firearm owners.

a. Girls vs Boys
b. Benchrest vs Cowboy Action vs 3 Gun vs 1911 vs Glock vs Revolver.

I darn sure do not like the "Us vs Them" attitude Tyranny has in regard to EGO and Conflict as pertains to responsible firearm ownership.


Schizophrenia

Look it up.
Investigate & Verify what this is, and all about it.

Deaf, and Speech Impaired are two more areas to investigate and verify.

Blind and Legally Blind are two more areas.


Maturity is not dependent on one's age.
Not all education comes from a building with "Education" on a sign, nor does it come from a text book.

My experiences and observations are simply this.
Those that investigate, verify, and educate themselves by not only taking classes, also by being with seasoned preceptors and mentors, are better able to check the ego and resolve conflicts.

LEOs, Firefighters, Fire Dept Rescue, EMTs are first responders, and deal with the types of individuals all the time.
Add Doctors, Nurses and other Medical Staff.

What about you?

Your doorbell rings and someone is standing there and they think your house is their house.
Maybe the voices said to go see "that house", or "that house" is like the one they live in, or a friend, or relative or...

There is a car wreck, and folks are not "responsive and communicative" and are you prepared if you roll up to assist while first responders arrive?

Maybe you see smoke and flames and folks are on a parking lot, outside a building, or hotel, and again, folks are not "responsive and communicative" when you roll up to assist, or are asked to pull over and folks are around your vehicle.

A firearm is only one tool in the tool box, despite what some may think.

"Do you hear the voices?" someone will ask.
"I know the voices are real to you, I do not hear them" - is the correct reply.

Pulling a gun, yelling, screaming, and strutting an Ego is not always the proper conflict resolution tact.

I do not care who one is...


Steve

 

[rainbowbob]

"Do you hear the voices?" someone will ask.
"I know the voices are real to you, I do not hear them" - is the correct reply.

Well said.

I had to call the police to take care of my son and get him to the hospital. A CIT team of 6 officers responded. Two escorted him out of the store quietly and discreetly. They sat him down outside and while one spoke calmly and sympathetically to him at arms length, the other gently searched him for a weapon. He was so engaged with the first officer he hardly noticed the search. Three others set up a perimeter while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. One took my wife and me aside and let us know they would do everything to keep the situation under control and asked us to allow them to do their jobs.

Several minutes later, when the EMTs walked up with the gurney, my son spooked and bolted - right at two officers. The officer who had gently searched him immediately fired a taser at his back, and as my son circled around toward us, I remember hoping we wouldn't get tangled in the wire. Strange what goes through your head when everything is chaos in slow-motion. Another dart was fired into his chest and he went down under a heap of blue.

My son allowed them to gently put him on the gurney and load him into the ambulance for the ride to the hospital. It was over.

As traumatic as that was - and I would say it was the most traumatic moment in my life - I would also say those officers and EMTs probably saved his life.

I thanked them. And I'd like to thank you too, rantingredneck, for what you do. May God Bless you sir.

 

[rantingredneck]

Maturity is not dependent on one's age.
Not all education comes from a building with "Education" on a sign, nor does it come from a text book.

Indeed.

Rainbowbob, Thank You.

 

[sacp81170a]

Pulling a gun, yelling, screaming, and strutting an Ego is not always the proper conflict resolution tact.

But it is one of Nature's ways of saying "Do Not Touch".

I've dealt with some "interesting" situations. One thing I've noticed is that some folks respond positively to a little respect. That doesn't mean being lackadaisical when it comes to officer safety. In fact, it enhances your safety not to have to resort to physical control when verbal persuasion would do. It takes two to have a conflict, and you never know when something you do or say is going to set someone off. I've had otherwise cooperative individuals freak out at the sight of handcuffs, so you learn to be careful about when and how you introduce them into a situation.

I agree with those who say LEO's with more experience are better at conflict resolution without resorting to violence, but it's not a matter of ego, it's a matter of doing the job effectively. If you can't check your ego at the door as you go out on the street, you should probably rethink your choice of career.

 

[rantingredneck]

but it's not a matter of ego

Ego probably isn't the best word to describe it. I was just using the terminology that the senior officer used.

He discussed a situation with me that he'd been in about a year prior with someone that my program now serves. In that situation, poor judgement on the part of another officer resulted in the situation going physical when it didn't have to.

I think that and his opinion of that particular officer influenced his choice of words.

 

[STxRynn]

Dad

I've been thinking about my dad a lot lately. Lost him about 2 years ago. He was a city cop in LBB, TX. He told me that most policemen go thru 3 stages. Stage 1 is so scared you can't read the ticket you just wrote up. Lasts about a week. Stage 2 is 10 feet tall and bullet proof. Most don't make it past that stage and wind up being jerks. But the good ones, go on to stage 3. They are the same in uniform or out, and treat people as they would want to be treated. Able to respect folks, even when arresting them. He was defintely a stage 3. He was the best "field psychologist" I've ever met. Could read people like a book with just a glance. He also made me swear to never be a city / county cop. I miss him.....

Take care....de...STx

 

[VegasOPM]

I'm pretty much of the opinion that ego serves no good purpose- ESPECIALLY in someone in a position of authority. Don't take it personally and don't get mad.

 

[XDKingslayer]

Please don't forget it goes both ways.

We had a young officer down here that put his ego on the shelf and tried to talk it out during a domestic dispute.

He was shot in the face.

 

[ZeSpectre]

We had a young officer down here that put his ego on the shelf and tried to talk it out during a domestic dispute

Gah, "domestics". Hated 'em. Frying pans and thrown telephones. (sounds funny to read, believe me it's NOT funny)

 

[rantingredneck]

Please don't forget it goes both ways.

We had a young officer down here that put his ego on the shelf and tried to talk it out during a domestic dispute.

He was shot in the face.

Indeed it does. There is a time for force, there is a time for talk. There's also a time to call for back up and separate two parties who can't stop screaming at each other. Some of the scenarios we ran last week forced this last point. In order to get the person calmed down they had to remove another individual from the mix.

Sorry to hear about your young officer.

 

[sacp81170a]

We had a young officer down here that put his ego on the shelf and tried to talk it out during a domestic dispute.

That's the tough part, putting your "ego" on the shelf while leaving your survival instincts and training in place. Sounds like a bit of "tombstone courage" if he didn't have backup on the way. Sometimes you only get one chance to learn...

One hard and fast rule my department has is that no officer responds to a domestic without requesting backup. It's really hard to deal with one effectively and safely if you can't separate the parties and keep them under observation at the same time. You can't very well send one person out of your sight to retrieve who knows what kind of weapon while keeping an eye on the other. It's just not physically possible to keep an eye on both at the same time.

 

[XDKingslayer]

I'm sure back up was called, but what's the line we use as citizens?

"When seconds count cops are only minutes away?"

That's another one that goes both ways.

 

[sacp81170a]

I'm sure back up was called, but what's the line we use as citizens?

Simple advice: Don't be there if you don't have to, especially if it's a domestic dispute between others. LEO's have a duty to respond and be in the situation. If it's not your dispute, it might be best to put your ego on the shelf and stay away from it.

Obviously if someone's about to get hurt or killed, you've gotta do what you can to stop the attack, but don't be surprised if both parties turn on you.

If it's a domestic dispute to which you are a party, well, all I've got to say is I feel sorry for you in today's legal climate. You can lose your right to possess firearms more easily in a domestic dispute than almost any other way. At this point, you don't even have to be convicted of a crime, just subject to a restraining order.

Bad situation all around.