But the recoil I witness makes it seem like handguns don't follow Newton's 3rd Law of Physics
But they must. They're Newton's Laws...not Newton's Theories.
Recoil is force...acceleration...and momentum.
Momentums are equal. That is, the reaction side's momentum is equal to the action side's momentum.
And force forward=force backward.
The rate of acceleration...or the recoil impulse...isn't equal. The bullet accelerates much faster than the gun. A full-throttle 158-grain .357 Magnum fired in an N-Frame 6-inch Model 27 doesn't punch your hand as hard as the same round fired in a 3-inch K-Frame Model 13.
Recoil is only present as long as the bullet is present and being accelerated. When the bullet exits, recoil is over...and any further movement of the gun AND the bullet are accomplished as a result of momentum imparted during acceleration.
Most of what we perceive as recoil is momentum...and the larger/heavier gun doesn't seem to recoil as much, even though the momentums are equal. It only seems that way because the greater mass doesn't accelerate as rapidly as the lower mass.
As noted, felt, or perceived recoil is modified by stock design. Install a large set of target stocks on the Model 13, and it won't be at all unpleasant. Shoot it with the small service "Magna" stocks...and it'll sting your hand.