Mixed Marriage ;-)

[Meesh]

Hi, new here. My husband and I took a gun safety and handling course followed by a trip to the shooting range. I loved it, he, not so much. I want to continue going and practicing and I am pretty sure I want to purchase a handgun when I feel I can comfortably handle one. Here in VA it's pretty easy to get a permit for concealed carry.

We have a 19 year old daughter living at home who is less than stable, but before I get a gun I intend to have a wall safe installed in our bedroom.

My husband is very much against us owning a gun. Until recently I was also fairly anti-gun but as I see it, if I lived in a country with strict gun laws and where hardly anyone carried a gun, I wouldn't need to carry a gun. But I live in a country where A LOT of people carry guns and a lot of people who want to harm me or my family carry guns.

And I really enjoyed the shooting range and seem to have a bit of a knack for it. I intend to go often and it makes sense for me to have my own gun once I decide which type I prefer (currently I like a revolver).

So, what's a gun-loving chick to do if her husband doesn't want a gun in his home? It is his home too after all, and I can't really see a way to compromise on this -- since I am the one who changed my attitude I kind of think it isn't very fair to him, but then again, I want a gun.

Advice?

Meesh

 

[Geno]

Too bad I'm married. <<smirking>>

Okay...seriously. Yes, it is both persons' home. Discussion and compromise. In the end, marriage did not end your Constitutional rights. You STILL have the right to own and use firearms. Keep it safely stored.

Welcome to the Free World. 8^)

Geno

 

[DHJenkins]

You could always follow the tried and true tradition of suspending certain activities until you get what you want.

As far as a marriage is concerned, you pretty much hold all the cards in in regards to various aspects of your relationship.

Did you "out shoot" him, by any chance? It could simply be a matter of pride that he, as 'the man', should have done better than you - and since he didn't, he may simply be against it because his ego is bruised.

All bluster aside, we men tend to be kinda sensitive deep, deep down.

 

[Jim Watson]

Seems to be a mirror image of the usual disapproving spouse, but the problem is real, nonetheless. I have to go with Geno on the discussion stuff with calm assertion of your rights.

Might help to discover that there are sporting uses for handguns, too.
Or maybe not, I saw a wife take up PPC match shooting and improve fast until she equaled and then beat her husband. He put in a lot of practice but could not catch up. So he quit shooting and she would not come out without him. So we lost two shooters to his ego.

 

[mljdeckard]

(Looking on like Brad Pitt in "Ocean's 12" when his car just got blown up) ........huh.


This is not the normal dilemma we get in here.

 

[Meesh]

He shot six rounds and then said his arm hurt and sat the rest out. Our class included a month membership at the range with discounts on gun rentals, ammo and targets, so hopefully he'll try it again.

He's not the bravest guy, and I knew that going in. If we ever find ourselves in a sketchy area he's visibly more nervous than me. He is the nicest guy you'd ever meet though. I do tend to get my way in most things, but I am hoping for advice that would make him more comfortable with it. I know if the situation were reversed, if he wanted a gun and I didn't want one in the house I'd raise holy heck.

 

[SavageManAntonio]

I was also in the same situation. I have realized over time that most of the people that I encounter are uneasy being in the vicinity of weapons because the are unfamiliar with them. If you think about it, many people only know the bad stories that they see on television and what other people tell them.

Each time I have encountered this I attempt to explain and do the following:
1. Guns are not to be feared but respected.
2. Guns can be fun - take these people the the gun range and help them to become familiar with guns.
3. Do some research and show the benefits of owning one, such as defending your home and shooting sports with numerous divisions. The NRA website is an excellent place to start.
4. Be safe and responsible with weapons. This is definitely an area in which to set an example to children, family, friends, co-workers, etc. Lock them up unless you are in the immediate vicinity of them. If there are worries about your children this is a MUST do.
5. Make this a family affair by immersion in the culture of guns and helping the family to be a part of it all. The best thing for a teenager to learn is to explain the situation. Do not hide it from them - curiosity in this arena can be very dangerous.

