A piece I wrote for my Contemporay Moral Problems class @ UNCG

[Offwhite]

So every week my professor requires us, the students, to write a piece on a blog for our class, Contemporary Moral Problems, from a pre-chosen subject he has given us. I am 25, married & work as a custodian at an elementary school while trying to get my bachelors degree from one of the most liberal schools in America (UNCG), so needless to say most of the time my peers, nor my professors for that matter understand my views or positions, especially since I could care less about PC & care more about real & unreal, truth & lies & what is just plain right. This week the subject was to watch a national news channel for about an hour & comment on what we "say", what is wrong & how to fix it. Here is what I wrote for all of my classmates & professor to see (PS I modified the cus words slightly for THR but not for the class). Enjoy.

What I am going to talk about is not the popular thought of our times nor will many agree with I am going to say. I was watching a national news program today about the war in Iraq which then cut to a news clip about upper class privileged white kids at a college protesting & spewing this bullsh*t propaganda about peace and acceptance & diversity. Diversity. What a lode of PC left-wing liberal bullsh*t. The program then turned around & ran a segment on how our borders are being over ran (that is my terminology not theirs) by illegal immigrants, mainly Hispanic, and how it was ok that they enter the country rob our welfare system & rape our Medicare system. The segment that followed was about our environment & how we are horrible people & "users." The last segment I watched (before wanting to vomit), was back to the war in Iraq & how we should apologize for our "interference." I see & hear a lot of you yelling for peace but I have not heard of a plan from one from you. So here's one plan... First the US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs, past & present. You know like Hitler, Mussolini, Tojo, Noriego, Milosovich and the rest of those 'good ole boys.' Next we will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea & the Philippines. They don't want us there anyhow. We would station our troops at the borders, no one sneaking through the fence. Then all illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together & get the hell out. We'll give them a free trip home. After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. France would welcome them. After that all future visitors will be thoroughly checked & limited to 90 days unless given a special permit. No one from a terrorist nation would be allowed in. If you don't like it there, change it your damn self and don't hide here! Asylum would never be available to anyone, period. We don't need anymore cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers. No "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend class they get an "F" and its back home baby! Then the US will make a strong effort to become self -sufficient energy wise. This will include the development & introduction of non-polluting sources of energy but will require the temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while; they're just reindeer that couldn't "make the big show" anyways. We'll offer Saudi Arabia & other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don't like, we go someplace else or back to Alaska, then they can go somewhere else to sell their product (about a week of the wells filing up in storage sites would probably be enough). Next, if there is a famine or any other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can prey to Allah, Vishnu or whomever they please, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever else they need. Besides most of what give them is stolen or given to their army. The people who need the supplies the most get very little if any on most occasions. And lastly, ship the joke that is the UN to some God-forsaken isolated island. We don't need spies & fair weather friends here. Besides the building would make a good homeless shelter or lock-up for illegal aliens. And Oh yeah, the language We speak is ENGLISH, learn it or LEAVE! Now isn't that a winner of a plan. The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses." Instead now she has a baseball bat & she's yelling "You want a piece of ME?!!" After you have read this I want you to realize something: if I have offended anyone in anyway, I want you to understand from the depths of my heart...how much I just don't give a F*CK!

 

[bogie]

And you are expecting that the membership here is going to resoundingly agree with your attempt at auguring in in class? I'd personally blame your grade upon your writing skills, or lack thereof, but doubtless instead of blaming yourself, you'll figure that the prof is "out to get you."

How tiresome...

Of course, if you electronically submit stuff, and there's a recall button available, you might really want to try using it.

 

[erictank]

A lot of that looks REALLY familiar to me, like I've seen it before somewhere. Possibly a matter of being influenced by prior writings and believing that the posted message is one's own original thought, but...

The Statue of Liberty bit is attributed to Robin Williams at: http://thinkexist.com/quotation/the_statue_of_liberty_is_no_longer_saying--give/329952.html

and the rest of the plan is also attributed to him (Williams), by the first message board member I happened across on a Yahoo search for "The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, "Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses."", at: http://www.belowtopsecret.com/thread17630/pg1 - dated 12-9-03. Took me about 5 seconds to find. There were at least 5 more copies of it in the first 20 search responses; Snopes has discredited the list, though the Statue of Liberty line IS his (he didn't say the rest of it, just got credit for it based on someone adding his line to the list: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/williams.asp)

Now, no one says that one can't be influenced by other peoples' work, and the blog entry posted here was not a direct quote - but it was AWFULLY close, unattributed, and easily checked. Don't know how well that would fly with a professor, especially one who might be looking for any reason to downgrade you.

