wife needs training after incident at home today

[WestKentucky]

This is why I'm so proud to live in kentucky...the state that protects the person's 2A to and from work so long as the gun stays locked in the vehicle when the person is in a "prohited" or "posted" area. My gun stays with me everywhere I go, and in the truck when I'm at work. If I'm on my bike I have permission from the company president to go directly to my desk, lock it in my desk, and leave it there until I leave.

 

[gamestalker]

IMO, and after having been the victim of numerous violent circumstances, training and awareness are key.

My wife and I raised 5 boys and a girl, so I feel I can contribute at least some insight.

My wife and I started by making our children aware of the fact that there are bad people in our society that want to do bad things. We began instilling this in them at as early an age as possible so it could become an integrated part of their daily awareness, just like looking both ways before crossing the street.

Then as they became more and more capable of understanding the concept of self defense, we started drilling with them, and teaching them how to react and fight back if ever abducted. We taught them to fight dirty, and to use anything and everything within their reach, pencils, pens, or anything that could be used as a weapon to disable a bad guy long enough to escape. Go for the eye's with anything, punch, kick the throat, groin, bite, sand in their eye's. And most kids may have a back pack, to which might have a number of items that can be improvised weapons. If possible grab the keys, even better if it can be done when they aren't looking, this can provide additional time to plan or execute an escape. And when doing anything, do it with intentional harm to the full extent possible. One such tactic we also taught was to make their selves throw up on the person if possible, soil their shorts, anything that can create a major distraction can afford the opportunity to escape. The rule, was that there are no rules, anything and everything that can be used as a means to escape is on the table. Also, acting calm or even naive can open a door to launch an unexpected attack on the assailant, element of surprise. Having been abducted as a child has provided some insight for me.

As for your wife, absolutely get her training and drilling. She needs to be on her game. That incident could have gone far worse, she was just plain lucky it didn't.

GS

 

[Sheepdog1968]

Yikes. Scary stuff. As for the firearms training, a place such as thunder ranch or Gunsite would be a good investment. As for the home, a big dog is good. How about pepper spray on her at all times? I would also consider getting some martial arts training.

I had some cousins who lived in a nice part of San Francisco. Project housing was built and predictably the area turned to crap. They eventually moved after several decades. They also never stopped the car until the garage door was completely shut and never opened the garage door until the were in the car, buckled in, and motor started. Just in case. To this day, I do the same. Good luck. Scary stuff.

I had an incident where my wife called me one day and asked for the combo to open the emergency safe. I had to be patient and tell her. Tale about a long few seconds. After she got that done I got to hear the story. A few houses down someone was casing out the home to break in and even went into that persons back yard. Lots of folks work from home so cops were called and neighbors called each other. Person didn't break in and cops showed up quickly. Unfortunately guy was gone by then.

Now, I have had my wife open it many many times to train her. In a moment of panic and stress, she couldn't. We have worked on it and use lots of examples that pop up on the news as opportunities to go through drills. Still, never know for sure how she will perform for real.

Good luck.

 

[Deltaboy1984]

Prayers sent and Praise the Lord she is alright. Yes it is time to set down over some coffee and hot chocolate and discuss this serious matter and how to handle it.

 

[gamestalker]

​

"When seconds count, the police are minutes away"

GS

 

[leadcounsel]

A little more info. We are at the end of a short dead end street on the edge of town. 10 houses total on our street. Very quiet street. Never any issues.

Also car wasn't running. She just left the door open and the car was in our carport.

First, glad she ended up escaping this scary situation. Imagine if that were you or me there'd be two dead perps in the driveway and we'd be shaken up quite a bit.

People need to immediately remove the notion of "quiet and safe neighborhood." It no longer exists. Criminals have cars, phones, and the internet. All good neighborhoods are within 30 minutes of bad neighborhoods, and criminals easily venture out to hunt.

It drove me nuts when my previous girlfriends demonstrated lack of situational awareness like this - leaving doors open, talking to beggers, not being aware of surroundings, etc. Jus inviting disaster.

Sounds like you need to sit down and show some videos on Youtube of how quickly violent crime can occur, and go over pure fundamentals of situational awareness, and then get into more advanced reactionary drills (draw gun, seek safety, issue commands, call 911, issue more commands, etc.).

