It is finally over!! I can now share my story.

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For a long time I was off the board. Then I came back onto the board speaking of experience and hand loading, etc. It was hard to come back to the firearms board, but I missed the conversations.
But here is some of the psychological issues one can face during something like this.

I remember when it happened it was during deer season. I consider myself to be an expert shot. I have shot expert, and I do quite well with my rifles and handguns. Well, when this happened my BIL, wife's brother, and I were hunting. I missed three deer in a row in three days at very close ranges.
My BIL was worried about me, and questioned me even hunting or being around firearms at this time.

I was determined to get my meat for the season. So I'd shoot over and over again at paper and miss the target. BIL would shoot the rifles, and he'd hit dead on. BIL would say, "your guns shoot as trues as they always do."
Then would come a game animal. I'd miss. This went on for a few weeks of hunting. Finally the old country boy my BIL killed a coyote. When I came back to camp he had it hanging from a tree.
He asked for my rifle, and I gave it to him, and he handed it back with three rounds.. The yote was at 200 yards.
He said I am going to call out head, body or tail. You have until I blow this whistle to make the shot. If you don't hit all of them where I call. You have to get your head straight before going back into the woods. You may hurt yourself, me, or an animal.. I agreed.

So I loaded up the rifle, and we did the test. He called tail, and I hit the tail. Same for head and body.

He said sometimes you just have to see blood to get things like you have been through. He said, "I think you are good now."
That night I shot me a deer without any issues. Funny how us good 'ol boys know how to get ones head straight.

But before he did that I was frazzled. Totally a stranger to my own firearms.

Guys, I don't mind talking about it. I just want to make sure that it is all past me before I share that day in a time line. I think you all should know, and I think that all of you and your wife's could learn from our experience. I have had a lot of time to critique the day. So I know where mistakes were made, and how the conversations and walk through prepared for that day.

I also need to write it out and get my wife to sign off on what she wants me to share.
 
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Wow, and she was pregnant too. Like she didn't have enough going on already. Like Dave said, don't blame yourself for not being there. I'm sure you recognize that it's not rational - you couldn't have known ahead of time - but maybe you just can't shake the feeling. That's normal; It's just how you're handling that whole "God, I wish it hadn't happened" thing. Just appreciate what you've got and know that it gets better. And when and if you are ready, write some of the story. If it feels good to do it, keep going and consider posting it later. If you discover that you hate doing it, tell us to pound sand. You won't get any grief from me.

On the lighter side, have you see the movie "Hop"? ;)
 
Eb1, sometimes sharing experiences helps you sort them out in your head. As a combat veteran, I've been down that road as well. Feel free to PM or email me.
 
I can't imagine, as a Father myself, that you went through all that. On top of it she was pregnant.
I am not a combat veteran, but have had traumatic experiences that affect me, everyday.
Going back may be hard, but talking about them after you have been through them, knowing you have the strength to get to where you are now, sometimes makes some kind of closure for you.

WE are just words on a screen to some degree. I don't need or WANT to hear anymore, other than the end is nigh.

Details, and things related to the traumatic scenario don't better my life and possibly could put you in a regressive mindset, and you might not be able to shake things as well.

My heart goes out to you a a complete stranger. As a Man/Father we all could learn a thing from you about fortitude.

Keep your head up.
 
This is what SD/HD is about, the good and bad, but being in the_right

...

Read the first page and others, full support responses..

Thank you for sharing this "real life, HD/SD, issue" with us and congrats seems, for lack of the right word/s, not meant in a joyful way but simply, the_right thing happened in regards to you and your wife's "gun buying and HD/SD planning"

That's why, in my case, I have 2 of the same Sig P229/40's and more than 2 9mm's for the wife, in the event, one's gun will be taken "for evidence" when, like you said so correctly, "you were the victims and you didn't bring this mess into your house, etc."

Let me conclude that using a firearm by you or a family member is the hardest thing to deal with that I have ever been through. My wife did the right thing. Some things could have been done differently, and I really don't want to get into a what those could have been. I am just glad it is over with, and I get my XD9 back. I haven't had it for three years. Looking forward to giving her a good bath and putting some rounds downrange.
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...

I'd put that gun in a beautiful display case with a simple gold leaf plaque above it saying ~ Our Hero ~ and get another new one and break that gun in -

OMMV

- keeping in mind, this is only my imagination talking IF we had been in your same shoes and 3yrs later, got that SD/HD weapon back that "did the job" without fail when it counted the_most.

