Hey PETA! Eat this!

[jsalcedo]

Hey PETA, Eat This!
A Thanksgiving tale.

By Stephen Spruiell

Each year around Thanksgiving, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals makes the evening news with some new campaign to get people to stop eating turkey. This year PETA wants me to believe that if I enjoy my annual serving of turkey at Thanksgiving, then I'm probably going to get the Asian bird flu. In order to make sure I'm aware of the threat, PETA members will "lie naked in flower-decorated coffins outside the Department of Agriculture" — just in case I walk by. As an alternative, PETA says I should ingest something called "tofurkey."




Although I'll pass on the tofurkey, I would like to thank PETA for its sincere concern for my health and in return, offer up a little Thanksgiving anecdote sure to warm the cockles of their turkey-loving hearts.

We show up at the ranch pretty early — usually before dawn — to start setting up for the turkey shoot. For me, that involves standing around, drinking coffee and trying to avoid any actual work. Slowly, folks from all over start trickling in — greeting friends, trying to stay warm, and setting up tents where they'll serve barbeque, tamales, and beer for the rest of the day.

Still others take out their rifles and start sighting in at the firing range. At the end of the range is a ditch. Pretty soon, if I'm working at the shoot, I have to take the four-wheeler down to the ditch and help set up. That involves taking a live turkey out of a trailer full of them, zip-tying its legs, and putting it in a wooden box with just its head sticking out. Another zip-tie holds the head in place, and then the box goes on top of a platform in the ditch so that just the turkey's head and neck stick up over the top.

It's $1 a shot. If you hit a turkey, it's yours. Same rules apply to the archery range nearby.

A man and his wife are on the scene to clean your turkey and bag it. Local people get a turkey for (if they're good shots) less than they otherwise would have paid. Sometimes, if they're lucky, they can make two and have a Christmas turkey also. In addition, the proceeds from the shoot go to community organizations and charities. And it's a whole lot of fun. Everybody wins!

Of course, I understand that the folks at PETA might not see it that way. Let me see if I can anticipate their objections and offer rebuttals.

1. The turkeys don't stand a chance: True, but neither do they stand a chance when they're lined up for the chopping block. At least this way is a bit more sporting.

2. It's not sporting at all: Okay, PETA, let's see you hit a target the size of a lemon from 100 yards.

3. What happens if the turkey doesn't die right away?: The box sort of explodes with wing-flapping, at which point one of us has to run out and drag it down and take the turkey out of the box and strangle it.

4. You're a sick freak: That may be true, but which one of us parades around in the nude on the sidewalk in front of the Department of Agriculture? Which, due to its proximity to the Smithsonian museums, is heavily trafficked by small children?

5. Yeah, but — : Speaking of children, PETA activists have always targeted this demographic in an attempt to alienate children from their parents and create a new generation of carnivore-hating radicals. The latest salvo in this effort is a series of comic books like "Your Daddy Kills Animals," featuring a villainous father hoisting a fish in the air and slicing it open with knife. The books contain graphic images and passages like, "Imagine that a man dangles a piece of candy in front of you. ... As you grab the candy, a huge metal hook stabs through your hand and you're ripped off the ground. You fight to get away, but it doesn't do any good... That would be an awful trick to play on someone, wouldn't it?"

Probably the best thing about the turkey shoot is that there aren't any PETA weirdoes in the part of Texas where we have it, so no one has to put up with college students in a giant fish costumes calling us murderers or naked protesters telling us that Thanksgiving is worse than the Holocaust (unless, of course, we venture too close to Austin). I'll be going back there soon for a little break from the p.c. circus, and that's something for which I'm very, very thankful.

http://www.nationalreview.com/comment/spruiell200511230842.asp

 

[warth0g]

I dont like the thought of wrapping up a live turkey and shoot it. I just dont like the idea. You shouldnt play with food, in my opinion.

warthog

 

[Onmilo]

We didn't eat turkey this year @ Thanksgiving.
We ate dead pig.

 

[bogie]

That sort of "turkey shoot" is an old tradition...