 

[hankdatank1362]

Yeah, I've seen it before too. I'm sure your prof has as well.


Secondly, just because it's college and you can put swear words in your paper and not get a detention, doesn't always mean you should. Swear words are like wasabi... a little goes a long way. It's best to formalize your anger into something more eloquent.

Thirdly, there are many problems (legal, moral, and technical) with all of your arguements. But this isn't the board to discuss them.

Also, load is not spelled "lode." As in, your prof is going to find a butt load of grammatical mistakes in your paper if you don't get someone to proofread your paper." I'd love to, but it's Easter, and I have to get my son ready for church.

All in all, it wasn't that bad. I'm sure Rush Limbaugh would enjoy it... in between handfullls of Zanax.

 

[230RN]

Somebody mentioned a grade.

Offwhite, I may have missed it, but was there a complaint about your grade anywhere in your introduction?

Did you indeed get a lowball grade?

It was definitely "rant-ish," but I wonder how it might compare with others' papers in terms of emotion.

I'm not sure spelling and fact-checking matter much to profs if they agree with what you are saying.

However, one of the things you've got to watch out for if you use a spell checker is words which sound the same but are not: lode/load; breech/breach; site/sight, and the like. (These are called homonyms.) In a bright future world maybe someone will come up with a spell checker which is sensitive to homonyms and will ask you which word you want.

I actually enjoyed reading that, though, despite some faults. Shows passion. Which is important to a writer. My heart "soared like an eagle" when I read: "...especially since I could care less about PC & care more about real & unreal, truth & lies & what is just plain right."

Keep that in mind.

Forever.

P.S. You might want to look over


http://noindoctrination.org/

 

[Dorryn]

Wow. That was a fairly bigoted piece, IMHO.

You may have made some good points, but I had trouble seeing them under the grammatical and stylistic errors. Paragraphs are also helpful. Your attempts to be funny did very little to outweigh the fact that you didn't have much of substance to say, merely complaints.

Also, i dont think it was gun-related.

 

[Superlite27]

After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are.

Hmmmm. Should we put them on trains?

After that all future visitors will be thoroughly checked & limited to 90 days unless given a special permit.

Good one. "Das papieren, bitte"!

We don't need anymore cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

What about hairdressers? Shouldn't we ship the gays out too?

And basketball players. Let's get rid of the African Americans.

Yeah. We have plenty of hotels. We could ship out the Indians.

If they don't like, we go someplace else or back to Alaska, then they can go somewhere else to sell their product

Me no like. Me no like drill Alaska. Me also make fun grammar. Me think you get F. Me also think you like Hitler.

Hitler no like people unlike him.

Hitler ship unlike people off in train.

Hitler make unlike people carry papers.

I want you to understand from the depths of my heart...how much I just don't give a F*CK!

There's no need to be so adamant about it. The evidence that you don't is quite clear. Good luck learning anything when you have already considered that your mind, like America, is already full and doesn't need anything else to enter it.

 

[Vaarok]

That is arguably one of the worst papers I've ever read, and I used to be a teachers-aide for an English professor. It seems devoid of both logic and commonsense, and is also bigoted and poorly written.

 

[SouthpawShootr]

I can't wait to see what the mod has to say about this one.

Honestly, if I were your professor (and I've taught at college level), you'd get an F for this "effort." I might even look into having you removed from the class. Profanity has no place in formal writing. The concept of paragraphs seems to be alien to you. I'm not even going to touch the content, which a previous post lambasted quite well.

 

[CBS220]

TBH, this paper was terribly written, rife with generalizations and bigotry, and deserves the failing grade it will get, regardless of the professor.

Honestly, at least run it through spell check or something.

Also, UNCG is not really all that "liberal" of a school. That's just an excuse people use when they don't like or disagree with their professors.

 

[NeoSpud]

What does this have to do with firearms?

As for the content of this paper, I suggest you try to imagine exactly why immigrants are so eager to come into the US, taking jobs Americans don't want.

 

[bogie]

And did I neglect to mention the things called "paragraphs?" How careless...

They break thoughts into chunks that are more easily digested.

But the whole piece just chaps some tender portions of my anatomy, so hey...

Concept: Maybe the guy's a student, and he's really just looking to troll for "those gun nuts" who will agree with the rambling drivel, so that he can tell his professor that he was right about what bigoted rednecks we are... I mean, that thing reads like someone actually WORKED to hit every negative button...

Gee... Cluebat time...

The -vast majority- of the gun culture is NOT what you see on television. We're incredibly diverse, and the only requirement for entry is that you enjoy the smell of gunpowder in the morning... Or afternoon...

 

[Cacique500]

I couldn't get past the class title...Contemporary Moral Problems.

