felon stepson

[Preacherman]

vmfrantz, there's another factor here. If I may say so, you need to sit down and think VERY seriously about this.

Let's say this young man does time for this assault. OK. He'll be out in a few years, and is unlikely to have reformed. At that time, he'll need a place to stay . . . and I'm willing to bet your wife will want to offer him a place, at least temporarily.

Now, he's at home. You've still got the problem of securing your firearms, protecting your step-daughter and daughter, and facing him down if he gets uppity. It gets even worse. What if he comes home on a drug-induced meltdown high and tries to take your guns, or money, or whatever? What if he tries to assault you? What if he comes home with another weapon, and you're left with no alternative but to use lethal force to stop him?

That's right . . . you've just killed your wife's only son. You're in a no-win situation. And this isn't fantasy or wishful thinking - believe me, I've seen similar situations before! I've got more than ten years experience with prison ministry, including several years of full-time chaplaincy, and I've had to work with felons and their families. I'm not exaggerating when I say that this is a real possibility, not a dumb scenario.

I can only suggest that you show this post (perhaps this whole thread) to your wife, and sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. She can't get away with blaming guns, because the gun isn't the problem: but if she has a typical bleeding-heart he's-my-son-and-I-love-him-no-matter-what attitude, you're in the doghouse, now and then. This can destroy your relationship, and your life.

It can also land you in court, facing a charge of murder. Imagine if she tells the cops that her son wouldn't hurt a fly, he was a reformed character, and you misinterpreted him? (Poor misunderstood little so-and-so, ain't he?)

You've got a difficult road ahead, friend. I wish you luck.

 

[pax]

The kindest thing my parents ever did for my younger sister and me was to kick my brother out of the house.

pax

 

[Sergeant Bob]

However, your responsibility is to your blood. You have daughters. Keeping them around a person with a track record of violence is a bad idea. You may love the wife, but your girls need to come first.

Bingo!

And, if you are willing to put your own flesh and blood in danger over this scumbag, you shouldn't have children at all

 

[Pevey]

Its unlikely that a parole or probation officer would allow guns to remain in the house. The critical passage of the 1968 Federal Gun Control Law prohibits "firearms under your control". You can argue that locked guns are not under the son's control, however would you want to do a home visit on a felon with a history of violence with known weapons in the house. That parole officer wants to go home to his wife and family also.
Having been in the corrections field for 18 years, I have seen families torn apart on this very question, "do I give him one more chance". At some point, the young man or woman has to take respondsibility for their actions. How much suffering must one take for bad decisions by your child. I have always been an advocate for the one causing the pain should be the only one who suffers. I choose tough love over being an enabler every time.

This guy will not be on the streets. A halfway house environment will show him what a good thing he had at home.

 

[Pilgrim]

What if you guys who are saying "kick the Kid out" had the same problem with your own kids. Would you show your own flesh and blood the door so you can keep your guns?? If my daughter suddenly became a teenage felon, I would wheel and deal to try to keep my guns and her in the same house. If I can't, FAMILY comes first.

I picked up my grandson at the juvenile detention facility when he was released, and instead of taking him home I took him to the Salvation Army with the words, "You don't have a family any more. You have screwed over every one who has ever loved you. Maybe these people (Salvation Army) can help you."

He was a bit stunned that he couldn't run home to mommy any more. He thought she was always going to be there for him.

I tried to get him into the Army, but since he refused to get his GED that was a lost cause.

He is serving a four year sentence for burglary now.

Pilgrim

 

[antsi]

---quote----
I heard her say that he shouldnt be in because of the guy and the girl being togethr when she was supposed to be dating him. At one time she even said it was my fault because I owned a pistol.
------------

Yikes! I am sorry to say this, but your wife is not being reality based here. It is natural, I suppose, for a woman to want to find excuses for her son's behavior especially when his behavior is really totally inexcuasable. But someone in this family has to be reality based or else there may be a major tragedy in the future.

I agree with the others who are concerned for the safety of your daughters. If your wife will not accept realities and accept that her son is a serious threat who needs to be managed as such, you may not be able to continue your relationship. As noted by others, your first responsibility is to the safety of your daughters. I would not have a violent felon, especially one who committed violence against women, in my home with daughters under my roof. This cannot be negotiable, and even if he is in prison for five years, that does not demonstrate sufficient evidence of reform to put my daughters at risk.

