Complete Joke, October 19, 2005
Reviewer:
Mark A. Rocco "Sgt Rock - Former Sergeant of Marines" (Dayton, OH)
Sorry to tell you all... but................ Anthony Swofford is in need of some serious mental help. I was there, I was a Marine Grunt with India 3/9, Task Force Papa Bear for the first Gulf War. Swofford's novel (if you want to call it that) is soooooooooooooooooooo beyond fiction, tall tales, exaggeration, false bravado, and very likely the only truth from the book is that Swafford was smoking crack cocaine while writing it.
For others that were there, what a disgrace Swofford brings upon us with his book and NOW, someone is funding a movie of this trash.
I put this book (and upcoming movie) up with GI Jane, and all that Jessica Lynch mumbo jumbo that we are exposed to with Hollywood in charge of a movie with a military theme ............. complete BS.
There you have it, Sgt Rock's opinion of Anthony Swofford, his hallucinations, his book and for the love of God, I still can't believe it....... funding for a movie. A VERY detailed review of this book can be found below.
Semper Fi,
Sgt Rock
* Wow, it all starts on page two. Anthony Swofford .... Super Marine lays out the details of where he gets his extra spending cash. Swofford goes into detail about how he steals MREs (meals ready to eat) from supply and then sells them to an army/navy store in San Bernadino. He also describes how he steals from other Marines, their gear and sells it in much the same way. Impressive Swofford, but if you were such the Super Marine why didn't you get promoted and earn a higher paycheck to supplement your income? This is all on page two and it really motivates me to keep flipping the pages of this "Chronicle" (as Swofford calls his book).
* Page seven is where we find out that Swofford is rather obsessed with the Vietnam war movies that dotted his childhood. As his fellow Marines and himself are staging for deployment to Saudi Arabia, they watch war movies to motivate themselves for killing and Swofford can only come up with this statement, "I want ammunition and alcohol and dope...." Damn Swofford, you make me so proud!
* Let's look at page 13 and this is where we find out that Swofford was absolutely in a different Marine Corps than (at the time) 196,000 other Marines "Knowing that reporters will arrive soon, we shave for the first time in a week." Wow, this must be some super, secret, high-speed STA Platoon thing. Perhaps they were so high-speed that they were to blend with the locals and grow beards? Hey Swofford, I have never seen, at any time in my eight years as a Marine Grunt a more "anal" time in the Marine Corps than that first month in country in Saudi Arabia. We were polishing boots, shaving AND keeping mustaches in regulation. Swofford, come on man........... we were in sister units, a few miles apart and you are telling us that 2/7 just gave up on grooming regulations for over a week? Let me guess...... it was only a STA Platoon thing?
* Very interesting story starting on page 17 to page 23. It's the famous MOPP Suit Football Game where Swofford knows that civilians will believe they played for an hour in 112 degree+ temperatures. Of course a Marine knows that Swofford is back to his exaggerations again. Even more interesting is how he describes them all pouring water over themselves after the game at the straddle trench, naked and/or wearing only underwear and female Boston Globe reporter is just standing there soaking it all in. Great fantasy Swofford, but you had been in theater less than two weeks and we both know that holy hell would have come unglued if ANY Marine would have run around naked OR in underwear around a female, US reporter. Great for a book but let's remember Swofford, there were many Marines around. Are they getting royalties to keep quiet about your delusions?
* Perhaps 2/7 was also a Super Marine Unit that didn't have the same rules, regulations that the rest of us had. Perhaps STA 2/7 were such hard-ass, perfect Marines that they got to keep all their porno and alcohol in Saudi Arabia? One must figure that being snipers, they were outstanding at hiding themselves so it only seems reasonable that that they could all hide illegal contraband as well. Page 25 is only the first reference (there are many) that "chronicles" the massive and bottomless pit of porno that STA 2/7 keeps in theater.
* Once again, Swofford shows us all what an outstanding Marine he is in basic character. On page 33 Swofford is so proud to inform us that he wore earrings while on leave and EVEN grew sideburns. For sure, as a sniper he would be so stealthy on his return to active duty that absolutely no one would have noticed the holes in his ears.
* Also on page 33 I believe we hear for the first time (there are more) that Swofford likes busting up bars (Kadena AFB on Okinawa). With outstanding prose, Swofford outlines all the broken skulls, bones, chairs and tables. Of course, being a sniper he was able to sneak out the back before getting caught. Also in here we find out that he likes to hang with gay Navy folk because they knew of the best bars. Actually, I've very surprised that Swofford hasn't thrown some gay or bisexual crap into his book. Surely that would enable a few more copies to be sold? "Jarhead" could have been the military version of "Less Than Zero."
* Swofford again counts on no Marines actually ever reading this trash so on page 36 he tells us that he had his Japanese girlfriend sleep in the barracks with him. He even tells us that it's Camp Hansen on Okinawa. We all know that this probably never happened in the open squad bays of Camp Hansen but this book is a best seller with a movie being made, so there is no doubt that it must be true.
