No, the 230 grain load is NOT too slow to put someone in the dirt in a real hurry.
A heavier bullet will go a little slower, but it thumps a lot harder.
In a five inch .45 auto, the 230 grain load is the best bet.
In a 3" gun, some argue that a lighter bullet, ala a 185gn. might be better . . . since a short tube slows velocity a little, and thus the 185 will still hit the target fast enough to expand "perfectly."
IMHO, either works great in either gun . . . but I prefer the 230 grain best in BOTH for self-defense purposes.
BULLET PLACEMENT IS MOST IMPORTANT THOUGH . . .
And lighter bullets exit the tube faster, before the recoil has lifted the barrel quite as much, so lighter bullets shoot lower. Conversely, the heavy ones shoot higher.
If your .45 auto has fixed sights, I'd stoke it with whatever load hits DEAD ON at your preferred distance.
HANDGUN MATCHES? It depends on the match!
If speed is most important, and the match is not chronographing rounds and requiring a certain "power factor," many use a 200 grain lead SWC in front of a light handload of powder . . . for less recoil and a faster shot-to-shot potential. The 200 gn. lead SWC is also a very accurate round and a light recoil loading makes this a super-fun round to plink with.
If power factor is important, such as in an IPSC match, or you have to knock down heavy metal poppers, or if you are shooting a bowling pin match requiring that the pins be blasted off the table . . . you'll truly appreciate the power of that "dumb ol' slow, 230 grain bullet loaded at full power . . . and understand why so many of us believe in this round.
Hope this helps!
T.
added edit: PS: I just realized you are looking for store-bought defensive loading suggestions.
Both the 230 grain Federal "Hydrashock" and the 230 grain Remington Golden Sabre have around a 96-98% one-stop effectiveness in researched police gun fights. It really doesn't get any better than that!
The Winchester 230 Ranger load, Speer and Hornady XTP loadings also have their fans.
Most any of the premium loadings of the 230 grain hollowpoints are excellent.
MY CHOICES IN MY .45ACP CCW GUNS:
In my Kimber Ultra CDP, a 3" "officer's sized" auto, I use Remington 230 grain Golden Saber, although Federal HS is interchangable.
In my 3 1/4" S&W Model 25-2 .45ACP revolver, it's Federal all the way . . . since tricked out revolvers with really great competition-level triggers (such as this one) need Federal primers to assure an absolutely 100% ignition rate when the hammer falls, when firing with the long, double-action stroke. Federal primers function perfectly with a little lighter hammer strike . . . as all double action revolver competitors have learned. This is not a problem in autos.
DON'T USE RELOADS FOR SELF DEFENSE . . . an ambulance-chasing lawyer might go after you and claim you'd deliberately loaded your ammo hotter (or milder) as to cause extraordinary damage to his client. Stick with the good ol' commercially avaliable stuff for defense and you'll be ok . . . and it is usually loaded just as HOT as it can be.
I chose solid bullets +P for concealed outdoor recreation carry. Silver tips 185s for dailiy carry where backstop will be of more concern.