How do you talk to a 3 year old about guns?

Status
Not open for further replies.
D

DWS1117

Member
Joined
Dec 29, 2002
Messages
645
Location
Spring, TX
Where do you start?

My son has started to making all things into guns. He will go up to you with his "gun" or one of the toy guns he has and point it at you and say "I have my gun, and I am going to kill you with my gun. Bang, Bang, your're dead. I killed you."

My wife called me at work today and told me that he found my nightstand gun. She said he picked it up and tried to pul the trigger. Fortunately I keep the magazine out of the gun. I know that if I need it that it will be harder to bring the gun into a ready condition. Looks like we will be getting a gun vault tonight. We also keep the bedroom door locked when we are not in the room. He is not in there without one or both of us.

We have talked to him some about guns. He will even give us the right answers when we ask him what to do if he finds a gun. He will tell us that he is not to touch it and to go tell Mommy or Daddy. We have even tested him by leaving a known empty gun out. Each time he passed the test.

What he did the morning has me thinking that what I am doing isn't working. I am at a loss at to which way to go.
 
Speed safes are the way to go until semi rational thought kicks in (at whatever age that may be). Does he have a favorite stuffed animal? I am NOT suggesting blowing it away, however if he can connect with it more than the nebulous "this is a person", shooting a jug full of water (with ear muffs on) & saying "Imagine if this was your bear" can have quite the eye opening effect.

Kids are curious, you should be worried if they aren't. The best thing to do at this age is show what a gun can do. Once he gets a bit older you can reduce the curiosity even more by teaching him how to shoot. Now is the time to say "no" to touching it the same way that you would if he tried to grab a kitchen knife or other dangerous tool. At the same time though you can reduce curiosity by having him hand you patches while you are cleaning it. Involving him there & with other everyday things will reduce the curiosity level & the gun will just become another thing that shouldn't be touched without you around, no more, no less.
 
First of all, even adults won't always do what you tell them.

Second, you're acting like he's just a "small adult". He's not.

You know how you can tell a person is lying about their children? They start the sentence with "My child would never..." or "My child has never..." or "My child always..."

Just because he's the best kid in the whole world doesn't mean he's perfect. You're giving him too much responsibility. The responsibility to keep firearms out of his hands is YOURS, not his, and "talking to him" isn't a reasonable approach for controlling a three year old when it comes to life and death situations.
 
Somehow you have to demarcate the different aspects of guns.

Firstly - the four rules - based on the premise that guns can kill and maim. So even with a toy - no pointing!!! It may be useful to demonstrate the destructive power at a range - or some convenient location. Just the proverbial melon or similar - make the point that guns are not to be messed with.

Then begin to describe the good and the bad - the existence of nasty people, who might use guns to cause harm - and compare that with your good self - whereby you bring up the point that you would use a gun to protect, and save life.

Three is young for sure but - never too early to try and instill the basics - even if not easy. Try and get those safety rules across and reward jr if he can recite said rules - it may not be simple but I think you have to now get these things thru to him. Probably also - as well as a demo of the ''power'' - destructive factor - begin to show him the mechanics of a gun - make it obvious that the gun, per se, is an inert item. But one capable of serious damage if in wrong hands or misused.

I do not envy you your task but - tackle it you must.
 
Ill second the speed safe idea, even when I was old enough to know better about guns I was still tempted to play with them and the only thing that kept me from doing it was my dads gunsafe


to solve his gun fetish just buy him a set of practace numchucks, the kind with the foam handles and cord holding them together

he will be so busy beating the crap out of stuf with those he will forget about guns for the time being and you can address the issue later
 
Slowly

Well, I'm kind of going through this with my daughter, who turns three in June. Like most things involving children I have found the need to move slowly, and use easy to understand concepts.

For now...this just involves stressing that guns are not toys, and if she finds one, she is supposed to find mommy or daddy, and not touch it herself. So far this seems to be sinking in. When ever she sees me loading up the range bag, she walks up, points her finger at me, and lectures...'Daddy, gun no toy!'

