How do you get your wife to practice more?

[KBintheSLC]

My wife loves to carry every day, which is a good thing. But she doesn't care for shooting much, and therefore only practices when I force her to come dispose of her carry ammo. This is not a good thing. At first she shot a lot, but now its only 3-4 times per year. She used to be quite good, but last time I took her out she couldn't hit a milk gallon at 5 yards until about her 3rd mag. I am growing very concerned that her possession of a gun with which she is not well trained could actually be more dangerous for her than not carrying at all.

I'm not sure how to approach this... she says that after a few mags, her wrist gets tired... so I bought her a .22 pistol to practice with along side the 9mm she carries. Still, I have to literally beg her to go shoot. However, I couldn't take away her carry piece if I tried... she doesn't leave home without it, and I want her to be armed.

So, how do you guys get your ladies to practice more? Promise them foot massages for hitting the 10 ring, free chocolate at the range, a complementary Prada bag with every case of ammo sent down range???

Please tell.

 

[KegCommando]

Tell her about the special gun shoes she needs to get to wear to the range.

 

[JoeSlomo]

Establish a point system in training that rewards her based on her proficiency.

IE, 100 points = shopping spree

90 = no laundry duties for 2 weeks

80 = etc...

 

[Ben86]

I showed my wife instances demonstrating the importance of shot placement. Some in which the defender was actually killed first because his shots were peripheral. It was a sobering wake up call. I don't believe in bribery for such things, it is too important for that kind of childish non-sense. She has to want to be better.

 

[JohnKSa]

Make it fun.

 

[mljdeckard]

I'm with Ben -make it real. Show her it's not enough to just have a gun. Spell out in real world explanation that training is the only thing that will make her do what she needs to when she needs to. I would do it mostly passively, I started tivoing Tom Gresham's Personal Defense TV, and watching an episode here and there at night with her, and she actually started to like Clint Smith and Massad Ayoob, and think and comment about what they were saying. I also had her walk through the house, and show me what she would defend and how in various situations, and the things she needed to practice and understand became obvious.

 

[JohnKSa]

You can keep poking her with stats and anecdotes, but until it's real to her she's not going to practice unless she enjoys it.

 

[BullfrogKen]

Very true, John.


Vicki Farnam has a lot to say about this subject, in person and in print. I have both books.


KBintheSLC, How long have you two been married?

 

[Ben86]

I don't know how much real I could make for her without it actually happening. I get her to read Massad Ayoob, his writing really hits home. I show her court cases, SD shootings, police shootings and any news article related to this subject I can get my paws on.

Also, I point out the fact that if she misses not only could she fail to stop the bad guy but she could hit an innocent person and have to deal with the guilt/legal issues that come with that.

Me and my wife also do force on force training with airsoft pistols. She loves it, and it gives her an idea of how important accuracy is and how your skill leaves you by about 50% when someone is shooting at you.

 

[moewadle]

I am different than the rest of you

in my thinking. My thought is: Simply leave her alone. Perhaps about once every six months gently bring it up and tell her in a non-bossy way why you would like her to practice more. However, the basic premise is that the decision is hers and no one should be nagging her. Treat her like the adult she is. If she asks you not to broach the subject any more than willingly agree to that. A really good motto to follow in life is that, THE ONLY PERSON I CAN CHANGE IS MYSELF.

 

[La Pistoletta]

I don't believe in bribery for such things, it is too important for that kind of childish non-sense. She has to want to be better.

This is true. Saving one's life should be all the motivation you need. If that isn't enough, I don't think anything is.

 

[BADUNAME37]

At least you guys have wives that will carry.
I don't think my wife will carry, let alone shoot with me.

I've asked her all different ways and she has no interest whatsoever in hunting or shooting sports.

She was recently talking to a lady friend of hers and the woman was telling her that hunting with her husband has really been rewarding -- letting her get out and see things in nature that she wouldn't normally have seen.