However, I prefer the more sporting version...

The turkeyis tied behind a log, so that only the head will stick up. No box, no stationary turkey, no stationary head. This has been described going back tothe 1700s...

Of course, if you're doing it as a fundraiser, that might hack off a few folks...

 

[Missashot]

That, along with canned hunts, is one of the the worst, most unsporting ways of killing an animal that I have ever heard of. Yeah, they die either way, but how would it feel if you were the one out there tied up in a box while people took pot shots at you. That is horrible. And, no I am not a fan of PETA, and I do enjoy a nice turkey dinner for Thanksgiving and Christmas. But there are better ways of shooting one.
Also, it is not a smart idea to serve beer to people who are shooting guns.

 

[C-grunt]

Do you get to use your own rifle?

 

[NineseveN]

Wow, yeah, that is a rather lame way to "hunt". I guess some folks is different from others is all.

 

[auschip]

Wow, yeah, that is a rather lame way to "hunt". I guess some folks is different from others is all.

It's not a hunt, it's a shoot. I guess I just don't see a difference between that and picking one up at the store (other then the proceeds going to charity at the shoot). Then again, I have been called callous with regard to the feelings of our animal friends (read dinner).

 

[TexasRifleman]

Well, I am going to die for sure then, I had Turkducken or whatever you call that combination thing.

Triple Bird Flu.....


As for the method of "hunting", rounding up cattle in a pen and shooting them in the head to have food isn't "hunting" either, but I've done that plenty of times.

These so called "Turkey Shoots" are very long in the tooth as far as tradition in some areas. Many decades of this going on, it's nothing new.

Feeding your family doesn't always have to be "sporting" or "fair" to the game. Last I remember, the Bible said God gave us the animals for our use. I used a few on Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for it.

 

[NineseveN]

It's not a hunt, it's a shoot.

And the difference is what? you're using a living organism for the target instead of paper or metal gongs? Was that supposed to make it sound better or worse?

I guess I just don't see a difference between that and picking one up at the store (other then the proceeds going to charity at the shoot).

I guess there's not much difference, well, except the thing about being restrained while getting shot at and not dying immediately. It's not that the Turkey will die either way that would be questioned, it's the fact that the bird is caught, put into a truck, and then shot at by bubba-joe-bob all day until it finally finds the big turkey coop in the sky.

Tell me something, why not kill the turkeys before the shoot in a more decent way, then print targets of a turkey's head and set them at 100 yards for folks to shoot at? Would it be too cost prohibitive to do this?

I'm not with PETA on the animal rights thing, but to me, this is just not cool. But hey, to each their own, really none of my business, except someone posted this on the internet, so comments are fair game. Cheers.

 

[TexasRifleman]

I guess there's not much difference, well, except the thing about being restrained while getting shot at and not dying immediately.

Ever seen a slaughterhouse in operation?
So I take it you don't eat any meat that is commercially processed?
How do you kill an animal for meat in an "uncruel" way? You don't.
You do what you need to do to feed your people. That's life in the food chain.
I'm sure glad to be somewhere towards the top......

 

[GRB]

I have seen a slaughterhouse in operation. I never saw anyone repeatedly attempting to shoot bolts into the pigs or beef cattle heads and repeatedly missing. I saw a swift killing operation. I did not see people repeatedly terrifying the animals nor did I see someone trying to show how macho they were, how great a shot they were by working there and getting the job done. I have also seen and actually participated in slaughtering animals on farms many times. It in no way compares to what was done to the turkeys in the turkey shoot except that in the end they die and are eaten. I have often hunted and fished and never have treated the game animals with as little respect as is done in the above description of the turkey shoot. I take great pride in my hunts because ithey are fair chase, my animals are not bound and boxed for me to shoot.

My guess would be that, even in Texas this sort of thing would be illegal, that is if it were considered a hunt. With domestic birds that are destined for the chopping block thee may be some sort of way around the illegality. Yet, if there is a way around it being illegal, taking such a route does not make this any better or any more sporting. These things are how stereotypes get started and then keep going. I wonder do you and the others feel like big time hunters, do you feel like butchers at the fowl market, do you say something to the effect of: "hot diggity dang I dun gitted me a tother one ma, we dun gunna be havin sum good eats" when you shoot one?

