"The Look"

[Plan2Live]

After reading a few threads in this area, I notice a lot of advice about "The Look". As I see it and read it, it seems to have two separate meanings.

1. To stare down a potential attacker, letting them know that you know that they are there.

2. Looking like a victim. or the reverse, NOT looking like a victim.

I'm looking for advice and feedback not controversy. But.....

1. In staring down a potential attacker, how do you avoid escalation through the "what are you looking at response"?

2. How does one NOT look like a victim while not risking #1 above or postering yourself in the manner of a bantum rooster looking for a fight? I'm 50, a tad over weight, yes, just a tad not obese, but I am graying, I wear glasses, during the day I am dressed like a mid-level businessman and have never aspired to be any sort of "bad arse". I couldn't convinicingly pull off the Charles Bronson look for a million bucks. Maybe a ticked off elderly John Malcovich (Movie RED) but definately not Charles Bronson.

I have passed "The Interview" and almost became the victim a few times that I am aware of but always managed to evade at the last minute, or so I think. Once, I evaded thanks to my quick thinking and overly smart mouth which left the perp momentarily confused giving me about two seconds to sidestep and get some space between us.

So how does the group respond to those two questions?

 

[Navin R. Johnson]

1. In staring down a potential attacker, how do you avoid escalation through the "what are you looking at response"?

It comes from a confidence within. You're acknowledging their presence and letting them know you're aware of your surroundings without "starring" aka mean mugging.

How does one NOT look like a victim while not risking #1 above or postering yourself in the manner of a bantum rooster looking for a fight? I'm 50, a tad over weight, yes, just a tad not obese, but I am graying, I wear glasses, during the day I am dressed like a mid-level businessman and have never aspired to be any sort of "bad arse". I couldn't convinicingly pull off the Charles Bronson look for a million bucks. Maybe a ticked off elderly John Malcovich (Movie RED) but definately not Charles Bronson.

See the above, same applies.

Think confident not cocky. Bad guys want a easy target not someone who is aware. For example I have been in a lot of rough neighborhoods in my life (real rough in some cases) and I always act the same, eye contact with "banger types" to say I know where I am and I know what's up, without saying what the f are you looking at.

Edit to add: Try this approach everywhere you go and it becomes second nature. Start out with the locals in your own (presumably safe) town where you live and branch out from there.

 

[jbkebert]

My wife has mastered the look. She can let me know don't even think about buying that gun, knife, bow, or touching me. I can she tell she ain't kidding and I sheepishly retreat with my tail between my legs.

Seriously though you can send off a whole lot of vibe without saying a word. You don't have to broadcast that your some billy bad boy. just enough to say i'll make you work for it. that is enough to make most folks leave you alone.

 

[Resist Evil]

You have a right to be everywhere you have a right to be. You have the right to be unmolested. You are prepared to defend yourself; in fact committed to it. If you believe in these things and they are true, you will have the Look, in my opinion.

 

[Owen Sparks]

My wife calls it her "school teachers glair" and it works.

 

[Navin R. Johnson]

You have a right to be everywhere you have a right to be. You have the right to be unmolested. You are prepared to defend yourself; in fact committed to it. If you believe in these things and they are true, you will have the Look, in my opinion.

Through all my babbling this is what I wanted to convey. Simple, boiled down, and to the point!

 

[CWL]

I don't think its necessary to stare anyone down, this can start as much trouble as it can stop when egos & tempers flare.

My "look"? It's more like the classic Thousand Yard Stare, I'm always watching, including turning around at times to be aware of what's around me or coming towards me. I count this more as situational awareness and not looking like I'll make an easy victim. It's worked so far on 4 continents.

 

[Chindo18Z]

"The Look"

"The Look"

"The Look"

Not "The Look"

Sorry. Couldn't resist...

 

[Mike1234567]

I look hacked off all the time. My health is shot to hell and I don't much care for the way the world is turning. I also have a very high threshold to pain. So... I don't much care if some fool wants to cause trouble. I guess that shows to some degree. I try to avoid trouble but if I can't, so-be-it. I'm also just plain ugly to look at.

 

[Al Thompson]

P2L, IMHO, it's more of a mental state. I see a potential bad guy, I try to make eye contact, nod and break eye contact. Certainly not to stare down, merely to acknowledge his/her presence.

Then I look for his/her buddies, blind spots, funnels and traps.

Jeff Cooper's mental awareness color codes help to ramp up your stages of alertness.

 

[Fred Fuller]

http://www.paladin-press.com/product/Principles_of_Personal_Defense/Jeff_Cooper

As mentioned above - order a copy, it's the best fourteen bucks you'll ever spend. Once it comes in, make it your own, internalize it, read it, study it till it's part of you. You can't get "The Look" without having "The Attitude" and "The Ability" to back it up, but it all starts with mindset first. None of it will really work until you get the mindset down pat, and IMHO Cooper's little book is the 'See Spot run*' of mindset. It is possible to lie in body language but it isn't worth trying to do IMHO - the time may come when it's necessary to back it up.

As Al said, it isn't a stare-down, which will usually be interpreted as a challenge. It's more of "I see you, and I know what you're up to" than anything else. That and projecting a genuine air of quiet confidence, awareness/alertness etc. as you go about your business should do it.

hth,

lpl
===

*Some of us oldpharts learned to read with the old Dick and Jane books - http://www.tagnwag.com/forsale/dick_jane_vintage/index.html

ETA - RIP, COL Robert L. Howard (the young captain in the photo above)

 

[george29]

As a tall (6'2"), fat (340), ugly man (I make Walter Matthau look like Brad Pitt), people just naturally give me space. Of course spending time playing in the Middle-East's Sandbox and being a retired LEO might help the ugly.
I can tell anyone though that trying to stare down most young men is going to provoke a reaction. If I catch someone staring at me I give a friendly hey buddy, how's it going? I don't advocate playing games and I think most people are decent when they are sober. In all my 50 years on this planet, I can safely say I have avoided most potentially bad situations by talking calmly and politely. Is that part of the look? I think confidence plays the biggest part in the look being a natural part of the person. With all that being said, things have escalated here and there but I can't remember being the one getting stitched up or booked or both.