You have my heart felt thoughts and thanks for sharing your story and give the little lady a long, heart-felt, hug for me.. :eek:

Best to ya all,


Ls
 
Eb1,

One difference I notice between your state and mine has to do with the role of the detective. In my state the detective is a investigator who collects the facts for the District Attorney. It is the District Attorney that makes the decision whether to and what charge(s) to file and prosecute.
 
Eb1 said:
After many years of sleepless nights. Much stress of having thoughts of raising my children on my own. Those feelings are finally over.

After my wife used one of our firearms to protect my daughter's and her own life from a home intruder, I finally get my handgun back.

There were never any charges pressed against my wife. We had to wait one year after the PA dropped the case, and what we thought was three years due to the statute of limitations for bodily injury in my state. Which wasn't the case since zero charges were brought upon my wife, and the PA had dropped the case, so one year would have been sufficient, but in these circumstances, no, news is really good news.

I got the call today that a judge has released my handgun to me as it is not needed for evidence any longer, and that is the end of the FINAL chapter to this three year nightmare.

I will not get into details, but there was one thing that stuck out in my mind. As the police were leaving the head detective was standing there, and I asked if he had heard if the man had died. He replied , "I haven't heard any news on the victim." I replied back in a very stern voice, "WE are the victims. This is my house. We didn't go looking for this mess, that man brought it to us." At that time he looked hard at me and nodded. My wife later mentioned that he was the officer that made the choice not to pursue charges against her.


Let me conclude that using a firearm by you or a family member is the hardest thing to deal with that I have ever been through. My wife did the right thing. Some things could have been done differently, and I really don't want to get into a what those could have been. I am just glad it is over with, and I get my XD9 back. I haven't had it for three years. Looking forward to giving her a good bath and putting some rounds downrange.

Also let me say that this incident has made me prefer larger calibers for SD from a handgun. Although I carry a .32 H&R Mag 6 shot stubby. I much rather carry my Rossi M720 .44 SPC. The 9mm did do its job. It stopped the threat. And with that I cannot down it to much, and I couldn't have asked any more of the cartridge, gun, or my wife for what she did in that split second.

One more final thought. Planning! My wife and I had practiced and planned for this scenario many times. So she knew what to do. Also she picked the XD9 out of all the guns tried for our main home Defense Hand Gun. We shot 1911's, Glocks, Sigs, S&W, and Ruger. Calibers were .22LR, .22 Mag, .38, .357, 9mm, .40, 10mm and .45 ACP.
She shot the Springfield XD9 Service model from 2007 the best. She like it the most, so that is what we purchased.
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Eb1,

Glad to hear that all came out well and that your loved ones are unharmed.

I have a question- Without going into unnecessary detail; Did you and your wife refrain from speaking to any of the responding Officers or investigators and/or making a statement/being interviewed by the investigating agency prior to seeking counsel?

I also commend you for having the presence of mind to correct the investigator as to who was the victim. That term is applied far too liberally these days and way too often to the wrong people.
 
Very Sobering Thread

Eb1
So glad your wife was there, knew what to do, had the mindset and right tool at hand.

What a woman you have sir! Vice versa I am sure.

Hoping she also had a good friend (like BIL) or counselor, minister, etc to help her in the aftermath, because I tend to believe the old adage, "There are no winners in a gunfight, only survivors". (not that this was a gunfight per se, but you know what I mean)

A very sobering thread. Thank you (and Wife) for sharing your ordeal. And may I repeat?... What a Woman... You are a lucky man, in more ways than one.
 
Eb1 said:
After many years of sleepless nights. Much stress of having thoughts of raising my children on my own. Those feelings are finally over.

After my wife used one of our firearms to protect my daughter's and her own life from a home intruder, I finally get my handgun back.

There were never any charges pressed against my wife. We had to wait one year after the PA dropped the case, and what we thought was three years due to the statute of limitations for bodily injury in my state. Which wasn't the case since zero charges were brought upon my wife, and the PA had dropped the case, so one year would have been sufficient, but in these circumstances, no, news is really good news.

I got the call today that a judge has released my handgun to me as it is not needed for evidence any longer, and that is the end of the FINAL chapter to this three year nightmare.