I wonder what is the thrill of terrorizing the animal before you kill it? Does it taste better? I am not against hunting and fishing at all. I hunt and fish and have done so for many years. I will continue to do so. I have taken a fair share of game animals and a fair share of fish too and the hunting and fishing has always been fair. I don't have a diver placing hooks into fishes mouths so I can reel em in. I don't fish in a stocked kiddy pool. I don't hunt for deer that have been tied then staked, I don't hunt over a cage from which an animal is released so I can shoot it from 25 feet away (or closer).

I also buy meat. I understand that someone butchers it and, I have no problem with that. The butcher, as far as I am aware, does not play with the animal in any cruel manner before killing it. The butcher does not torture it before killing it. The butcher does not tie it up, keep it in a box with its head sticking out, then shoot at it numerous times until someone hits it or, shoot at it numerous times never hitting it and then chop off its head. The butcher does it swiftly as a matter of business - not as a matter of any sort of twisted show of marksmanship, luck, and deranged pleasure.

What you have described probably is something in which people take great pleasure at the miss as much as they do at the hit. Of course they love to see others miss and themselves hit but, they also love to see the terrified turkey try to duck its head. They love to see it bob up and down. This is not so much love of marksmanship as it is an appreciation of some other deeper down and less noble feeling. You could just as easily accomplish a marksmanship feat that would be equivocal to shooting the turkey's head by using a similarly sized target that would be set up to bob and sway as does the turkey's head. Instead of doing so you choose to use live turkeys to get your jollies. That sir is almost like a little kid torturing a fly by pulling off its wings or torturing a mouse by stirring it round and round in a pail of water until it drowns because it becomes too exhausted to swim, then doing it again and again until the kid matures into a kind of person who wants to shoot trussed and boxed turkeys for so called 'sport'. Note I said it is almost like a little kid doing those things. The difference is and, it should be the difference that makes all the difference, that you are adults who are doing this.

Don't you even have enough sense to realize that a group like PETA will get wind of this especially when you blatantly post about it here. They will sooner or later send in someone to your shoot who will join in. That person may miss while shooting but, he or she will not miss with the PETA video camera that he has hidden on himself. Then your little get together will be shown on TV on some animal rights show that disguises itself as a nature show or family animal sow. Or maybe it will debut on Animal Cops when the local SPCA comes to shut down your little shindig. Yes they will come if it gets filmed and they will shut it down even if legal once the film gets national attention. If not already illegal it will get outlawed. In effect you will have given all hunters and rifleman a black eye because you will be labeled as hunters, big bad terrible immoral and unethical hunters, by PETA and by all they can get to watch that video. You may think this is far fetched but it is their normal way of doing things. Sooner or later they will probably target your little 'turkey shoot'.

Despite the fact that I cannot stand what PETA espouses, despite the fact that I think PETA is mostly just a bunch of control freaks, despite the fact that PETA is in my estimation a very hypocritical organization - I would not blame them one bit if they tried to shut down your event. When they succeed at creating a new generation of carnivore hating radicals (as you call it), you and your turkey shoot will be one of the reasons they succeeded.

Regards,
Glenn B

 

[NineseveN]

As for the method of "hunting", rounding up cattle in a pen and shooting them in the head to have food isn't "hunting" either, but I've done that plenty of times.

When you post a thread on the internet that you hog tie a bunch of cattle and prop them up at 100 yards and let the entire neighborhood take pot shots at them, I suspect you'll be taken a little differently than simply killing a few of your cattle to feed your own family.

Feeding your family doesn't always have to be "sporting" or "fair" to the game.

Let's not pull the "feeding your family" routine on this one. Turkeys, even store bought are not expensive. I doubt anyone went starving because they could not afford a Butterball or store-brand turkey during thanks-giving week when they're on sale.