This is an actual class that you have to take? For what degree?

 

[Superlite27]

Evidently, Spelling 101, or Introductory to Grammar is not a prerequisite.

 

[fatguynlittlecoat]

I'm going to be completely honest. You have the writing ability of a high school sophomore. Maybe even worse.

Is this class a pre-requisite to English 101? I've seen some pretty bad writing in college but this has to be one of the worst.

And you obviously thought it was a good writing/rant/paper if you submitted it on your blog, allowed your prof to read it, and then post it on this forum.

The good news for you is anyone can learn how to write effectively and properly with a basic understanding of grammar and mechanics. If I was you, I'd start reading as much as possible. Pay attention to how other authors form sentences. Make sure you don't go from past tense to present tense in the same sentence. One more note:make sure you post as much objective material as possible. This allows the reader to draw his own conclusions based on the facts presented.

edit:I'm not trying to be a dick, but I really think you would benefit from taking a creative writing course from a good prof that has a Phd. in English. You'd be surprised by how far you could come along with your writing ability after only a few months.

Also I can think of 100 colleges that are more "liberal" than UNCG. Pick any college in California or the North East and you'll see what I'm talking about.

 

[misterwhipple]

I'm afraid, sir, that your essay offers little value for either civil discourse or moral deliberation. You would likely profit from reworking it.

 

[bogie]

Communication -is- important for the concerned gun culture activist.

We want our message transmitted, understood, and acted upon. Good things to pay attention to are the Associated Press stylebook and journalism manuals - forget all the flowery complex sentence crap that your high school and college teachers had you mess with. Semi-colons are evil, but comma splices are worse.

You also don't need to demonstrate that you have a vocabulary. If you can say something simply, that's the way to say it. For instance, never say "utilize" if "use" will work.

Keep it simple, and keep it focused. And you'll be more likely to have your stuff read.

Of course, if what you're writing is the equivalent of a toxic cesspool rant, just please don't bother.

 

[jlbraun]

Perhaps this... piece... would be better relegated to another site with more... ideological uniformity. It is sophomoric, poorly argued, and rife with grammatical errors. If you received a poor grade, it is because of these things and not your political views.

Gun enthusiasts are a quite varied bunch, and it is wrong to assume that your opinions would be lauded or even shared by even a few people at THR.

 

[230RN]

I still wonder what the others' papers looked like.

I'm kinda glad some of the stuff I pumped out at that age got destroyed in floods, disapppeared in transit, and otherwise lost to history.

 

[bogie]

Braun, it's a spew. Plain and simple. And if one would actually submit it to a "liberal" professor... I suspect that the "political views" would result in a fine-tooth-comb session to discover every possible error in order to justify a zero grade... If not a negative.

Think of it this way... If you have a prof who thinks that Theory A is the cat's meow, unless you're a blazing genius, and know someone in the college administration who will back you up, you really shouldn't submit a paper that states that Theory A is complete bunk...

 

[Flyboy]

An "F" would be exceedingly generous for that screed.

Hang around here for a while and watch how some of the truly skilled writers ply their crafts. In particular, keep an eye on LawDog, as he has a true gift for words.

Writing is an art, and like most forms of art, aesthetics matter. Your post--I decline to call it an essay--was aesthetically offensive. Organization was poor, grammar and spelling were lacking, profanity added nothing...it was all fire and no substance, and the style so off-putting that any substance included would lack credibility by association

If you want to write--and I encourage it, as writing is a glorious and useful art indeed--then learn to take your time, collect your thoughts, and build a cogent argument. Learn the grammar and structure to make your point flow naturally, and lead your reader to agree with you every step of the way.

That post came off as a petulant child with a rebellious attitude bent on showing Big Bad Professor that he doesn't have to take any of that "bullsh*t."

 

[jnyork]

If this is representative of modern-day college coursework, it's no wonder we are no longer competitive in the world marketplace. Pitiful.

 

[fatguynlittlecoat]

^^^This is definitely NOT representative of modern-day college coursework...I've met many talented writers in college. There are a handful of pitiful writer's like this.

Something tells me this guy is possibly trolling. I don't have any profs who would even accept this assignment, let alone grade it.

 

[boredelmo]

Well guys apparently he really doesn't give a ****.

(that's his myspace pic :0)

 

[TCB in TN]

Not a fan of quite a bit of what was written above, but to many of you critics on here show your lack of reading comprehension skills.

According to the OP this was NOT a paper, but a blog, and while I agree that much was taken from other rants, this IS very typical for college blog type assignments. Blogs are non formal types of writing and as such are usually done in free form or stream of thought. This certainly fits that criteria