It's A Different Sound... I Wish I Could Forget

[TarDevil]

I now know why so many suicides go unheard.., undetected.
I'm assuming the sound was the slide slaming back. The report wass completely muted, like a silenced gun in the movies. Absorbed, I guess, in the cavities of the head. The sound could be mistaken for myriad things. It did not sound like a gun. It does now.

I agonized that I should have approached him, just make friendly conversation. But all the notes, all the policies and documents, told another story; this would not have been thwarted. But perhaps it could've happened on someone else's property. Or under a bridge. Further out in the swamp maybe. Not somewhere I walk past regularly.

I'm angered in many ways. The relatives - near and dear to me - are internalizing at a scary pace. It was cruel to them. Just cruel.

Me, I tear up in stores; while driving. While working.

It was a different sound. I wish I could forget it.

 

[tubeshooter]

Man - I am so sorry for what you heard and are going through.

You just can't un-see and un-hear some things...


This is why I would not make a good first responder, and why they have my undying respect. Among others in similar professions.

 

[TarDevil]

This is why I would not make a good first responder, and why they have my undying respect.

This is my son and daugher-in-law's business. I have an even greater respect for them now.

 

[grampster]

I hope you can find away to compartmentalize this bad thing. In my LE days I had to deal up close with a variety of deaths including 2 suicides. This was back in the 1960s. Now and then the memories pop up for a variety of reasons...or no reason.
Best to take a deep breath, say a prayer and occupy yourself with something good.

 

[TarDevil]

say a prayer

...my go to medicine.

 

[Hookeye]

Place no judgement on those who chose to leave.
Focus on the living, you and the others left behind.

 

[jmr40]

Suicide is a LOT more common than most of us realize. The cause of death is rarely mentioned in the papers when it happens. I volunteer with our local SAR team which is run by the Sheriff's department. I'm not LE but work closely with them.

I also help with a group that works nationally to look for missing people. I've done searches all over the Southeast and as far north as northern Indiana. Two local guys on our team drove from Georgia to New Mexico to work a search.

Almost all of our searches are suspected suicides followed by suspected murders. A lot of people who take their own lives don't want to be found and go to great lengths to hide their bodies. There are literally thousands of missing people in this country. Most of them have gone someplace to take their own life never to be found.

I've never been present when someone takes their lives, but I've helped put several in body bags. There are sights that can't be unseen, but the most searing memories are the smells.

The mixed emotions of family are hard to deal with. If we don't find anything there is still hope they may be alive, but the sadness of still not knowing. And when we do find remains there is the satisfaction of closure tempered with the heartbreak of knowing their loved one is in fact dead.

Talking about it helps, even here. But if this lingers don't hesitate to see a counselor. If your son is a 1st responder, I'm certain he has contacts who can talk to you.

 

[Appalachiannative]

I now know why so many suicides go unheard.., undetected.
I'm assuming the sound was the slide slaming back. The report wass completely muted, like a silenced gun in the movies. Absorbed, I guess, in the cavities of the head. The sound could be mistaken for myriad things. It did not sound like a gun. It does now.

I agonized that I should have approached him, just make friendly conversation. But all the notes, all the policies and documents, told another story; this would not have been thwarted. But perhaps it could've happened on someone else's property. Or under a bridge. Further out in the swamp maybe. Not somewhere I walk past regularly.

I'm angered in many ways. The relatives - near and dear to me - are internalizing at a scary pace. It was cruel to them. Just cruel.

Me, I tear up in stores; while driving. While working.

It was a different sound. I wish I could forget it.

I feel you man. A friend of mine, who was my ONLY friend when I was in elementary school, took his own life two years ago. He jumped off an electrical pole. I prefer not to think about what that would be like. I keep his obituary on the wall of my workshop on the garage. It has his picture and sometimes I talk to it while I'm working on things. However you grieve is however you grieve I guess. Pm me and I'll give you my cell and you can talk and I'll just listen

 

[Tinman357]

I now know why so many suicides go unheard.., undetected.

