CCW Beginner Stories - Humor, please!

[Abby]

OK, gang. Those of us just getting into wandering around with loaded firearms crammed awkwardly into our waistbands and pockets hear a LOT about how EASY it is to carry. And I'm sure that after a while it gets that way...

But having been doing this just a couple months myself, I KNOW y'all have to have some good stories from when you just started out and felt like there was a giant neon sign over your head that screamed "GUN!"

Now, I've been able to beat down the impulse to obsess about my shirt. I don't tug at it, pull on it, etc in public (anymore). I've even stopped bending over like some sort of victim of a weird back injury just to get soup off the shelf at the store.

But today was the first time I went shopping for pants with a handgun. I took off my shoes and belt, had the .45 and Royal Guard in my right hand (if you're gonna buy pants, take your biggest gun to try them on, I figured) and actually SAT THE GUN ON THE FLOOR to switch pants.

Then I realized the dressing rooms had those walls and doors that stopped about 18 inches above the floor. Picked UP the .45, stood there in my underwear with a big handgun for a minute, then stuffed it in my purse. Did NOT need a panicked knock from the Fitting Room Guardians...

My story is kind of lame, but come on...I know you guys have some good ones...

 

[rockstar.esq]

I was trying on a pair of jeans at the store. I carefully tucked my .44Spl snubbie in my rolled up jeans. When I went to put my pants back on, the snubbie slid down the inside of my pant leg hitting the metal bench and clattering on the ceramic floor of the dressing room. I deftly covered my mistake with a fair to moderately loud fart...

That sort of excitement isn't too good for digestion! Thankfully the snubbie never actually fell outside of my pants so retrieval was painless. The looks I got when I opened the door were not.

Another smooth day as an international man of mystery to say the least.

 

[1911 guy]

First time CCW'ing.

It was fall and I knew enough to wear a covering layer for concealment. Problem was I looked like the michelin man by the time a had enough clothing to cover my paranoia.

I go through polo style shirts like crazy, the grip checkering rubs holes in them. So, I buy cheap knock-offs. The problem with those is they shrink when my wife washes them (yes, it's the shirts, not my "storage facility"). This leads to periodic panic modes when I don't have any more at home. Upgrade to sportcoat or downgrade to loose T-shirt happens then.

Had to learn the "tactical lean" to the left when sitting down at church. Frame makes a loud "bang" when whacked into the back of a pew.

 

[SIRVEYR666]

I was in the washroom at the office taking a "tactical duece", with my G-26 lying on the floor of the stall, when I heard a "Holy Crap"! It was the guy using the urinal, who just happened to see it under the stall door.:banghead: It was kinda like Abby's situation. Let's just say I "cut it short" and bolted to the downstairs facilities to finish.

 

[MatthewVanitas]

IF you wear a UtiliKilt (modern kilt)

and IF you pocket-carry a revolver

and IF you decide to run to catch up to someone

you DO NOT want to pocket carry a revolver with an exposed hammer.

'nuff said.

-MV

 

[P95Carry]

I have related this a few times!

Early days of carry 5 years ago - M85 snub in small OWB rig. Weather on the hot side and I have a dislike of having gun too close to sweaty body.

Gas station - get out of truck but forget that I had interspersed shirt between gun and body to ''protect'' gun.

Pump gas and notice guy at another pump looking with 'interest'. Ahh - so he too has a Silverado - so just comparing notes thinks I. Finish pumping and go pay at office. Leave there and return to truck.

Get in only to realize that whole time gun was 100% exposed! Horrors! Expected on way home to get pulled following ''man with gun'' report. No problem as it happens and I guess my noncholance and sane behavior made folks think I was OK - maybe even PI/LE etc, I don't know.

It taught me tho to do a better check each time I get out of vehicle

 

[chris in va]

One main event...

Went shopping at the grocery store for some ice cream. At the time I was carrying an XD9 with the kydex holster it came with. Bent down to get something off the bottom shelf and the gun popped right out and clattered on the floor.

Fortunately no one was in the aisle at the time and just the bubble security cameras recorded the mishap.

My later holsters were all leather, until recently after finding a kydex that actually retains my Sig.

 

[wildburp]

Shoot

Sounds like my dreams, only I get caught with a .45 that is so heavy, it pulls my pants down, and everyone sees! Find a smaller gun, and keep it concealed. Forget it, the leather belt keeps stretching, and the rig keeps falling down and tripping me. Like my special gun slinging rig, it will never behave as I think it should, because I can't punch holes in the belt fast enough to keep it up around my weapons carrier to keep the little leather holes from stretching. Kinky, huh?

