Anybody else have this issue?

[Bovice]

Alright... You all don't personally know me, so I'll start with a little background info. I'm 6'2", 250 pounds, and work out like steroid addict. But I don't take anything. Thank god for awesome genetics.

I've also got a good bit of mixed martial arts experience. Yeah, that sounds cliche, but it's true. I learned it when I was much younger, and about 100 pounds lighter.

Now to get on topic. Over the past 3 weeks, I've had SO many people try to start fights with me! The first instance was my friend getting pummeled by 3 guys, so being the good friend I took care of that problem. I don't feel bad at all for my actions, I did it with the only intention of keeping my friend from further injury which was about to get much worse than what he already got.

Then just this last weekend, I was visiting some friends in the northern part of the state for a girl's birthday. We were all old friends from high school, and it was nice to see most of them. A couple of us went out to get some pizzas for everybody. My friend insisted we go to a pizza parlor in the downtown historic area, so that's where we went. We parked across the street and stood there at the window and ordered. While standing there, a guy came up and started hurling all kinds of insults, making threats, and getting closer and closer with every second. It was actually kinda funny... I don't know if he had mistaken me for someone else or what. Then he got danger close, so I told him to step back and that I had no interest whatsoever in scrapping with him. I can honestly say that everything he said to me did not offend me in the slightest. I have a good handle on my temper and this didn't even register on the scale. He told me that he worked as a bouncer in the bar across the way, and that I should come inside and "see what's up". I told him no thanks. He walked away, giving me the finger, and made more insults as he walked inside the establishment. We stood there and waited for our pizza to be done, and just as we were picking it up from the cashier, here comes trouble again. I smiled at him, and said he should go back to wherever he came from and have a good time. I wasn't looking to fight anybody, I just wanted to get back to socializing with some rather attractive girls back at the apartment (story for another place and another time). We walked out and he chased after us, bringing with him 8 other men, similar in stature at about 170 pounds and 5'10". They stood around our car and said we weren't leaving until I faced them. I thought to myself "this has got to be the STUPIDEST thing I've ever been involved with". I said "I told you already, I don't want to fight, I'd rather just be on my way. If you're really going to press this issue and really want this, go ahead and hit me. But none of you stand a chance."

They stood there and stared for a few seconds, and then cleared on out. We drove back, and had a fabulous time.

But what gives? Why is it that so many people want to get physical with me? I don't talk to anybody offensively, I don't give strange stares, I don't incite any violence whatsoever.

I've always been told that the best option is one where there is no fight. In that particular instance, there was not one. Do any of you find this happening to yourselves? I just don't get it. It's like the world has gone absolutely berzerk. I'd never approach someone larger than me and ask for a beating. What's the logic to this?

 

[BADUNAME37]

Perhaps these people are immature and just started carrying some sort of weapon and are feeling real brazen with their new weapon.

Either that, or a new shipment of powerful drugs just came into your area.

I never had that happen at all, and I pray that it doesn't ever happen.
I feel sorry for the guy who might try to beat on me.

 

[halfded]

Maybe people just want to "slap the bull on the ass" so to speak.

"Hey, let's talk crap to the big muscly guy and look hardcore in front of everyone!"

Friend of mine in high school had a brother with almost the exact same stature..but the exact same problem. Everyone wanted to "puff up" to him but always backed off before being viciously beaten.

I guess another example of Darwin's finest.

 

[Gouranga]

I had a but in school that had similar issues but nothing as brazen as that. makes you wonder what was up his backside. He was a bouncer which is an occupation which would attract that type of person, but to go after you with such vigor that is weird.
Pulling all those guys in with him, there was something he wanted to show off with them. Maybe a new weapon, maybe he learned some new moves, who knows. Good way to handle it though.

 

[wishin]

Just idiots that want to test the adage, "the bigger they are, the harder they fall".

You come across like a very good friend of mine who's also your size and physique, but I know he's not on THR. He's a good influence on a guy that's 2 inches shorter and 50 pounds lighter - me.