As cozy Americans we are brainwashed to be lax in our own safety, so that is a tough nut to crack. Good luck.

 

[fallout mike]

Leadcounsel, I'm with you. My reloading shop is in my fenced in backyard on my "safe and quiet" street. I still keep a gun laying on a table out there. I have been in the security business since 1997. I have seen first hand on thousands of occasions that there are really no "safe and secure" areas. Even the gated multi million dollar neighborhoods get broken into. Some areas are better than others though. Everybody thinks they are safe until their first incident. Luckily this one ended without unthinkable things happening. She often shoots with me. She is not a bad shot. She really hasn't wanted to carry until now though. She would always have a gun out while at home with me drilling it into her and wouldn't hesitate to protect herself or the kids, I thought. Maybe she will start to see that I'm not paranoid and that the world is more than rainbows and unicorns.

 

[Sheepdog1968]

First, glad she ended up escaping this scary situation. Imagine if that were you or me there'd be two dead perps in the driveway and we'd be shaken up quite a bit.

People need to immediately remove the notion of "quiet and safe neighborhood." It no longer exists. Criminals have cars, phones, and the internet. All good neighborhoods are within 30 minutes of bad neighborhoods, and criminals easily venture out to hunt.

It drove me nuts when my previous girlfriends demonstrated lack of situational awareness like this - leaving doors open, talking to beggers, not being aware of surroundings, etc. Jus inviting disaster.

Sounds like you need to sit down and show some videos on Youtube of how quickly violent crime can occur, and go over pure fundamentals of situational awareness, and then get into more advanced reactionary drills (draw gun, seek safety, issue commands, call 911, issue more commands, etc.).

As cozy Americans we are brainwashed to be lax in our own safety, so that is a tough nut to crack. Good luck.

In the 1990s I had a girlfriend who routinely didn't like the back door on her 5th story apartment. I reminded her every time as I wasn't always there. We got in a huge argument over it. The day after major foot surgery she awoke and herd some noises in the kitchen thought it was her cousin and hobbled in. It was a burglar with a long rap sheet who came in the unlocked back door. It was a miracle she wasn't raped or killed. All worked ok for her. I wasn't there. She found out after the fact that he had disconnected the phone as well.

 

[RetiredUSNChief]

I'm glad your wife wasn't hurt.

Since it's been a number of days now, I hope you're back home and she's recovered her wits. A potential violent encounter like that will shake anybody up the first time it happens. I'm assuming all the usual police reports and such are a done deal by now.

If you haven't already done this with her, I'd simply start with reviewing exactly what happened with her, in her own words, and have her actually walk you through the entire encounter. You should do this as a "facilitator", meaning your role in the entire process is to guide her in such a way that she is the one who provides all the answers, and even comes up with some of the questions.

Afterwards, as part of the facilitation process, I'd recommend going over the positive/good things that happened. Get HER to bring up all the good/positive points. Many times we dwell on that bad parts, or what COULD have happened, and lose sight of the good and maybe even lose self-confidence.

Then move on to the parts about what could have been done better, with a view towards self-improvement. Again, facilitating this properly puts her in the center seat on what and how things could have been better.

Properly facilitated, she will be the one who leads the discussion on all this, which will make her more active and productive in improving herself, and her family, and become better prepared as a result.

Then run through a few training scenarios with the family periodically to reinforce positive defensive attributes...like hitting that panic alarm!

 

[primalmu]

Not much else I can add, except that I'd like to reiterate that you should NEVER, under any circumstances, carry your SS card with you, much less those of your family members. There's simply no reason you need to have those on hand.

 

[amprecon]

What is very wrong about this whole scenario, and many similar scenarios around the country are the laws. The laws tie the citizen's hands behind their backs.
Obviously criminals do not care about the law, or they wouldn't do what they do. However, the rest of us are bound by our consciences to obey the law. The laws regarding self-defense handicap us, keep us from protecting ourselves and give criminals a HUGE edge, it is not only wrong, but unconscionable and criminal that such laws exist.

The true enemy to our personal freedoms and right to self-preservation are the politicians we elect to office who freely give our rights away and are offered protective services that we get to pay for, yet are not affordably available to the rest of us.

