How to introduce a handgun into the house with a 14-year old?

[txhoghunter]

So when to leave the gun available if I'm not home is going to be a long process, I suspect.

You would be surprised. And only you will know when you trust her enough.

I got my first gun when I was 8, and I have been carrying at least one gun with me when I am at my grandfather's farm since I was 13, alone or not. I have always respected what a gun is capable of, and it has made me very safety conscious. Guns in my household are left loaded and accessible to the family, even when my little is brother home alone.

However, when friends come over the guns get locked up unless my mother or I are home. We trust the family around the guns, not friends who have the "curiosity"

 

[Ignition Override]

Kids that age and their friends have bodies/hormones/minds that are changing too fast.
Imagine if a friend brings a brother or boyfriend inside (unfamiliar with guns or needs to be the true center of attention: now an authority figure...), and the dynamics of what can happen multiply.

If they could be alone in the home, I would never allow them access to a rifle, never mind a handgun, as glamorized in how many thousands of action movies and 'refined culture' rap videos?
I just saw the excellent idea of making sure that there is no ammo for the gun, and nobody would possibly bring ammo after they know about the caliber?

 

[MD_Willington]

Not an expert, just some observations and suggestions:

Take her to the course on the 30th if possible.

Let her see the firearm, unloaded of course. Don't make it out to be some mysterious thing that you have to hide, kids get curious and may want to check it out when you are not around, take away the mystery and most kids will not even bother to think of it.

Take her shooting - get an old watermelon or melon of any kind, with her watching shoot said melons, explain that if the melon was a person or animal the same results would transpire, a nasty mess and quite likely death of a living thing.

3 kids here BTW: 8, 5, & 3, all know I have guns, all 3 have seen them and held them under direct supervision, and are generally under the impression that the guns are to be never played with, and quite frankly they do not try to mess with them.

 

[Steve Raacke]

I recently bought a 9mm handgun.
Congrats. Make/Model??
Currently it is kept with the slide locked back and a cable lock through it.
Why? Home invasions occur even in the best neighborhoods. When home your gun should be kept loaded and kept ready within reach perferably holstered on your hip.
I've been doing a lot of range/target shooting; Training is always a good thing.
I am taking my CCW course on the 23rd, and an NRA firearms course on the 30th. Wow. You are serious about the training. Good for you. Keep it up.
Until those classes are completed, the gun will remain unloaded in the house. Again, I ask, Why? You are training with the gun. Are you not confortable with it? Still nervous around it? Keep practicing. Personally I don't see the reason to keep it unloaded. That will slow you down should you need it in a hurry.

Here's the conundrum I have, and seem to be having a really hard time deciding which way to go. I have a 14-year old daughter who has never seen a gun in real life until now. My main concern is what to do with the gun if/when she is home alone. Take the gun with you when you leave. If you can't do that, buy a bedside safe and lock it in the safe when you leave. Personally, where I go so does my pistol.
On the one hand, I feel like it should be unloaded and locked if I'm leaving her home alone for any amount of time. This will prevent a possible tragic accident from occurring. Safes are cheap and of course you can take it with you when you leave too. I think I covered that already.
On the other hand, if/when she was trained on gun safety, handling, shooting, etc., and it was kept loaded and accessible if I go out, it could save her life if she had to defend herself. I grew up with loaded guns in the house. Dad always had a couple of pistols stashed around the place. Then we had our hunting rifles and shotguns in our own bedrooms. If you teach her to use it then she has a way to defend herself when she's alone.

I don't know what level of maturity a child/teen her age needs to have to understand the danger and seriousness of a loaded gun. What I've done so far is posted the 4 rules of gun safety in five areas of the house. If she wants to see or touch the gun, she can ask me, recite by memory the 4 rules, and I'll take it out for her to look at and touch. Each child is different. Some preteens will be mature and not have any problems and there are some 20yos I wouldn't trust with a gun.
This has happened once. She did recite the 4 rules to me by memory, and I took out the gun for her to look at and handle. I taught her how to ensure that the gun is unloaded, and that you always triple check, even if it's got a lock on it, (it was kept cable-locked during this). The first thing she did was put her finger on the trigger (bad enough), but it's the second thing she did that horrified me. She pointed the gun at her face because she wanted to look in the barrel, (understandable curiosity). I immediately said "MOVE IT", explained why what she had done could get her killed, and put the gun away.
Damn. Well, time to lock that sucker in a safe or keep it holstered on you hip. I'm a big advocate for home carry so my vote it to belt that 9mm on your hip and live your life.
I imagine by the end of the month I will feel confident in keeping it loaded, as long as we are both in the house; it was purchased for self-defense after all. Well, sure.

