I currently own 686+ but I can't handle the recoil and blast of the .357 round for home defense; I would be either deadth or deaf. .38+ is (well) not really powerful enough for Home defense.
Look at some of the better .38+p rounds. I don't think that when push comes to shove, the other party is going to care if they were hit by .38+p or .45acp. In a typical home defense use, I would never, ever feel undergunned with some nice Hornady .38 +p XTP or the new FTX rounds in my 1940's Military & Police revolver. Sometimes, that combination actually sits in my nightstand as I routinely rotate my nightstand guns.
If you want an excuse to get a new gun, go for it. But if you want adequate home protection and you already own a 686, then you have the near-perfect gun already. I have a slew of autos and revolvers from .38 to .44magnum, including .45acp and .45 Colt, too. But it's a 4" 686 that usually takes pride of place in the nightstand despite the rotation. I even choose that .357 over a 1/2 dozen others in that caliber as it's just a near-perfect revolver. I also think I understand your problem as my other 1/2 is a software engineer and programmer. She is very sensitive to recoil when it comes time to shoot because of her (daily) fatigued wrists and hands. So I do (think) I know where you are coming from now.
I know .45ACP revolver can take .45 long colt round also which is a plus (correct me if I'm wrong).
These are two different rounds and will not interchange in any handgun, auto or revolver. There are a few post-WWII revolvers that can switch between the two with a cylinder change. That may be why you thought that.
Your 686 will handle rounds from "mild" to "wild." You can just hunt up the ammo you are comfortable with; no need for a new gun. The thing that gets most people with .357 is not the recoil but really the noise - 1077fps or thereabouts is, at sea level and normal temp/pressure, the speed of sound. Most all .357 magnum loads will be above that; virtually every .45acp load is below that. Just be sure to choose a .357 below this level in your revolver and you won't have that sonic boom to jar the senses. Also, the powder for those velocities tends to be slower-burning, thus with more still-burning powder going out the muzzle (big flash - jarring at night without training). As you slow the bullet down, the flash goes down, too.
Places to look for ammo for your needs would be Buffalo Bore, Hornady, Winchester, etc. Look for the higher-level "self-defense" .38 +p loads.
Good luck solving your problem. God forbid I ever talk someone OUT of buying a gun, but honestly, you can solve your home-defense needs and recoil limitations with the gun you have if you don't want to spend the money. It just requires some decent advice and some smart shopping. And then also get some "puff" level .38 target or cowboy loads to practice with; just shoot the defense loads once in a while and load the gun with them in the nightstand.