I've been to these events to see what all the commotion was about. It's nothing but an excuse for bubba and his buddies to drink beer and BS, while shooting at a defenseless animal because half of those twits couldn't even hunt down a Walmart with a cell phone, a phone book and a map.

I doubt the clientele for these adventures is the same everywhere, all across the country, so my gross generalizations may not apply, but I suspect they are more the rule than the exception in most cases.

The fact that "it's for charity" doesn't make it right. People do all kinds of absurd things in the name of something good and think that somehow that cleanses any notion of impropriety on the part of the participants or the actual act or event. This logic defies gravity.

Last I remember, the Bible said God gave us the animals for our use. I used a few on Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for it

As I understand it, God is only the authority if you go to his church. Doesn't really matter to me what the "G" says, as long as it matters to you, I guess that's enough. Not for me, but hey, Judge not, right?

 

[belton-deer-hunter]

in texas that is illegal isnt it canned hunt i like the idea cause it sounds pretty fun turkey moving out there a hundred yards but i have never heard of it before around here the turkey shoots jsut use paper targets huh wow i have been missing some fun although this does sound like a hot topic for people to complain about but if it is a domestic turkey should be okay

 

[auschip]

And the difference is what? you're using a living organism for the target instead of paper or metal gongs? Was that supposed to make it sound better or worse?

Hunting is fair chase, shooting isn't. You suggested that this was a hunt, I explained that it wasn't a hunt. It wasn't supposed to make anything better or worse, but was an explanation of what took place.

I guess there's not much difference, well, except the thing about being restrained while getting shot at and not dying immediately. It's not that the Turkey will die either way that would be questioned, it's the fact that the bird is caught, put into a truck, and then shot at by bubba-joe-bob all day until it finally finds the big turkey coop in the sky.

So instead of killing them by shooting them (or wringing their neck if the shot doesn't drop them right away), they could do it like the turkey slaughterhouses. Chop their toes and beaks off, hang em upside down, then submerge their heads in electrified water until a machine cuts their throats.

Tell me something, why not kill the turkeys before the shoot in a more decent way, then print targets of a turkey's head and set them at 100 yards for folks to shoot at? Would it be too cost prohibitive to do this?

Yes, the cost would be higher. I guess they could wait to kill the bird until the person shoots their target, however, I imagine the turnout would be much lower.

I'm not with PETA on the animal rights thing, but to me, this is just not cool. But hey, to each their own, really none of my business, except someone posted this on the internet, so comments are fair game. Cheers.

No problem, I probably wouldn't participate, but I don't have an issue with others doing it.

 

[NineseveN]

Ever seen a slaughterhouse in operation?
So I take it you don't eat any meat that is commercially processed?
How do you kill an animal for meat in an "uncruel" way? You don't.
You do what you need to do to feed your people. That's life in the food chain.
I'm sure glad to be somewhere towards the top......

Yes, I have seen a slaughterhouse in operation. When I was there, I did not see Bubba drinking beer, sitting at the controls of the kill-mechanism (or fail safe for fully-automated sets) playing "hit or miss" all day with the delivery unit while the birds were held there until Bubba finally got it right.

It's certainly not painless, and I'm sure it's not fun, and the animal is just as dead, but it also doesn't get to hang around while someone tries to kill it all morning while being terrorized, which is where the difference lies.

No one "needs" to participate in this kind of shoot to feed their families.

 

[GRB]

Last I remember, the Bible said God gave us the animals for our use. I used a few on Thanksgiving, and I am thankful for it

And when God the Almighty told you this, or at least when you read it in God's Holy Scripture the Bible - did your God tell you to scare the stink pickles out of the animals, to get your perverted jollies off, before killing them? Why on earth or why under the heavens would you bring God into a conversation like this, are you that aware that these turkey shoots are so wrong that you need to fall back on the : "well God said this or God said that argument?" God should not have been brought up in this discussion at all, you dishonor God by implying that God would approve of these turkey shoots.

