Fiance doesn't believe in CCW! =o

[stevelyn]

Are any of y'all so quick to dismiss Capt. America's relationship married yourselves?

Was. Been around the block a few times and learned the hard way. Not gonna happen again.

My freedom and liberty is more important than a woman who can be replaced easily. It's a matter of where you place your priorities.

However, Capt. America came to us looking for a solution to his problem each of us have provided suggested solutions based on our own experiences. He can try any, all or none of them.
Either way it's his choice to make his life miserable if he wishes.

 

[bobaloo]

Quote:
Are any of y'all so quick to dismiss Capt. America's relationship married yourselves?

Been married for over 25 years, was real careful. This Spring my wife came to me and said that she had found 7.62 x 39 for $95 a case and I'd better buy 5-6 cases while it was cheap.

I agree with all the posts that you have to know what's important and don't compromise on core values, even with the hormones raging, because a few years down the road the hormones will be a lot calmer but you'll still have the other problems.

 

[Thor67]

Admittedly, I didn't read the whole thread, and this may be in here - so I apologize if it is! Check out some of the John Conner Gun Crank Diaries, and look for his wife - The Memsaab Helena, and "Little Lizzie" stories. Very moving!

I've had this debate with my wife (who is not an anti either).

You're licensed to carry. The same reasons that she thinks it's good to have a weapon for protection in the home or car apply to you carrying on the street, only more so!

I can think of a lot of reasons to carry. I can't think of any legitimate reason for a responsible, law abiding, legally licensed, and qualified person NOT to carry.

One of my wife's reasons for not wanting me to carry was something along the lines of "what will people think?" The answer is that if they know, I've been too obvious! The bystander should NEVER know. That's why it's called concealed carry.

You'll probably never need to draw your weapon - most police never draw their weapon - but, when you do need to draw and defend yourself, your wife, your children, other innocents - you REALLY need to do so!

I don't klnow your status or hers on training. If you're not well trained get some training - take her. Go to a Gabe Suarez seminar, or if you can swing it, get her to go to a "Babes with Bullets" camp with Julie Goloski and Kay Clark Miculek (sp?). Good stuff!

Good luck!

 

[Surat]

My wife used to look at me funny when I'd put on my off duty piece to go to Walmart for eggs, bread and milk. . . until I had one of my "customers" walk up and start talking to me. "Hey man, I go to court on the 18th"

Then there was the time I had a kid at Taco Bell say "You work for the Sheriff's Office don't ya! I though I recognized you. . ." Quicker then you can say "liter-o-cola" we went to KFC.

Then I logged onto the sex offender website for NC and pointed out all the rapeists and child molesters that lived withing the city limits. . .

After that, not one more odd look or comment about me being paranoid.

As a matter of fact she bought herself ANOTHER .357 at the next gunshow, this time one of the 8 shot Taurus jobs.

 

[FIRE COP]

not bitter...just real

the fact is that more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce...that is a sucker bet ...you are gambling everything you own ...including your guns...ammo...freedom..on a proposition that is a losing proposition..in some places women are like pizza....you make a call and they are delivered to your door...not romance...but practical....wives are nothing but a long term contract in boring redundancy...like vanilla ice cream forever..I bet this one never reaches the post. semper fi

 

[justashooter]

According to her officer friends, ND's happen all the time at the CCW level.krezyhorse

some friends she doesn't need. sounds like like a bunch of helpers telling carpenters wives how dangerous it is to swing a hammer.

 

[History Prof]

Where I teach, professors and family members can take classes for free. We got really active this summer, taking stained glass as a family, and my daughter and I took some swimming classes. We were looking through the fall catalog for other classes we could take.

The college has a Criminal Justice program / police academy, and one of the classes they teach is CCW. I got to thinking about this thread, and although my wife has gone from accepting guns when we were dating to being very pro-gun 15 years later, I was never really sure where she stood on the CCW issue. So I mentioned "Hey, I found another class we can take together - Jerry's CCW class" (It's a small college, we all know each other).

Guess what we're doing this fall?

 

[Kawasabi]

My wife was totally against guns from the moment I met her. About a year ago she had an encounter with two ladies that entered her salon very late at night while she was finishing up one of her regular clients. These ladies gave my wife very bad feelings so she called me up to come over and keep her company. I said to myself, man, I don't have a weapon, what am I going to do if they try something? So I went to my brother in-law’s house and got his 38 revolver and headed over to my wife. When I got there I had a bad feeling that this was going to get ugly, it just didn't feel right but all said and done my wife finished working on them and they paid and nothing happened but it made me see the light that we needed a gun. So, I went and bought one the very next day and I got my CCW about a month later. I kept insisting that she need to get one to but she was still being difficult. About 3 months ago there was an armed robbery at the salon during daylight hours. The guy came in waving a gun and demanded everybody’s money. My wife ran to the back and hit the panic button but 5 minutes passed and no cops. The guy got away with her friend’s wallet and some gold but he didn't get anything from my wife. She explained to me that she had three golden opportunities to shot the guy if she had a gun so I asked her if she is ready and she now has her CCW and a Kahr PM9. Sometimes it takes a wakeup call like having a gun pointed in your face and knowing that you can't do anything about it to make you see the light.

