He picked a bad place to sleep...

[Preacherman]

Just had a phone call from my local gun guy, crying with laughter. He arrived early at work to open the store and do some moving around and rearranging, and parked at the side of the shop, as usual, entering through the front door. He went through to the back, where all the gunsmithing is done, and moved a bunch of boxes of junk, garbage bags, etc. near to the back double door, ready to be put out. He then unlocked and opened the door.

To his astonishment, in through the door fell (literally) a local hobo, who'd decided to sleep last night in the stairwell leading down to the back doors. The hobo stirred, swore, got up and looked around - to find himself in the same room with a large and hairy owner, carrying a pistol on his waist, and about 20 or 30 shotguns, rifles and long guns leaning against the walls or on workbenches, waiting their turn to be worked on.

Our hobo buddy went pale, yelled "Guns! Guns!" and took off up the steps like the Devil himself was after him. Needless to say, my buddy didn't chase him - he was too busy laughing! He took out all his trash, and has laid aside the hobo's bundle of possessions in case he comes back for it - but I told him he was unlikely to see the gentleman again.

Goes to show - be careful where you sleep!

 

[R.H. Lee]

heh. One time a buddy of mine was driving home on the freeway at night and had to stop to take a leak. He pulled over to the side of the road, walked into some bushes and began the procedure. All of a sudden from the darkness somebody started yelling and cussing. Some bum was sleeping under the bush.......scared the hell outta my buddy who beat a hasty retreat back to his car.

 

[Zundfolge]

LOL

A hopolophobic-hobo

 

[keyhole]

"Guns! Guns!"


I love it! Probably a bit on the left side.

 

[birdv]

lol

Thanks for sharing
bump

 

[pauli]

keyhole, if you were crazy and homeless, you'd probably be comically paranoid too.

 

[Highpower1]

LOL that is a great story...Now the hobo has a story to tell at the wine tasting with the other hobos...lol

 

[wmenorr67]

I have always dreamed of peeing on someone without knowing it.

 

[Mixlesplick]

I don't have any hobo stories but when I was younger my friend and I were driving around one evening. We had to pee so he drove to the top of a huge hill in town. We were letting loose in some bushes when out walked two police officers.

They said "Go ahead, you might as well finish" but I was too shocked to do so. They gave my friend some sobriety tests which he passed and then let us go. I sure was glad I hadn't chosen a spot a few feet further into the bushes.

I couldn't believe we didn't even get a ticket but I took this as a learning experience and am now much more careful about picking my emergency pee stops.

 

[El Tejon]

Funny, when I wake up I usually yell out "Purple Spiders! Purple Spiders!" and take off running. If I saw guns, I'd probably stick around.

 

[Little Loudmouth]

ROFL!!! (where's the "rolling with laughter" smiley?)

 

[bogie]

A few years back, a pub down the street had a string of skinhead bands playing... Attracted a rather unsavory element, and neighborhood vandalism went WAY up...

Anywho, it was a friday or saturday night when I heard a loud rustling in the bushes outside my bedroom window. I peeked through the blinds, right about the time the fellow was starting to unzip.

He got going right about the time I stuck the barrel of Mr. Twelve out the window and pumped it.

He didn't stop. He didn't zip up. He didn't pass go, and didn't collect $200... He just took off, runnin' and whizzin', across the street...

 

[hillkillr]

Ealier last week I was on my way home from the burger drive through. They mistakenly gave me diet soda and I don't drink diet soda. So I pulled over near the dumpster near my apartment and tossed the soda into the dumpster. As it was flying through the air the local hobo popped his head up and got hit square in the chest. I apologized and took off as quick as I could because I couldn't hold back the laughter. Don't stand in the dumpster if you don't want to get hit by trash.

 

[Blackcloud6]

I have always dreamed of peeing on someone without knowing it.

Um, I think you're on the wrong kind of web site...

 

[Mr. James]

Adventures in public whizzing

Once, more years ago than I care to admit, I was returning from British Columbia to Bellingham, Washington after a rugby tournament. Four of us were in my car, all sun-burned and half-buzzed and quite happy from post-match beers.

I pull the ol' Chevy Monte Carlo into a convenience store in, I believe, Blaine, Washington for, what else, more beer. I decide to make room for same and proceed to the edge of the parking lot - it was in the open but there was just a marshy field and no structures, roads, people, etc.

While off-loading I hear the Monte Carlo's horn blasting. Without turning around, I continue apace and give them the middle digit. More horn. Another salute. More horn, this time with a bit of insistence.

Dagnabbit, what're those yay-hoos doing that for, thinks I as I zip up and turn around.

To see a Chevy Caprice operated by the local constable.

"Oh, gracious!" I exclaim, as the officer gets out. "No, no graces," he replies.

He handcuffs me, and throws me in the back of the Caprice. Next commences a high-speed tour of town, with many, many turns. I, helpless sitting on the injection-molded "cop" seat, alternately slam into the left side door, the right side door and the screen mounted behind the front seat. I was slipping and sliding like I was at a water park, except for the painful landings.

Officer Friendly locks me into a holding cell until my friends find the police station. By the grace of a merciful Lord, I had left the keys in the ignition, so my mates were able to drive to the jailhouse. Officer cites me for "public lewdness" and kicks me loose.

Wonder what my employers made of that charge when they did my background check? They never asked me about it.

 

[R.H. Lee]

Moral of the story: Always be sure of your target before you fly the bird.

 

[Hardtarget]

My brother in law worked at the down town post office. A co-worker lives about twenty miles out of town His shift is over about 4:30, get in his car and heads for home. About half way home, a head pops up from the back seat and a bum asked.."where you takin' me ?" Came close to a roll-over trying to stop....snatched the bum out, kicked his ass for scareing the crap out of him. I'd loved to have seen that play out. I'd like to have seen that guy come runing out of that stairwell.
Mark.

 

[P95Carry]

Nice one Peter (hope the back is making good progress BTW!)

ROFL!!! (where's the "rolling with laughter" smiley?)

Will this one do Little Loudmouth? ... ....

Or even .....

Or - one more ......

 

[444]

I spend a large portion of my life interacting with "bums", "hobos", "urban nomads", "winos", "trolls", "the residentially challenged" or whatever you want to call them.

 

[sm]

LOL Good story.

Once upon a time [tm] I used to work downtown. IN those days the doorways inset from the sidewalk. The less fortunate would sleep in these doorways to avoid the wind. Most times they were up and gone before the storekeepers arrived. The blood bank opened at 6:30 amM- F , and Walgreen's opened at 8 am. Walgreens sold alcohol - the kind you drink as well.

One Saturday morning two employees arrived to open up early as usual one of these DT shops. Common sense even back then was two folks opened and closed a business - many Ins Co required it. That morning was different, the two less forutunate - were not really. Each produced pump shot guns and "escorted " the employees inside . They took their time and took all they wanted at their leisure. Tied up the employees. Arriving Employees could not get in...they had seen the co-workers cars in the monthly parking lot. The Police were called and the wife of the owner showed up with a key. Employees unharmed and safe. The safe itself was empty. Using the back door to the alley they loaded up the panel van they had stolen and drove off. Some other less fortunates were startled to see their brethern exit and get into a Panel truck.

Store policy changed that day , not only for them, but for a LOT of the shopkeepers.

I used to take "leftovers" to a less fortunate I called Scruffy. He was my buddy...he was also a UC LEO. It is okay for a 12 y/o to give stuff to a less fortunate if that 12 y/o worked downtown....or happened to have a Saturday off and going to the Boys Club. 12 year olds "just don't know any better".