jimmysadd,
The .410 has very little recoil in a longarm (shotgun or rifle).
I do have suggestions that I feel are all better choices, with little recoil when fired from a rifle:
.22 Magnum
9mm carbine (but not a Kel-Tec: they actually have heavy felt recoil)
.40
.357 Magnum
5.45x39mm
.223
7.62x39mm
Any of these from a rifle or carbine should have extremely manageable recoil. If you're someplace where you can easily have it- such as your home- a shotgun or rifle should
always be chosen for defense. For most people, this is partially because rifles and shotguns are usually much more powerful than handgun cartridges.
It's still true even when you're using handgun cartridges, though, because it's much easier to learn to hit your target consistently when you have a stock and a longer sight radius.
Firing from the hip is bad practice, and mostly works well in movies.
The popular Ruger 10/22 was made in .22 Magnum. If that was still available, it would be my first suggestion for your situation. Ruger also made 9mm and .40 carbines. Once again, those are no longer available.
You didn't mention finances. If funds aren't a concern, an AR15-style carbine like this
Stag Arms is easy to teach an inexperienced shooter to use well at close range. The adjustable buttstock would also make it easy for a very short-statured person to use without difficulty. .223 ammunition is readily available, and many different commercial rounds are excellent choices for home defense, with extremely rapid expansion and limited penetration. .223 has very little recoil from a rifle.
Saiga makes carbines in .223/5.56x45mm, as well as the slightly less powerful
5.45x39mm cartridge. These are quality firearms, but the stock length may be too long to fit your wife, and perhaps, you.
There are single-shot firearms available in good calibers, but they usually require cocking just before firing, and so, may not be good choices for someone with a bad hand.
Suggestions:
used Ruger 9mm or .40 Carbine
used Marlin Camp 9
used Ruger 10/22 .22 Magnum
AR15 Carbine in 5.45x39, 5.56x45mm
IF your wife can pull the trigger of a double-action revolver without difficulty, then the best choice you can find may be the
Rossi Circuit Judge. It is not too heavy. It has a nice short stock. It has a nice fiber optic sight to catch light in dim settings. Loaded with .45 Colt Silvertips, and with reasonable practice, this should be an extremely effective home defense piece for someone who can't stand heavy recoil.
John