Ms. Jackson and the many folks who have made the same point (often less eloquently) are right -- the ideal is to have her try different guns and pick one she likes.
I do think a gun-knowledgeable boyfriend (or husband, sibling, female friend, etc.) can help some, by supplying information, by suggesting possibilities, maybe by gently nudging in a different direction if it looks like a clearly problematic choice is going to be made (e.g., a healthy woman of young or middle age shouldn't need to resort to a .22 LR for defense unless it's really the only thing that will do -- in which case, so be it). But a shooter should choose her own gun.
That said, if I were forced to "blind" pick one gun that I think would be most likely to suit a typical, petite new shooter interested in self-defense, I would recommend a
K-frame Smith & Wesson .38 Special revolver. Model 10, Model 64, or my #1 pick in this category, the
S&W Model 67.
http://www.smith-wesson.com/webapp/...d=10001&productId=14759&langId=-1&isFirearm=Y
Adjustable-sighted (many new shooters really seem to like the orange insert);
stainless steel (easy maintenance);
36 oz (good in-between weight);
4" barrel K-frame (nice handy size for smaller hands);
.38 Special (mild-recoiling, accurate centerfire caliber, and +P loads for defense are credible stoppers);
revolver (no slide to rack; easy to load).
Plus most S&W K-frames tend to be very accurate guns for the money, which encourages practice.
Different strokes for different folks, but I think the gunshop guys who routinely steer new petite shooters toward airweight J-frames as house guns are guilty of incompetence. Maybe a 442 (or a Kahr, or even a Ruger Mk-III) will turn out to be the answer at the end of the day. But the 67 is the type of gun they should start off suggesting.