 

[MisterMike]

I've always been told that the best option is one where there is no fight. In that particular instance, there was not one. Do any of you find this happening to yourselves? I just don't get it. It's like the world has gone absolutely berzerk. I'd never approach someone larger than me and ask for a beating. What's the logic to this?

There is none. There has emerged a disturbing trend in society, where young men--particularly those in gang-infested areas--have to continually "prove" themselves. It's stupid and there's really no rational explanation. As far as why they'd mess with a guy your size, again there's no rational explanation.

I'm about your height, but a relatively wimpy 210 lbs. Frankly, I haven't had any of the troubles you describe. My experience has been the opposite, that being a little bigger than average makes people think twice. Nothing scientific about that conclusion, though.

If I were you, though, I'd give some consideration to whether you're hanging out in the wrong places. Nothing in your post, except for the frequency of these encounters, makes me believe that to be the case, but it's a good question to ask yourself. Even though I feel reasonably confident in my ability to defend myself, I'm careful about where I venture.

 

[GEM]

Be more selective on locales. I can name restaurants here that do a great pizza in an upscale place or a few miles away in a shoot'em up neighborhood. Tell the girl - tough, if she insists.

Learned this from experience. Don't go to bad places. And the girls can just sputter and think you ain't their big old knight on horseback.

 

[beatcop]

Booze, woman, and attitudes....there are the top 3.

Turn around and walk away, that's the easiest solution....followed by calling 911.

Sometimes it takes more of a man to walk away from a fight. That was told to me by a guy big enough that he didn't have to walk away from much.

 

[ichiban]

I got a little bit of that many, many years ago. I used to hangout with a little guy that had a very big mouth so people would want to kick my ass since it would have been so unfair to beat his little butt.

Get a better class of friends, quit hanging out in places that have fights. Hint - if a place has a bunch of bouncers they expect trouble and so should you, so leave. You may think you are one bad dude but there is always someone bigger, faster, tougher, younger, more reckless, or with more friends than you can handle, etc. If you've never seen someone messed up for life by this stupid macho crap count your lucky stars.

Sorry for the tone, but you lose a few friends and your attitude changes.

 

[c919]

Yeah, I had a guy try to fight me in traffic about a month ago. He was driving way to fast and I changed lanes in front of him.. blah blah etc etc (I will maintain that I was in the right).

So anyhow, this guy (a bit bigger than me, but not by much) blocks me in at the next light. I mean, I couldn't by any means move my car more than 3 ft in any direction. He gets out and orders me out of the vehicle for a nice beating. Now, my window is cracked, but not enough to get a punch in and my doors are locked. I told him it'd be best if he just got back in his car and quit embarrassing himself in front of everyone. He told me I was in for something way worse than embarrassment and proceeded to punch my car a few times and tried the door handle (at this point I'm starting to consider that this just might escalate beyond an argument). So, I say "Look man, sorry if I cut you off. It was not on purpose and there is no point in both of us going to jail over it if I get out of this car. Let's just forget this, and move on." I guess this satisfied his ego or he felt like he "punked me out" and he calmed down and walked to his car. Before he got in he decided to scream to all of the other motorists that I was in fact a part of the female genitalia, then he went on his merry way. WOW.

I just drove off laughing. I had the means to stop that guy in his tracks, but didn't even let my mind go there until it started to look like he might break out a window. I think some people nearby called the cops, because I saw some folks on their phones, but I just continued to my destination with a close eye out for his car.

Some people are just crazy, I guess. The point is, there is no sense in playing into their alpha male chest pounding. It'll only land you in trouble (most of the time). The way I see it, even if I win a fight I don't gain anything. I'll save violence for the last resort, and it seems that you see it the same way. I think you handled yourself well.

 

[halfded]

I had the same sort of confrontation as c919, but I was a little more subtle.

A fellow towing a trailer decided that I didn't let him over (across 3 lanes at a time) fast enough, so at the stop light he rolls his window down and says something to the effect of "how about I get outta my truck and whip yer a**?!"

I calmly replied "there's a loaded 9mm in my passsenger seat so that'd probably be a bad idea."

