Taking Risks and False "Bravery" vs. Safety and Fear

[cheygriz]

someone once said:

"A man who does not know fear is not brave, he's a fool! A man who is afraid, and does what needs to be done in spite of his fear is a brave man."

The fool will get into trouble regardless. The wise will prepare for the worst, and then being so prepared. will do everything within reason to prevent the worst from happening.

 

[griz]

I disagree with her premise. The best way to stay alive is not by being scared, it is by being cautious The two can be confused but they are far from interchangeable.

As others have said here, merely being afraid could easily make you more likely to be victimized. Like most men I have seen situations where an isolated woman would not make eye contact when passing by me. Of course she had no way of knowing that I was no threat to her, but she was unintentionally sending out passive signals instead of portraying confidence.

A little heads up situational awareness goes a long way toward safety. The gun should be the last resort.


"Feets don’t fail me now", Lowell George

 

[griz]

Well now that I went to her web site I have to say that she is saying pretty much what I just said. She just uses the word scared to mean cautious.

WyldOne, I hope you're not considering a carrer change

 

[TallPine]

I guess Wyldone's friend might be right ...

I routinely go hiking and camping (sleeping out on the ground) in thick bear country, which I wouldn't consider doing unarmed.

 

[Hypnogator]

I would have two points to make regarding the original post, but the one about human predators, like animal predators, being able to "smell" fear and perceive an easy target has already been made.

The second point is, what is your quality of life if you must go around in fear all the time? While I don't advocate placing yourself deliberately in dangerous situations or locations, whether armed or not, neither should you have to constrict your life's activities out of constant fear of violent crime. That's what carrying a weapon does for me.

 

[Don Gwinn]

My opinion? Remember that you asked to hear it:

That's a bad joke, not an idea deserving of serious consideration. Being scared is healthy, sure, but by definition it cannot keep you safe.

If, by training in martial arts or the use of weapons, you take away the lesson that you don't need to be as careful as you used to be, then either you had a terrible instructor or you were a terrible student. I know my instructor made a habit of constantly reminding us that he was not turning us into supermen, only teaching us some mindset and techniques that could help.

Let me give an example. Today, I was working on the bathroom door and the boys were playing with cars on the front porch. My son came inside and told me "There are people outside with us. They're standing around."
"Grownups?"
"Yeah."

Without much thinking about it, I picked up my pukko, put the blade up my sleeve, and put my hand just inside the top of my pocket. Put my other hand in my other pocket and walked out casually to see who was out there. It turned out to be a local cop knocking on doors for a city council candidate. When I recognized him, I just let go of the knife and let it fall into my pocket, and he never knew I had come out to greet him with a knife in my hand. (Don't reach for your keys after doing this--the blade is up in your pocket and must be removed carefully.) What I should have done was put my Glock on, but it was secure in the bedroom. Guess it shouldn't have been.

Now, according to the logic you encountered, that was a dangerous thing to do and the sensible thing would have been to stay in the house, maybe check the view out the window but definitely not go outside until I knew who or what was out there. The knife, far from being a security measure, made me overconfident and caused me to walk out for a duel like a cowboy. However, there's a very important hole in that logic in the real world. Can you spot it in my example?
(Hint: You might make a conscious choice to be scared and cautious and whatever else. Your children will not be capable of it!)

 

[WyldOne]

WyldOne, I hope you're not considering a carrer change

Awww, well I am, but that has nothing to do with the website. Don't worry, I'll probably just stay a secretary forever....The reason that I was on the website was that it came up in an online discussion re: feminism and stripping, and was an extension of other conversations about.....um, other things. Long way to say, consider it more of "issue research" rather than "job prospects"

You guys all make sense in theory, but I realized tonight that the practice of using common sense to be safe is actually harder than ya'll make it out to be. What happened was, I had a meeting this afternoon/evening. I take a shortcut to go to the meeting by walking down an alley. Not very long, not very dark (in the daytime), and there's usually no people. Just litter. There's an alley on the other side of this building thingy, and that one usually has people, so I avoid it.

Tonight I was leaving with a couple of my friends, and I was about to go down "my" alley, but they stopped me and made me defend my choice. Basically to get them off my back, I just took the long way. But it got me thinking. There are probably a couple dozen idiotic things that I do over the course of an average day, which raise my risk level.

Are there classes or trainings or something that teach you how not to do this stuff? How do you get "the mindset", or does it just take practice?

 

[griz]

There are probably a couple dozen idiotic things that I do over the course of an average day, which raise my risk level

I think most people fall into that catagory. It can be difficult even to realize that you are doing something that carries with it an elevated risk. For instance some people will stroll up to an ATM at night without even a glance to see who is around. Try this; think what you would do if you were an evil man then think of a way to prevent that. In the ATM example consider that a robber would be attracted to a source of cash.