 

[22-rimfire]

Get a better safe. I believe your step son by law will not be permitted to own guns. Your guns are not his guns. My feeling is that he should probably have his own place to live and can visit from time to time. I know... and you'll be paying for it. Tis the way of marriage.

 

[roo_ster]

vmfranz:

Holey mackerel! I though it was just you, your wife, & the felon step-son. Your step-daughter & daughter put another spin on this altogether and make the felon's presence even more of a problem. He is a danger to them both physically and by example.

Listen to Preacherman, he has seen more cases of this sort of mess than I & what he says jibes with my experience

I am truly worried about what your wife said. That is quite ominous.

 

[BobTheTomato]

I really feel for you. I think as many have suggested you need to consider the idea that your son should not be allowed in your home. If you continue to allow him into your home and help him clean up his messes you will be an enabler. My wifes Aunt has faced this situation 4 times. They are very well off and have 4 sons. Each one followed down the same path. Drugs, DUI, wrecked cars. Each time they hired them lawyers, bailed them out or got them a new car when they wrecked theirs. It was never "the kids fault"
The point I am trying to make is this: This kid needs to be shown there is no free ride in life and that your wife will not always be there to clean up his mess. Also you must keep in mind that your daughter and stepdaughter are watching and learning. As in my example each boy fell one after the other since they saw no matter what happened mom and dad cleaned it up. Hell why work hard or try when my parents will take care of it.

 

[Shipwreck]

Its unlikely that a parole or probation officer would allow guns to remain in the house. The critical passage of the 1968 Federal Gun Control Law prohibits "firearms under your control". You can argue that locked guns are not under the son's control, however would you want to do a home visit on a felon with a history of violence with known weapons in the house.

Whether I agree w/ it or not - as per my earlier post - I am a probation officer. I have caught firearms in the homes of felons several times. Even had 1 house raided by the PD once. On that, and on every other occassion - the Judge allows the firearms to be in the home if the felon is living w/ someone else - IF they are secured in a non-common area of the home (locked in a safe) and the felon doesn't have access to the key or combination.

I would check with the court, as different areas of the country have different laws, and also different Judges with different opinions. But, this is my experience with it in several counties in Texas.

 

[Lonestar]

Your wife's responsibility is to her blood. When the son is released from prison he will need a place to stay while he looks for employment, independent housing, etc. That's a mother's job and it sounds like your wife is more than happy to do it.

However, your resposibility is to your blood. You have daughters. Keeping them around a person with a track record of violence is a bad idea. You may love the wife, but your girls need to come first.

As others said, that does change things. I really think those who do not have childern can really understand the bond you have with you own flesh and blood. MY daughter, would come first. The boy would need to find another place to live.

I think part of my feeling is I did some stupid things in my teenage life, but I was turned around by my parents and family. If this was a real bad first time offense I would be hard on the kid, and he will hopefully he will try to turn his life around. If this one of many problems with the boy, unfortunately he may be too far gone.

 

[chaim]

What if you guys who are saying "kick the Kid out" had the same problem with your own kids. Would you show your own flesh and blood the door so you can keep your guns??

To me this has nothing to do with guns really. I don't want a felon in my house (if it was me) and I give others that advice as well. Now, I'm assuming when he gets out he will be unrepentant. If he regrets his past and is making a new start, that complicates things.

I'm also not saying cut him off. Throw him out isn't the same as cut him off. If my (someday in the future) son or stepson got himself into this kind of trouble, I'd still help him out if I could (someone just out of jail will probably be coming out with nothing and he would be family), just not at home where he can cause trouble for me and family. If I could afford it I'd probably pay about 6 months rent with the understanding that he'd have to have a job that would cover it after that is up. I'd probably either buy him a cheap used car or lend the money for it with the understanding that he'd have to pay me back. I'd pay for college classes, career training, drug or alcohol rehab, etc to increase his chances of making it and not reverting to his old ways. I just wouldn't want him under my roof, at least until I was sure he was "rehabilitated".

