how to get wife past irrational feelings about guns

[ZeSpectre]

A lot of good advice poste by others here.

If possible (and it's not possible for every couple) maybe you just need to agree to disagree. ArfinGreebly posted some great responses to the "I hate" statement.

My own advice is to enjoy your hobby, reassure your wife regularly that you are following strict safety rules, let her know the offer is alway open if she wants to try shooting, and then LET HER ALONE ON THE ISSUE!

That's pretty much what I had to do with my wife (as many here know). My only strict requirement was that my wife had to learn how to safely check, clear, and secure firearms. I couched it as the same sort of safety issue as learning to cook or drive a car. Once she got that down pat I left her alone about it.

Almost six years later....
Range trip with the wife...a few surprises for me.

It may happen or it may not. Even if it does happen it may take a lot of time. Be patient, or even better just don't worry about it. (I know, easier said than done).

 

[Radjxf]

Mine thinks the gun "will attract trouble". First off it's concealed, secondly I for one generally don't look to cause trouble, especially with those carrying loaded firearms.
In my case I have to agree to disagree, plus she has her mother's backing who often poses "why does anyone need guns when there are police". That one NEVER ceases to amaze me:banghead:

 

[ZeSpectre]

From another thread
Verbal Tactics_Pithy responses to Anti remarks

"I depend on the Police to keep me safe."
• “Because when seconds count the police are only minutes away”
• “Did you know that an average of 100,000 calls to 911 go unanswered every year?”

 

[Radjxf]

• “Because when seconds count the police are only minutes away”

Love that one. Once called the police when my wife was being harrassed by a very suspicous character in our neighborhood while trying to get my then 9m/o son in the car. I arrived in 8 min from work (it's normally a 13 min drive!). Police arrived 30 MINUTES after me! Turned out OK--no thanks to the cops

 

[Tiger beetle]

I was not entirely comfortable with my husbands gun at first. I now have a CCW and like shooting with him, talking about 2A issues, etc. Let me point out one reason why this happened:
HE NEVER MADE ME FEEL PRESSURED AND NEVER ARGUED WITH ME.
That is not to say he did not point out occasionally situations in the news, etc, in which having a concealed weapon would be beneficial or necessary. He let ME ask HIM questions and used these to go into further conversation about it.
Just be careful she doesn't feel pressured to agree with you, or she might be even less willing to listen.

 

[JohnL2]

The vast majority of women dislike or hate guns. It is a fact as plain as the sky.
I don't want to get into a sexist argument. Don't want to open that can of worms. Good God.

 

[ZeSpectre]

then why in the world did you make that post?

 

[elkhuntingfool]

My wife grew up around guns....

rifles and shotguns. But the second I started telling her that I was going to get a handgun - you'd had thought I wanted a second wife - I live in Utah and Mormon . She told me her concerns and I listened. I knew that I couldn't change her mind and I was fine with that. I then explained to her that we have rifles and shotguns in the house and that a hand gun is no different - other than looks and size. We bantered back and forth. I then got my CCP and of course, purchased a handgun. She wasn't thrilled about it, but it's now a dead issue as far as I'm concerned.

You probably can't change her mind, but maybe you can put her mind at ease.

 

[RockyMtnTactical]

Exposure is the key. The more you carry, the more she sees your guns the more she will get comfortable with them.

 

[pax]

Yeah, we all hate guns.

Here's how you can go about making your wife hate them even more: www.corneredcat.com/Men/wifehateguns.aspx

If you're a contrary-minded person, you might find in that article some possible ways to go about helping her not hate them so much.

Or maybe not.

pax

 

[sm]

Oh crap!

Just show her a picture of Tom Selleck with guns, heck rent Quigley down under...
Sam Elliot movie
Steve McQueen in Bullit

Then have her spend 5 seconds looking at Hillary, Shumer, Kennedy,...etc., on TV and right fast her irrational fears will be gone.

 

[ArfinGreebly]

Women hate guns?

Uhhh . . .

Sure.

Springmom?

Barbara?

Rnchick?

I see pax has already weighed in.

I'll do you a favor and not show that to my wife and daughter. It is The High Road, after all.

Now, what did I do with that link to Beautiful Pics? I know I had it here.

Ah, well, shucks.

 

[glockman19]

Mine doesn't like guns either but she indulges me. She hasn't come shooting with me...YET...but has said she will. She has held and shot snap caps with the Glock & 870 doesn't like the revolvers. I told her I wouldn't leave her with anything but the shotgun until she went to the range otherwise If I'm away on business they're locked up.

She is scared of the M1A and AR's..."Evil Black Rifles"

Also doesn't know exactly how many firearms are in the house.

