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Great gun-related joke.

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Moparmike, Dec 10, 2003.

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  1. Moparmike

    Moparmike Member

    Jun 8, 2003
    Oddly enough, a downwardly-plunging firey handbask
    Ok, so this is partially gun-related. Its still funny. Please dont lock it up too quick.:)
    Lets salvage the sparse gun-relatedness of this thread by you posting your gun-related joke.
  2. TarpleyG

    TarpleyG Member

    Dec 28, 2002
    North Carolina
    Works better when it's in Texas IMO...

  3. ScottS

    ScottS Member

    Apr 22, 2003
    Live Free or Die
    Agree. Much funnier when the bumper sticker was: "I'm Gay, for Gore, and here to take away your Guns."

  4. Travis McGee

    Travis McGee Member

    Jan 12, 2003
    NE Florida
    ScottS: Yours is the best!

  5. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

    Jan 3, 2003
    South PA, and a bit West of center!
    Mike ... no gun jokes to hand right now but ... let me post the following ... which I expect most have seen .... but just a few may not.

    It is a parable - and no joke, but will I think be easily appreciated by any and all RKBA persons.


    The classic Pro-gun parable -

    Not so long ago and in a pasture too uncomfortably close to here, a
    flock of sheep lived and grazed. They were protected by a dog, who
    answered to the master, but despite his best efforts from time to time a
    nearby pack of wolves would prey upon the flock.

    One day a group of sheep, bolder than the rest, met to discuss
    their dilemma. "Our dog is good, and vigilant, but he is one and the
    wolves are many. The wolves he catches are not always killed, and the
    master judges and releases many to prey again upon us, for no reason we
    can understand. What can we do? We are sheep, but we do not wish to be
    food, too!"

    One sheep spoke up, saying "It is his teeth and claws that make the
    wolf so terrible to us. It is his nature to prey, and he would find any
    way to do it, but it is the tools he wields that make it possible. If we
    had such teeth, we could fight back, and stop this savagery." The other
    sheep clamored in agreement, and they went together to the old bones of
    the dead wolves heaped in the corner of the pasture, and gathered fang
    and claw and made them into weapons.

    That night, when the wolves came, the newly armed sheep sprang up
    with their weapons and struck at them, crying, "Begone! We are not
    food!" and drove off the wolves, who were astonished. When did sheep
    become so bold and so dangerous to wolves? When did sheep grow teeth? It
    was unthinkable!

    The next day, flush with victory and waving their weapons, they
    approached the flock to pronounce their discovery. But as they drew
    nigh,the flock huddled together and cried out, "Baaaaaaaadddd! Baaaaaddd

    You have bad things! We are afraid! You are not sheep!"

    The brave sheep stopped, amazed. "But we are your brethren!" they
    cried. "We are still sheep, but we do not wish to be food. See, our new
    teeth and claws protect us and have saved us from slaughter. They do not
    make us into wolves, they make us equal to the wolves, and safe from
    their viciousness!"

    "Baaaaaaad!" cried the flock, "the things are bad and will pervert
    you, and we fear them. You cannot bring them into the flock!" So the
    armed sheep resolved to conceal their weapons, for although they had no
    desire to panic the flock, they wished to remain in the fold. But they
    would not return to those nights of terror, waiting for the wolves to

    In time, the wolves attacked less often and sought easier prey, for
    they had no stomach for fighting sheep who possessed tooth and claw even
    as they did. Not knowing which sheep had fangs and which did not, they
    came to leave sheep out of their diet almost completely except for the
    occasional raid, from which more than one wolf did not return.

    Then came the day when, as the flock grazed beside the stream, one
    sheep’s weapon slipped from the folds of her fleece, and the flock cried
    out in terror again, "Baaaaaad! You still possess these evil things! We
    must ban you from our presence!"

    And so they did. The great chief sheep and his council, encouraged
    by the words of their advisors, placed signs and totems at the edges of
    the pasture forbidding the presence of hidden weapons there. The armed
    sheep protested before the council, saying, "It is our pasture, too, and
    we have never harmed you! When can you say we have caused you hurt? It
    is the wolves, not we, who prey upon you. We are still sheep, but we are
    not food!" But the flock drowned them out with cries of "Baaaaaaddd! We
    will not hear your clever words! You and your things are evil and will
    harm us!"

    Saddened by this rejection, the armed sheep moved off and spent
    their days on the edges of the flock, trying from time to time to speak
    with their brethren to convince them of the wisdom of having such teeth,
    but meeting with little success. They found it hard to talk to those
    who, upon hearing their words, would roll back their eyes and flee,
    crying "Baaaaddd! Bad things!"