What to do when I'm not in the house? Kids have friends over. Guns are fun to show to friends. Should I put it in a gun safe when I leave her alone? Then it gets back to the uselessness of the gun if I do that. Safe or take it with you.

I'm guessing many of you have dealt with this. I'd appreciate tips, recommendations, whatever you have to offer for this situation.

NC is an open carry state. You don't need a CHP (conceal carry permit) to carry your gun on your hip or in your car. If you don't trust your kid around your gun keep it under your control at all times possible.

 

[Patriotme]

Easy question. Get a quick access safe with a digital keypad. Kids will always know where a key is kept.
Always.
Even if you don't have to worry about your daughter you will have to worry about her friends.
Buy a .22lr handgun (or rent) and teach her to shoot with it. If you start her with a 9mm it will probably feel like it kicks too much as she is a total novice. She's 14. You only have 4 years to get her trained before she's an adult and probably moving out or away to college. You might decide that you're shooting a lot more if you have something to shoot that's relatively inexpensive to buy ammo for.

 

[JustACowgirl]

My Uncle started me shooting when I was 9. If we EVER did ANYTHING, even REMOTELY, irresponsible or careless with the gun, we had to watch the gun safety movie again. We all learned to be careful. And me and my cousin got guns as gifts when we were still in our teens. She's your daughter...but as you mentioned that gun could save her life.

 

[XxWINxX94]

+1 for a safe of some sort.

Doesn't have to be big and bulky, just enough so nobody else can get in it except you. I would continue teaching your daughter common safety & handling procedures. I, personally, would sign her up for a class/instructor, since you would eventually like to keep the gun loaded in the house(?)

 

[HOOfan_1]

You know your daughter better than we do. Obviously some 14 year olds may be way too irresponsible to be trusted, the same goes for basically any age, but the younger they are, the more likely they will be irresponsible.

If you think your daughter is responsible enough to trust with it, sure get a quick access safe, but giver her a code, if the gun is for protection, she may need it as well. In fact, if she is home alone, she needs that protection even more.

If you don't think she is repsonsible enough, keep it away from her. If you think she is going through a hard time, is depressed or possibly suicidal, keep it away too. Way too many teen suicides recently.

I started shooting air rifles when I was 4 years old. I started going dove hunting with a .410 shotgun when I was 6 years old. I've been firing rifles, shotguns and handguns since at least 4-8 years of age. I knew where my dad kept his loaded handgun from basically as long as I have been shooting, but I was responsible enough, and since I was always shooting them, I was not over curious, so I never even thought about taking them out and handling them.

Each kid is different

 

[FAS1]

Quick-access handgun safe. It's not your daughter I'm worried about, it's her friends. You can't be 100% sure that her friends don't get "curious" and take a look around the house. You can train and trust her, but you have no control of others when you are not around. My oldest is 14 and has been shooting since he was 5 (along with his 3 siblings). I would trust him to safely handle any of my firearms, and he knows the combo to the safes. He also knows NO ONE gets access to the safes without me, mom, or grandpa around!

I designed this after one of my son's friends said "I know where your gun is" and pointed to the location. He said my son showed him. Now, both my sons knew gun safety and had been to the range several times by then. This one was probably 13 at the time. I wasn't too concerned about my son, but what if his friend would have grabbed it and said "Cool" just as he squeezed the trigger. Kids are curious even the best ones and my kids never got in trouble.

Not sure I would give the combination to her if you do decide to lock it up. That will be your call when you feel she is ready. I think girls overall won't mess with it like boys will.

 

[harmon rabb]

lock it up. also check with state laws -- it may be illegal to leave an unlocked gun around a minor in your state. i'm in florida. we have pretty good gun laws for the most part, yet it's a felony here to leave an unlocked gun around a minor.

beyond that, take her shooting. i'm married and have a 15 year old step son. he was 13 when i met his mother, and he had not been exposed to guns or shooting before. so i started taking him shooting with me regularly, teaching him gun safety, etc. he has the proper respect for firearms now and i wouldn't really worry about him having access to a loaded gun, although i would still never allow that until he is 18.