I suppose someday, i will need to shift the terminology...I mean, I want her to enjoy shoting guns with me when she gets older, instead of telling me when she is 8, that she doesn't want to go shooting, because guns aren't toys to play with. But, the age she is now, I'm happy if she can remember 4 colors, let alone the Four Rules.

I will second the Speed Safe/Quick Action Lock Box idea. I have one, and it works great.

greg
 
Instruct a three year old on the four rules? Are you kidding? HE'S THREE!!!

A three year old just doesn't have it in him to even begin to have the cognitive ability to process this information. You need to lock the weapons up NOW!!!

What are you so afraid of that you would put your three year old at risk of hurting/killing himself or hurting/killing someone else? Want to protect the house? Get a dog, a big dog, a big, smart, loyal, possessive and protective dog. Someone comes around your house, the dog is your early warning system.

My guns are locked up. All of them. If someone tries to break into my house, or mess with my kids, they're going to meet a large pissed off german shepherd. While he's ripping them to shreds, I'll have time to unlock the weapons.
 
Yes Mike, a 2-3 year old has curiosity and ability that many parents can never believe. Neal Knox wrote an article once describing the events with his then two year old was found loading a revolver .The child had never touched a gun but had seen his father handle them.The gun was then locked in a closet and a few days later the kid was caught trying to unlock the closet with his grandmothers car keys !!!
 
1) Buy a speed safe. Everything the others above said is true. I own a digital pistol safe that's in our bedroom closet.

2) Talk to your kids openly about guns. Don't try to "hide" it...it will only make them more curious.

3) Buy the Eddie Eagle series from the NRA...coloring book, video...my 7, 5 and 3 year old can chant the "Stop, don't touch, leave the area, tell an adult" mantra
 
I've thought that it's helpful to show them guns, let them use guns, and tell them that anytime they want to shoot a gun that they can but all they have to do is ask. Never use it without a parent around, just ask "daddy" or whomever and you can go out and use it responsibly. Take away the desire to go play with something that is mysterious and forbidden and there will never be a problem.

edit: So maybe my advice is a little off due to his age, as he might not be old enough to shoot yet. But, I think it still holds true when he's able to fire that first .22 rifle.
 
Last edited:
It will depend on him if he will understand..

for my son he is now 5 and my daughter, 2. I have shown them..my son started pulling the trigger ( live fire ) about a year ago..with my help..my daughter will ask to dryfire a gun now..they both know not to point it at people and to look for a safe backstop..I have gone over and over the 4 rules with my son since he was three and he now knows and understands them..

work with them..let him see the gun and hold it..go over the rules and help him understand them..we have tried to take the mystery out of them we also have gone over what he is to do if he is at another's house and another child finds a gun..to get away, get out and find help..

make that gun secure..kids are fast, quick to learn and curious...
good luck..
 
First, thanks to everyone for all the positive replies.

Second, I never said that my kid was perfect. I know that the resposibility lies with me.

"talking to him" isn't a reasonable approach for controlling a three year old when it comes to life and death situations.
Click to expand...

How do you suggest I deal with this situation? Others have said take to the range or other suitable location and show him the power and results of shooting a gun. That sounds reasonable. Up to this point, as I said, I am not sure how to approach the situation. We are not talking about a dog who crapped on the carpet and you shove his nose in the poo and pop him on the nose.


Instruct a three year old on the four rules? Are you kidding? HE'S THREE!!!
Click to expand...

Why not? It is amazing what a three your old can grasp. While agree that maybe he won't understand now, with repetition and as his understanding of life grows he will begin to understand the meaning of what he has been reciting.
 
Frickin A dude, why was your gun available for him to get in the first place? He's three. He can pull the trigger. They are not little adults. Think about the consequences. A cop down the street used to put his gun in a cabinet above the refrigerator every night. His three year old got it and shot his brother in the head. I can still hear the sounds of his car as he was rushing his SHOT son to the hospital.
 
When my daughter was three I scared the tar out of her (without warning) with a .38 and a pumpkin.

I tested her over the years with unloaded guns.