 

[PrimaryB]

Great thread. It's funny here because we have mounts of several critters in the house which turns into conversation when people visit which she takes pride in. Have 3 boys and 1 daughter who have recently left the nest and everyone hunts and shoots for sport yet she is anti black weapon. Doesn't matter the type of gun. If it's all black "the gun of course" it will attack. Lately it has been the political debates we watch on TV that starts our eventually heated arguments. We argue for 10 min then go back to our respective corners, get out the spit buckets and get toweled off. Bell rings again and we meet in the middle and agree to disagree. She is special. She is an MD, obviously a person of higher education but can not comprehend the difference between what she sees on the news, acts of gun violence by the bad guys and the attitude of responsible gun owners. I don't expect to change her mind on the topic. It takes all kinds in this world. It's yen and yang in this house.

PB

Edit, She has purchased guns as gifts to me in the past. But they were not "assualt" weapons LOL.

 

[ArfinGreebly]

So . . . MD TV?

She is an MD, obviously a person of higher education but can not comprehend the difference between what she sees on the news, acts of gun violence by the bad guys and the attitude of responsible gun owners.

Yeah, everything on TV is totally true.

That's probably where she studied for her MD. Saves lots of time and effort, no more cutting up corpses and doing lab experiments and internships delivering babies and stuff.

TV all the way! Woo Hoo!

Trouble is, I was unable to learn a single thing of any consequence at all about firearms from TV. I mean just NOTHING about guns.

I had to go out into the world and talk to people who had experience.

The only thing TV taught me about guns is GUNS ARE BAD. I know, I know, that's a shock and all, but it's gotta be true: I saw it on TV.

I wonder what the new crop of TV-trained doctors will be like?

 

[skwab]

my wife didn't like them for years, then started doing home health care which changed her ideas of self - protection. A lot of the fear / distaste for guns was a lack of knowledge, once I showed her how to operate my beretta she became more comfortable, and I took her to a gun show, showed her several different models and bought her one of her own - so then it became our hobby instead of mine - and this morning as we were getting ready for work she says "hey, we're not doing anything tonight - let's go to the range" I didn't argue

 

[roscoe]

Statistical arguments, plus a pitbull rushing our toddlers did it for me.

 

[tydephan]

I have asked why, I remain calm and smile, she has no logical answer, just she is not into them. When I ask her to shoot with me she says she does not like to do that.

If she asked you to take a pottery class with her, would you want to?

Stay open-minded (a task not easy after many years of marriage) and realize that your likes and dislikes do not have to align. Support her decision and thoughts.

You might find you will get a better result this way.

I don't mean to go Doctor Phil on you or anything, but to me it sounds like there isn't too much of an issue. She doesn't try to establish high-ground by telling you "no" to owning and/or carrying firearms. She simply says she doesn't like it when you wear it. She didn't tell you to stop wearing it. Go back and read Arfin's responses again. I responded this way to my wife the first time she questioned why I was CCW-ing. She has never said another word.

Just my clink clink. FWIW.

 

[Im283]

Actually something happened this last weekend that softened up her feelings about guns and my desire to have and carry them.

When the time is appropriate I will respond more to it. But trust me when I say it is not any scenario that was suggested here.

 

[DavidVS]

My wife does not like any gun that looks fierce. I think it is similar to how my brother won't eat a portion of meat that still looks like the animal. People like to be able to relax in a perceived world that is more safe and clean than the real one.

I now own two guns, although I did not and was not planning to at the time I obtained my Oregon CHL.

I have a NAA Black Widow mini-revolver (with the smaller wood grips) for plinking. It's very inexpensive to practice with, since it shoots .22LR and reloading is slow even after I built a multiple extractor for it. This is a gun that is "cute", not "fierce". She'll probably be willing try it next time we go camping.

I also have a S&W 351PD. This is the carry gun, since no one else at the synagogue carries. It may be the place in the county most likely to suffer a gun crime, as Messianic Jews have many enemies, and crimes against religious groups are one of the few types of crime increasing in the county. This gun does look "fierce" (it's bigger and black) but it is carried to protect other people, not myself. In her mind that makes a big difference: I am being responsible, not paranoid. She'll probably never try this gun: it is too loud, and she had dry fired it enough to know she could stop a home intruder while I am out of town if the flashlight and spray are not enough.

(The chance of a home intruder in our neighborhood is so slim that our only phone in the bedroom is my cell phone, which would not be there if I was traveling. Again, if others at synagogue and work carried I would not own any guns; I still don't have plans to own a proper home defense gun.)