* Page 45, "But after 14 weeks of bootcamp......." If this is such a "come clean, honest chronicle" then why doesn't Swofford tell us why he spends an extra week in bootcamp? Again, almost 200,000 Marines (active duty in the late 80's early 90's) all spent 13 weeks in bootcamp but our Super Marine Anthony Swofford is there for 14. I'm betting he was so outstanding of a Marine that they kept him there for an extra week so that he could show the Drill Instructors what they were doing wrong.
* Swofford the hard ass tells us on page 45 that he called his Captain a *beep* addict cumsucker bitchmaster dickskinner *beep* *beep* nopecker lilywhitebitch." This Captain, we are told, "Laughs as he signs my orders to the Seventh Marines." Sure Swofford, you call a Marine Corps Captain all this stuff and he just laughs. Interestingly, this may in fact be the single largest crock of *beep* in this book.
* Still on page 45 we see more of Swofford's character. He fakes a stomach flu the first week of reporting to Camp Pendleton, chewing Ex-Lax gum and flirting with underage candy stripers. Swofford, we're all so impressed.
* Page 47, Swofford is on theater marquee duty and spells *beep* IT, SHOWING ALL DAY" on the movie theater marquee. (If this is where ALL Marines inprocess to Camp Pendleton, it would make it the Mainside Theater, but perhaps Super Marine Swofford inprocessed somewhere else.) Sure Swofford, sure you did.
* Still on page 47, Swofford tells us that the Seventh Marines were stationed at San Onofre. You know I'll hate informing you all but Seventh Marines were stationed at San Mateo until they were moved to 29 Palms. You would think that a sniper would have these kinds of details covered?
* Swofford runs into the ONLY Staff Sergeant in the entire Marine Corps, past or present that tells him to "Stop calling me Staff Sergeant" on page 49. It was Swofford's first day with Seventh Marines and him and the Staff Sergeant got so tight in those few hours that they must have reverted to first names but we can only speculate as Swofford just tells us that a Staff Sergeant in the US Marine Corps doesn't like being called Staff Sergeant.
* Page 50 is where the branding takes place. It may have happened, it may not have but chances are, with Swofford's current trust level........... I bet it didn't.
* "I learned from Graycochea that just because you are a Marine, it doesn't mean you must like other Marines or even care about them," is from page 53. This is lovely Swofford, just plain lovely.
* Page 65 is the famous video care package from a Marine Wife. We all heard the story while we were over there. It may have actually happened in Fox 2/7 as Swofford claims. It was an urban legend and may have actually happened but did it actually happen to Swofford's unit? Again, Swofford is more than likely including it, happening to him to sell books.
* On page 70 Swofford is tongue kissing the muzzle of his M16. He goes into great detail describing the taste, texture and such. Guess what? Swofford is one serious retard. Period!
* How many times does Swofford expect us (Marines) to believe that he was in some DIFFERENT Marine Corps than the rest of us? On page 72 he describes Troy being busted for failing a drug test. They busted him from Corporal to Private but left him in STA Platoon. No way, Swofford! At this point, only page 72 out of 260 why haven't you PULLED that trigger and spared us all the BS... JESUS !!!
* On page 74 Swofford tells us that he and Troy ran all night, the perimeter.... until the sun came up. Sure you did Swofford. You just got bored and ran all damn night.
* Page 75 starts the crap about Troy dying. One more time, Swofford tells us about busting up a bar and nothing happening to him. This time the cops do show up and he leads us to believe that the cops were glad the locals got beat up. We are lead to believe that no charges were filed and of course he goes into great detail about all the skulls, bones, tables and chairs getting broken. This was all because some local actually approached them in the bar and told them that they were glad that Troy had died. Wow......... I'll bet you were just minding your business and some locals just approached you to exclaim, "Hey Jarhead, don't you think you need a haircut, just like your *beep* dead friend?" Of course, they got their hair pulled as well. Maybe if Swofford had his earrings in and sideburns the locals wouldn't have known he was a Jarhead? Yeah Swofford, what happened to the earrings and sideburns?
* On page 78 we hear about some reservist Marines who did Troy's funeral asking them about their ribbons. Marine reservists do that all the time. They'll just come out of nowhere, closets, from under your car and down your chimney to confront you about your ribbons and medals.
* OK, something credible from the book. On page 87 Staff Sergeant Siek tells the STA Platoon Marines, "I am here to tell you that you Marines are considered an undisciplined group of showboats." It appears that perhaps 2/7 has only ONE Marine that actually isn't some freakshow with his head completely up his ass as Swofford goes into great detail wanting us to believe. OOH RAH Staff Sergeant Siek, finally someone I respect in this "chronicle."
* Swofford tells us on page 90 that they just blow off orders from Staff Sergeant Siek to train while he is gone and of course they all start drinking alcohol as well. This is the mighty, elite STA Platoon of 2/7. I would soooooooooo want them working with me.
* Page 94, STA 2/7 is passed out drunk when Staff Sergeant Siek returns.
* Page 95, "STA Marines don't grow mustache." Hey Swofford, mustaches are taboo but your earrings and sideburns are "good to go?" Swofford, you need help!!!