    That night, the wolves happened upon the sheep’s totems and signs,
    and said, "Truly, these sheep are fools! They have told us they have no
    teeth! Brothers, let us feed!" And they set upon the flock, and horrible
    was the carnage in the midst of the fold. The dog fought like a demon,
    and often seemed to be in two places at once, but even he could not halt
    the slaughter.

    It was only when the other sheep arrived with their weapons that
    the wolves fled, only to remain on the edge of the pasture and wait for
    the next time they could prey, for if the sheep were so foolish once,
    they would be so again. This they did, and do still.

    In the morning, the armed sheep spoke to the flock, and said, "See?
    If the wolves know you have no teeth, they will fall upon you. Why be
    prey? To be a sheep does not mean to be food for wolves!" But the flock
    cried out, more feebly for their voices were fewer, though with no less
    terror, "Baaaaaaaad! These things are bad! If they were banished, the
    wolves would not harm us! Baaaaaaad!"

    So they resolved to retain their weapons, but to conceal them from
    the flock; to endure their fear and loathing, and even to protect their
    brethren if the need arose, until the day the flock learned to
    understand that as long as there were wolves in the night, sheep would
    need teeth to repel them.

    They would still be sheep, but they would not be food!


    Afterthought ..... just in case anyone thinks I deserve credit for this piece - regretably no! ... it is AFIK ''author unknown'' .... wish I could have penned it, cos the message is just spot on.!
    Last edited: Dec 10, 2003
  6. Bravo11

    Bravo11 Member

    Jan 2, 2003
    Arkansas, USA
    I have never read that before but I thought it was very good.
  7. Dave R

    Dave R Member

    Dec 26, 2002
    That parable needs to be posted on a half-dozen or so liberal chat forums...
  8. Razor

    Razor Member

    Dec 25, 2002
    NE TN
    Thanks for that, P95Carry.
  9. Gunhamr

    Gunhamr Member

    Sep 19, 2003
    Troy, TN USA
    Thanks for posting that.

    Sad but so true!!!!!!.
  10. sturmruger

    sturmruger Member

    Jan 4, 2003
    NW, WI
    Dead Man

    TarpleyG you have obviously never been to Northern WI. Green Bay fans are the most ardent fans in all of pro football. There is no other city that even comes close to the energy that is in the air when there is a game at Lambeau Field. The only teams that the Packer Fans hate worse then the Bears are the Vikings. I happen to be a Viking fan living in Western WI and can tell you I take my life in my own hands every day. Someday you will have to come up to GB on the third Sunday in November there is a usually a home game so that all the deer hunters can pull themselves out of the woods and go to a game. 90% of the stadium is filled with blaze orange, green and gold. They are eating brats, and deep-fried cheese curds as fast as they can while drinking two beers.

    The guy in the pink Volvo would be dead as a door nail. Great joke I laughed my you know what off.
  11. Billmanweh

    Billmanweh Member

    Mar 6, 2003
    D/FW TX
    from the perspective of the anti-gunner, the problem would be that 30,000 sheep weren't killed every year with the wolf teeth.

  12. King

    King Member

    Dec 24, 2002
    Austin Texas........
    Good Story P95....:)
  13. Mr. Bombastic

    Mr. Bombastic Member

    Apr 10, 2003
    The United Kingdom Of Great Britain And Northern I
    Actually, I'm sure far more than 30,000 animals are killed every year using teeth and claws. :neener:
  14. sm

    sm member

    Dec 22, 2002
    Between black coffee, and shiftn' gears
    Pro-Gun Parable is GREAT !!
  15. Denver

    Denver Member

    Sep 13, 2003
    FOID card (Read:Jewish armband) Illinois
  16. P95Carry

    P95Carry Moderator Emeritus

    Jan 3, 2003
    South PA, and a bit West of center!
    Denver ...... thx for that info ..... I can now properly ascribe the parable .... should have crossed my mind anyways to realize that it could well have been on Oleg's site.

    It is ..........

    "The Parable of the Sheep
    By Charles Riggs"
  17. Monkeyleg

    Monkeyleg Member

    Dec 25, 2002
    Decatur, AL
    Well, since the thread hasn't been locked down yet...

    A bunch of Sarah Brady's crew are returning in a bus from a Million Mom March. Going through a construction zone, the driver overshoots a curve and the bus goes tumbling down an embankment, and lands in a large hole.

    A state trooper arrives on the scene moments later, only to find a bulldozer operator putting the last mound of dirt on the now-buried bus.

    "Weren't any of them alive?" the trooper asked with no small amount of shock.

    "Well," the bulldozer operator drawled, "some of them said they was. But you know how those suckers lie."
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