Yes, the 351PD should be a backup gun, and thus not the best main carry gun. I consider it a backup to my relying on God, in case he wants me to be part of how he protects other people. I hope it never happens. In the meanwhile it is comparatively inexpensive to practice with compared to a higher calibur handgun. With more practice I have better muscle memory and more fun.

Both guns are simple to use and have low recoil, which I hope to be useful factors in introducing friends to the fun of target shooting. This is another factor in her not finding the guns as intimidating: we have friends with responsible kids who think this would be an easy, fun, and educational activity for a family outing with me along, or even me babysitting the older ones.

I would not mind participating in an open carry coffee shop time or similar such event, although these have not yet come to Lane County from Portland. The NAA would also be idea for that situation. It really is cute, and if someone asked to see it I could pop out the cylinder and they could safely inspect and even dry fire the frame.

Oregon law gives no reason to carry any defensive weapon other than spray or a gun: even a collapsable baton might be classified as a "deadly weapon" in court. Most of Lane County is very safe, but there are a few bad neighborhoods. I would not be surprised if open carry events in this county, when they happen, not only took off some of the community's irrational fear of guns but also helped popularize small, simple, cute purse guns. That might be the most significant answer to the original question: if a woman has more friends that carry a small purse gun then guns become less intimidating.

Have you tried not only inviting your wife (and only you) to the range, but her with a couple of her friends as well?

 

[RPCVYemen]

As long as you cast the difference of opinion as "I'm rational/she's irrational" there is no win.

Have you tried to understand why she (or anyone else) might rationally object to carrying a handgun?

It's entirely possible to be entirely rational and wrong!

If someone is making rational decision that you happen to think is wrong, and you accuse them of "irrationality", you'll never win - and you shouldn't. If you accuse someone of being irrational and they're not being irrational, your'e wrong!

I suspect that most gun/anti-gun disagreements are more a clash of values than a rational/irrational coflict. Values are really pre-rational in this context - they are axiomatic. if you want to move forward, you probably need to understand what each of you values, and how those sets of value differ.

This is unlikley to be perceived by her to be a high school debate.

Mike

 

[Wedge]

1 word: COACH

 

[RPCVYemen]

She is an MD, obviously a person of higher education but can not comprehend the difference between what she sees on the news, acts of gun violence by the bad guys and the attitude of responsible gun owners.

It seems unlikely to me that anyone who can survive medical school lacks the intellectual capacity to distinguish acts of gun violence by the bad guys from the attitude of responsible gun owners.

If, in fact, she does have the intellectual capacity to distinguish acts of gun violence by the bad guys from the attitude of responsible gun owners, and you claim that she does not, then you are making a false statement.

You don't persuade anyone by making false statements.

This may appear to be personal criticism - I don't intend anything personal. I think that there is a general tendency among pro-gun folks to please each other by making statements that in fact are not true, but sound good. The same may be true of the anti-gunners, but I don't care about them.

As example, it's not unusual for people on THR to claim that their opponents are "socialists" - search the THR threads. Look up "socialist", and it fits almost no elected official in the United States. So when you call Nancy Pelosi or Ted Kennedy a "socialist", you are making a false statement that is known to be false by most people. I know that it impresses the heck out of Rush and his audience to call everyone who disagrees with him a "socialist" and the name calling is the heart and soul of talk radio.

When you call someone a socialist who is in fact not a socialist, you are making a false statement.

You don't persuade anyone by making false statements. If we are going to win the battle for our gun rights, we need to stop making false statments.

Mike

 

[PrimaryB]

RPCVYemen hello. No offense taken. Perhaps I should have been a little more specific but I will try to convey my understanding of our situation a little clearer. While most gun crimes involve the very same guns we as responsible owners posses, the stigma of certain firearms, reinforced by the media carries an association of "evil" with them.

We are currently buying a new house. I made mention which is no secret in our house that once we are settled in my future purchases include an AK and hopefully a Thompson both of which obviously will be semi's. She didn't say no or sigh but I did get the look. So I asked and the conversation started and it ended up as a Right to Bear vs Assault weapons. I didn't say she was a dummy.

Believe me if it were not for her my purchases or wishes would not be so extravagant. I guess I can state that the stigma of owning certain guns is hard to overcome for some and perhaps rightfully so.

Edit, That was my intention of the above statement.

PB

 

[BSlacker]

Be sure you have addressed her other possible safety issues. Stuff like are your fire extinguishers full and ready? Does she have a safe room set up with locks and phones and lights? Plenty of lights outside and such.
I travel some and my wife is ok with guns but I try to make sure she doesn't need one. This lets her know that guns are not the issue her well being and safety are the issue, you just think a gun enhances this safety thats all, be sure she doesn't see the gun as the primary safety device. A discussion on guns will naturally come with this preparation. Be safe.