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Dating, Marriage, and Guns

Discussion in 'General Gun Discussions' started by Winchester94, Apr 29, 2006.

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  1. Winchester94

    Winchester94 Member

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    Thought a couple questions up for your minds to ponder:

    Is gun-owning or at least gun-tolerant a requirement for when you're dating someone or having at least a serious relationship (that may lead to marriage) with them?

    If they are not too happy with guns, is that an excuse to dump them?

    This applies to both males and females, and answers from both sides are welcome. I am just curious about it is all.
     
  2. WeedWhacker

    WeedWhacker Member

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    I'll assume you're referencing those who live in the USA. Any American that cares about his/her country and understands how our system of government works should be a supporter of those who wish to keep and bear their own arms. (Heck, it could even be construed from the Declaration of Independence that it is the *duty* of every American to own a firearm.)

    I can't see how it would matter if one of the individual's didn't care for firearms unless they said something along the lines of "either me or the guns go"; then that individual should get the ol' heave-ho.

    Re-education is always an option, too.
     
  3. LeonCarr

    LeonCarr Member

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    Yes and Yes

    Maybe that is why I am still single, but why settle?

    Just my .02,
    LeonCarr
     
  4. NukemJim

    NukemJim Member

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    YES & YES

    NukemJim
     
  5. Baba Louie

    Baba Louie Member

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    Yes. Open mind necessary, as is knowledge of 2nd Amendment (and other BOR's) justification from a historical POV.
    Maybe. IF, if, they have justifiable reasons, it might be worthy of consideration in light of their many other positive attributes. There are way too many other potential partners out there who actually enjoy this one aspect of my life who can and will share in this hobby, this study of arms, the responsibility and freedom that the knowledge & ownership thereof brings. At the very least, wry, amused tolerance is required to get along with moi anyway. I personally would not use the words "dump them"... I'd set her free to find a compatible mate of her own ilk... and hope and pray they don't reproduce like minded little Americans. ;)
     
  6. Barbara

    Barbara Member

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    I spend 10-20 hours a week doing gun-related stuff and occasionally get to shoot. Anyone I'd be involved in would have to be at least unopposed, and given my involvement, would probably have to be a real supporter or it would cause problems.
     
  7. Phantom Warrior

    Phantom Warrior Member

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    I think those should be basic requirements. My best friend married a wonderful woman who, while she isn't really a shooter, is very tolerant of his hobby and has no problem with him carrying a gun. If you look hard enough, you can find what you are looking for.
     
  8. redneck2

    redneck2 Member

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    To those that haven't been the marriage, or multiple marriage route....

    Conflict in this area is just a preview of other conflicts to come. Nearly all women "get" a guy with the idea that "I'll change him". If any women reading this think this is a sexist, harsh, or incorrect statement I'll be happy to point out tons of proof in virtually every relationship I know. It's just so common that women regard it as natural.

    When I point this out to women I know who are PO'd because of the actions of their spouse, the answer is always, and I mean always "well, yeah, but he SHOULD change (or quit doing that, or start doing that) because...

    Men are simpleton creatures of habit that think about food, sex, and sleep in no particular order depending on the time of day and what's going on. Women feel that the guy in their life should think about them 24/7. Guys really think about themselves and what they want to do.

    Throw in a passion for another outside activity that doesn't mesh with what the little woman wants and you've got one more thing she has to change.

    Most women are also emotional nutbags that spend most every minute of every waking day worrying about how they look, what another woman said behind their back, why their husband won't go to the opera (of course he always hated opera, but she's gonna get him to like it). Over 50% of the women in the US are on some type of anti-depressant. I know, my wife works in a medical office.

    Point is, the cards are stacked against you from the start. If you think this is wrong, take a cruise thru the courthouse while divorce proceedings are going on. If there are things you know cause conflict from the start, better have a pre-nuptual. Ain't gonna work. Trust me. Been there, done that, seen it hundreds of times.
     
  9. Clipper

    Clipper Member

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    She's out there...

    ...My wife, up until a couple weeks ago, owned more guns than I did. Now we're even...We once went on a handgun hunting date for snowshoe hare!

    ...Barbara, what part of Michigan are you from?
     
