How To Catch A Polar Bear!

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Slip Shooter

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NW Louisiana
A trip to Alaska.

For us here in the lower 48 you'll have to hire an Eskimo outfitter with bush plane and dog sled as an option. Make arrangements during the early morning season of the year just after the 6 months black out.

If you just happen to live in Alaska, you may already have a bush plane and dog sled. At any rate, you will probably still need an Eskimo.

About the only supplies you will need are warm clothing to protect you from the harsh environment, binoculars, and a large can of Green Giant green peas.

After arriving at your destination, preferably remote, settle in over night and prepare for the big hunt tomorrow with your guide. Remember he is the expert here, and what he does will make your hunt successful. When you fly into your Eskimo guides chosen hunting area the next morning, make sure it's the early morning season of the year with the sun just above the horizon.

After arriving safely instruct you guide to hastily build an igloo with a large opening for easy entry and exit that faces West. The Polar Bear won't be able to see as well when coming in from the west. You know the sun will be in his eyes!

Next see that you guide cuts a hole in the ice about four feet in diameter. Place the Green Giant peas in a circle around the hole about three deep. Quickly hide in the igloo so you can see out and watch the hole, Carefully scan the vast trunda with you binoculars. Do this without detection.

The Polar Bear you are hunting, has probably never seen anything green. The green peas will be a natural curiosity for the bear and the smell travels for miles.( He possibly has seen an Eskimo scared green but, that will be of no consequence on this hunt.) You will need the patients of Job, but the wait will be well worth it. After all, how many hunters have actually caught a Polar Bear.

Get your guide and hide yourselves in the igloo.

Get Ready! Get Ready! Now, Get Ready!

Here He Comes! Here He Comes!

Now! Now!

As the polar Bear strolls up to take a pea, run out and kick him in the ice hole!

Nice hunting all.

Slip Shooter -
 
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Well ok I guess I agree with that method, but only if the peas are solids and the icehole is controlled feed.... :neener:
 
Well I knew the Polar Bear story was old but, a "buckskin birth control device"?

I'd like to hear one about that. Was it used inside or right side out?
 
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