 

[oldcop1971]

So there I was....

at the mall when the non-negotiable urge to go potty hit As luck would have it, the stalls had no doors on them. As I sat there with my pants at tactical ankle level, a gang-banger type came and stood in front of my stall (others unoccupied). dont' know his intentions, but when he saw the pistol in my lap he decided to go elsewhere

 

[Vern Humphrey]

This is not a beginner's story, but about 12 years ago, we had a bad freeze in Virginia (where I lived.) My wife, who was Assistant Director of Nurses, got called in to her nursing home -- the pipes had frozen in another nursing home, and they were transferring all the residents to her place.

A few hours later, she called and said "None of the girls has has anything to eat -- bring us something." I loaded up with hamburgers and so on at Hardy's and came out to the nursing home.

What a riot! They had inabulatory patients in a school bus -- with the big, wheelchair door open, and the people were freezing. It took a heck of a lot of work and teamwork to get them all safely off. After we got everyone unloaded, well after dark, I noticed my truck had a low tire.

Well, no problem -- there's a gas station on the way home, I'll get a can of tire sealer there. Then I did something stupid -- I paid for the tire sealer and let some dirtbags see I had a wallet full of money (mostly $1 bills.)

Then I did something else stupid -- I needed light and a hardstand, but didn't want to block the gas pumps. There was a lot behind the service station, with an overhead light -- but completely invisable from the road or the station.

I was down on my hands and knees trying to screw the tire sealer nozzle to the tire valve when one of the dirtbags appeared beside me -- in a perfect position to kick the slats out of me if I resisted -- and said, "How about you give me all that money, man?"

I managed to draw my .45 from my fanny pack -- something I had never practiced from that position before -- and said, "How about I stick this up your *** and blow **** out your nose?"

I'll never forget the expressions that crossed his face in a fraction of a second -- from "Huh?" to "OOOHH Sh*t!"

His dirtbag partner had the engine running on their truck, with the passenger door open. By the time I got to my feet, Dirtbag #1 was half in and half out of the truck, and it was peeling rubber down the highway.

 

[johnny blaze]

Within the first week of carrying, I went to an indoor auction that was in the bad part of town. I ended up standing right next to a LEO. I was kind of nervous, first time with a LEO close by.
The next week I stopped at a grocery store. I had to reach up on the top shelf and my 45 was partly exposed. I looked over and a guy was stanidng there. I am not sure if he saw anything or not.
It really does not bother me anymore after two years of carrying.
The one thing that has always concerned me was the thought of the pistol falling on the floor or ground. I always use holsters with a retaining strap.

 

[Big Calhoun]

No big deal...picked up a cheap holster one weekend and was trying to get it adjusted and fitted. Thought everything was good so I decided to go to the mailbox with my firearm holstered to get a 'real world' feel. Get to mailbox, bend over, retrieve mail, "Excuse me dude, your slip is showing <ephesema sounding cough>"

I turned around to find some guy looking at me, pointing to my side where you could clearly see the print of the holster jutting out. Just covered it up with a, "Oh my God, it's been a long day, excuse me" and went on my way. No harm, no foul.

 

[sm]

I have assisted with lady students getting CCW.

CCW is a new experience, and one is self conscious about all this.

-Mom and son at the store, and trying on clothes. I am keeping and eye on the boy and the sales lady informs me "sir, your wife would like for you to step back to dressing room".
This is not my wife, I do know the husband. She wanted me to step back and keep and eye on her CCW while she looked in a bigger mirror.

"He ain't married to my mom, mom sleeps with my daddy!" - the boy informs everyone!

-Another time with a more elderly lady, I waited outside of a restroom at restaurant while her husband was going to pull the car around front.

I kept waiting, waiting and waiting, and nobody was in there when she entered, nobody had entered since she had gone in there. So my mind figured she was dealing with a CCW in a public restroom for the first time.

"CCW kinda different the first time in public restroom huh?" I asked
"NO problem with the CCW, trying to figure out how to conceal a slice of Cheescake to go from husband in a styrofoam container is what was taking me so long".
" I would have more than happy to hold it for you" I informed her.
"I don't trust you with cheesecake either" .