 

[armedpolak]

GF

Good thing my lovely GF loves handguns! And even shoots M16 better than most guys I know.

We can't wait to pack our **** and move out of NYC, down to Florida or Texas, and start packing!

 

[Rickstir]

I wish you good luck, you are going to need it.

Count me in with the lucky ones. My wife came into our relationship without a clue about guns. Her father doesn't have a clue either. But she was open minded. Now that we live on a farm, and she is alone sometimes, she has her own .22 pistol and .410 shotgun. She has killed varmits aimed at our poultry house. I doubt that she will carry, but she certainly understands why I do and what is at stake. She may not always agree but she understands when I purchase another weapon to fill out the gun safe. The way I see it, I have two more to go, a 1911 and a .500.

 

[mmike87]

I made it clear to my wife when she initially objected to CCW that I was no more willng to give up the right (and the ability) to defend myself than she was willing to give up her right to vote.

She thinks it a great idea, now.

 

[stevelyn]

FIRE COP

 

[medmo]

Marriage is all about compromises. You may not be able to convince her that it would be a good idea for HER to CCW but she should tolerate you CCW'ing. Good Luck....

 

[American By Blood]

Cap-

Be a strong, loving man who she can respect and this will all fall into place. She's already so close to being in line with your views that the time it takes for her to come around shouldn't be long at all provided that you both have all of your male and female instincts intact. People can have intractable differences that cannot be resolved by discussion or nature, but this doesn't sound like one of them for you two. Stay the course of making her feel valued, loved, and safe and she'll likely grow to appreciate the fact that you carry. Genes have an amazing way of trumping dogma.

As for formal occasions... well... I think I might be with the wife on this one. Carrying concealed to a soiree is just gauche. Depending on the event, either a 1911 in a flap holster or a Peacemaker in a gunbelt is called for.

 

[stellaone]

I have to respectfully disagree with psychophipps, 1911 guy, and ibob.

I am a 25-year old female. The majority of my friends are between 20-40 years old (child welfare is very heavily woman-populated). Of the many females that I consider friends and colleagues, only a handful are married. And they are married to men that they honestly believe that they could not live without. The rest are tired of the pervasive thought that "changing" a man works. And are content with living alone. I can honestly say that in 25 years, I have never dealt with a woman who truly thought that they could change a man and rested their life and hopes on that change. There is too much opportunity available in this world at our present time to rest the chance for happiness on another person's ability to change themself.

That said, I would not date a man who was intimidated by my gun or by my desire to carry one in accordance with the 2nd amendment. My only responsilibity is to myself and my own protection. If a man cannot be "man enough" to accept that and get over it, there is a major problem.

I would also say that the majority of women that I know, when informed that I own a gun and go to the range regularly, are curious about it and want to come with me and learn more. Education is the strongest support we can have in fighting for our rights.

 

[medmo]

GO! stellaone.

Either tolerate or disenegrate, (Both of you).

 

[1911 guy]

Stellaone,

First off, welcome to the board. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

You do realize, however, that you are in a minority? You said yourself that the idea of a woman changing a man is pervasive among women. You also said that some of your friends are tired of it. Probably because they tried it and found it doesn't work.

I actually agree with the majority of your post, but think you're only looking at it from one point of view, while the OP's situation requires two views. You said that you wouldn't date a man who didn't accept you utilizing your 2A rights but come down on me, Psyopchips and Ibob for stating the same thing in reverse.

 

[Kentak]

Compromise. Tell her you have an objection to her having more than three pairs of shoes, but you'll allow it if she drops her objection to CCW. She'll cave.

K

 

[Baba Louie]

Take her out shopping for her own handgun, capable of CCW (but don't imply same yet). Join IDPA with her and compete, with her involved as well. Gentle education coupled with your positive example and that of others will plant a good seed for her future.
Make it a habit to go to the range weekly as part of a date (movie or a dinner afterwards... you might not want to leave your guns in your car, so you might need to keep them safe... somewhere... hmmmm, where can you do that?)
Perhaps take an NRA class together as well.
Hopefully she'll come around and at the least tolerate your (our) perversion for self protection.
At the very least, she'll own a quality handgun for her own self and home protection and range time and know how and when to use it, if need be.

Should she balk at that, I'd never suggest looking elsewhere, but I would opine that she probably won't share a lot of your joys in life... and that'd be a shame.

