update.....
First, before I go any farther I would like to publicly thank everyone who has posted, PM'ed and e-mailed your words of support and encouragement. You don't know how much this means to me. This kind of response is why The High Road is where I spend way too much of my free time. We have a very unique online community here and I'm proud you have allowed me to be a part of it. Thank you all very, very much.
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Well, Friday was a difficult day.
I got to work about 5:00am as usual and went into the office where the shooting took place. Everything had been cleaned up and put back into place, just like nothing had ever happened, except for the brochure on reducing work place violence left by the Ft. Worth PD on one desk and an instruction sheet for a neck support collar left by an EMT on another desk. The FD had come back to retrieve the defibrillator they left behind in the confusion the day before.
Had to answer a lot of difficult questions. Made for a very long day.
Unbelievable how exhausted I was and I slept about 16 hours Friday night and Saturday morning. I can't tell you the last time I slept more than 8 hours. Getting up at 6 or 7am is sleeping late for me. I woke up about 10am Saturday and felt much better. Maybe the worst is behind us now.
I found out this morning that the victim, Sam, had been released from the hospital and is recovering at home. I talked to him on the phone a short time ago for the first time since the shooting. He sounds great and is in a good frame of mind. I was surprised that he remembers all the details of that day . That's amazing considering that he appeared to be going into shock immediately following the shooting. The fact that he is doing well is a major burden removed from my mind, and the world is a better place today.
To those of you that have recommended counseling, it is being arranged by my employer for those that were involved. I have swallowed my pride and agreed to participate.
To those of you that have referred to me as a hero, I thank you..but I'm not a hero. I only reacted to the situation the best I knew how. I never intended for this thread to bring attention to my actions as an individual. I only wanted to release the stress and emotions that were building to the breaking point.
I'm not the only one who was in that office during and immediately after the shooting. Every one there played a part in the way things turned out. One guy bear-hugged the shooter from behind and physically threw him out the office door before he could get off another shot, even though the shooter was a larger person than he.
He is the true hero of this situation in my eyes. But knowing him as I do, I don't think he'd want the "hero badge" pinned on him either.
I sincerely hope none of you ever have to go through what I and everyone else involved in this incident has been through. I never imagined the stress and emotions that one would have to bear. Now I understand why police and public safety officers are given mandatory time off after traumatic events.
I can only hope that if you are ever involved in a situation where you have to defend your life or help save the life of another person, some of what I have written and experienced will help you make it through it all.