However they kill turkeys in a slaughterhouse, it is not done for pleasure. It is done to run an efficient business and to feed the masses. Getting your jollies off by terrorizing animals that is a whole different story. All the charity in the world and all the I need food arguments in the world don't cut it with this exampoly of apparent slightly deranged pleasure seeking. No one there is starving 9 if they were they could sell their guns and ammo and buy food or go to aget a handout). They go for the thrill of shooting a boxed and trussed animal. That is the bottom line with these shoots.

 

[middy]

they also love to see the terrified turkey try to duck its head

I love how you guys go all anthropomorphic on the turkey. Like it knows what a gun is and is trying to duck... "Egads! I do believe that human is trying to kill us, old boy!"

Would it be better if we gave him a blindfold and a cigarette? Let him dictate his last will and testament, and write letters to his 5 dozen offspring?

Always a couple of city boys piping in on threads like this to postulate their superiority to the ignorant "Bubbas"... then eating a turkey sandwich made from an animal that died a harder death for their self-righteous convenience.

 

[Fly320s]

So that is what a turkey shoot is. I've seen signs for 'em around here, but never been to one.

Sounds fun.

Especially since I don't have to clean it.

 

[Werewolf]

A turkey's brain is so small I wonder if it even qualifies as a brain. For the turkey to be terrified as some claim it would have to have the ability to figure out it was in danger and be able to recognize that the whizzing sound it is hearing represents a danger.

The turkey is operating on instinct and reflex. Bullet whizzes by and it ducks just like you would. It's reflex. The difference is you understand the why of the reflex - the turkey doesn't. So to say it is cruel to use the turkey as a target isn't very rational at all IMO since it is incapable of recognizing the danger in any real sense. A turkey has no ability to judge that the whizzing sound it hears as the bullet passes by is a threat.

ASIDE: I wonder what Alvin York would have to say about this thread?

 

[middy]

Every day in a turkey pen is far more frightening than being tied down and hearing loud noises.

Especially when the dogs get in...

But please do continue to admonish the "bubbas", I always enjoy a good laugh.

 

[NineseveN]

So instead of killing them by shooting them (or wringing their neck if the shot doesn't drop them right away), they could do it like the turkey slaughterhouses. Chop their toes and beaks off, hang em upside down, then submerge their heads in electrified water until a machine cuts their throats.

Just had one small issue with this:


Their toes and beaks do not get chopped off first as far as I know. They are shackled upside down for up to 6 minutes (the longest they can legally be hung like that, here at least).

The "electrified water" stuns them so they don't move and they also don't feel much I would figure. They they are killed and scalded to loosen their feathers to be plucked. PETA sometimes makes this process sound horrifying just as you did, what do you think they say about these kind of shoots? How hoorible can they make those sound?

Other than that, cheers.

 

[boofus]

See? this is why we all need .50BMG rifles. They make it painless and instantaneous for those turkeys. If PETA really cared about those turkeys they would lobby for free 50 caliber rifles for everyone.

 

[migoi]

Do domestic turkeys...

have enough brain power to actually be thinking: "Whew, he missed me on that one." and be scared about it?

The turkey sitting in the box understands that the loud noise from 100 yards away was caused by someone intent on making him dead?

migoi

 

[NineseveN]

I love how you guys go all anthropomorphic on the turkey. Like it knows what a gun is and is trying to duck... "Egads! I do believe that human is trying to kill us, old boy!"

Would it be better if we gave him a blindfold and a cigarette? Let him dictate his last will and testament, and write letters to his 5 dozen offspring?

Always a couple of city boys piping in on threads like this to postulate their superiority to the ignorant "Bubbas"... then eating a turkey sandwich made from an animal that died a harder death for their self-righteous convenience

Gee, I didn't know that turkeys were deaf and couldn't hear the sound of the missed shot...because yeah, animals don't scare easily by loud noise and restraint. Yes, i believe any animal that is held captive by another and is then subjected to loudn noise in an unfamaliar environment is a wee bit scared.

The Turkey pens don't look too fun either, but they don't look terrifying.