-Wind has a tendency to blow a jacket open. So one of the ladies new to CCW called me and said the blazer she was wearing was blowing and afraid her CCW would be exposed.
"Button your jacket, just one button". I suggested.
"Typical dumb male, you don't button a blazer, it is not fashionable" she infroms me.
"How about a roll of coins, got any of those you can use to weight the pocket?" I suggested.
"Yeah, I can do that, thanks and she hung up".

Folks she did not have a roll of coins, she had the most unique paper wrapper you ever laid eyes on made from printer paper with coins in it from the bottom of her purse, in that coat pocket.

Same lady that got into her husbands tackle box to steal lead sinkers, to safety pin them for another jacket, to keep the wind from blowing jacket open.

Husband called me and said I owed him lead sinkers.
I suggested he buy his wife a tackle box with her own lead sinkers and buy her a roll of dimes.

He did.

 

[Rumble]

Let's see. Aside from the beginner's paranoia--especially the inescapable certainty that every cop you see is giving you the Hard Eye because he knows...

The very first day I carried, I had a CZ P01 in an IWB holster at the laundromat. My attitude went from "Omigod he's got a gun! WAIT! OMIGOD HE'S ME!" to "yeah, no big deal, I just have a GUN that everyone can SEE" to "this stupid thing is digging a hole in me. I need better leather." The whole time I was there, I made sure to always stand so my strong-side was toward a wall, dark corner, or other direction not facing anybody. There were something like 10 other people in that place, so it was like driving across L.A. in a car that can only make right turns.

I have done the buying-new-jeans dance, and actually been surprised that my gun was on me. I have no idea how I forgot it was there, but I get to unbuttoning in preparation for trying the new stuff, and gone "Wha?" when I've bumped my gun.

Today I wandered around work for a good hour with an empty holster on my belt (can't carry at work, but forgot to remove the holster). I think nobody noticed. I would have played it off as my cell phone holster, except my phone was on my belt already.

Heh. Not too long ago, I was sitting at home with the family, and I think I must have been dozing or something. The mailman comes to the door, and pulls open the screen. The screen door lock is finicky, and sometimes makes a loud BANG! when the door is opened. At the BANG!, I was on my feet, having swept my shirt clear and gripped my gun. My wife says, "It's the mailman, doofus. Stand down."

 

[Zundfolge]

Not so much a "beginner" story but funny none the less. So I was standing in line at McDonald's one day ... going to pick up a "healthy" lunch for me and the Mrs.

Anyhoo, there was this asian guy there with his two kids ... a boy and a girl. The girl was maybe 7 the boy maybe 5.

They were running around playing tag and basically being bratty little kids (of course dad is doing nothing) when the little boy backs into me and SMACK hits the back of his head on the butt of my gun. Pretty hard too, it was a loud THWACK ... kid looks up at me with this combination of pain, surprise and ***?

About this moment, dad decides enough is enough and he comes over and grabs his kid by the arm and appologizes then returns to his spot inline.

The entire time the kid is rubbing the spot on his head where he hit my gun and looking at me with an extremely confused look.

 

[Big Calhoun]

SM....too funny!!!! Especially the cheesecake episode!

EDIT: Rumble...BWAHAHAHAHAHA. I bet you that kid went home and started feeling around himself or his dad to see if he could find that hard spot again.

 

[RH822]

I got 2 stories

The first.
Years ago I carried a Taurus M-85 in a cheap-o clip on SOB holster, well I'm strolling through Wally-World and the clip on that SOB broke and the gun and holster went sliding down the inside of my pants before I could grab it. It came to rest in the crotch of my jeans. So here I am trucking it down the aisles trying to find the restroom the whole time I have my hand clutching on to this big lump in the seat of my pants. I heard giggles, laughs and one very shocked, OH MY GOD!! In the restroom I retrieved my gun and made some very quick tracks outta there.

The second,
I and my sister-in-law (wifes sister) have always flirted with each other and one day she and her husband was at our house for a visit and she sat beside me on the sofa and placed her hand on my knee and slowly slide it up my leg. When she reached the area of my right front pocket she says in sassy bad girl, smart ass tone "Ooooooo... is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me" I raised up my shirt tail and said, it's a gun, but I am really happy to see you too. Ever since that day before she hugs or touches me in anyway she asks me if I'm packing.

RH

 

[the naked prophet]

Zundfolge, the same thing happened to me! A little asian girl ran right into me and hit her head on my gun.

