We MUST hunt deer.

[Smokey Joe]

We MUST hunt deer. I can prove this.

Deer hunting takes time and money.

Everybody knows that time IS money.

Therefore

Deer = Money ²

Money is the root of all evil
. _________
Money = √ Evil

Therefore

Money ² = Evil

Since

Deer = Money ²

Therefore

Deer = Evil

Evil must be rooted out and killed.

Therefore, we must hunt deer.




Did this up at work. It provoked widely varied reactions.

Editing: Can't get the square root sign to behave. You'll have to imagine it.

 

[Revival]

Heh... pretty good.

 

[Kamicosmos]

I saw one that was the same thing, only it was Girls/Women = Evil.

Heh.

 

[bean357]

noooooo....us girls wanna hunt deer!
No evil.....or is there?

 

[Smokey Joe]

Girls hunting evil deer

Works for me!

 

[Wedge]

I used to hunt girls...then one tricked me into marriage.

I still hunt deer though.

 

[bean357]

HEH! LOL, Smokey Joe and Wedge!
Anyway-Smokey Joe, would you allow me to copy your genius work and bring to my place of employment? I would love to display this! For one outspoken person especially (anti gun/hunting), who asked me why I was taking time off, which was for deer hunting. Response from mentioned "oh, let's not let our infatuation with hunting and shooting get in the way of our work"....

 

[Smokey Joe]

Sharing

Bean 357--I'm flattered that you want to copy my little effort. The idea behind it was not mine; I did work out the "equasions." Wrote it up in MS Word, then copied and pasted into this forum, where I discovered that a straight line all by itself in an otherwise blank line of text, will invariably be pushed over to the left margin. No matter what you do about it! :banghead:

That equasion is supposed to read, " Money is equal to the square root of evil."

At any rate, copy away. Hope it helps with your anti.

 

[Fumbler]

Therefore, we must hunt deer.

Not to mention much of our nation's hardwood forest lands are devoid of advance regeneration due to over browsing by huge deer populations (I'm a forest management major).

 

[Nontypical]

nice proof, I like it, you must be a mathemetician, will print and show to my wife, helps w/ those Sundays I'm hunting deer rather than in church

 

[bean357]

Thanks much, Smokey Joe. I'm looking forward to the "reactions" heh

Great idea, Nontypical, I suppose it could also apply to others who ask where I was on a given Sunday and I was in a deer stand, duck slough, or stomping around in some CRP chasing wild chickens.

 

[Smokey Joe]

Natural tension

Nontypical--My degree is in natural resources mgt. and biology.

Fumbler--There exists a natural tension between forest mgrs. and wildlife mgrs, thus:

Forest mgr: Kill all the tree-chewing wildlife, plantation all the open spaces, and prune everything we don't selective-cut!

Wildlife mgr: No! Clearcut everything and burn it! Brush and edge are what matter!

Recreation specialist (barging in): No! No! Leave everything to nature--and put in a paved hiking trail and a campground!

Bean Counter (in the background): Harrumph! We can't afford to do any of that stuff! Budget cuts, y'know.

 

[mbs357]

I remember an episode of South Park.
There was a food shortage for the deer.
"We have to kill them, or they'll die."

 

[Dave R]

I keep hearing this mantra that there are some states in the USA where deer kill more people (via auto crashes) than people kill deer.

Have never seen any proof that its true, but I wouldn't doubt it, either.

 

[Fumbler]

Forest mgr: Kill all the tree-chewing wildlife, plantation all the open spaces, and prune everything we don't selective-cut!

Wildlife mgr: No! Clearcut everything and burn it! Brush and edge are what matter!

How do we plant plantations if we don't cleacut first

 

[Smokey Joe]

Plantations

The plantations go in every little open space we can find: Old fields, people's back yards, wherever there is a burn, etc, etc. And they are to be monocultural red pine, unless that grows naturally in the area, in which case they are to be monocultural something else.

 

[Fumbler]

Plantations aren't monocultures.

Studies done by some grad students at my school (NCSU) actually showed higher plant species (actually higher animal species diversity too) diversity in plantation loblolly pine stands than in natural non-intensively managed pine stands.
You don't change species diversity in plantations, only species composition.