 

[Stiletto Null]

Sounds like the fianceé is already pretty much "there" on the subject of firearms for defensive purposes. If she's as smart as you make her out to be, she'll come around on her own (with some prodding, I guess) fairly easily.

As for firearms as hobby, well, maybe that's just not her thing. That's kind of sad, but it's not actually a bad thing—just try to make sure she has expensive and/or time-consuming hobbies of her own to counterbalance your gun habit.

 

[stellaone]

1911 Guy,

Thank you for the welcome.

I did not state that the idea that women want to change men is pervasive among women. I stated that it is pervasive, period. My personal opinion is that it is most pervasive among men, without justification. The issue becomes reasoning to choose to stay single when you offer a compromise to your significant other, and they reply that you are trying to "change" them.

Additionally, I did not come down on you for expressing the "reverse" of what I stated: that it is reason not to date someone if they do not respect your beliefs about gun ownership. I believe that everyone has the right to assert such standards when deciding whether to spend a significant part of your life with another. I was reacting to the following comments:

1911 Guy stated,
"'Compromise" is not in a woman's vocabulary. She will either see the light or make your life miserable until you break. Then, seeing success, she'll proceed to the next item she feels the need to "fix" in your life."

psychopipps stated,
"Women, being much more social creatures on average than men, have a strong need to try to talk things out with people and not resort to violence. Most find the very concept that reasonable discourse is not always an option completely foreign to them as it doesn't match their own experiences. Worse comes to worse, she's a b*tch and you simply ignore her."

ilbob stated,
"Women have thi(sic) trait where they marry a man with the intent of "fixing" some characteristic(s) they don't like about him after the marriage takes place."

Such comments are not merely assertations of one's right to have a standard for themself in choosing a mate. They are, instead, insulting generalizations about women.


Stella

 

[CAPTAIN MIKE]

She Can Be Persuaded

Obviously, if your fiance thinks enough of you to agree to the long-term commitment of marriage, she also thinks that you will do everything in your power to keep her (and your future children) safe from harm.

I'd suggest putting your carry of a self-defense firearm in perspective. "Honey, I keep a spare tire and flares in the back for safety. I keep a small fire extinguisher for the same reason. The house has smoke detectors and we carry fire and accident and health insurance all for the same reason --- in case we need them. Naturally, we hope we never have to use them for any kind of emergency, but it's nice to have them and to know how to use them in an emergency. I feel the same way about protecting you. That's why I'm going to continue to do just that, because I love you and want to keep you safe from harm."

 

[ilbob]

ilbob stated,
"Women have thi(sic) trait where they marry a man with the intent of "fixing" some characteristic(s) they don't like about him after the marriage takes place."

Such comments are not merely assertations of one's right to have a standard for themself in choosing a mate. They are, instead, insulting generalizations about women.

No insult intended, just an observation. I have observed this many times in newly married couples. Some activity a man engaged in regularly before marriage is no longer acceptable. It is pretty common. I am of course NOT talking about screwing every floozy in reach either. Simple and innocent things like coin collecting or even exercise programs can become bones of contention after marriage that never were before.

 

[Selfdfenz]

Some activity a man engaged in regularly before marriage is no longer acceptable.

Yep.

Simple and innocent things like coin collecting or even exercise programs can become bones of contention after marriage that never were before.

Yep 2.0.

The rest are tired of the pervasive thought that "changing" a man works. And are content with living alone.

Taken together those three quotes say a lot about the sexes but also the original post potentially. Time will tell.

The quotes remind me of a line from an A.C. Clark book where he describes human society in the time of space travel as having evolved to the point where men and women only came together briefly to have sex or childern. Struck me as cold and futuristic at the time but no longer. Now it just strikes me as very sad.
S-

 

[1911 guy]

I commend you on your choice of friends.

Stellaone, I'm gonna compliment you again. You're a new poster here and are putting together well thought out arguments. Such has not been the case with several other new posters.

I'll also commend you on your apparent choice in friends and associates. My experience, in general, has been different. Most of the women I dated saw the need to "fix" me and the "mess" I'd made of my life. The majority stuck around long enough to find out I'm a little more nuts and a little less easy to push around than they thought and moved on. However, I finally found one with a solid outlook on life and people who also happens to be a looker, so I married her five years and one son ago. More of both (years and kids) hopefully to follow.

There are women like you and my wife out there. Many, sadly, are not. I've got no further than my wife's sister to look. Thinks bossing her hubby around is the norm. Wonders why my wife needs to talk with me (and I to her) before making financial decisions. Is overly critical of said hubby in front of two young daughters. Can't understand why he's upset at times. In general, a real pill. I've met some of her friends and they appear to be cut from the same cloth. I say my prayers daily, thankful I got the good one.