One time I was standing in line at Ted Drewe's when a lady pushed past me with her custard, and her purse strap caught on the cocked hammer of my Browning Hi-Power. She was moving right along, and we both nearly fell over. She was really curious what it was under my shirt that caught her purse strap, but she didn't say anything.

 

[648E]

I and my lady friend had just finished a 2+ mile hike in a State Park Rec. Area with no water.

We got back to the car and headed to the nearest "town" about 5 miles away.

Extremely thirsty I swung open the convenience store door and stepped through, only to have my pistol make a serious *CLANG* on the steel door frame.

The 2 old ladies behind the register both gave me quite a look and the one started asking if I was okay, and how badly that must've hurt. I assured her I was fine as I walked back to the coolers and got my water, returned to the front where she was still worried about me hurting myself. I played it off as nothing and changed the subject to our nice hike and such.

I had debated on telling her it was just my carry gun since I had just been out in the woods in a pretty remote area, and this was also a quite rural, gun friendly, open carry OK place but I decided against it being alone with 2 old ladies in such a remote place right before dark.

 

[pax]

Abby ~ next time, just drop either your cover shirt or your old jeans on top of the gun as soon as you take it off.

I wasn't such a newbie in the story below. I'd been carrying long enough to get cocky about it...

Backstory first: My regular doctor knows I am into firearms and knows I carry. I never worry about him, but have never let his office people know anything about it. Nevertheless, I have gotten a little lax about making sure I have a back up plan in his office. For instance, I've been known to go in with just a wallet in my back pocket, rather than the oversized purse/book bag I would carry in if I were worried about it. That kind of thing.

So there I was, without my bag, sitting in the doc's waiting room, when one of the assistants comes out and asks if I would mind seeing the other doc in the practice, because my regular doc had a horrifically messed-up schedule. I was there because I was just about dying from a sore throat and didn't actually care who I saw as long as someone did something to fix it.

A few minutes later, I am in the exam room as the new doc comes in. She looks down my throat, takes a scraping, pronounces it strep, and asks if I'd like to have the shot and get it over with. Ohhhh, yes, I want that shot (I've never finished an antibiotics Rx properly in my whole life; I don't mind pills but keeping track of time is beyond me).

She leaves the room.

I realize that we aren't talking a shot in the arm. I'm going to need to drop my pants for that shot, and there's a gun on my hip. Now what!?

My purse is in the car. I have no useful cover garment, just a baggy sweatshirt with no undershirt, so I can't just pull off the cover garment and wrap the gun in it.

Hmmmm. How did I get into this mess? What am I going to do?

A thought occurs! Congratulating myself for being so clever, I rapidly remove my holstered gun and grab a Woman's Day magazine off the reading rack. I put the holstered gun on top of my chair, with the magazine plunked open over it -- as if I were saving my spot. It looks perfectly natural, and wouldn't get a second glance.

Ohhh, I am so very smart. I'll have to remember to tell this clever little trick to everyone. It's brilliant.

Just then, the nurse comes in and says she'll give me my shot now. Hah, no worries. I'm prepared.

Then the nurse adds, "... so if you'll step down the hall to the other room..."

:banghead:

I gathered up the magazine (& holstered gun) awkwardly in both arms, and trundled down the hall after her. Felt like an idiot.

The nurse pretended not to notice.

From that day to this, I have never again entered a doctor's office without a book bag or spare cover garment.

pax

 

[aaronrkelly]

I have got a very humors gun story......

My son was only 3ish.....so naturally when the wee guy goes to the bathroom you go with him.

So we are in the local Wal-Mart and he decides its potty time.

We go into the Mens room and select a stall.......this place was pretty busy, there were plenty of other people in there.

We go in to do our business and I unholster my gun and set it on the back of the toilet. This particular fine piece of porcelin was the tankless variety....so I just set my pistola on the little flat part on the back where the pipe comes out.

I start doing my business and my son must have thought my aim wasnt quite up to par.......just as I get underway he lets out:

DONT PEE ON YOUR GUN DADDY!!!!!

Wow.....there is no way that anybody missed that.

I was hoping I could atleast get finished before security kicked the door in. My concerns were unfouned though, either I was urinating in the company of 8 completely deaf individuals or nobody cared.

Either way I took a little bit of time to let my son know that my gun was our business only...........and that pee wont really hurt a gun anyways.

