OK, How Do I Do This De-Escalation Stuff?

[Fred Fuller]

ADEE.

Avoid. De-escalate/Disengage. Escape. Evade.

We preach it all the time here, if anything ADEE can be said to be our default ROE (rules of engagement) in ST&T. Some folks don't agree with the idea of disengagement at all. Unfortunately that number might happen to include a certain number of folks who have already made up their minds to attack you. Important user note - you probably cannot de-escalate a situation like that. That's when other skills come into play. One of those skills is being able to recognize a situation where de-escalation is not going to work for you, so that you can move on to something else in a timely manner.

But that's an aside. An important aside, but still not where we're really headed here. So, how do you go about de-escalating a situation when it's still possible to salvage it without a fight?

Take a look at this: http://conflictcommunications.com/deescalation.htm

It's a fairly new collaboration from a couple of names you've seen here before if you've been reading long - Marc "Animal" MacYoung and Rory Miller. Who are these guys and why should you listen to them? See their biographies at http://conflictcommunications.com/biography.htm .

 

[Cosmoline]

Those are important points. I generally just ignore and leave. Those folks talk about hard wiring from past experiences, especially in youth. I learned that not being there is the best way to avoid a fight.

I'm nervous about trying to de-escalate. De-escalating is a way of attempting to take control of the situation and turn it around from a violent end. It's admirable, but has its own dangers. The enemy may have already decided to take you on, and your efforts to quell the situation will just make it worse. Plus de-escalation after weapons and threats are in the open is a good way to get dead.

Better to just leave, if at all possible.

 

[Losov]

Ignore insults.

If someone is dumb enough to insult you he has established that his thoughts are not worth your consideration and therefore have have no value. Don't give them value by taking offense. If you take offense you allow the other person to control your emotions. Why give such control to someone you've already established as not being worthy of possessing it?

 

[TexasRifleman]

Friend of mine told me something once when I was young;

"You can only be insulted by someone you respect". Seems to hold up pretty good.

 

[sidheshooter]

Once again, MacYoung and Miller (and, by extension, "Lapin") come through. That's a useful website.

 

[Jenrick]

"You have the last action, they can have the last word." Best piece of advice I ever got for being an LEO, in a Verbal Judo class. Let people run their mouth all they want, words can't hurt you. Don't feel the need to act bad, be agreeable, and be calm. So long as the person isn't predetermined to attack you (that's a whole 'nohter ball game), those will usually help the situation out. Figure out what you want to happen in the situation (eg be able to leave the area, have the other person leave, etc.) so long as your can accomplish you goal, don't worry about what other person is up to. It's not a zero sum game, where you one person looses. If they need to have their behavior corrected, call the Police and let them do it (we get paid to do it).

-Jenrick

 

[Loosedhorse]

The classic: Management of Agressive Behavior.

The author has a company that offers courses, but they seem to be LEO only.

 

[dprice3844444]

just say,excuse me,that pepsi/coffee i had awhile ago has hit my bladder and i need to go releive myself,and leave.

 

[EvilGenius]

Read a couple of books by Miller.

The man knows what he's talking about.