Ever see a truck towing a travel trailer run a red light at a major intersection?

 

[duns]

A fellow towing a trailer decided that I didn't let him over (across 3 lanes at a time) fast enough, so at the stop light he rolls his window down and says something to the effect of "how about I get outta my truck and whip yer a**?!"

I calmly replied "there's a loaded 9mm in my passsenger seat so that'd probably be a bad idea."

It worked for you that time but I think your strategy is bad. He wasn't a threat to you at that time because he was in his vehicle and you were in yours. It was premature to mention the 9mm. Your words could have escalated the situation if he had had a weapon too. c919 handled a similar situation much better IMO.

 

[gossamer]

There's no logic when dealing with someone too stupid to respect the laws of physics.

 

[BigO01]

Well Bovice it sounds like you're simply going through a period of bad luck and keep running into idiots that love to start trouble with others for no reason other than whatever their own mental problems are .

The good news is one day it will end just as fast as it started and you'll have some interesting stories to tell for many years hopefully all with somewhat amusing or at least uneventful endings .

I don't know what state you live in but the Bad news is with all of the senseless violence that young men are often willing to commit you might want to get a Concealed Carry permit if this is legal where you live .

As a young man I myself had a few run ins with groups of idiots like you have had and it's amazing that as soon as even a large group of punks see's the business end of a handgun headed their way they suddenly seem to have their brains kick in and decide they need to leave you the ____ alone even without a single shot being fired or having to deal with the cops etc.

O and one more thing don't get to comfortable in the fact that you mentally know Martial arts and use to practice with them as a youngster if not in practice the skills are not automatic responses and thats what you need in a fight especially one with multiple attackers .

 

[Hatterasguy]

Nope, can't say I have ever had that problem.

 

[Shadow 7D]

Yeah, funny how that happens, next time tell them that you're a lover not a fighter

then have a laugh and walk away, don't engage then, read Gavin Debeckers book the gift of fear. There are afew good site often mentioned in S&T that talk about the interview process, and on is by a former gang member from cali, a pretty bad part, but his name and site excapes me right now

Another option is just to whip out your cell phone and tell them that you will be happy to right after you finish the call, then say your calling the cops to report a mugging, so they can enjoy a trip down town after you get done, or something similar.

 

[ilikepancakes]

I had the same sort of confrontation as c919, but I was a little more subtle.

A fellow towing a trailer decided that I didn't let him over (across 3 lanes at a time) fast enough, so at the stop light he rolls his window down and says something to the effect of "how about I get outta my truck and whip yer a**?!"

I calmly replied "there's a loaded 9mm in my passsenger seat so that'd probably be a bad idea."

Ever see a truck towing a travel trailer run a red light at a major intersection?

I'd say that was unnecessary, definitely not more subtle, and could have resulted in escalating the situation. I think c919 handled it properly... actually a lot more calmly than I would if someone was yanking on my door handle

 

[roo_ster]

The sort of thing recounted in the OP happened to me a bit when I was in college. I was 6', 250lbs, so abit shorter & thicker. Also martial arts b-ground. In my case, it was drunk white trash at drinking establishments that played country music.

Funny thing was, when i stopped going to places with lots of drunk white trash, I had a lot fewer folks wanting to go to fist city. Amazing, that.

I never had a problem with the black trash gang-banger wanna-bes on my landscaping crew. But, they got to see me sling materials around and the look on their faces at times was hilarious. Maybe they were impressed with the power, maybe they thought I was crazy to work that hard in 100deg heat...and nobody messes with a crazy man with a fondness for the pick axe and can sling one with ease.

 

[Bovice]

Haha those are some good stories, guys. All the different explanations pretty much painted the picture I already had-some people are just stupid... and you can't fix stupid.

 

[LiveLife]

What's the logic to this?