All this said, the law or not, I will ALWAYS maintain my ability to protect my family and myself, another reason I moved to where we live now.

Just remember, the law is only as good as those that obey it, it's not a guarantee that bad things won't happen obviously, it's just an empty promise that makes us feel safer because it's "a law", that is all.

Politics are where self-defense really begins, it is not right to have defended your life in a accosting, but to spend the rest of your life and savings proving you were justified in living is in itself criminal.

My point is, we don't carry a gun on us all the time because of the laws, fix it.

 

[Mikhail Weiss]

Deaf:
She needs to carry the gun ON HER and not in a purse, not in the safe, not in the car. Carry the gun on her...

fallout mike:
She had just put her .357 in the safe bc she can't have it on the property where she works, which is a state facility.

Considering her workplace limitations, you recommend what, exactly, Deaf?

Carry on person from home, in car, at work, back into the car, and back to home again? Or do you recommend that she carry on her person from house to car, in car, then lock gun in car while at work, then unlock gun from car to wear while driving back home, wearing gun from car to home? It seems that a specific recommendation would prove useful, here, so I'm curious.

fallout mike:
She panicked and didn't know what to do.

Seems she did all right where it counts. She remained safe and unharmed. Room for improvement? Sure, and many here have made good suggestions, but the bigger right seems more important than the smaller wrongs. Those things will always remain up for analysis, no matter what sort of incident unfolds.

 

[beatcop]

-driveway alarm, extra transmitters on blind sides of house (chamberlain reporter)

-start car from inside w remote start/alarm. Get in and insert key only when door is shut and locked. (crook thinks it's running until brake is pressed and car turns off. Hit panic button)

 

[mbt2001]

She did the perfect thing... SHE SURVIVED. Had the perps not been able to grab her purse and phone, they might have continued hostilities. If that had happened, the results might very well have been much more unpleasant.

Talk with her about a simple response matrix, so that when the pressure is on she is capable of responding. Most likely she didn't "freeze", rather her brain went into hyperdrive over her purse, phone, etc... and whether or not she could get them; which drowned out other thoughts. She did not fail, she did not make a mistake, she does not need a lecture. What she needs is to contemplate what happened and to develop a mental response plan for future events.

 

[fallout mike]

Thanks for all the advice guys. Good learning experience for her. It opened her eyes. Another incident last week. We went to see my dad in the hospital last week an hour from home, still in the Mississippi delta. We got out of the car and started putting our jackets on. Two pants below their butt thugs were walking across the parking lot our direction. I firmly told my wife and 2 kids to start walking NOW. My wife stared at me. The 2 guys had stopped 10ft away, looked at each other, around the parking lot, at each other, put their hands in their pockets, thinking it over. Meanwhile she is standing there defiantly glaring at me bc I'm firmly telling them to start walking. She is unaware of these 2 guys standing 3 yards behind her up to no good. I didn't want to get into a shoot out with my family there. I would've given them my wallet. I've never given up my wallet in all my other attempted muggings. But I have always been alone. Anyway, now she will finally listen to me about being aware of your surroundings at parking lots as well. Is it just my wife or is most women like this?

 

[stevekozak]

There is more at work here than just your wife freezing in a moment (as shown in your op). If she really stood and glared at you when you told her and the kids to get walking, her attitude is going to get her, you, and the kids hurt or killed at some point (I assume you don't regularly order her movements). You best address this now before it is too late!

 

[stevekozak]

Considering her workplace limitations, you recommend what, exactly, Deaf?

Carry on person from home, in car, at work, back into the car, and back to home again? Or do you recommend that she carry on her person from house to car, in car, then lock gun in car while at work, then unlock gun from car to wear while driving back home, wearing gun from car to home? It seems that a specific recommendation would prove useful, here, so I'm curious.



Seems she did all right where it counts. She remained safe and unharmed. Room for improvement? Sure, and many here have made good suggestions, but the bigger right seems more important than the smaller wrongs. Those things will always remain up for analysis, no matter what sort of incident unfolds.

I would carry to the parking place, lock the gun in the car during work, rearm after work. May be against company policy, but unemployed is a lot less uncomfortable than raped and/or dead.

