would you be upset if your family tried to dictate how you carry?

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spacemanspiff

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my brother dropped by to pick me up on his way to a hockey game, and he says:
brother: "okay, i dont mind if you have your gun around me, but i dont want a round chambered."
me: ".......what?"
brother: "around me or my kids, i dont want you to have your gun chambered."
me: "..............why?"
brother: "because i dont want it."
me: "and this makes you safer how?"
brother: "i dont want to get in a debate about it."
me: "i'm not debating you, i just would like a reason."
brother: "because. i dont want it."
me: "..................NO. i wont allow you, or anyone to tell me how i should carry."
brother: "alright then. i'll take you back to your home. no hard feelings."
me: "of course not. but its sad that your complete ignorance of firearms and how i handle them brings you to this decision."



now at first, i was upset, and wanted to tear him a new one. but i know that wont make any difference. hes a stubborn sob, and nothing i say or do will change his mind. i have an idea of where hes getting this misinformation from. hes divorcing his wife of ten years, and is talking about marrying this other woman hes fallen in love with. i think shes fed his mind with the idea that his kids and himself are endangered by my carrying cocked and locked.

but who knows? this may have been his position all along. hes not anti-gun but he has no interest in becoming proficient with his handgun, doesnt even want to spend time at the range or spend money on ammo. he wont take the concealed weapons course, thinking he never needs to carry on his person. he wont buy a shotgun for home defense.

i dont think his kids even know he has a gun, and they are already old enough and smart enough to shoot .22 if he would train them.
he keeps his ruger p90 in his vehicle and takes it in when he gets home, but it isnt chambered.

it is too bad that his decision will keep me from going to his place, or doing just about anything with him or his kids. but in a way, i'm relieved.
 
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Some people just don't care to be troubled to comprehend the fundamentals: that's all.

My brother missed a few of the fundamentals along the way. I try to figure it's his life, not mine, and don't spend much time with him.
 
Sounds like a reasonable request to me. I think you should respect him on it. Whats going to happen in his house that itd be life & death if you werent chambered?

You may be totally safe with guns, but if he's not comfortable with it and its his place, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.
 
brother: "okay, i dont mind if you have your gun around me, but i dont want a round chambered."
Click to expand...

Me: "That's cool; pull over right here. Oh, and dinner's off for this Saturday. Gimme a call if you want to talk about why."

If somebody in my family wants to play power games, I'm up for it. If they really don't want to be around me when I'm packing, well, then that's cool too; I don't go places where I can't pack. I'm pretty sure that when they realize I'm as serious as they are, we can reach some sort of modus vivendi.

My little sister's in therapy because she can't figure out why, when she's thirty-one and a successful dentist, she still hid the liquor bottles at her house when mom and dad would come over for dinner. "I envy the way you can stand up to the rest of the family and do what you think is right," she said to me. I replied "Actually it's pretty easy; I only have to look at one face in the mirror every morning; as long as that person's happy with me, everything else can be worked out."
 
When my fiance goes to her parent's house in south GA her dad makes her carry with no round in the chamber. I haven't been to their house yet and don't know what'll happen when he tells me the same. I wouldn't have said anything in the first place about carrying but my fiance was doing something and he saw her gun then she told him about me carrying, too.
 
I totally agree with Tamara's point of view on this, I don't go where I can't pack, and I won't let anyone tell me how to do it. Period. Absolute end of story......tom
 
I've had this conversation with friends. To be blunt I find it rather insulting they would deliberately choose to value their bleeding-heart opinions more than they value my safety. I don't spend time with those folks anymore. My choice to carry for defense was not a lightly made decision, and my methods and techniques while doing so are not open to debate. They can say whatever they like and I will hear them out, and even educate them as to the reasons why I've made the choices I have if they're honestly interested in my point of view. With family, if they want to declare that they don't want me in their homes while locked and loaded, that's their right and I will obey their wishes. When they want to see me, they're welcome to come and visit me in my home, because I will not be visiting theirs. I do agree it's an unfortunate situation to be placed in.

I posed a question to a friend who was livid I was carrying while we were downtown late one night after a concert. It was about 3am and some rather unfriendly looking folks were on the streets. Noticing her windows were rolled up, all doors locked, and that she was checking all mirrors every few seconds, I asked if she'd feel totally safe if she unlocked the doors and rolled the windows down. She said "That's crazy! Why should I give them a free shot at me?" I pointed out that's exactly what she was ordering for me to do by insisting I carry unchambered. (point of fact, I had one in the pipe despite her demands). She got quiet, muttered "that's completely different." and refused further comment the whole ride home.
 