I grew up in Los Angeles. This is normal behavior. People act stupid for SOME reason (choose all that apply):

- He thought you were someone he bounced the previous night
- He thought you were somebody he hate or owe money/drug
- He thought you looked like someone they hate or owe money/drug
- He was just having a bad day / hungover from previous night
- He forgot to take his psych medication
- He took the wrong medication or bad batch of drugs
- He was hallucinating and delusional - mental case
- He was just pi**ed off and venting on anyone for no reason
- He had a fight with his girlfriend/wife/lover
- He lost a fight with his grilfriend/wife/lover

The list goes on, but it doesn't have to make sense. People get irate and go off for reasons only they know or not. Maybe, you really don't want to know exactly why he was upset.

I had similar incidents in the past and it was the case of guys being drunk or mistaken identity. Fortunately, incidents were resolved over time when the guys came to their senses or got their butts kicked by their girlfriends/wives.

Be safe and stay away from that guy/bar.

 

[NDN-MAN]

Hey Bovice. I'm 6'2" 258 lbs.
I can tell you from my life experiance. You will meet many men during your life. And you will also meet many fools traped in an adults body.
Treat them like trees in the woods. Go around them because you will look foolish arguing with a tree.
Stupid is like a fire, booze is like gas. Try to avoid people who like to mix the two.

GOOD LUCK STAY SAFE

 

[DFW1911]

Well, I think NDN-MAN summed it up nicely - great advice.

From a Psych perspective, there are probably two things that may be happening.

First, is that throughout history there are some who need to challenge those who they perceive as "alpha." Even if the situation doesn't become violent, which ofttimes is the last thing they want, they can walk away with a story on how the "backed down the guy," that sort of thing, thereby winning a great victory...of a battle that never occurred.

Secondly, be very, very cognizant of the non-verbals you're giving off. If you're in one of Cooper's codes, which one? Your observations may be mistaken as genuinely threatening, wherein some may respond with "the best defense is a good offense" approach. A "how are you doing" or a simple smile and nod from you can go a long way in pattern interruption.

I commend you for your restraint: it can be difficult. Remember that there is always someone smarter, richer, tougher, more handsome, more this, that, and the other, so we're all tested at various times about various aspects of our lives. Whether we take the bait or not is up to us.

The best way to avoid such a contest is to find a method by which the challenger becomes an ally. PM me for more detail if you're interested in some of the techniques.

Good luck to you: you've handled it very well to date, let's make sure that streak continues.

Regards,
DFW1911

 

[rrruuunnn]

I agree with everyone including the OP that he didn't want trouble.

I have a friend who is a communications graduate. She said that people communicate subconsciously through body language (posture, feet position, hand position, facing someone). My professor said that our clothes are a code. I once read that a person's life story unfolds as one walks across the room. I'm not saying that you did anything wrong. These all could have just been bad luck and/or bad people.

I'm just putting this out there if you want to be proactive before the next encounter.

 

[thebigc]

im about your size but 30lbs heavier i dont really have the problem of pepole trying to fight me but i dont really wish to fight them at all so if someone persists rather than hit them peper spray i dont really want to wail someone in the face and mess up my hand just make them go away

 

[Bovice]

lol agreed with you on that, thebigc. That's a GREAT idea on the pepper spray. I'm a big guy and I know what I'm doing, when and if the time comes that I absolutely must fight back, those blows are damaging and I could EASILY be mistaken for the aggressor if the other guy(s) are the ones leaking on the pavement. Pepper spray is a pretty good alternative for them, as well as myself. I wake up with knuckles that aren't swollen, and they wake up without cuts and bruises. Let me tell you what-it really reinforced the idea that violence is best kept as an absolute last resort after I defended my buddy. My hands were swollen up so good, that my knuckles looked like one big lump on each hand. I wish I didn't have to do that, but what can you do? Sometimes there really isn't time for another solution.

Haven't gone for my concealed carry permit yet, will do soon enough. Until that time, pepper spray it is. While I'm sure many would consider it a "girly" method, you just justified it in the best way possible. It would slip right in a pocket, and nobody knows it's there.

I'm just sick of people coming up to me and wanting to fight. And in this day and age, when somebody comes up close with violent intent, you should be ready 10 minutes ago.