 

[bikerdoc]

You can't get "The Look" without having "The Attitude" and "The Ability" to back it up, but it all starts with mindset first.

Thats it in a nutshell!!

"I see you, and I know what you're up to" than anything else. That and projecting a genuine air of quiet confidence, awareness/alertness etc.

And having the skill set to back it up.

Developing the the total package is the goal.

( Lee, Thanks for the ID on Bob Howard. As an enlisted man in Viet Nam he was a legend in the recon community.

 

[Shovelhead]

"The Look"

 

[Buck Kramer]

^^^he got it right...

 

[USAF_Vet]

LMAO @ Zoolander, totally not the look.

1. In staring down a potential attacker, how do you avoid escalation through the "what are you looking at response"?

You don't need a continual stare with extended eye contact. Made the eye contact, let them know you are aware of them, a simple nod works, then break eye contact. Keep them in your peripheral vision, and any movement you can return to them full focus.
This really should only be used if your spider sense is tingling, and an attack is not iminent, just possible.

2. How does one NOT look like a victim while not risking #1 above or postering yourself in the manner of a bantum rooster looking for a fight?

If you are aware of your surroundings, people will notice you noticing them. Keep valuables hidden, don't stand out in a crowd.

At 6'2" 245, I'm not the smallest guy in the world. Goatee, shaved head, OIF Veteran hat that I wear daily, combat boots... and a permanent scowl that says leave me alone. I keep aware of my surroundings, and haven't ever really had a problem with anyone.

 

[MisterMike]

If I catch someone staring at me I give a friendly hey buddy, how's it going?

I never went to acting school, so I don't know if my attempt at "the look" would come across as Dirty Harry or Pee Wee Herman. However, I am an accomplished practitioner of the "How's it goin'?" approach. If there's any doubt as to another's intentions, it serves, at a minimum, as notice that they're in your sphere of perception.

Just my opinion, but if you have to focus on conveying "the look," you ain't got it.

 

[ColtPythonElite]

Trouble is looks can be decieving...I know lots of guys that try to pull off the look, but can't back it up when the rubber hits the road.

 

[Mike1234567]

The "Zoolander" look will definitely get yer byootox kicked... or a request for a date.

 

[george29]

BTW, as I age I get wimpier and try at all costs to avoid trouble, I can hardly afford ammo anymore never mind a good lawyer.

 

[Plan2Live]

Interesting replies. I have on occassion had to respond to the "what are looking at response" so obviously I had it wrong on occassion. But at other times I have gotten the nod back reply. Just curious.

 

[mgkdrgn]

=THE= Look!

 

[Nushif]

1. In staring down a potential attacker, how do you avoid escalation through the "what are you looking at response"?

2. How does one NOT look like a victim while not risking #1

I think you're overanalyzing this ...

When people say that, they mean you look the person in the eye, give 'em a short once over and go back to your business. From what I gather it's more about them knowing you saw them, rather than any kind of intimidation factor.
I am by no means an intimidating looking guy, but have neither been asked "what are you looking at" nor considered a pushover and funny enough ... I usually grin or smile at people.
A lot of it is your faith in yourself as well. As someone else pointed out it is largely your abilities that give you this mysterious "look."

[edit]
Oh hey ...

However, I am an accomplished practitioner of the "How's it goin'?" approach.

This is actually what I do, except I say "Heyhey" or "Yo." Now that you mention it.
[/edit]

 

[Ledgehammer]

Funny thread. I can see a bunch of guys practicing their best charles Bronson in the mirror.

I think nushif nailed it. It's not any particular stare you can give someone that is magically going to send a message of bad a** It's more about awareness and not looking like a scared little rabbit when they do look in your eyes.

 

[Strykervet]

I have the Clint Eastwood look. Not that I tried or anything, I just had the sun in my eyes for a number of years, coupled with a low tolerance for BS. BTW, Clint said he got "the look" by puffing on the cigar --he didn't smoke and hated them, but he said they gave him "the look". Perhaps it might work for you too.

This thread is funny... I like all the pictures that demonstrate "the look" with Zoolander being "not the look" which it most definitely isn't.

The look, as far as body language goes, might be a good thing to look up regarding just that --body language. Just about each action in body language can be read a multiple of ways, misinterpretation --you don't want your look to go misinterpreted for the "I gotta go look" do you? Now maintaining eye contact with a meth addict can be dangerous. It can escalate the confrontation, it has to do with their mental state and the fact the drug makes them paranoid over time. But looking away can indicate weakness too...

Most likely the look will follow your insides. If you feel afraid, you will look afraid. If you are confident, you will look confident.

Personally, I just keep eye contact because I need to see what they are doing. I don't stare them down though, I need to be able to see their hands plus everything else going on. I like to back up, and if the confrontation has gotten to this point where it is me and him, I will reach, not unlike the old westerns. Only an idiot would continue to push someone in that situation. That is THE look I guess, the look that has more to do with the whole of the body language and not just the stare.

I'm backing up, but I'm not running away. Putting distance between you and someone else while maintaining eye contact and putting your hand ever so close to your grip slowly has that ephemeral sense of impending violence that makes most bad guys decide they had somewhere else to be.