 

[MrWesson]

locked up
Introduce them to shooting to take away the intrigue/mystery
buy airsoft gun to teach gun safety and possibly a class
buy her a gun for herself(like a bolt action .22) but keep locked up
At some point it becomes a judgment call whether to allow access but IMO 14 is too young. Reason being she may want to show off her gun or your gun to a friend. You are the only one who knows your daughter well enough to make the call and imo you cant make the call until you introduce her to it SLOWLY.

 

[Ally]

Yale, I'll answer some of your questions, although maybe not in order. I hadn't even noticed you had added your text to the big quote when I read it last night. My bad!

I bought a new G26 Gen 4, and had many reasons for my final choice, but that's for another thread, another day. I'm not carrying the gun on me in the house because my holster hasn't come yet. it should be here today. I got a very good one (Blackhawk CQC), but will probably come back with a holster thread at some point.

I also have real questions about carrying it on me in my home vs. having it available. But THAT'S another thread too. You brought up a lot of stuff! The gun is unloaded now because I don't have anywhere to lock it up, beyond putting the cable lock on it, or a little Sentry fire safe with a carry handle.

To keep it loaded at my bedside, I'd have to clear room for it in the nightstand drawer, and I'm not sure that's a great/safe idea. I understand an unloaded gun will do me no good, but I'm trying to figure out the kid situation, and it's been made pretty darn clear I need a quick-access safe. So that's on my list of things to do.

As for carrying it with me outside of the house, NC's rules for keeping it in a car without a CCL are as clear as mud. One officer's opinion on whether it's "concealed" or not can be totally different from another officer's opinion. Officer A might arrest you if he feels you have it concealed, even though you had no intent to conceal or make it accessible. Officer B may have no problem with the way you have it in your car, and send you on your way. I won't get issued my CCL until possibly up to the end of July. Then it's a non-issue. But now it's a huge issue. I'm very careful in how I transport it to the range and my classes. Alternatively, I could leave it out in the open in my car......where everyone can see it, and break into the car and steal it......

I asked my daughter last night how she would feel about taking the NRA class on the 30th with me, and she said she didn't want to. Okay, until or unless she's willing to go through the training, the gun has to be locked away so she has zero access to it. Period.

50% of the time she lives with her father; switching days during the week on a regular schedule. On the days and nights I don't have her, it can be loaded. When I have her it needs to be locked in a safe, at least even the little one I have right now.

Sorry to get off topic a bit, but you asked a lot of questions and I wanted to answer them. I've gotten a tremendous amount of good, solid, educated advice. What I need to do is much clearer now than it was before. I appreciate it.

 

[Ally]

locked up

<snip> At some point it becomes a judgment call whether to allow access but IMO 14 is too young. Reason being she may want to show off her gun or your gun to a friend. You are the only one who knows your daughter well enough to make the call and imo you cant make the call until you introduce her to it SLOWLY.

I agree with this.

 

[wishin]

I hate to say this, but at 14 she's old enough to understand and comply with a parents rule regarding what to touch, or not touch. It's too late if you're wondering...Lock it up!

 

[ForumSurfer]

I hate to say this, but at 14 she's old enough to understand and comply with a parents rule regarding what to touch, or not touch. It's too late if you're wondering...Lock it up!

I'm not sure if I agree with that fully. At 14, they're old enough to make their own good or bad decision. Everyone is different, and even a great kid with stellar parenting can and does make the occasional bad judgment call. Once they become teenagers they take on a new persona, for better or worse.

My kids know where I keep my carry piece. If it isn't on me or by the bed while I sleep, it is locked up in the safe.

 

[Lonestar49]

Get a safe, small, yet will afford you -

...

Peace of mind while you're not home along with a price that is affordable and allows your handgun ownership to grow, a little, if you buy another up the road.

I've had one of these for 5yrs now, no problems, none, along with my small herd as it grew from one gun to 7 and 5 go to bedlock/safe during the night, 2 remain close at hand, having no kids, and it is bolted, thru the wall into a 2x4 top to bottom and is in upper, corner, office, closed, cabinet that leaves no space for anyone to maneuver. Luck or by design, it turned out perfect and for what you want, need, as to not allow any temptations to get out of hand, these are great.