  10. rudolf

    rudolf Member

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    If you need deny or dump your guns to get her affection you'll be dumping other parts of your life until you don't know who you are anymore. Women who want to change you will make you very unhappy on the log run. Look for one who respects you as you are.
     
  11. redneck2

    redneck2 Member

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    As an added note, my newest wife worked overtime and sold part of her vacation back to buy me a Colt SAA and a Browning BPCR. They're out there, just don't go into a relationship thinking "we'll work this out". Actually, the two lawyers will work it out along with the judge

    If you're thinking about getting deeply involved with someone who's values don't mesh with yours from the start, slam your hand in a car door instead. It's less painful.

    One of three things will happen...

    she'll change (chances are slim and none and Slim left town)

    you'll change (which means you give up what you want, but she's got you changed to suit her needs)

    You end up changing spouses
     
  12. Nortonics

    Nortonics Member

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    If you get into your hobbies like I do, and guns being a big hobby for me, yet your partner has issues with guns and/or the cost of the hobby, you will be bumming from now to eternity, or at least until the divorce - it's a gimme'.
     
  13. Ohen Cepel

    Ohen Cepel Member

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    I always made it clear while I was dating that I was very into firearms and that I was not going to change that portion of my life.

    I just saw it as a matter of honesty. No reason to hide things that later may be an issue. If the lady had an issue with it best for us both that the relationship not go far.

    I wouldn't have gotten rid of my firearms for any of them. Also, I wouldn't have wanted any of them to have given up a major issue for them just to pacify me. That only leads to resentment.
     
  14. MrTwigg

    MrTwigg Member

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    You have to pick through the weeds to find a flower.

    Gun-owning requires and open mind at least. It's better if there at least some tolerance, but acceptance is better. As a sole excuse to "Dump Them.", No. You would have to define the "Not too happy" part more.

    My wife knew of my interest in hunting before we became engaged and she was tolerant. By this I mean she understood hunting and owning guns was important to me she was willing to move into my house and not attempt to try to change my views.

    Over time (Now ten years.) she became accepting and while she never once told me "You can't buy another gun!", but she did want to discuss why I felt I needed to buy another one. Not objecting, just attempting to understand why.

    After experiencing a couple of attempted break-in's in our former neighborhood she became more interested in learning to use firearms for self defense, especially so after the birth of our only child.

    As my own interests in firearms expand ( I recently applied for a C&R and have a growing Milsurp collection. ) so has her own interests. My wife now goes plinking with my son and I, she has become competent in using the HD shotgun I keep ready and has expressed interest in obtaining a licence to carry for the first time.

    Some things take time but she’s coming around ! :D
     
    Last edited: Apr 29, 2006
  15. Hemicuda

    Hemicuda member

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    My Girlfriend (of 15 years now) was made aware of my collection and hobby right from day 2 (our second date)...

    at that time, she was basically an anti, but she ubderstood and was tolerant...

    NOW, she owns a couple, outshoots me with a shotgun, and considers my collection her "personal firearms stash"...

    maybe teaching her about guns wasn't the best thing for keeping my collection to myself... but DAMN has it been fun these last few years!

    Yep, i tell them right away, and they had BETTER be tolerant of the guns, at the very least!
     
  16. Sewerman

    Sewerman Member

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    When my wife and i were dating she saw my closet full of guns one night and the first thing out of her mouth was "Sam Colt did more for womens rights in this country than NOW ever thought about." I knew right then she was the one for me.
     
  17. dracphelan

    dracphelan Member

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    This is one of many things you should discuss before getting serious with anyone. Some of the others are:

    1. Do you want children?
    2. If so, how do you expect them to be raised?
    3. What, if any, changes are expected after marriage?

    I fully believe that the divorce rate would be lower if people would discuss all aspects and expectations of married life before getting engaged.
     
  18. Pilot

    Pilot Member

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    Redneck2 nailed it. He is exactly right. Do not compromise away the things you value for any woman.
     
  19. stevelyn

    stevelyn Member

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    At least tolerant. I'm not changing for anyone. If a woman thinks I need to change or improve, she needs to shop elsewhere for a different model.

    For a relationship to work, a couple has to have similar core values. Absent those values, you're just wasting your time.
     