Finally, you must talk this out with your spouse because it is a family affair and all bear responsibility for the safe handling of them. Since police are not responsible for your well-being (as said by the Supreme Court) you must be willing and able to defend yourself. If you are not willing to train with your weapon and be VERY familiar with its operation, do not buy one. If you are to be familiar with it you should operate the controls and practice firing many hundreds of rounds until it becomes an extension of you.

I hope this helps.

 

[BHP FAN]

Lure him out to the range and let him shoot a .22!His arm's not going to hurt because there is NO recoil,and the darn things are so fun it's addicting!

 

[eight433]

well compromise is going to be hard because either you will have a gun and you get your way, or you will not have a gun, and he gets his way. I would go with the theory that it is easier to beg for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

seriously though, you both have to be on bored for this. My G/F does not necessarily care for shooting guns (yet) but her father was a police officer, so she was raised with the knowledge and respect of firearms, and firmly believes in exercising ones rights.

 

[Tim the student]

as I see it, if I lived in a country with strict gun laws and where hardly anyone carried a gun, I wouldn't need to carry a gun

It's not the guns that make people criminals, its the actions they choose to do that make people criminals. A gun (usually) is a tool for intimidating people, just as a knife, or a cut down pool cue would be. I hope I misunderstood you, BTW.

Would he go for a lock box in your car? Or a safe and a trigger lock?

I am happy you enjoy shooting, and happy to have you here.

Welcome to THR.

 

[TexasRifleman]

The dilemma isn't that different from the one we usually get really. At least the arguments are the same.

There's the self defense angle. Show some crime statistics to your husband, show him some of the Supreme Court rulings that say basically that the police have no responsibility to protect you, you're truly on your own.

There is the sporting aspect. Millions of gun owners enjoy the shooting sports. There are many women in the shooting sports who are VERY competitive and can shoot circles around a lot of the men. You like revolvers. Look into something like IDPA.

Maybe the social aspect. Take him to something like a Sporting Clays range or similar. Basically golf with shotguns. TONS of fun. If someone doesn't have a good time shooting a round of clays I don't know what to say If you have friends that shoot make a group outing of it.

Demonstrate that it is safe. Installing the safe is good, also consider taking a formal training class. Get some certificate you can show him that shows you are trained in the safety aspects. Get him to go along if you can. NRA course, something like that.

Keep emphasizing that it's something you could do together.

It's the same sales pitch a lot of the men have had to give to their wives.

It's doable, just move slow and let him shoot better than you now and then to save his ego

 

[Meesh]

Thanks for the welcome, and thanks all for the advice. And such quick responses! We'll figure it out I'm sure. It's going to take me some time to figure out exactly what I want to own and save the $$ for the safe, the gun, etc. Between now and then he may get more used to the idea. I'm glad I found this forum, been perusing many of the posts and you all seem extremely level headed and full of good advice. Thanks for making a newbie feel comfortable!
Meesh

 

[Larry Ashcraft]

I can't believe nobody's mentioned it yet.

Check out www.corneredcat.com

And welcome to THR!

 

[bryskee]

Educate him on reality instead of biased left wing radical anti gun propaganda. Course maybe his concerns are valid? What's his reasoning behind his anti stance?

 

[bottom shelf]

Gosh, that is an unusual situation.

In a household, it's good if SOMEBODY can defend it if the unimaginable happens. Best if that somebody knows how to handle a gun.

Good luck, and be safe.

 

[bear71]

Welcome to the forum, Meesh.

Should all attempts at compromise fail and you wish to continue to shoot, you may be able to rent a locker at your local gun club if they permit firearm storage.

You're probably above this idea but you could also go the range a couple times by yourself and meet people to shoot with. After returning home from a session, a statment like "I met this very nice man who I'd like to meet at the range again for some shooting, he kinda looks like you, honey."

That might light a fire under hubby to get out there with you or at the very least be willing to do some compromise.