I don't play these games either. I will re-state for those whom haven't read before ( apologies to those that have). I paid for the CCW training ammo, license fee, fingeprinting...everything for a brother to obtain the CCW. He refused to send it in. Made an "excuse" then later admitted he lied. Now he wanted, he asked for and I provided, the means. He sometimes travels in bad areas. He and family do take trips. Ok, his choice, to change his mind. For whatever reason he is not anti gun--just not Pro active in personal responsibility about self defece for him or family. We clashed-big time. This in itself the BIG factors in we as family...well we ain't. I have mom, that's it. She passes, well figure I'd leave this world alone anyway, so what.

I've carried too long, even before permits were needed, and yes I've needed my firearm. I do take care of mom. Mom took care of her granddaughter today, this is the first time I've seen my niece in about a year. Mom knows and never says a thing about my CCW, she understands, comforted by the fact. Concealed means concealed, I played T ball in the backyard, we made a Lincoln Log house...neice never knew, I never had a concern about the ability to protect me or them today.

Yep, I left before her parents came to pick her up. I made my decsion too many years ago , they made theirs. I'd sure like to take that little gal shooting...she remembers when I took her out last time. I just ignored the question and batted practice balls for her to field. When she is old enough to make her own choices, and I still around, yep, I'll teach.

I asked the family to not call me when they wake up dead. I really don't want to ID anyone. I worked in a OR once, seen plenty of nasty stuff and death. Their choice...I don't play games, I'm not anyone's doormat.

Mom asked what will happen to my guns. I have a few really close friends local, if they pass, well I have friends here. Its a matter of principle with me.
 
A thought...

Maybe point out that there is a greater chance of an ND if you handle it than if it's locked down in a holster with the trigger covered.

But definitely draw the line. If you aren't endangering anyone, which you aren't, how you carry is your business...
 
I had a friend call me on carrying with a round in the chamber once. He recieved a lecture on modern firearms design. He has since not commented on the matter.

Sometimes it is better to through the technical jargon at people.
 
My younger brother (the one that's a United Church of Christ Minister) is always on me for carrying period. Ruined a Thanksgiving for the entire family one year when he started on it the minute I walked in the door with my family. He had made a family decision, I was out of the jurisdiction where I was a peace officer at so I had no need to be armed!

I only brought his profession up, because he wasn't raised that way. I am convinced that because it was a hot political issue for the UCC that he felt it necessary to preach on it.

Jeff
 
Sounds like a reasonable request to me. I think you should respect him on it. Whats going to happen in his house that itd be life & death if you werent chambered?
You may be totally safe with guns, but if he's not comfortable with it and its his place, I wouldn't make a big deal out
Click to expand...

well it is his perogative to surround himself with unprepared potential victims. i wont argue with him about, i just wont go to his place. i wont be able to go to a restaurant with him, and i wont be able to spend time with his kids.
but think about your question for a moment. home invasions do happen, while the residents are at home. what good does is a defensive weapon if it isnt in ready condition?
and as it was said, there is a greater risk of a ND the more time the weapon is spent removed and inserted into the holster. in fact, the only time i remove the weapon from the holster is when i use the restroom. unless i am dryfiring or cleaning it, it remains in the holster, always loaded.

i was trying this past week (yet again) to get him to obtain a CCW. he says "i've made it 32 yrs without needing it, i'm fine."

i wouldnt shed a tear if i never said another word to my brother. or if i never saw his kids. thats just me though. i dont have a close relationship with them, as great as his kids are, they managed several years without being around me, they'll manage a few more years i'm sure. but my brother is the kind of person that likes to stir controversy. knowing him, he'll probably try to convince my mother that she should ask the same of me. i guess i'll just have that much more time to myself.
 
Brother not raised that way either Jeff White, he did become a Baptist deacon...similar situations we share. Yeah I do holidays by myself.

Nothing wrong with belief in a Power greater than yourself, prayer is good, I still figure that Power expects me to take responsiblity and take action...situational awareness. I also believe we are to "be vigilant" ...been known to say a prayer while doing what had to done to save my bacon...then again...I ain't a deacon,what do I know?
 
I don't know what book those churchmen are reading, but my bible has all sorts of stuff in it about carrying arms and acting in defense of yourself and the innocent.

