To answer the question you actually asked, considering fairly standard loadings, ie 180 grains at 1050 fps for the .40 S&W, and 230 grains at 850 fps for the .45 ACP, when fired in identical guns, the .45 does indeed have more recoil, both on terms of total energy and speed.
Where it gets complicated is that you very rarely find them chambered in identical guns. Most modern guns are built in two frame sizes, 9 and 45. The 40's great claim to fame has always been that it gives nearly the power of the 45, but will fit in the 9 mm sized gun. At that point, it actually does have more felt recoil than the .45.
I'm no fan of the pocket rockets you mentioned, I think guns and cartridges should be proportionate to one another. So, when I decided to do the math and answer this question definitively, I used standard service pistols instead.
So, lets consider Glock. The standard sized Glock .40 is the G22. Fully loaded, it weighs 34.42 oz, and with the aforementioned standard load, delivers 6.44 ft/lbs of recoil, at 13.88 fps. The standard Glock .45, on the other hand is the G21, which bears a significant resemblance to a cinder block. It weighs 38.48 oz fully loaded, and delivers 6.12 ft/lbs of recoil at 12.8 fps. That's slightly milder than the smaller .40. To actually get the .40 in a gun the size of the G21, you would first buy a G20, and fit it with a .40 conversion barrel. If you did this, it would only smack your hand with 5.76 ft/lbs at 12.41 fps, which is milder than the equivalent .45.
Still another factor in explaining the .40's nasty reputation is that it's a fairly recent caliber. As such, its natural habitat is in modern, lightweight plastic pistols. The .45, on the other hand, is comparatively ancient. While all the major plastic pistols can be had in .45, it's natural habitat is the M1911, which is a big steel gun, admirably suited to controlling big bullets. It weighs 46.67 oz loaded, which brings the .45's recoil down to a mere 5.05 ft/ lbs, at 10.55 fps.
That's the comparison people usually wind up making, not the apples to apples of G21 vs converted G20. Not even the apples to oranges of G21 vs G22, but G22 vs 1911, which is more like apples to watermelons.