Mall Ninja Shrine

[SIRVEYR666]

I found this page while I was cleaning out my "bookmarks". I haven't laugh this hard in quite a long time!

This should be a "sticky", for those days when you just need a laugh.

Shrine of the Mall Ninja

 

[boredelmo]

Pretty sure this has been posted.

 

[SIRVEYR666]

Sorry. I even used the "search" function first.:banghead:

I'm sure it has been posted. You can't keep great literary works like this hidden for too long.



boredelmo,
The link in your sig doesn't work.

 

[Geronimo45]

Of course it's been posted. There's a good reason why we don't sticky that site. You forget about the greatness that is Gecko... then somebody comes up with that link - maybe in answer to a question, or just for the heck of it. Then the folks who've been here longer get a refresher course in what it means to be a Mall Ninja.

P.S. New members sometimes misunderstand the site. Some have been known to search ebay for walk-on-wall boots. They don't find them - they aren't aware that those boots are made of exotic materials smuggled into Chinatown, and only sold to those with a certificate of Mastery of Ninjitsu.


Good reading at that sight, definitely. *polishes trauma plate*

 

[03Shadowbob]

hahahahaha....great site, thanks for the laugh

 

[SoCalShooter]

OMG I nearly died laughing. Thank you so much for the link.

One time I had to do an dynamic entry on the ladies bathroom

 

[alucard0822]

The legend continues. gecko still pops up every now and then with accounts of danger and mayhen under fire. a little embarassed to say, but im a fan, afterall its gunboard comedy gold.

 

[hit or miss]

Creative hilarity!!!!!!!!!! Best laugh i've had in a long time. Sometimes it is good to recycle, it helps with the global warming.

 

[tmajors]

I read that shrine quite a while ago. Still trying to figure out which "mall" he "worked" at. Gun fights every night, shooting shoplifters in the knees while they ran from hickory farms, sniper rounds in the back...

Yikes and they say Faluja was bad

 

[hardhit777]

LOL
Thank you Gecko45 for this little gem. "If you want to laugh at somebody, try laughing at the sheep out there who go to the mall unarmed trusting in me to stand guiard over their lives like a God.". Its going in my sig line


EDIT Dang i see that SIRVEYR666 already has it.... Well there are so many things this guy has said i can find a lot more.


Andrew

 

[SIRVEYR666]

hardhit777,
Please put it in your sig. One can never have too much Gecko...

 

[Logan5]

Ah, it's funny because it contains an element of truth. The other day, I had occasion to be in a local security company's dispatch office, and they had taped up the schedule of one of their field inspectors. It stated that dispatch was not to call him during any of the NASCAR races scheduled for 2007, with a complete printout of time, date, channel, etc, of every race. Ninja downtime!

 

[Steve N]

Thank you. I needed a good laugh this morning!

 

[hardhit777]

SIRVEYR666, I found a couple of winners in there myself

 

[hacksaw]

This is undeniably some of the most out-right hilarious fiction I have EVER read. I am soooo bookmarking the url!

Thanks.

 

[loki.fish]

Here's another site with alot of replies from other people included as well.

Mall Ninjas Abound

 

[Phaetos]

That is too funny. If that guy was joking about all of his "exploits" as the first ever mall ninja, he should have been writing for TV to be able to keep up the charade. That is great reading.

 

[Professor K]

Still think gunkid was better....





Look him up, he was this crazy guy who during SHTF was going to live off cannibalism and shooting people in the back and stealing their supplies while going on a boat down the Mississippi. Not making that up....

At least Gecko45 is joking, while Gunkid wasnt joking.

 

[Neocode]

He's currently found here.

 

[Smellvin]

EDIT: Can anyone direct me to where I can find the archived works of "GunKid"? I can only find references to him on Google. From what I've heard, he sounds funnier than Gecko45/SPECOPS.

On an ambush at the mall arcade:

A perp popped up from behind the Orange Julius counter with a full auto Kalashnikov with a 75rd drum...

[...]

I did a quick tactical reload, grabbed the 870P from the harness on my back, and did some rolls over to the movie theater and back flipped over the concession counter while unloading the 5 rounds of 000 into the skeeball machine. My partner was pinned down, I tossed the empty 870, and realized I couldn’t hit the remaining perp due to my the poor angle of attack. I had to act fast or my partner was done for. I leap over the counter again, and low crawled towards the arcade unseen. I crept behind the Mrs. PacMan game, and when I heard the perp reload, jumped up with my trusty K-Bar, and threw it into the perp’s arm, pinning him against the wall behind him.

... The company goons came in fast by chopper, to cover up the situation. The remaining perps were flown to a company detention center, and we never found out what happened to them, or why they made such a vicious attack. My belief is that they were planning to hijack the coveted Mortal Combat game unit.

Even a ten year old would HAVE know that this isn't believable. I'd guess that the guy was just doing it for the fun of trolling -- not because he's a pathological liar.

 

[Professor K]

I could find any of his works, either, and THR deleted all of his great work, too.

 

[dm1333]

Why do you guys think that is fiction?

 

[SoCalShooter]

for example, to deploy the butt end of the pistol when trying to slam a little "tech support" into one of the soda machines. With extended magazines, there is too high a probability that the magazine will be damaged. While a cold Coca-Cola can be refreshing on a hard day, we just can't compromise the security of the indoor retail center or the innocent victims who walk our halls day after day.

You know he is going to have to answer to the Coca-Cola company for that one.

Your mocking me.

Let me tell you something, Mr. Suave and Deboniar. I spend my days keeping you safe. You, your wife, your kids. Maybe you don't appreciate it but that's because I'm so good at what I do, you don't even see me doing it.

You think it's easy walking around an indoor retail shopping center day in day out with thirty pounds of steel plates under my clothes? You think I enjy wearing all those guns, carrying all that ammo, lugging around three flashlights, OC spray, a telescoping baton, Taser, two knives, GPS, handcuffs and more?

I do it because I care. And I do it becuase I have the training, the ability, and the mindset to do it.

So you go right ahead and lounge around the house while I keep our economy running smoothly.

Out here.

It just keeps getting better and better.

When you enter the warzone, you have to let the professional operators do their job. When trouble starts, our "heavy weapons" aren't puny 20 gauge shotguns. For Close Quarters work my team currently issues HKG3KA4 rifles which have been modified to handle the much more effective .338 Lapua Magnum cartridge. We've removed the telescoping stock and always shoot "British style" using modified J.C. Penny's suspenders as a sling.

I am surprised that JC Penny's suspenders are so useful.

 

[tmajors]

"He's currently found here."

Hmmmm only 115 registered users and the admin's name is ToddG.

Could that be the same "Todd" he was trying to find to buy some SW5's from?

Must resist registering on that site to ask if I should buy a Lorcin, Jennings, or HK 9mm.

 

[Steve N]

If Gecko45 were smart, he'd have found a way to make cash off of his fantasies by now. May be he needs to get some sponsors for that new site.