I actually was a little too effective in that 6 years later she still has fear issues regarding the noise, that she is only now starting to get over.
 
3) Buy the Eddie Eagle series from the NRA...coloring book, video...my 7, 5 and 3 year old can chant the "Stop, don't touch, leave the area, tell an adult" mantra
Click to expand...

Yup! At this point, the best thing your child could learn would be if you see a gun:

1) Stop!
2) Don't touch!
3) Leave the Area!
4) Tell An Adult!

I showed the tape to my 6 year old (then 5) and he learned Eddie's four rules in the first sitting! :what: You may ask, "I have all my guns in a locked safe so why is this necessary?" Well, the reason is that your child is/will not always be in YOUR home. They could be playing outside or in their friends house and potentially find a gun. In these instances, Eddie Eagle just may save your child's life. The video set costs only $10 but I got it for free after one phone call and a short trip to the NRA HQ. Video is less than 7 minutes long but is exactly the right length to deliver an important message to kids that have relatively low attention spans.
 
You're right in that going over the 4 rules is reasonable, as they'll sink in with repetition, as part of a long term strategy.

You can talk all you want to 3 year olds, and that's an investment in the future.

As for the present NOW, depending on their compliance is absolutely, positively NOT the thing to do.

You cannot give a 3 year old a choice when it comes to guns.

You must ACTIVELY DENY THEM the OPPORTUNITY to not listen/disobey/however you choose to characterize the behavior, and that means scrupulously locking things up.

Failure to comply and or attempt to circumvent MUST bring immediate intervention, without lengthy explanations.

In our house, the safety violation protocol is as consistent as humanly possible:

[voice of god] NO! [/voice of god]
hand or butt swat, if appropriate (it usually is, but not always)
[voice of god] SHARP!/HOT!/DANGEROUS![/voice of god]

Save the speeches and explanations for after they get over their anger and tears.


There are (at least) two things we have zero tolerance for in our house: Helplessness and sloppy weapons handling. (With a 2 & 3 year old, that means ANY unauthorized and unsupervised weapons handling)
 
Cheaper Than Dirt Gun Safes

there you go man. $63 dollars and you can open it as fast as you can dial 911. no it won't stand up to a burgular with a sharp drill bit but it will keep curious hands away. teach your kid whatever the hell you want about guns. teach him not to touch them, teach him how to use them properly, but for christ's sake lock them up
 
In NJ, by law, you'd have to lock up your guns and ammo in a safe.

That being said --- I have a 3-year-old son. He's very smart. But I would never leave a gun anywhere lying around. Three year olds can be very smart such that they would be able to get around obstacles and figure out how to operate certain things. But they are not smart enough to know the possible consequences. Even when they get older there should still be adult supervision when they're around firearms.
 
My wife called me at work today and told me that he found my nightstand gun
Click to expand...
:what: :what:

First, lock that gun up. Second, start working on the 4 rules, but don't expect them to mean much to him. Still, hearing them now will help down the road. I wouldn't try and "demonstrations" just yet. Just work on the physical security and start to introduce your son to gun safety (with the understanding that it might not mean much to him just yet).

I had a nightstand gun until I learned my wife was pregnant. I immediately bought a handgun safe so I would have time for it's use to become habit before my daughter was old enough to get to the gun. All of my guns are locked up unless they are on my body (in a holster) or in pieces on my workbench. My daughter is only 19months old. She does not get to touch my guns at all. When she's old enough to listen to instruction and communicate effectively, I'll start introducing her to them in a controlled environment. I don't expect to do that until she's 4 or 5, maybe later.