 

[Wildalaska]

Not only must one hunt deer, but one must send WA properly agaed corn fed whitetail for WA to eat since all WA gets is caribou and moose and WA misses yummy corn fed whitetail.

WildsostartkillinAlaska

 

[azrael]

Ken,
I got a freezer full...Come on over anytime

 

[Smokey Joe]

Loblollies

Or is it loblollys? Anyhow I'm not familiar with 'em as a plantation spp. The red pine plantations with which I've dealt are basically a red pine desert, bar a few mushrooms. If other plantation spp are more diverse all I can say is GREAT!

 

[Fumbler]

I guess its loblollys...or more correctly loblolly pines

Loblolly plantations certainly do look like monocultures. The increase in species composition is due to small plants like lizard's breath and other forest floor dwelling stuff (I'm horrible at remembering their names) that you really have to look for.

Where do red pines grow?
Loblolly is the timber cash crop of the southeast US.

 

[Smokey Joe]

Red pines; location etc.

The Red Pine, aka Norway Pine, is indigenous to North Central and NE U. S. and adjacent Canada. It gets further west, too, I believe, but I don't know offhand how far west. It is called the Norway pine although it is a North American native, because it was first harvested commercially in Norway, ME. It is called the Red Pine because of the reddish (actually more a shade of pink) bark and wood. It adapts well to nursery and plantation situations, does OK in a variety of soils, and gets planted all over the place. In plantations it actually self-prunes. The more beautiful White Pine, indigenous to the same area, with its higher quality (and easy-to-work white) lumber, is much harder to culture. The introduced Scotch Pine, with its distinctive orange bark, can be used in plantations but tends to grow crooked. The other native pine in this area is the Jack Pine, which happily grows in the poorest of soils, and self-seeds after a fire, but does not grow very large and almost never straight.

Y'all have a number of pines in the South that don't come north. How 'bout slash pine, pitch pine, sugar pine, southern white pine, and longleaf pine? And I thought loblolly was a western, not a southern spp???

Anyhow, I've never seen a pine plantation that had much of significance in it besides the pines, and didn't look like a crown fire waiting to happen.

 

[Gfrey]

It is SOOO hard to imagine Smokey Joe teaching middle school science class for 32 years, isn't it?


Now,
Imagine hunting with Joe while he is happily looking at every plant, and tree, and explaining patiently why it matters to the deer we are supposed to be hunting.....


Hmmm, well it IS fun, especially after said deer has been shot....

Joe Joe Joe, you gave me a PINE to transplant, shall I blame you for the monocultural yard I have?




Ger

 

[Fumbler]

Ahh, Norway pine. I know what you're talking about now
Our white pine makes okay lumber and secondary wood. We can't grow it fast enough between nodes for it to be very good stuff.

I dunno what they have in the west, but loblolly is definately a southeastern sp.

You aught to see a longleaf savannah....
Fire is a wonderful thing.

 

[Smokey Joe]

Well!

Fumbler--You've got some SERIOUS sawtimber there! I'd love to have an up-close-and-personal look at it! Is this a savannah, then, and is it a natural occurance or a plantation? Have had very little opportunity to observe plants & wildlife in SE US. Agreed, fire is a whole lot more natual an occurance than Smoky the Bear teaches.

Gfrey--When you have a talent it's a beast within you that must be fed. I don't teach therefore I am; I am, therefore I teach. I understand that others posessed by other talents have a similar compulsion to let them be exercised. Made peace with my beast years ago, don't mind the ribbing I get for hyper-explaining everything and am grateful for the friends I have that put up with it.

BTW, your yard isn't a monoculture--besides the little white pine you have IIRC 2 silver maples, a weeping willow, an apple tree, a pear tree, a Concord grapevine and a Russian olive, besides Kentucky blue and other grasses and the usual collection of various herbaceous weeds. Not to mention the vegetable garden. Hmmmm, well maybe it IS a monoculture, but if so it's because of the grasses, not the trees. Going on number of organisms, not weight, the grasses out-do all the rest put together. (See, there I go again.)