I hear you. For you. Find someone to talk to. For the relatives, just be there.

My 21yo daughter chose a rope to exit her life. I didn't talk to anyone for a few years. That did way more damage to myself that I would have thought possible. Everything I tried to do to deal with it just made it worse. Coming up on 4 years now, still tear up over the oddest things. Still really haven't talked to anyone. Spend a lot of time hiding. Nobody to really talk to about it all.

I was there when she was found. Not something I would wish on my worst enemy.

 

[21H40]

I now know why so many suicides go unheard.., undetected.
...
It was a different sound. I wish I could forget it.

I'm so sorry you had to experience that, and especially sorry that you will have to live with those feelings.

For you, and anyone else here on THR going through something similar, feel free to dm me if you want to talk or something. Losing someone to suicide is difficult.

 

[TarDevil]

My 21yo daughter chose a rope to exit her life.

I am so, so sorry.

 

[TarDevil]

But if this lingers don't hesitate to see a counselor

I've arranged a call tomorrow.

 

[berettaprofessor]

I have a cousin who had a grown 40 year old son. Having an argument with his girlfriend, said "maybe you'd like to see me do this" or something to that effect, put his glock in his mouth, and pulled the trigger...probably didn't think it was chambered. His own father cleaned up the mess....I think of that when I think of the hard times that some people have to cope with....and I can't imagine how he did it.

 

[tubeshooter]

Glad you are going to talk to someone.

You can try to tough it out on your own - and people do it all the time.


But at the end of the day it can make things so much harder than they needed to be when just talking it out would have done so much more good, so much more quickly...

 

[Pudge]

I've arranged a call tomorrow.

An experience like yours is shatteringly damaging. Absolutely follow through with that call. And as you pray, know that others are praying with and for you.

 

[danez71]

Nobody to really talk to about it all.

I was the last family member to talk my brother.

Sometimes a friendly stranger with common interests can be easier than someone close.

I'm fairly good at rambling conversations... others here too.


I get it, tho

 

[Poper]

An experience like yours is shatteringly damaging. Absolutely follow through with that call. And as you pray, know that others are praying with and for you.

And a prayer from the Poper can't hurt...

 

[Wolfshead]

I’m so very sorry.
Suicide has effects that run so deep and has so many layers.
Anger, sadness, loss, horror, grief, regret, guilt….
It changes lives, not just to the individual who is lost, but to the survivors as well, maybe even more so.
It never gets better, it only gets easier to move along. Even then, “easier” isn’t the right word.
Know that you’re not alone, and if you are struggling please find someone to talk with.
Our family has been going through this for the last few month, and Christmas will always be a time of many different emotions.

 

[TarDevil]

Christmas will always be a time of many different emotions.

Of all times!

Of course, there's never a good time.
But...

I'm sorry. Really sorry.

 

[chicharrones]

So sorry to read what’s happened.

I’ve been there. Professional counseling (with experience in this type of event) is suggested for family members that are unable to cope.

 

[rust collector]

The more we reflect on these events and their causation, the more we are depressed and the collateral damage continues. Remember the good times, acknowledge that there is no rational explanation for an irrational act, and help those left behind.

I am sorry you had to experience this event, but you are not alone by any means. The challenge is to remember the effect on loved ones, and resolve never to do that to those who care.

 

[Ks5shooter]

A tragedy for sure. So much hurt left behind. Be strong and pray .

 

[hso]

TarDevil,

Please contact me if you need someone to just listen.

Therapists will be a great help.

 

[Southerner up North]

Do not keep it inside. It will eat you up. I hate that anyone has to deal with this. Over 19 years since my family member ended her life. Out of the blue a memory pops in and takes me back. As others have said, let it out.

 

[Armored farmer]

I'm so sorry to hear of these incidents. Not only @TarDevil also all the other thr members who have suffered from this tragedy.
My family has suffered too, as well as my closest friend's family. And yes @jmr40 ...the body wasn't found for a year, despite huge efforts.