Another instance was also in Wal-Mart....I was trying out my Smith 6906 and a new holster. This particular holster was a little large and my shirt was a little short. I was walking by the clothing section and glanced in the mirror.....oh #$*&@#$*. I shoped for 45 minutes easily with my shirt tucked behind my holster. I was really expecting the worse here. Even though I work in law enforcement I DONT have a professional permit as my job doesnt require it.....I carry on a regular permit. I was off duty and therefore NOT in uniform. I was wearing short sleeve shirt so all my tattoo were showing and I just recently got a labret piercing (spike stud thru my lower lip). I was expecting the "gang banger" with a gun at Wal-Mart call.......cops squeling in......SWAT team etc.

Again, everyone at WalMart is either clueless, very unobservant or they dont care. I didnt hang around to take a poll.

 

[TimboKhan]

My gun is very comfortable to carry most days, and to tell you the truth, I sometimes forget that it is even there. This has led to some awkward situations.

At the safeway one night, I was reading a magazine and this guy I know walked up and slapped me on the side to scare me. He did it just right so that his knuckle hit my cylinder, which caused him to say pretty loudly "Ow! What do you have in there?" I wouldn't have minded telling the guy, but given that there were about 5 other people standing there, I really didn't want to say "A revolver", so I said "my cell phone". He said "no way man, thats too hard for a cell phone". Frustration reverted me to my Marine Corps days, and the response that came out was "fine, it's my ****". That shut him up, but in retrospect, it probably wasn't the best answer for mixed company.

 

[sm]

As you know it is a good idea to have lockable secure box in your vehicle in the event you have to lock up your CCW, and it comes in handy to meet Statues when traveling out of State. Not bad to have just for general principle for other valuables in traveling any...

New student gets CCW and has ordered the Simplex Box. It was Simplex then, what we always suggested looked and has same exact mechanism as this :
http://www.handgunsafe.com/401s.htm

Sharp young Southern Gal, country girl, born, raised grew up in farm country, and will be traveling some. Install this in her truck, no problem - done. Only folks that knows she has one, is her immediate family, as they use the exact same thing.

She has a Aunt on her Mom's side. You know "that" one Aunt that was dropped at birth and doctor missed slapping her butt. Always been different.

Raised up North, and is of all things a Interior Decorator, except she has another name, with initials after it...whoop-de-doo. Hey Soybeans sometimes "clash" with the weeds,this is called Mother Nature, just accept it and go on...

Surprise of Surprises she actually has a CCW from her home state. She can actually shoot this Shiny Pistol with ...with...not sure what that holster made from, "fall colors that accent my inner being "

Southern Belle - "Dead cow, medium rare steak and gun holsters".

So I suggested this Northern Decorator get her a Simplex Box. I do this , as if she finds out Southern Belle Niece and the rest of family has them - it will be broadcast on the evening news.

It is just a gray metal box you bolt in, and shut up about - these Simplex lock boxes.

Except one I know of, last I seen and heard of in a Volvo. This one had paint swatches, carpet samples and who knows what else from a Volvo run down, mixed up and whatever else...That Simplex matched her Volvo.

You don't understand, that foam insert is "hideous", yeah hers has a custom made "pillow".

You want to see a Yankee Interior Decorator break out in hives? Sit their butt down in a small town diner where nothing matches. Nothing from table clothes, chairs, to the "tacky steel" utensils to drinking tumblers.

She did her high-falutin' decorating, went back up North.

Ever seen brass push pins? I have, what she used to pin targets up with. Staple gun is tacky and you can forget a bulk pack of plastic ones of different colored ones being used.

Oh this was all funny - when it was not driving us all nuts!

 

[Manedwolf]

Getting "hit in the gun" by someone or something is always good for puzzled amusement. Unless it's in a low front carry like a Smartcarry.

 

[zoom6zoom]

Forget it, the leather belt keeps stretching, and the rig keeps falling down and tripping me. Like my special gun slinging rig, it will never behave as I think it should, because I can't punch holes in the belt fast enough to keep it up around my weapons carrier to keep the little leather holes from stretching.

Wildburp, this is a common issue with beginning carriers. That belt you got at Walmart, Tractor Supply, or wherever is not going to do the job with two pounds or more hung off the side, whether inside the waistband or out.

Get a decent belt designed for carrying. The difference is incredible. Yes, they will cost more, but it will last for years and carrying will be much more comfortable. I personally like belts from the Beltman, but a simple search will find many threads on belts here. A gun belt has two layers of leather with the grain opposed, like plywood, so it won't stretch.