Are there classes or trainings or something that teach you how not to do this stuff? How do you get "the mindset", or does it just take practice?

I have heard of two.
The NRA’s refuse to be a victim program. I have no experience with this but I understand it isn’t just a gun thing, its main focus is awareness.
The second is by a former LEO named J. J. Bittenbinder who now makes a living teaching this kind of thing. I have seen a video of his class and he is good teacher. Here is his site:

http://defence4u.com/index.html

Here is another I found by searching for personal/security/awareness. No experience with this one:

http://nsi.org/Personal.html

And lastly, please don’t think this all means you have to walk around the rest of your life being paranoid, it’s much simpler than that. Like you said, a lot of it is just practice. It sounds like you have taken a huge step by realizing that there are things you can easily change that will help a lot.

If I may quote my own sweet Mom, "be careful".

 

[Joe Gunns]

NRA Refuse to be Victim is good starter class. Little to no emphasis on firearms, but strong on awareness issues and various techniques, devices to make self, car and home more secure, from body language to large dog bowl and heavy chain on front porch. Went with my 18 year-old daughter so she would be willing to go. I learned some new things, and she picked up a lot.

Gavin de becker's "The Gift of Fear" is very good book on trusting your instincts, with lots of real-world examples, from crime victims and clients he has worked with. (He is not pro-gun ownership, however, thinks it more important to rely on your inner voice to avoid bad situations/people, but book is not an antigun polemic and his ideas are useful.)

Better gun shops/ranges can hook you up with training in your area. Most of the instructors I am aware of do good job in beginning classes of teaching proper attitudes.

As for original question: What nonsense. Does having a smoke detector make you more prone to play with matches? Does having a first aid kit make you more likely to run with scissors? Does having air bags in your car make you tailgate?

Joe

 

[pax]

Tonight I was leaving with a couple of my friends, and I was about to go down "my" alley, but they stopped me and made me defend my choice. Basically to get them off my back, I just took the long way. But it got me thinking. There are probably a couple dozen idiotic things that I do over the course of an average day, which raise my risk level.

Are there classes or trainings or something that teach you how not to do this stuff? How do you get "the mindset", or does it just take practice?

To develop the mindset takes time and thought. There are good books out there -- someone mentioned Becker's The Gift of Fear as a good one -- which can help you along the path once you are ready to walk down it.

But take a look at the paragraph you led into your questions with. Your friends realized you were doing something dangerous. They stopped you. They told you that what you were doing was dangerous. They made you defend your choice of routes. You decided it was easier to go the long way around than it was to defend what you were doing. And you were safer for it.

Now if you can get to the point where your own brain does for you all of the things your friends did, you'll be going in the right direction.

pax

We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light. -- Plato

 

[OF]

Condition Yellow. It's a way of life.

When you understand the difference between Condition Yellow and paranoia, you will have taken the first step. After that, it is the practice of developing a habit. Then it becomes habit, becomes a natural way of life and is no longer a conscious effort.

Start with basic observational skills. Pay attention at a level above what you normally do now. Not just to threats but to everything. Try to be aware. Make an effort all through the day. Walk like you drive. While driving you are aware of the cars on all sides of you, what speed they are travelling at, how they are behaving. What the road signs say, what is coming up farther down the road and when you will get there based on your current speed. Road conditions. Determining a maximum safe speed without looking at the speedometer or the speed limit signs, not only for the part of the road you are on but for the part of the road coming up and positioning yourself accordingly. Escape options. Is any car an obvious potential hazard? Can you assign a 'threat number' to each car based on how the person is driving, the condition of the car, etc? You do all this while listening to the radio and thinking about what movie you are going to rent when you get to the movie store and you don't even think it strange or difficult. You can do this all day long, too. Not just in the car.

Eventually you will do this without thinking. Living in a heightened state of awareness. Condition Yellow. It is a state of perpetual awareness and observation that creates preparedness. It's the difference between living 'heads up' and not 'head in the clouds'.

It's not a burden, but you have to work at first to develop the habit. It's my belief that living in Condition Yellow leads to a happier, healthier life. Not just because of safety, but being aware of your surroundings increases your energy and increases your connection to the world around you.

The few people I've spotted packing heat out and about I noticed first because of the subtle way they were more 'tuned in' to what was going on while everyone around them just plodded forward oblivious. Once you noticed it, they stood out like sore thumbs.

My cousin is a Sensei, he told me that the ancient masters understood that since if you stop breathing you die, learning to breathe well would lead to better health. Walking through the world is something we have to do, so if you can learn to do it well...

Situational Awareness is tactical-speak for 'paying attention'. There is nothing wrong with taking risks. But if you take risks, at least make the it a conscious decision. Don't end up in a risky situation by accident.

- Gabe

 

[WyldOne]

Thanks guys.

I actually had requested information on Refuse to be a Victim classes a loooong time ago; I'll have to go dig up the stuff they sent me.