I must have the older version, I'll have to go to the local liberal re-education center and pick up the approved one.
 
Sergeant Bob,

I never said I dumped my brother...said it was a point of contention and he did start the arguement at Thanksgiving dinner one year.

Jeff
 
SB
In my case family made a choice long time ago. I tried many times for the sake of mom and doint g the right thing. The CCW was the nail in the coffin for me. I help raise, fed and shelter them. I was the one whom defended them from an attack using a firearm one from BGs whom broke the front door down, Others include rabid dogs and such.

Church, yeah I attend sometimes, naturally elsewhere. Where I attend Full Bird Col. as preacher on active duty right now. Actually used a pc of reloading equip in a sermon not long ago. Point being without knowledge most folks wouldn't know what is was, people that did know it was a die for a reloader need to read instructions, follow directions and practice to be profiecent with any tool. Take the initiative to be responsible so as to not reload improper...personal responsibility. Imagine that. ;)

Same preacher whom said he records sermons, so if need to attend a shoot/ help with a CCW class...well...who knows whom is watching me. I ain't thumping a Good Book, maybe the way I carry myself during a shoot/ helping with a CCW class is what I'm supposed to do. I can always use my tape deck later.
 
Spiff & 1973,

I fell for y'all. I had to learn the hard way that some of my friends were only aquaintances.

Since both of my parents have passed away, the only family I have now is my adopted family, which, by the way, I have a stronger bond with than anyone except my Father. Most of them carry but the few that don't at least understand me and why I do.

As BabaLouie said once or twice on THR...
It would appear that for some, no explanation is required... for others, no explanation will do.

The High Road isn't always the Easy Road.
 
Jeff, I didn't mean anyone in particular, just a general thought and it goes both ways too. If someone is willing to dump you or possibly damage the relationship over the issue, it shows a lack of trust on their part. If someone in my family didn't trust me, I'd have a real hard time treating them as family. I have a pretty tight family though and our values are very similar, and none of them have any problem with me dragging out my hardware in preparation for war.:D
 
Well I did put myself up for adoption. Nobody wants a 48 y/o male it seems.:D
No Rich parents called me...and for darn sure no attractive young ladies...I'm still available tho'. :p

Will shoot for food.
 
Hey I actually want to head that way some day.
My multiple permits don't include Seattle...not real sure what does. I mean I can't have myself walking around unnarmed. I'd be upset for one and just not the THR way... walking around nekkid and all. ;)

I can see myself flanked with Blues Bear and pax... me with no gun...gotta find a permit for out that way first. Can't upset the THR family now can we?:p
 
So is he going to check the chamber?

If not, then just lie to him ... then the only way he'll ever find out about it is if you need your gun, in which case I doubt he'll care that you carried with a round in the chamber.
 
well zund, i thought about that, but if i *said* i'd give in, even if i really didnt i'd feel worse about myself. the thing that gets me is that it is fueled by the same tripe we hear from antis who say that 'guns are bad' and 'guns go off and kill people'. obviously this kind of ignorance is spouted from gunowners.

when my brother moved back from airzona i was showing off my small collection of boomsticks, and he was surprised that i carry cocked & locked. so i went over the design of the 1911 with him, showed him the manual safety, and the beavertail grip safety and demonstrated (with no magazine in and nothing in the chamber - note i didnt say 'unloaded') that the only way the hammer could possibly fall is with a deliberate motion to disengage the safety and having a proper hold on the backstrap and pulling the trigger.
already thats one more safety than his ruger p90 has, but i digress. in fact, a couple other family members have commented upon seeing the hammer cocked.

its a matter of principles. my principles guide me to always be in a state of readiness, i train myself in one way, and to monkey with that mindset could prove fatal. what happens when something bad does happen, and i go to pull the trigger on a weapon that i assume is fully loaded, but find an empty chamber instead? i'm not trained for that.
those who do carry unchambered, they have trained their reflexes to work the slide, and thats great.

as far as family is concerned, between aunts, uncles, siblings, neices, nephews, cousins, theres probably close to a total of 70, and thats just on my mothers side, i know few of my dads relatives. of all them, i can count on one hand those who i would shed a tear for. it barely take two hands to count those who i keep contact with.
heck, i can count close friends on one hand.

theres a quote that i like to reflect upon:
"every man alone is sincere. at the presence of a second, hypocrisy begins."
 
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