Chris
 
I want to agree with the good advice so far, lock it up AND train him. I want to compliment you on your good parenting in asking the shooting community and those of us in it with kids for advice. You love your son and would never want a tradgedy to occur and you want to do what's needed to protect him. I want to also bring in another factor. Be very sure of what you son is learning about guns. I've got a 6 year old in the house and a 22 year old at university. Both of them were "gun proofed" with serious discussions and demonstrations of the dangerous power of firearms. In addition they saw, and heard, what guns were and do because I've got a range at the house. I bucked my inlaws, who were not shooters, and neither of them were allowed to get the wrong idea about guns from television or games. I wouldn't let my son play first person shooting games nor watch movies or TV programs that depicted guns in an irresponsible manner until he was already shooting. My daughter isn't old enough to watch these things either (although she's already shooting and I'm having her first .22 customized for her). Neither of them were allowed to play at shooting people and the first time my son pointed a finger or stick or squirt gun at one of us and said "BANG you're dead" he got a very serious talking to about being rude and was reminded that a gun was not a toy. I'm sure you're doing the same sort of thing, but his playmates may not be as well parented and it's easy to let it slide every now and then. If you're going to keep a ready weapon at hand you can't ever let him get the idea that a gun is a toy. At 3 he's just not ready to make that decision on his own.
 
Last edited:
Both of my boys started getting curious about guns around 2 (one is 4 and the other almost 3 now). My wife and I went over the 4 rules with them. Most of the time though it tends to be "No! Don't touch unless you ask mom or dad first" . On top of the 4 rules I think one of the best things to do is let them handle and look at guns under supervision. Everytime they ask to look I let them after making the gun safe. Walk them through the steps of making them safe. And although they lack the physical strength they also both know how to make a gun safe (at least most of the pistols I have). The oldest one has gotten bored enough with looking at real guns that the only time he'll ask now is when he wants to stay up later.
 
Different approach

DWS,
I have tried a different approach with my daughter when she was about three. I took one of my guns, made sure that it was unloaded and taught her to not point the gun at anyone. Then she was not to put her fingers in the trigger area.
For almost a year after that I left the unloaded gun on the coffee table. The loaded magazine was in my jeans pocket. From time to time I asked her to bring "dad" the gun and made sure that she followed the two rules taught her. With the gun being around her all the time and the fact that she could "touch it" as long as dad or mom was around she soon lost interest. She spent her time trying to find things that she wasn't "allowed" to touch.
When I cleaned my guns, she could always sit with dad and even help if she wanted to. I would assign tasks like cleaning the non-essential portion of the guns or wiping down the surfaces to remove excessive oils. She seemed to like those times.
Result? She is 18 years old now and she is my shooting buddy. She'll go almost anytime that I go...unless she has classes or a homework assignment due. She has two guns of her own and a rifle. She is talking about getting a pump shotgun soon.
Oh! I took her shooting at an indoor range when she was 12...legal age to shoot in the soCal area.
We went to an outdoor area when she was about 4, when she was strong enough to hold up a Ruger Mk2 and shoot it. We used water bottles...she never pointed that weapon at anyone and she is a disciplined shooter.
Hope it turns out for you.
 
There is not necessarily a "right" answer here, IMHO. All kids are different and all parents are different. What is "right" is that you are to be commended for caring enough to solicit advice from fellow shooters/gun owners.

FWIW, I have 4 kids from 9 to new. Each of them is dramatically different in the way they approach their individual interest in my guns. My oldest understood from an early age that they stay in the safe and he stays away unless Dad is with him. My second, has no interest. She views the gun safe as another piece of furniture in the office.

My third, a three-year old boy who is God's retribution for what I must have done to my Mother, has a great deal of interest in all the guns. I do not let him handle them. I use his toy guns to teach him the 4 rules, slowly but surely. I make him understand that guns don't get pointed at anyone ever. We are getting there, but with him it is a slow process.

The baby can't even crawl. We'll see what he's like in a couple years.

JMHO.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Similar threads

D
  • Locked
Guns and a 2 year old?
Replies
12
Views
926
Russ
R
JBP
  • Locked
How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Texans?
Replies
6
Views
825
Mal H
Mal H
R
  • Locked
One damn proud daddy!
Replies
12
Views
1K
tuna
T
J
  • Locked
Buying a pellet gun for a 10 year old boy.
2
Replies
31
Views
6K
Bobson
Bobson
Y
  • Locked
"The Speech" for a 5-year-old grandaughter
2
Replies
30
Views
2K
DT Guy
DT Guy
Back
Top