Wow, the deer are getting’ smarter. So, every year we hear fishing stories and hunting stories that no God-fearing human being could believe. Well, this is one such event, and I swear on my hunter’s honor that it’s true…well, mostly true. I did change the names to protect the innocent.
So, I arrive to the family farm, and it’s obvious that the deer knew I was comin’ to hunt, and they had a meeting to conspire to trick me. As I arrive to the blind, I sit and wait, and after a bit, I see a corn stalk rise up, and low and behold, it has a white flag attached. Well, I secure my weapon and assure the barer he or she can exit without harm. Out comes a deer! I know what you’re thinking, deer don’t have opposing thumbs.
So this deer comes up and offers himself in exchange for his deer family and deer friends’ safe passage across the farm. Bein’ as I was still stunned that a deer could talk, I agreed. Well, out wanders Grandpa first, hobblin’ on 2 crutches on his front, and his hind quarters strapped to a tactical wheel barrel that he draws behind him. So my friend tells me he lost all 4 limbs in combat…the rut that is.
Next, my new friends announces counsin Stevie. Stevie, I retort. He assures me, you’ll “see”. Well out comes a deer with magnificent antlers and wearing sunglasses. (It was over-cast). My friend responds, that’s right, cousin Stevie’s blind. As Stevie makes his way across the corn filed, he feigns his blindness using a corn stalk for a cain. And it hain’t got no red tip. But no matter.
Well, soon enough, my new friend says here comes cousin Billie. Billie ain’t quite right in the head now. His woman done left him for another buck what had bigger antlers, as she muttered a comment about size matters. My friend says, worst of all, she left him with all the youngin’ still in spots to raise. Well, out pops Billie. Now I’m here ta tell ya’ll, Billie was sportin’ some down-right impressive gear! Billie stomped, snorted and pawed the whole way across the farm, likin’ to fight anything that moved! My friend retorted, I told ya, he ain’t right in the head! Well, close behind prance two “fawns”. Hades of it is, they got spots alright, but they’re got antlers too!! My friend looks ta me and retorts, “They’s early bloomers!”
So, now, all the deer family and friends havin’ crossed the farm safely, my new friend looks to me and says, okay, true to my word. Now you can shoot me. He takes out a cigarette and a blindfold. He pauses and says, you know, if ya let me go, I’ll make sure to set you up a shot on that buck what stole Billie’s woman! He’s the biggest, dumbest deer you could find. So, we agreed and parted ways, with my new friend tellin’ me, you just sit here. He’ll be along directly.
And so I did. I set myself there dutifully and waited. And I waited. Didn’t never see no more deer, and now as I sit here and retell this hunting experience, I’m afeared I’ll either look a fool or a liar as I tell it. So there you go folks. I didn’t get a buck today, but I made a new friend. As I walked back to the truck, I kicked over a can of white paint and sponges what looked like spot-dabbers. Well, a least I had a safe hunt. I sure hope Billie recovers from them mental problems.
Geno
So, I arrive to the family farm, and it’s obvious that the deer knew I was comin’ to hunt, and they had a meeting to conspire to trick me. As I arrive to the blind, I sit and wait, and after a bit, I see a corn stalk rise up, and low and behold, it has a white flag attached. Well, I secure my weapon and assure the barer he or she can exit without harm. Out comes a deer! I know what you’re thinking, deer don’t have opposing thumbs.
So this deer comes up and offers himself in exchange for his deer family and deer friends’ safe passage across the farm. Bein’ as I was still stunned that a deer could talk, I agreed. Well, out wanders Grandpa first, hobblin’ on 2 crutches on his front, and his hind quarters strapped to a tactical wheel barrel that he draws behind him. So my friend tells me he lost all 4 limbs in combat…the rut that is.
Next, my new friends announces counsin Stevie. Stevie, I retort. He assures me, you’ll “see”. Well out comes a deer with magnificent antlers and wearing sunglasses. (It was over-cast). My friend responds, that’s right, cousin Stevie’s blind. As Stevie makes his way across the corn filed, he feigns his blindness using a corn stalk for a cain. And it hain’t got no red tip. But no matter.
Well, soon enough, my new friend says here comes cousin Billie. Billie ain’t quite right in the head now. His woman done left him for another buck what had bigger antlers, as she muttered a comment about size matters. My friend says, worst of all, she left him with all the youngin’ still in spots to raise. Well, out pops Billie. Now I’m here ta tell ya’ll, Billie was sportin’ some down-right impressive gear! Billie stomped, snorted and pawed the whole way across the farm, likin’ to fight anything that moved! My friend retorted, I told ya, he ain’t right in the head! Well, close behind prance two “fawns”. Hades of it is, they got spots alright, but they’re got antlers too!! My friend looks ta me and retorts, “They’s early bloomers!”
So, now, all the deer family and friends havin’ crossed the farm safely, my new friend looks to me and says, okay, true to my word. Now you can shoot me. He takes out a cigarette and a blindfold. He pauses and says, you know, if ya let me go, I’ll make sure to set you up a shot on that buck what stole Billie’s woman! He’s the biggest, dumbest deer you could find. So, we agreed and parted ways, with my new friend tellin’ me, you just sit here. He’ll be along directly.
And so I did. I set myself there dutifully and waited. And I waited. Didn’t never see no more deer, and now as I sit here and retell this hunting experience, I’m afeared I’ll either look a fool or a liar as I tell it. So there you go folks. I didn’t get a buck today, but I made a new friend. As I walked back to the truck, I kicked over a can of white paint and sponges what looked like spot-dabbers. Well, a least I had a safe hunt. I sure hope Billie recovers from them mental problems.
Geno