I will not get into details, but there was one thing that stuck out in my mind. As the police were leaving the head detective was standing there, and I asked if he had heard if the man had died. He replied , "I haven't heard any news on the victim." I replied back in a very stern voice, "WE are the victims. This is my house. We didn't go looking for this mess, that man brought it to us." At that time he looked hard at me and nodded. My wife later mentioned that he was the officer that made the choice not to pursue charges against her.


Let me conclude that using a firearm by you or a family member is the hardest thing to deal with that I have ever been through. My wife did the right thing. Some things could have been done differently, and I really don't want to get into a what those could have been. I am just glad it is over with, and I get my XD9 back. I haven't had it for three years. Looking forward to giving her a good bath and putting some rounds downrange.

Also let me say that this incident has made me prefer larger calibers for SD from a handgun. Although I carry a .32 H&R Mag 6 shot stubby. I much rather carry my Rossi M720 .44 SPC. The 9mm did do its job. It stopped the threat. And with that I cannot down it to much, and I couldn't have asked any more of the cartridge, gun, or my wife for what she did in that split second.

One more final thought. Planning! My wife and I had practiced and planned for this scenario many times. So she knew what to do. Also she picked the XD9 out of all the guns tried for our main home Defense Hand Gun. We shot 1911's, Glocks, Sigs, S&W, and Ruger. Calibers were .22LR, .22 Mag, .38, .357, 9mm, .40, 10mm and .45 ACP.
She shot the Springfield XD9 Service model from 2007 the best. She like it the most, so that is what we purchased.
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First let me say that I'm glad the wife and family are safe and the trama of possible leagal action has passed. Enjoy everyday you have with your family.

I also want to commend you on having the foresight to plan for such a horrible event and to train for it. Also the fact that you let the wife pick which weapon she was comfortable with for use in such a situation. So many husbands and boyfriends pick the weapon out for the women in their lives and leave it at that. That in my eyes is worse than no weapon.

So for those of you who haven't done it yet follow the example of the OP. Plan. Train. Be prepared.



Some thoughts to get the ladies in your life trained to use a gun.

Let her select the weapon.

Set her up with another female shooter.

Classes and range time devoted to her.

Encouragement and support from you. Remember you are dealing with a loved one not one of the guys you shoot with.
 
The worry and concern you had was certainly warranted, and my guess is that many incidents of honest citizens ending a threat with a firearm, especially where no one is shot, are never reported to the police in the first place. I truly wonder how it would be handled if I reported to the local police that I had stopped a robbery, assault, etc. by drawing my gun, and that the criminal had fled. Would I be arrested, at least until the police were certain I had done no wrong? Would my gun be siezed and possibly not returned? Would I have to hire an attorney to protect my rights? Etc, etc. Maybe this is why the general public is so unaware of how citizens legally use firearms to prevent or stop a crime 2 to 3 million times a year (according to John Lott's research) but it rarely seems to come to public light. My heart goes out to you, and especially to your wife. Hopefully you will be able to put this all behind you at some point and not have it be part of your every waking day.
 
That is true. Many if not most crimes are stopped without having to fire a shot, and I bet very, very few get reported out of fear of retribution by our law enforcement/legal system.
 
EB1, Your story hits home in a major way. The outcome of your events hammers me with an uncontrollable pride for a fellow citizen. I am overwhelmed with happiness over the outcome of your events. It was not something you wished for or wanted any part of but it's time for you and your family to have a recognition of personal victory. Your family was faced with an over burdensome challenge in which you all have pulled together and gotten through.

I too am interested in the details,but I must suggest that you should start with those who are close to you, and not to an open forum. I honestly believe it to be in your best interest not to divulge your full story here.
There will be too many people who just simply will not be able help themselves from trying to tell you what was done wrong, and what you and your wife should have done. Such comments would be pointless and self serving. Not to mention completely inappropriate. I really don't wish that on you.
The ending result is that your family is safe, and that shows that you all did everything just as you should have.
 
The home invasion in Conneticutt linked earlier was one of the most horrific crimes I have ever heard of. If this incident does not convince some of the need to take responsibility for one's own family safety, then probably nothing will. I have told many anti-gun folks, who seem to have an almost mystical confidence in the ability of the police to protect them, the saying "When seconds count, the police are only minutes away" but their refusal to face the terrible reality that really bad things can happen and we all need to do what we can to protect ourselves from such things is the ultimate reality denial. As bad as the aftermath of dealing with a self defense shooting is, the outcome had there not been a shooting was undoubtedly much worse.
 
