I didn't realize the question was so hard. I'll take a crack at it.
The best brand of basketballs is Spalding because the feel is superb and it's the official brand for the NBA.
The best brand of running shoes is Adidas because they don't give me blisters and they fit my feet great.
The best brand of mayonnaise is Best Foods because it tastes outstanding and has the smoothest texture.
The best brand of handguns is Glock because, for my purposes, they have the most desirable combination of features, reliability, durability, simplicity and customer service.
There, I did it. These are all my opinion of course, but it is possible to pick a best brand of anything.
That food factory mayonnaise is on your personal list when you could have chosen anything on the planet is damning.
Whatever the "best" of anything is, it isn't going to be a whipped glob of cheap stuff thrown together for ease of manufacture and shelf life by "food scientists" at the expense of well, every other factor. Scratch mayo with fresh and hand selected ingredients is so easy Geico's caveman could do it.
That Glock affection you have has become far more understandable within the context of your more general "taste."