 

[lemaymiami]

The truth is most decent folks have little idea of what's on the dark side of things (wish I didn't -but 22 years as a cop did bring some changes....). Folks that have grown up in bad circumstances (or just on the bad side of any town or city) learn early about the possibilities on the street (or right in your driveway or backyard) and probably have an edge on the deal.

Me, I much prefer to be around decent folks, period. We all make a point of protecting our kids as they grow up, but the truth is we probably should start preaching awareness and readiness a lot earlier than we do. Wish it weren't so. Since I'm now officially a "geezer" I can remember a childhood where an ordinary burglary (property crime only) was a rare event in my neighborhood. Things did change pretty quickly when drugs entered the picture in a big way (that was 1967 in north Alabama - we were behind the curve...). I can also remember a time when the phrase "active shooter" was never needed. Like I said, we've all been through quite a few changes in the last fifty years. Without making a big deal about it, gently point out things of concern to your wife. She'll get the idea pretty quickly...

 

[fallout mike]

Steve, I do not. Maybe there was a little shock involved with her thinking I must be in a really bad mood and ordering her around or something. I've never done that before. She understood after we got inside and I told her what was going on. She says she will be looking around in parking lots from now on. The Mississippi delta has just went straight to hell. It's nearly a war zone. I've bought land out of the delta. Working towards getting moved there asap.

 

[lemaymiami]

Here's something that any couple can work on... If one or the other spots a problem and needs to alert the other silently - a simple squeeze of the upper arm, repeated three times should do the trick and won't be noticed by kids or potential problems... Then if either of you needs to give directions they'll be taken in the spirit needed so there's not likely to be any disagreement (depending of course on your spouse.... and this cuts both ways -sometimes the lady is the more alert of the two...).

 

[Fred Fuller]

Meanwhile she is standing there defiantly glaring at me bc I'm firmly telling them to start walking

Consider a code word to indicate danger, since you won't always be within touching distance. Something like "Matilda."

Saying "Matilda, we need to get moving," when she knows 'Matilda' means something is a potential threat, might be a better way to alert her (and the kids, assuming you don't have a daughter named Matilda ) that something is up. And it wouldn't necessarily let the potential threat know it's been spotted as such.

 

[Johnny_B_Goode]

She doesn't need much training, just learning not to spray in the wind. I go a lot of places where I cannot take a gun or it just wouldn't be proper to use a gun. If someone can keep on attacking after a dose of Sabre they are crazed. Even if you had a gun you may not stop the attacker. It would be someone like the guy a police officer shot 14 times with a 45acp, one in a hundred million.
http://www.walmart.com/ip/Sabre-Def...-CS-Military-Tear-Gas-UV-Marking-Dye/33409006

Sabre home site, training other details.
http://www.sabrered.com/servlet/the-SABRE-Advanced-3-dsh-in-dsh-1-Defense-Sprays/Categories

 

[RetiredUSNChief]

Sounds like she's just strong-willed to me.

People tend to view the world around them through their own eyes, so to speak. People who are trusting thus tend to view other people as trustworth until proven otherwise. Likewise, people who are liars tend to view other people as liars, people who are good tend to think of other people as good...

I strongly suspect that your wife's poor situational awareness thus comes from a basic nature to see the good in most other people. It hasn't really sunk in to her yet, even with her recent experiences, that there ARE bad people out there and they DO look to victimize others. She'll come around on this, but if she's strong-willed (read: "bull-headed"), then it's also part of her personality to resist being TOLD what to do.

You'll have to figure a way to work with that.

In the world of self-defense, situational awareness is the key to avoiding violent conflicts. She sounds like a smart cookie...I'm sure she'll come around on this!

 

[JohnKSa]

Is it just my wife or is most women like this?

Most PEOPLE are like this. They are clueless about what goes on around them. Sometimes by default, sometimes by direct choice.

By that, I mean some people just default to not paying any attention to what's going on around them. Some people choose to pretend that what goes on around them is unimportant either to feel secure or for some other reason(s).

You guys need to form some very basic plans. I'm not talking about anything that needs to be written down, just some simple stuff. Having even a very basic plan is better than just winging it when the time actually comes.