EB - glad to hear that everything has been sorted out in your favor and everybody is safe.
I loved your comeback to that cop. It was brilliant and "spot on"! It may have also made him think about the situation in a different light, more favorable to you and your wife.
Well done!
 
I see very little to be gained from dissecting and scrutinizing what happened that day, at least for Eb1. I'm sure that not a day goes by that thought and introspection transpires regarding that day, and the days preceding and following it by Eb1.
Nevermind.. it's a really hard call and only one can make it. It's just that second guessing and what iffing after the fact is very often a never ending spiral to nowhere.
 
I shot the pistol today. Fifteen yard groups were 16 shot in a 2" group with hand loads that I had kept for the last 3 years. One-hundred twenty-five grain conical nose with 5 grains of Unique using mixed brass.

It was as smooth as I remembered. Actually to smooth.. lol
I have been shooting revolvers since the incident, and these include .44 Magnums, .44 SPC, and .32 H&R Magnum Ultra-Lites. That 9mm recoiled like a .22 Magnum. :)

To add to this story, it was time to get my CCW renewed, and this all took place about three weeks ago. So I went to the indoor range. There was a local officer running the range, and I marked revolvers only. He looked at my license, current CCW, and said you have an unrestricted, why are you marking revolvers only? I said, "well my auto is tied up at the moment". He said, "what? the police have it?" I replied, "yes". He just looks at me funny while I continue to fill out paper work.
I volunteer that it isn't in there for illegal reasons. He said, "so, you shot somebody?" Again, I reply with, "Yes, well. No, not me. My wife did?" What, he says. I then explain the story to him.
At the end of the story he says, wait a minute, man. I have an auto in my bag you can shoot, and hands me a Ruger 22/45. Very nice of him, but I guess he felt bad that I didn't have my auto because it was locked up as evidence at the time.

Good on him for letting me use his .22 auto to keep my unrestricted license. Well today I go back to the shop, and he is working again. I tell him I am here to shoot my auto pistol, and he said you got it out, huh. We chuckled, and talked a little. He checked it over, and asked some silly questions in regards to habits you make when you are a deer hunter and bag a deer, not really my thoughts, but hey, he is a cop, and probably is use to these types of situations where I am not, and don't really kid around about issues and such. I just semi play along, and say nope, clean as a whistle. Got her shined up and ready to roll last night. He mentions that it looks in great shape for being in the evidence room for 3+ years. This is where I am a true believer of the silicon rag. I always wiped down my auto pistol with a silicon rage, and it works.

Long story short after shooting these groups of 16 into 2 to 3 inch groups at 15 yards. He comments on how were must have been meant for each other because it was like we never missed a beat. The pistol still shoots true, and is a very accurate auto pistol. One reason why I never replaced it with another auto. I really felt like I get a great gun from Springfield. Another reason is I feel in love with shooting revolvers after I temporarily lost it, but now the revolvers may get a break. Nah!
 
Ed,
Glad you and your family survived the attack and the ordeal. The legal system "punishes" the innocent simply through the emotional and financial toll of a defense... most Prosecutors are honest and good, but I've met some that don't care. Thankfully it sounds that you got a good one.

Lucky for your familywhile you were at the range your wife had a gun!

As a lawyer, before you post the facts, just make certain that the case is 100% closed. It would be tragic if you said something here that re-opened an investigation and there is often no statute of limitations on 'homicide,' so be careful. Maybe clear it with your lawyer first...
 
Exactly why I haven't mentioned anything other than the joy of having my wife free and my property back. Also that it is a relief to have this burden lightened.

Thank you for advice.
 
Glad to hear you and your family are ok. Sickening though how the law is not serving the ends of justice. Nothing more than revenue generation and the interests of 'special' classes
 
Well that's just straight out <deleted>. There should be a law requiring the police to relinquish all evidence to its former owner/owners (if it has one and isn't illegal) if they decide not to press charges, or pay interest based on the value of the item if they want to keep it for longer.
 
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I know the feeling. I had a defensive incident a while back, during which I stomped the unholy living crap out of the offender. I reported it. I was mirandized (I assume for the "assault"), and have been loathe to say anything to anybody about it since. The bad guy is in jail, and as he was a felon in possessopn of a hand gun I doubt he'll be out soon. Man it will be a load off my shoulders when I know I am off the hook.

Ps--thank you Marc Denny and Gabe Suarez. The Dog Catcher works!
 
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