Drizzt
Member
Shooting Industry
May 1, 2003
SECTION: No. 5, Vol. 48; Pg. 22; ISSN: 0037-4148
IAC-ACC-NO: 102227969
LENGTH: 1195 words
HEADLINE: Heroes don't have to be young and stylish; Back Blast & Other Hot Gases.
BYLINE: Gilmore, Commander
BODY:
J.C. Adams is a hero. He doesn't think so, but he tops in our book. J.C. was quietly working in the back of his little convenience store in Decatur, Ga., when he glanced up at the surveillance camera monitor and saw two men and a woman holding his front-counter cashier at gunpoint.
J.C. fetched his shotgun, and with one hand grasping the scattergun and the other methodically lifting and moving his metal-framed walker forward, he began making his way to the front of the store. J.C. is 74 years old, and some would say "locomotion challenged." However, he doesn't let it interfere with important business, like confronting armed criminals.
Once he closed to Serious Social Range, J.C. announced there would be no robbing today. Despite the glint in his eye, the three fools threw down on him. Bad move. When the smoke cleared, one bandit lay dead, the other guy wounded, and the woman surrendered. Neither J.C. nor his cashier were hurt.
Local law enforcement officials noted that in May 2000, some other fool tried to rob Mr. Adams' store. J.C. was wounded in that shootout, but the bandit left feet-first.
"No need to let something like that live," J.C. told reports, and went back to tending business. We don't know if he's available for assignment to Iraq.
Stupid & Incompetent
The day seemed to start out well for Edward Norton Blame, who, at 61, is a latecomer to the robbery game. He stuck up the Union Bank & Trust north of Richmond, Va., and secured a nice haul of high-denomination bills. He scooted out the door without anybody guessing which way he was heading. They wouldn't have known, either, except for the fluttery green trail of $ 100 bills he was scattering in his wake.
Still, Eddie got to his getaway car unscathed, but found he had locked his keys inside. Curious bystanders had no idea at that point that they were looking at a highly frustrated, semi-crazed bank robber. But apparently, they figured that any guy who's leaking currency and bashing the window of a car with a big stick must be up to no particular good. When a bunch of locals moved in to perform the "human straight jacket" maneuver, Eddie took off running.
Still not sure what kind of nutcase they were dealing with, the posse caught up with Eddie and flung him abruptly to the deck. Desperate to get away, Eddie pull out his pistol, and smartly shot himself in the leg. Caught up in the excitement, one of the posse whipped out his own roscoe and dotted Eddie once, just for good measure.
By the time officers arrived at the scene, Eddie was just lying quiet, and peacefully bleeding. His first day as a crime king ended in a jail ward charged with eight felonies, including armed robbery and two counts of attempted murder. It is reported Eddie was "despondent." Oh, yeah, we believe that.
Scrapbook Hero
Caught hiding in the woods near Canton, N.C., after a daylong manhunt, suspected burglar James Brian Evans, 25, professed complete innocence. A criminal record? Trouble with the police? Me? No way, man!
Then the police pulled a newspaper clipping out of Evans' pocket, which he had apparently been carrying as a memento of past exploits. It was a article from Michigan, featuring Evans as that state's "Fugitive of the Month." They want him on several charges, including "being a habitual felon." When North Carolina's done with him, our hero will get a special homecoming party when he gets back to Michigan. Promise.
Not A Pretty Sight
Lots of cops talk about times they "caught crooks with their pants down," but for some fleet-footed Greek cops, it's not just a figure of speech.
It all started with a robbery that went wrong from Step One. Our four armed gangsters were setting up to rob a bank in the seaside town of Tymbaki on Crete. Apparently, they hadn't listened to the lecture in Robbery 101 where you're supposed to smoothly pull on your ski mask and slip out your gun as you enter the bank. Instead, they lingered out on the front steps, putting on their stickup costumes and checking ordnance, all in full view of several witnesses -- witnesses with cell-phones.
It was a fast in-and-out, gimme-the-money job, but by the time the Felonious Four scooted out, the cops were screaming up. Two were taken down, but the other two, being faster on their feet, took off down the street with officers in hot pursuit. Ducking into a nearby building, they found a stack of laundry, including bathing suits. They decided to pass themselves off as strolling tourists on their way to the beach. Now the race was on to see if they could get stripped and into those suits before the cops found them.