Still, she won't hunt or shoot. Not even my 22 Target Pistol.

Go figure.

 

[LWGN]

She has given you a reason that she doesn't like to practice: her wrist fatigues when she shoots. I wouldn't like to shoot if it made me uncomfortable, either, and no amount of nagging or reasoning would get me to want to do it more often - it would be inherently aversive.

If the problem is improper technique, have her work with someone who can show her how to shoot so that it doesn't cause pain, injury, or undue fatigue. If the problem is that she is trying to shoot a weapon that doesn't fit her hand (likely) or that has too much "kick" (less likely), help her find a weapon that is a better fit. Also, make sure that she has really good hearing protection when you do go to the range. Some of the wrist fatigue could be due to gripping too tightly, even briefly, flinching against the noise. I use plugs and muffs and it makes it far easier for me to enjoy the experience. My husband suggested this - I hadn't been aware of how stressful the noise was until I wasn't subjected to it anymore.


From my perspective, the comments about shopping and behavior mod reward systems are just plain offensive. If the men here are really serious about getting women more involved in shooting, refraining from talking about women this way would be a good place to start.

 

[BullfrogKen]

I'm inclined to agree LWGN.

Why would anyone really want to go do something they didn't enjoy unless they saw it as truly necessary? It sounds like she doesn't enjoy it. You think its necessary. She doesn't. You're not going to get beyond that impass on your own.


I can't make my wife do anything she doesn't want to do. I don't know how long some guys, who harbor thoughts that they can, have been married. I abandoned that line of thought not too long after our honeymoon.


All I do is tell her I'm going to spend some time at the range tomorrow. Want to spend some time with me and come along? When she says no, I go alone. When she says yes, she comes. Sometimes she shoots, most times she doesn't. The last thing I do is pressure her over it. It puts me in the position of being an annoyance, and makes the event no fun for her if she says yes.

 

[tmajors]

Find a range with ladies night!

 

[moewadle]

Thank you, LWGN

I read things like this on THR, about firearms and wives, and am at times a bit, or more, embarrassed,as a man, the way some of the men on THR talk about their wives. Please notice my entry above in which I was trying to gently persuade the others in the direction you are sending them.

 

[Lookn4Brass]

What kind of 9mm does she have? Maybe she needs one that she likes better. Especially if she has a 9mm about the size of what I used to use - a Sig P239. That little gun was awesome quality, but was a little heavy on the recoil side for small hands. My full size 1911-A1 in .45acp was more comfortable (for me) to shoot than that little Sig. I have small hands too.

Also something to consider: ergonomics are a big, sensitive deal to the ladies, alot more often than to the guys. The gun MUST be comfortable for her. Some ladies like slightly larger handguns than we would suggest, for the simple reason that they recoil less. I don't usually recommend the .380, but in her case maybe a Beretta 84 or 85 or similar size, gun would work well. A Glock 19 is usually pretty friendly with the ladies too. See if she will go with you to try some different guns. They have strong opinions about what they use - their makeup, shoes, clothes, and even their guns alot of times. Anyway, just some food for thought.

 

[Loggerlee]

LWGN

He bought a .22 for her to practice with,recoil can't be that big of an issue.

I don't think she realizes the danger that she puts herself and others in when she does not know how to shoot better than that.
I'm not ripping on the mans wife,but fact is she needs to either get serious or get used to the idea of not carrying.

She might not give up her weapon,and that's her right,but she's likely to get herself or someone else injured/killed if she's not at least a little capable.
(IMO better off to be unarmed than to ramp a situation up and not be up to the task)

As for how he can make her understand this I am not sure...

 

[KINGMAX]

Make it fun, do not push her.

 

[JohnKSa]

I don't know how much real I could make for her without it actually happening.

That's my point exactly. Which means that what you're doing is nagging. Try a carrot instead of a stick--and I don't mean something like "if you're a good girl I'll do the dishes one night a week".