Now if you somehow know he is rehabilitated (though that takes a lot of trust, trust he has a lot of work to do to earn back I'm sure) then I can see letting him stay for the time it takes him to get on his own, with a time limit (cheaper than paying for him as above). In that case, finding someplace else for your guns for 6 months or a year might be a price worth paying for keeping the marriage (if it is a good marriage).

 

[tanksoldier]

As long as the guns are in your physical possession, or stored somewhere that he doesn't have access to them you're OK.

So, for example, keep your carry gun on your person or in a nightstand safe, and keep your other guns in a safe or locking cabinet. Keep the key on your person.

And YES, if it was my stepson and he did something like that with MY GUN I'd kick his butt to the curb. If it was an heir of my body I'd probably do the same thing.

Someone mentioned that you have daughters of your blood. That kid wouldn't get within 50 yards if they were mine. Send him to live with a bleeding heart relative, but I'll not have violent felons in my house.

Its unlikely that a parole or probation officer would allow guns to remain in the house

I'm curious to know how the probation officer is going to confiscate the guns from a law-abiding citizen who is not a felon, nor is on probation or parole? Many people own firearms who have convicted felons living in their house, or even apartment. Gordon Liddy mentioned once in an interview that he cannot own firearms and does not, but that his wife owns several.

Your wife just sounds anti, and now she has an excuse.

 

[bruss01]

vmfrantz:

Friend, I feel for you.

I hate to come down as a killjoy, but I think the marriage is doomed. It's rare that a mother will choose a man over her offspring if push comes to shove. That translates into divorce or surrender. A life of surrender is probably not where you want to be, especially in this situation.

So you need to start gearing up for the divorce. You need to start selling off those guns, at $1 each, to someone who you trust to sell them back to you at $1 each a year or two after the dust has settled. Along with any other valuables and assets worthy of mention. Do it gradually, over a year or so... if something happens, like pistol-whip boy gets shanked during his time at club fed, relax and enjoy the marriage. If he survives to do parole, you know your assets are protected from the greedy mits of her attorney. BTW start building a relationship with an attorney now. Buy him drinks, shoot pool with him, or play golf. You're going to need a friend later, a friend who will FIGHT to protect your interests.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, friend... but I've seen worse happen to good men before. Don't let wishful thinking overpower cold clear logic. Do what needs to be done, and the future will be kinder to you for it.

 

[Delta608]

You can keep guns in the house, (Your bedroom, safe ect) but not in a place where he has direct control...You also may consider this...His probation/parole officer may search his sphere of control (his bedroom) anytime they want without warrant..(One of the terms of his release)..

 

[ilbob]

It is unlikely that the courts will be fooled by such a transparent attempt to hide marital assets. You do not need to play golf with an attorney. You need to hire one to protect you in the event it comes to a divorce. He can tell you the best way to protect the things you care about. A divorce will in most cases leave you much worse off financially. But, better to be poor than permanently miserable.

Quite frankly, unless your wife is very unusual, the scenario suggested by this poster is very likely. Talk to a lawyer now before things come to a head, because at that point it will be too late. You have an obligation to yourself and your children that cannot be ignored. Even if it is unpleasant and expensive for you to do so, you need to protect your daughter from this felon's influence. That is your main job. You cannot do that job if the felon is around.

As another poster suggested, it might be possible to have some contact with the felon when he gets out under controlled conditions. Despite his transgressions he is still part of the family. He just cannot be allowed to live with the family unless and until he has proven he has changed his ways.

I hate to come down as a killjoy, but I think the marriage is doomed. It's rare that a mother will choose a man over her offspring if push comes to shove. That translates into divorce or surrender. A life of surrender is probably not where you want to be, especially in this situation.

So you need to start gearing up for the divorce. You need to start selling off those guns, at $1 each, to someone who you trust to sell them back to you at $1 each a year or two after the dust has settled. Along with any other valuables and assets worthy of mention. Do it gradually, over a year or so... if something happens, like pistol-whip boy gets shanked during his time at club fed, relax and enjoy the marriage. If he survives to do parole, you know your assets are protected from the greedy mits of her attorney. BTW start building a relationship with an attorney now. Buy him drinks, shoot pool with him, or play golf. You're going to need a friend later, a friend who will FIGHT to protect your interests.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, friend... but I've seen worse happen to good men before. Don't let wishful thinking overpower cold clear logic. Do what needs to be done, and the future will be kinder to you for it.