I hear alot about how it is good now with modern ammo for self defense but what about before all these hollow points came onto the market? Are there examples of it failing to stop when a .45 would?
"alot" is not a word.
Until you get a set of twins, convince them to attack someone, and then shoot one with 9x19mm and the other with 11.43x23mm (aka .45acp) you won't have a valid comparison.
In the vast majority of defensive cases, the need for defense diminishes as soon as the opportunistic predator realizes their victim selection was in error, rapists, muggers, murderers and the like don't measure your bore and chamber size before deciding how to react when shot, they GET SHOT and change their plans on the fly (or have plans changed for them)
If I were planning on a gunfight, I wouldn't take 9mm, .45, or ANY handgun caliber, I'd have a rifle and lots of ammunition. For unforeseen circumstances, any duty loading* will do just fine, assuming you are capable of wielding your chosen defensive weapons.
* (duty load = modern HP in 9x19, fo-tay, .45, .357sig, .38spl, .357mag, etc ...
maybe 9x18mak and 7.62x25 if that's your thing)
Any story about how a 9mm wasn't effective and a .45 would be contains two things:
-A secondhand story
-An assumption of how it would have gone with one
very small variable changed
Anyone can cherry-pick stories to demonstrate why their favorite caliber is best, but duty loadings have roughly the same available energy and are designed to do the same job, about 12" of penetration in ballistics gel with reliable expansion.