And, mine holds 12 mags, 6 handguns, when we're out of the house/town.

Just don't give out the combo, of which, you can choose, or change, from 3 digit to as much as 7digit code.

Total cost was under 100 bucks otd..

A bigger, better, safe would be more ideal, fire rating, thickness, etc., but it will do the job in style.

They're almost always on sale for around 79 bucks online or at some local gun stores.

http://www.everysafe.com/Stack-On-PS-515-SON1104.html#ProdDetails

OMMV



Ls

 

[Dean1818]

lock it up in a quick accsess safe

I have 2 of them in my house

I have 2 teenagers in the house

 

[Claude Clay]

from a firearms instructors point of view yours is a common situation. i encourage that the person attending my class bring their spouse (or SO) and interested children. from age 7 a ruger 10-22 is a fine training tool. a year or two for the child to learn the gun supervised by you and than introduce a pistol. a simple 22lr revolver. as the child continues to demonstrate safe habits, a semi-auto may join the mix. you really do not want to have a 'hot brass dance' event till you know that the child has demonstrated that they know the 'keep the muzzle down range' is above all else what you must do.
until you have observed how they react to an 'event' (even a simple no fire ar hangfire) you can not trust them unsupervised or alone with a handgun.
a rifle seems your better home defense -alone for her to start with; as soon as she has proven herself with it. and it needs to be locked up. every child is a bit different as to how they interact when with friends. good luck to you both.

 

[Ally]

Great news! I talked to my daughter again about taking a safety class with me, and she changed her mind. Even better, I called the training center and she can attend with me on the 30th for the 1st Step Pistols class.

She seems eager to learn now, and the NRA instructor on the phone highly recommended she attend with me. As was said by a few here, he suggested that it could be a mother/daughter bonding type thing, and that she may go on to become interested in shooting as sport. There's a ladies league at the center that we can both join.

One huge step forward!

 

[brassdog]

Congrats on your daughter agreeing to go join you on the 30th.

You have a lot to do but at least you've started. My only advice to go slow and take your time.

Hopefully, you'll have a bonding moment with your daughter that may help to enable her confidence in both you and herself.

Good Luck!

 

[swingpress]

Wear it. Then you don't have to worry about anyone gaining access to it while you are not supervising.

 

[hermannr]

Super to hear your daughter is going to the classes with you Ally. That is just super!!! I can think of hearing nothing better,

Like I said, we had 5 daughter, all 5 were teens at the same time for a short while (oldest was 19 when the youngest turned 13). Something I thought about with our girls...they basicly policed each other...something you, with a single 14 years old, doesn't have the advantage of.

Anyway, I wanted to say something to everyone else too, especially those that would dismiss Ally's LEO friend:

Take it easy on him. He has at least enough interest in firearms, and Ally's safety, to get her to purchase a gun, and give her the fundimentals...I salute him.

 

[Ridgerunner665]

Carry it...24/7/365

Its the only foolproof option...if its on your side, nobody can mess with it.

My wife keeps hers in a GunVault biometric safe at night, and carries it during the day.

You get used to it, its becomes part of your wardrobe so to speak...I don't feel right without mine on me.

 

[TheProf]

Here's a good policy:
1. When at home, carry it on your person.
2. When not at home (and if you can't take it with you), keep it locked.

3. Train your kids regarding gun safety.........BUT remember that they are kids and will have momentary lapses of maturity. Yes, even that 14-year old...

4. Do not trust your children with guns! Train...but don't trust. Take them out shooting. Let them enjoy your hobby with you. But don't ....not even for a second, let them be unsupervised with guns. You trust at their peril! And maybe yours. (There was a story of a father accidentally shot by his young son while they were out target shooting. The father paid for his momentary lapse of supervision with his life!) They are kids...not miniature adults.

There's a reason that they don't allow young kids to drive cars, sign contracts, etc. Until your kids can legally sign contracts and/or drive cars....they should not be allowed to be alone with a gun. Ever!

 

[Ridgerunner665]

/\/\/\...well said.

Start em young....the gun is still a little big but he wants to shoot it anyway. I bought him a set of ear muffs and shooting glasses last week (there is cotton in his ears in this pic)