They were fast, but not quite fast enough. The news reported both guys were literally bent over naked, trying to pull skimpy-stretchy little swimsuits over their ankles when the cops arrived. Now, mooning the police after you've just robbed a bank is never a good idea. No, not good at all. But just imagine how much this pose kinda cramps your style when you try to reach for a gun or take off running again. On second thought, don't try to imagine it.
The dudes were nailed with their stickup duds, guns, 300,000 Euros (about $ 296,000 U.S.) and positive proof they had not been keeping up on their tanning program. A local reporter lamented the lack of photos or video of the arrest. We're glad, though. Some things should not be shared with the rest of the world.
Find The idiots
Both of these cretin-capers were so dumb we don't know why they didn't work. First, in Martinsburg, W.Va., local cops and feds swarmed the area looking for a rather distinctive getaway vehicle from a bank robbery: a bright red Jeep Wrangler.
They were afraid the female suspect would get rid of that standout Jeep before they could run it down. And she was trying to get rid of it, all right. They found it the day after the bank heist, smack-dab in the middle of her front yard in town. It had a big "For Sale" sign on it. Imagine her surprise when they knocked on the door. Fast, but not fast enough.
Then we have two cognitively-challenged crooks in Edwardsville, Pa., who stole a big white car, then figured white ain't such a good color for a crime spree. They decided to paint it black. Problem was, they sorta lacked a hideout garage to do the work in. Hmmm.
They were arrested while frenziedly slappin' a black paint job on The White Whale in the parking lot of a shopping mall on Edwardsville's main street. They probably still can't figure out what gave them away.
Remove Mask, Check Gun
Do you need more proof that bank robbery has reached epidemic proportions in the U.S.? From a program started in Springfield, Mo., 26 banks and credit unions with 141 branches in the Ozarks have posted special signs. They ask folks to remove ski masks, hats, sunglasses, and anything else that might hide their faces before approaching the teller lines.
Bank officials figure if they can't stop the robberies, they can at least try to get better surveillance-camera pictures of the suspects. If somebody ignores the signs, it's a cue for tellers to perch their pinkies on the silent-alarm buttons.
May 1, 2003
SECTION: No. 5, Vol. 48; Pg. 22; ISSN: 0037-4148
IAC-ACC-NO: 102227969
LENGTH: 1195 words
HEADLINE: Heroes don't have to be young and stylish; Back Blast & Other Hot Gases.
BYLINE: Gilmore, Commander
BODY:
J.C. Adams is a hero. He doesn't think so, but he tops in our book. J.C. was quietly working in the back of his little convenience store in Decatur, Ga., when he glanced up at the surveillance camera monitor and saw two men and a woman holding his front-counter cashier at gunpoint.
J.C. fetched his shotgun, and with one hand grasping the scattergun and the other methodically lifting and moving his metal-framed walker forward, he began making his way to the front of the store. J.C. is 74 years old, and some would say "locomotion challenged." However, he doesn't let it interfere with important business, like confronting armed criminals.
Once he closed to Serious Social Range, J.C. announced there would be no robbing today. Despite the glint in his eye, the three fools threw down on him. Bad move. When the smoke cleared, one bandit lay dead, the other guy wounded, and the woman surrendered. Neither J.C. nor his cashier were hurt.
Local law enforcement officials noted that in May 2000, some other fool tried to rob Mr. Adams' store. J.C. was wounded in that shootout, but the bandit left feet-first.
"No need to let something like that live," J.C. told reports, and went back to tending business. We don't know if he's available for assignment to Iraq.
Stupid & Incompetent
The day seemed to start out well for Edward Norton Blame, who, at 61, is a latecomer to the robbery game. He stuck up the Union Bank & Trust north of Richmond, Va., and secured a nice haul of high-denomination bills. He scooted out the door without anybody guessing which way he was heading. They wouldn't have known, either, except for the fluttery green trail of $ 100 bills he was scattering in his wake.
Still, Eddie got to his getaway car unscathed, but found he had locked his keys inside. Curious bystanders had no idea at that point that they were looking at a highly frustrated, semi-crazed bank robber. But apparently, they figured that any guy who's leaking currency and bashing the window of a car with a big stick must be up to no particular good. When a bunch of locals moved in to perform the "human straight jacket" maneuver, Eddie took off running.