 

[Mike J]

Meesh if you are interested in reading up on some facts about firearm use & quotes from the founding fathers of this country check out www.guncite.com My owning a gun has nothing to do with other people being able to own guns it has more to do with wanting to have the best tool available to be able to protect myself & my family. Someone on here used to have a quote in their signature about Gun Control guaranteeing the right of a 100 pound woman to have to fight unarmed against a 300 pound rapist.
I am fortunate myself in that my wife grew up in a rural area. They lived in a secluded location that happened to be within 7 miles of a state prison. Her Father made a point of making sure all his kids knew how to shoot if they had to. She was comfortable around firearms before we ever met.

 

[Five of Clubs]

Check out the Gunvault Minivault. They are inexpensive, can keep your pistol away from anyone without the code, yet you can access the pistol very quickly if you need it. It's what we got when we had a child. With it, we can keep a pistol next to the nightstand without worrying about our child getting to it. If I were you, I'd go ahead and get one and place it on your side of the bed. Tell your husband that's where the gun will go when you can pay for it. Calm assertion works best with the stubborn.

 

[Sam Boca]

Meesh,

If your husband's arm hurt after 6 rounds, you're shooting the wrong gun. Go back and try again with a smaller caliber. In general, you're going to experience more felt recoil with a revolver than with a semi-automatic. However, semi-automatics are not quite as simple to operate as revolvers. Light weight carry revolvers are going to hurt more than their heavier cousins.

You need to explain to your husband you don't always feel safe when you are out by yourself and you don't want to become a victim.

If you decide to own a gun, try to get some professional training geared toward concealed carry and defensive pistol use. The hardware is not much good without the proper software.

Lastly, don't skimp on the safe. Get it installed before you bring a gun home and make sure your daughter can't get into it. Make sure she knows if you catch her trying, there will be severe consequences.

Good Luck and best wishes

 

[meytind]

http://www.gunfacts.info/pdfs/gun-facts/5.0/GunFacts5-0-screen.pdf

I've always found that this info works because of the footnotes. You can't just argue that this is propaganda because the information is verifiable.

Also, I feel the point about what the supreme court ruled on police responsibility towards citizens is a strong one. Many anti-gunners argue that it's the police forces' responsibility to protect you. Once they find out the exact opposite is true, they start questioning other assumptions they previously held about firearms.

 

[Six]

If your husband's arm hurt after 6 rounds, you're shooting the wrong gun. Go back and try again with a smaller caliber

Might not be recoil issue, it might be a white knuckle hold along with general nervousness resulting in muscle fatigue.

I'd echo suggestions of having him try a .22, preferably with a reactive targets like empty soda cans or fruit or similar that provide instant feedback of success. If those aren't an option, try the Shoot "N" C series of targets, a nice big 6-8" circle at 5-7 yards that'll show just where he's hitting after each shot.

 

[armoredman]

Get a good instructor who will work with him on the range, not just classroom, and he should loosen up. Does he have a fragile ego? Might be a good idea to bury yourself in your lane while the instructor is going over things, less pressure on the male psyche, which has been hammered for years with mediatelling us we should be born knowing how to shoot. Not true at all. BTW, a good video for you two to watch, A Woman's Guide to Firearms, lot of good info and blows down the macho-ness too.
Welcome to THR, best of luck to you!

 

[Tim the student]

I can't believe no one has chimed in with worthless, negative comments like "You need a new husband. Don't hate on me for telling you what is true," and stuff like that.

Again, best of luck to you Meesh.

 

[4D5]

Make it your hobby

First off most of us guys would be envious, but I digress.

What you could do is make it your hobby to start. Rather than purchasing a firearm initially you could just go to the range and rent guns and purchase ammo as you “hobby”. After all, everyone has some sort of hobby/interest.

Then pretty soon it would go… “gee honey, my hobby is costly considering I’m renting all the time and it would sure be a lot cheaper if I owned my own firearm”.

You might even consider getting some of you women friends involved so it's just not a "you" thing to the hubby.

Good luck and keep on shooting even if you have to go alone. In a relationship it's unfair for one to deny the other an interest when they choose not to participate.

 

[THE DARK KNIGHT]

Simple. Does he want to protect his wife? Would he? Explain to him that the best way he can protect you, is not only to protect you himself, but give you the tools and ability to do so yourself.