  20. DunedinDragon

    DunedinDragon Member

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    The way I look at it is this,

    I'm pretty happy with myself. That includes the way I run my life, my hobbies, my interests, etc. I call my own shots in my life and I don't need anyone to tell me how to do things. I've done them just fine for over a half century.

    If a woman thinks she has something to offer and can fit in without being more of a burden than a benefit, she's welcome. But otherwise I know that men will definately have an easier way through life alone than will a woman. I'm perfectly fine going to a bar or a movie by myself. I can take care of myself and not have to worry about some perv trying to rape me. Maybe some women should think about that before they start deciding to make demands on their men.
     
  21. Barbara

    Barbara Member

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    *snort*

    :D
     
  22. 1wildbill

    1wildbill Member

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    I was just lucky, there is no other way to put it. Men think they can change women too. The only thing I wanted to change about my wife was her self confidence. She didn't have much, thanks to her ex-husband.

    She knew I owned guns when she met me. She has bought me guns as gifts and I have taught her how to shoot. We go to the range together. She wants to get a CHL and carry a .45.

    If I were single I would not be interested in an anti-gun woman, at least not for marriage;) .
     
  23. Pistol Toter

    Pistol Toter Member

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    Every few days I see threads with the topic of gun ownership and a mate. My God people this is not rocket science or brain surgery. I have been married nearly 35 years and I am with in a few days of being 53 years old. Being raised in a rural section of the country gun ownership, hunting, utility and sport shooting, as well as fishing was / is the norm. Girls, at least back then, pretty well figured that their beau would be involved in those activities. My wife is not active in my appreciation of firearms but neither is she against it. She knows that I conceal carry a weapon, she knows why I do and she is not opposed. It is part of life, she realizes that the world we live in has changed from Lo those many years ago and that I love her to the point of laying down my life for her. If the person you are involved with does not understand your position then a decission will have to be made. It is a matter of priorities. Which is more important to you and your mate. Make that decission and move on. We are not launching a space shuttle. The making of a life long relationship is actually for more important than a space launch and that relationship takes a lifetime to establish, grow and mature. I'm not there yet! If there is not enough maturity to start with, it is doomed from the get go. You can not marry a person and expect to change them. They are who they are, it is a give and take proposition. It is not a 50/50 but a 100/100, both willing to give for the better of the other. Only in that ratio will both survive together. If the woman or man that you are in a relationship with is not willing to give and understand whatever it is about you, whether it is cars, high heel shoes and dresses, keeping the toilet seat in the down position, guns or, or, or, ....... whatever, you better take a long look at what your doing. Be prepared to say "I'm Sorry" for the rest of your life. You sir or you lady are going to make mistakes. They put erasers on pencils for folks who make mistakes. OK, Bill or Charlie or Ann or Flasemay you have guns the partner needs to understand that you come with those items or you better be prepared to relinquish them. What will you do, what will I do, what will the next 10 people who see this do, is an individual decission, it's personal and private. DO IT, GET OVER IT AND MOVE ON!
    Whew, Pistol Toter
     
  24. walking arsenal

    walking arsenal Member

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    Wow, pistol.

    Ok, anyway. My wife, mentioned previously by phantom, is very tolerant of my gun "hobbie". I made sure of this before i married her. I also made sure we were on the same page with religion and children (both having and raising).

    In all cases i was entirely prepared to go my seperate way if we did not see eye to eye on these things. They are important to me. Loved her? Sure did. Still do. But i was making a LIFE LONG commitment. Why wouldnt i try and make sure it would work.

    I think a lot of people this day in age get their vision clouded by "LOVE" instead of looking for a life long relationship they are looking for fun. They wont work to make it work.
     
  25. mordechaianiliewicz

    mordechaianiliewicz Member

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    My fiancee and me both wish to have 4 children. I'm Jewish, she isn't religious, but doesn't fight my beliefs or what I hold dear and close to my heart. And has no problem with our children being raised Jewish (my own personal opinion though is that kids in teen years decide what their gonna do, and if they stray from their parents religion, it's a tossup as to if they come back).

    As for guns, she grew up in Texas and got into shooting at an early age. She likes guns, and enjoys shooting and actually shoots rifles a good amount better than me. I couldn't be happier because all I really needed was a girl who was indifferent and accepting. Instead, I got a girl who loves guns.
     
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