Still not sure what kind of nutcase they were dealing with, the posse caught up with Eddie and flung him abruptly to the deck. Desperate to get away, Eddie pull out his pistol, and smartly shot himself in the leg. Caught up in the excitement, one of the posse whipped out his own roscoe and dotted Eddie once, just for good measure.
By the time officers arrived at the scene, Eddie was just lying quiet, and peacefully bleeding. His first day as a crime king ended in a jail ward charged with eight felonies, including armed robbery and two counts of attempted murder. It is reported Eddie was "despondent." Oh, yeah, we believe that.
Scrapbook Hero
Caught hiding in the woods near Canton, N.C., after a daylong manhunt, suspected burglar James Brian Evans, 25, professed complete innocence. A criminal record? Trouble with the police? Me? No way, man!
Then the police pulled a newspaper clipping out of Evans' pocket, which he had apparently been carrying as a memento of past exploits. It was a article from Michigan, featuring Evans as that state's "Fugitive of the Month." They want him on several charges, including "being a habitual felon." When North Carolina's done with him, our hero will get a special homecoming party when he gets back to Michigan. Promise.
Not A Pretty Sight
Lots of cops talk about times they "caught crooks with their pants down," but for some fleet-footed Greek cops, it's not just a figure of speech.
It all started with a robbery that went wrong from Step One. Our four armed gangsters were setting up to rob a bank in the seaside town of Tymbaki on Crete. Apparently, they hadn't listened to the lecture in Robbery 101 where you're supposed to smoothly pull on your ski mask and slip out your gun as you enter the bank. Instead, they lingered out on the front steps, putting on their stickup costumes and checking ordnance, all in full view of several witnesses -- witnesses with cell-phones.
It was a fast in-and-out, gimme-the-money job, but by the time the Felonious Four scooted out, the cops were screaming up. Two were taken down, but the other two, being faster on their feet, took off down the street with officers in hot pursuit. Ducking into a nearby building, they found a stack of laundry, including bathing suits. They decided to pass themselves off as strolling tourists on their way to the beach. Now the race was on to see if they could get stripped and into those suits before the cops found them.
They were fast, but not quite fast enough. The news reported both guys were literally bent over naked, trying to pull skimpy-stretchy little swimsuits over their ankles when the cops arrived. Now, mooning the police after you've just robbed a bank is never a good idea. No, not good at all. But just imagine how much this pose kinda cramps your style when you try to reach for a gun or take off running again. On second thought, don't try to imagine it.
The dudes were nailed with their stickup duds, guns, 300,000 Euros (about $ 296,000 U.S.) and positive proof they had not been keeping up on their tanning program. A local reporter lamented the lack of photos or video of the arrest. We're glad, though. Some things should not be shared with the rest of the world.
Find The idiots
Both of these cretin-capers were so dumb we don't know why they didn't work. First, in Martinsburg, W.Va., local cops and feds swarmed the area looking for a rather distinctive getaway vehicle from a bank robbery: a bright red Jeep Wrangler.
They were afraid the female suspect would get rid of that standout Jeep before they could run it down. And she was trying to get rid of it, all right. They found it the day after the bank heist, smack-dab in the middle of her front yard in town. It had a big "For Sale" sign on it. Imagine her surprise when they knocked on the door. Fast, but not fast enough.
Then we have two cognitively-challenged crooks in Edwardsville, Pa., who stole a big white car, then figured white ain't such a good color for a crime spree. They decided to paint it black. Problem was, they sorta lacked a hideout garage to do the work in. Hmmm.
They were arrested while frenziedly slappin' a black paint job on The White Whale in the parking lot of a shopping mall on Edwardsville's main street. They probably still can't figure out what gave them away.
Remove Mask, Check Gun
Do you need more proof that bank robbery has reached epidemic proportions in the U.S.? From a program started in Springfield, Mo., 26 banks and credit unions with 141 branches in the Ozarks have posted special signs. They ask folks to remove ski masks, hats, sunglasses, and anything else that might hide their faces before approaching the teller lines.
Bank officials figure if they can't stop the robberies, they can at least try to get better surveillance-camera pictures of the suspects. If somebody ignores the signs, it's a cue for tellers to perch their pinkies on the silent-alarm buttons.