Any training courses in your general area (especially one taught by a woman) that she might enjoy? Sometimes it's helpful to get instruction or shoot with someone who is not related to you.

Has she ever mentioned that she's interested in any type of firearms competition? My wife shoots more because she enters (and practices for) a couple of low-key competitions annually.

Has she ever mentioned interest in a particular gun (that she doesn't own) for whatever reason? My wife has very definite likes and dislikes about guns and has been known to buy and shoot a pistol just because she likes the looks of it. (Just like a guy might. ) That has increased the time she spends at the range.

Maybe she would be interested in getting a training certification and having her own clinic for new women shooters? My wife often has her girlfriends mention that they're interested in learning to shoot or in learning to shoot a gun they already own.

Would she be interested in going to a gun show to look at different kinds of guns? My wife shoots more than she would otherwise because I've taken her with me to gun shows and she's seen, bought & subsequently shot guns that were "impulse buys".

Are you really listening to her when she tells you why she's not shooting? My wife finally got it through my head that she wanted a nice-looking, accurate 22 pistol that was not too barrel heavy because of the two she had, one wasn't accurate enough and the other was too heavy for her to shoot comfortably for any length of time. I found her the perfect pistol based on HER specifications and she's entered several competitions with it as a result.

The common theme is that I'm not trying to push on the rope...

 

[LWGN]

I would like to add that practicing with something that is not her carry weapon is far less than ideal. If the weapon is the problem, don't have her use a "practice pistol": if possible, the two of you should find a weapon for her to carry that she is comfortable with and can shoot easily (so she will enjoy practice more). Unless the only difference between her two guns is the chambering, practicing with a .22 but carrying a 9mm means that she still isn't training with the equipment she is relying on to save her life. Having to re-adjust to a different firearm in the middle of a life-and-death situation is not something I would want to have to do.

 

[BADUNAME37]

Just realize that a woman is different than a man.

If someone mugs her and tries to rape her, they will be in very close quarters (in her safety Zone) and most likely would not notice her getting out the weapon.

Then BANG, it's all over, for the mugger.

 

[twofifty]

Two here suggested a clinic with a female instructor, or a ladies' night at the range. Many suggested making it fun. I agree wholeheartedly.

Find out if there is a top-notch shooting school or academy within easy driving distance, one that offers 'for women only' curriculum, have female instructors, and that shoot outdoors which is way more pleasant on the ears.

Such a one-day out-of-town course combined with a romantic weekend doing other things she enjoys might make a nice secondary Christmas present.

If that doesn't work, try fashionable range shoes and pearled grips. ;-)

 

[KBintheSLC]

From my perspective, the comments about shopping and behavior mod reward systems are just plain offensive. If the men here are really serious about getting women more involved in shooting, refraining from talking about women this way would be a good place to start.

OUCH!... I must'a hit a soft spot that I wasn't aiming for. My sincerest apologies, as it was not my intention to degrade women... I guess our opinions vary on which jokes we find humor in.
On the other hand, I can't say that some of us have not earned our given stereotypes. I'm sure my wife has a few about us "men" and our "stupid" hobbies. We balance it out though... She spends $200 on a pair of jeans, I spend $200 on a case of ammo. Together, we have $400 flushed down the toilet, and in that sum, we have a love that is priceless.
So, as far as I'm concerned, we have both earned our stereotype. Thats probably why we get along so great.

 

[KBintheSLC]

What kind of 9mm does she have? Maybe she needs one that she likes better. Especially if she has a 9mm about the size of what I used to use - a Sig P239. That little gun was awesome quality, but was a little heavy on the recoil side for small hands.

Her 9mm is a Sig P239, and I installed Hogue rubber grips on it. It fits her hand perfectly, and she completely loves the gun... she picked it herself. I think the hand discomfort comes from her computer-based job... aka, carpel tunnel.
I also suffer from this due to my job, but shooting seems to help me... maybe it does the opposite for her.